Slingshot (The REAL reason the Spurs were able to slay that Philistine and win it all)

"You gotta unhanced that playboy! It's our time to shine!"

Muhammed Ali once said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion’.” Wilma Rudolph hit boyz in the head with, “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” Then Mia Hamm gave us the banger when she said, “I am a member of a team and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.”

The San Antonio Spurs proved to the world that they were the best TEAM in the Finals and that’s why they beat the brakes off of the Miami Heat 104-87 in Game 5 to win the NBA Championship. Like I always say, the one thing that I love about the NBA is that the best TEAM will always win the championship because you’ve gotta win four times to take the hardware to the crib.

This ain’t the NCAA Tournament where boyz can get hot in one night and upset a boy and advance. Naw playboy, you gotta have your grown man draws on ready to play for two months.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Let’s talk about what boyz really wanna talk about pimpin’, LeBron losin’ in the Finals! Today I know every hater in America is gonna be blamin’ this dun for another loss in the Finals. Here’s the crazy thing about it though, boyz that will tell you that they know something about sports know absolutely nothin’. Twitter went nuts with duns sayin’ that Jordan never lost in the Finals etc.

Did you watch the same series I just watched bruh? Did you even see Jordan play in the Finals or did you just see the highlights? Because if you watched these Finals you saw LeBron show up with a bunch of cats eatin’ off of his plate. He was in Cleveland all over again bruh!

Snap shot this playa, last night this dun jumped out of the Caddy in the middle of a San Antonio street to fight in a “Po Pimp” do or die situation and he was the only cat out there throwin’ blows. As a matter of fact, nobody else even got out of the ride. He put up 31 and 10 while the rest of those bums watched with the windows rolled up and the doors locked. By midway through the third quarter the Miami bench had 2 points whereas the San Antonio bench had 39! You can’t win with that!

D. Wade is out there lookin’ like he just got off work at mill and still had on is work clothes when a boy asked him to run. He’s runnin’ up and down the floor with a pocket full of change and a gang of keys hangin’ off of his belt.

Chris Bosh is literally outside hidin’ in the bushes waitin’ for LeBron to dismantle this well-oiled machine all by himself. You know you got problems when you take your guaranteed lift off of the bench (Ray Allen) and start him. Then he plays for 20 plus minutes in the first half. You’re askin’ way too much of him bruh. He’s 145 years old for cryin’ out loud!

Then Mario Chalmers was so bad in this series that Spo pulled a Nino Brown on that dun and told him to “sit yo $5 “A” down before I make change” when he got up to go in the game. The trainers went over and took his sneakers and socks off of him to make sure that he didn’t go in the game. As a matter of fact, they put some old school Stacy Adams “knobs” on him and tied those joints up extra tight with some duck-tape.

In Game 4 LeBron came out in the third quarter and scored 19 of the Heat’s 21 points! This dun was in Cleveland all over again I keep tellin' you!! He may as well have been playin’ with Boobie Gibson, Ilgauskas, ole dull Delante West and Anderson Varejao bruh.

He averaged in this Finals alone 28 points, 8 rebounds, 4 assists and 2 steals per game bruh! He shot 57 percent from the field and 52 percent from three! What else do you want this dun to do?

Mike never showed up in the Finals and got out of the ride with Pippen, Hodges, Paxson, Horace Grant, Rodman, Kerr or the other soldiers that marched with him not on his hip? Where you from? You boyz act like this is tennis or track or something. This is a TEAM sport and you’ve gotta have four other guys on the floor ready to play at all times playa.

You never saw Phil Jackson get outcoached on the sidelines. Pop was runnin’ circles around Spoelstra in every freakin’ game. Are you kiddin’ me? The Spurs used Miami’s strength against them and beat the brakes off of them with it. The Heat’s strength was trappin’ on defense to create turnovers because they were the best transition team in the league and on everybody else that worked.

It didn’t work against a great ball movin’ team because ball beats man every time. You learn that in the fourth grade! They just moved that joint very quickly until they got wide open looks and they were knockin’ those joints down. They were so disciplined that they passed up good looks for great looks! Pop knew how to beat these boyz and Spo never made adjustments to counter what he was doin’. This has nothin’ to do with LeBron not bein’ good enough to “will” these cats to victory because this is a TEAM sport. San Antonio was the best TEAM and that’s why they won the championship.

These clown cats are runnin’ around here today hollerin’ “Jordan never lost in the Finals” and that’s exactly right. However, every time he showed up to the Finals playboy he had the best TEAM in the series and the best coach. That makes a difference. Y’all act like Mike showed up with the freakin’ Milwaukee Bucks with Dick Vitale coachin’ and won six titles.

But since you wanna compare the two, at 29 years old both Mike and LeBron have two championships. Mike has 2 MVP’s whereas LeBron as 4, they both have 2 Finals MVP’s, Mike’s been to 2 Finals and LeBron’s been to 5! And don’t give me the “Mike never lost in the Finals” because at 29 the dun had only been to 2. So what’s a better look? Only goin’ to 2 or goin’ to 5 and winnin’ 2 by the time your 29? I’m just sayin’! That shows a level of consistency in winnin’ over a longer period of time. And don’t give me the “Mike went to college and LeBron’s been in the league longer” because it further proves my point.

If I graduate from high school and go straight to IBM and become Rookie Employee of the Year. I consistently live up to the hype until I’m 29 by winnin' two National Sales Championships after bein’ in the championship round five times. For my first 7 years of my career I didn’t have the resources or a good manager but I produced anyway. However, my homeboy HAS to go to college for three years before he’s ready to go to work. Then he never gets to the Sales Championship until he’s 28 and then wins two straight by age 29. However, he gets what becomes the best assistant to ever work in Corporate America at the time within three years of startin' his career and he gets the best manager to EVER work in the industry within five years. Which one of our resumes is more impressive? I’m just sayin’!

Mad props to my homeboy from the G, Coach Pop, for winnin’ yet another title! Somebody finally showed up with the dreaded slingshot (TEAM) and slayed that Philistine. Now will somebody go and clean out D. Wade’s locker because that dun is finished, slam ball and all! But don't think for one minute that that dun is gonna opt out and leave $20 million on the table playboy! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Bubble Guts (Why the Spurs had the Heat so shook LeBron couldn't hold it)

"Hey man this dun keeps fartin'!"

Earl Nightingale, the motivational speaker, once said, “The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts.” Then Robert Frost, the famous poet, got into boyz head with, “The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.”

In other words playboy, when the dun gettin’ whooped just lies down and takes it. The Miami Heat got the breaks beat off of them again by the San Antonio Spurs on South Beach in front of Big Momma nem 107-86 without even puttin’ up a fight bruh. It was like takin’ a boy’z sneakers off of him at midnight in a dark alley at gun point. Too easy!

After gettin’ their door kicked in in Game 3 by the Feds/Spurs shootin’ a 76 percent first half on Tuesday night the Heat still looked shook from the experience. Even though they talked a good game and jumped in the ride to go get what boyz beat out of them a few days ago they still ended up in trouble again.

As that Philistine and Co. pulled up at the light just outside of the Pork N Bean projects with the tinted windows slightly cracked lookin’ for those Texas boyz. All of sudden some dusty braids came out of the bushes on them. Kawhi Leonard put 20 into the driver’s side door and grabbed 14 off of the glass. Tony Parker took care of the passenger side with 19 as ole Tim Duncan hit the back window with 10 and took 11 off of the bumper. Patty Mills waited for boyz to start bailin’ from the ride when he unloaded 14 from the bench across the street.

The Spurs completely destroyed these boyz on the glass 44-27 and shot 57 percent for the night. It didn’t matter that they were in foreign territory playboy! They knew the layout of the projects, came in and took what the Heat swiped from them a year ago. They squandered off two in a row in last year’s Finals in Miami and had to live with it the entire year. Now they’re on their way back to the crib with sneakers, jewelry, work and a 3-1 lead.

The Heat looked like some suckas all night because they, like my man Robert Frost said earlier, acquiesce! They just took the carjackin’ without a fight! The only dun in the ride that tried to fight for his was LeBron. He hit them with 28 comin’ out of the driver’s seat but he had the bubble guts and that slowed him down. I know y’all saw that dun run to the toilet in the middle of the fight bruh? That can mess a boy up! I’m talkin’ about the Spurs not the Heat. How do you take a cat that says in the middle of a robbery, “Timeout bruh! I gotta use the bathroom! Fa real!!!” Wheredeydodatat?

Chris Bosh was somewhat shaky with 12 but D. Wade’s joint kept misfirin’ at the rim because he had no legs! At one point this cat was 1 of 10 from the passenger side. He finished 3 of 13 shootin’ and 10 freakin’ points as his boyz were gettin’ destroyed in the middle of the street. Mario Chalmers was hidin’ in the trunk and only gave ‘em 4 and Rashard Lewis jumped out of ride like Tre’ before it even popped off because he only put up 2 for the night! And he shot them gettin’ out the ride because his gun went off like Plaxico's.

I’ve been tellin’ boyz for two years now that the only dun in the car that had somewhere to go was LeBron! Everybody else includin’ D. Wade has already over achieved in life so there wasn’t a sense of urgency to keep gettin’ to their destination and it was clear last night playboy. Overachieved? Am I lyin’?

Everybody but LeBron has done more in life than anyone EVER expected. When D. Wade came out of Marquette there was no expectation for him to win anything and for nobody else in the ride for that matter. Wade has won three joints and the vast majority of the other cats have two. They’ve got bread and fame that they never in their wildest dreams could’ve imagined! They got broads that boys dream about. Have you seen Chris Bosh's wife? Have you seen Chris Bosh?

LeBron is the only cat that had expectations put on him to win multiple championships even before he got caught up in the hype and said, “Not four, not five , not six, not seven….!” because they had already labeled him the “Chosen One” at eighteen playboy and now he's carryin' these boyz.

It's like Cleveland all over again! This dun score 19 of Miami's 21 points in the third quarter! While D. Wade is out there lookin' like the cat that shows up at the park in work boots, blue jeans and a freakin' work shirt with his name on it with a gang of keys hangin' off of his belt.

So when a better TEAM shows up and punches them in the mouth in the Finals they immediately fall out! San Antonio has been like a well-oiled machine in these playoffs. Pop has these boyz purrin’ like a kitten. They’ve got the most wins in the postseason by 15 points than any other team in history at 11 surpassin’ the ’84 Lakers. They’re also second only to the ’84 Lakers in shootin’ percentage at .542 in the Finals. No team has ever overcome a 3-1 deficit in the Finals and the way the Heat are playin’ right now pimpin’ it ain’t gonna happen this year.

If they can find some intestinal fortitude on Sunday and win in San Antone like the locals say. They could possibly push this joint to seven because it’s one, one, one now. They’ll come back to South Beach for Game 6 but I doubt these boyz have the heart to even imagine that scenario because they’ve already overachieved except LeBron.

I said before the series started that the Spurs had the better TEAM and coach but I couldn’t bet against the best player on the planet with shooters in the car until he looses. Now he has no shooters in the car and he’s got the bubble guts. So now what do you want me to do bruh? Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The Philistine (Why without a hustle the Spurs simply have no answerfor LeBron)

"Get off me fool! This is my house at yo crib!"

William Shakespeare once said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Bob Marley was on something else literally when he said, “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” Then George Bernard Shaw ended the conversation with, “Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.”

Well…let’s put it like this playboy, it may not be happiness to Spurs fans or LeBron James haters but it is to Miami Heat fans and for lovers of the game of basketball. Why? Because LeBron showed his greatness last night when he did what must be done in San Antonio by leadin’ the Heat to a 98-96 win in Game 2 to even the series at one apiece.

For darn near three days we’ve heard from every hater on the planet try to discount this cat’s ability to play this game and his mental toughness. “He’s soft! He’s a bum etc. But what boyz failed to realize is that all hustles and scams are only good one time when you’re dealin’ with real cats that understand the G Code!

Rule 1 Article 6 Section 3 of the Code specifically says, “Recognize the hustle no matter how strong it is and never fall victim to it twice. Let your enemy know that you’ve recognized it that way it’s forever removed from their arsenal.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The air conditionin’ trick can no longer be used pimpin’! San Antonio’s gotta find some other hustle to slow that Philistine down now and it ain’t of flesh and blood I’ll tell you that bruh. Oh, the air goin' out wasn't a hustle playboy? Who was the only cat in the buildin' with 5 percent body fat? Who was the only cat in the joint with a strong history of crampin'? Who was the only cat effected by the heat? The hustle was real playa and it worked but it's been removed by the code of the G's! Now you gotta come up with somethin' else to beat this Goliath.

After lil’ Rickey Ricardo rocked the National Anthem like a G with about ten layers of clothes on I knew that it was on and poppin’! Like I keep tellin’ you boyz, the truth is always in the details. If that dun could show up and sing the anthem with all of those clothes on in Texas in June I knew that Philistine was gonna put in work because it was a cool 70 degrees in the joint. And I’ll guarantee that the Miami Heat had their own security posted up around that air conditionin’ unit playa.

And tell all of the duns in San Antonio they better not call me for rippin' some twelve year prodigy for shownin' up in a bull fighter's costume to sing bruh! If duns can talk about this squirrel elbow that I've had since birth then everybody's open season on TheJayGravesReport playa! Sorry playboy, I've got some emotional issues from bein' teased as a kid so I'm still gettin' my licks back.

At least that dun sang in front of 70 million people last night. Even though they had to cut him out of that suit when he finished because all of the zippers locked up like LeBron's muscles in Game 1.

Ole boy started off slow with a cloudy first quarter goin’ 1-for-4 then he put the joint into overdrive and hit 11 of the next 13. Then Bill Russell pulled him to the side like he did Uncle Drew and said, “What these young bloods have to understand is that this game has always been and will always be about buckets!” Then he jumped out of the whip and finished with 35 points and 10 rebounds as the haters regurgitated in their laps.

What blows my mind is the amount of duns out here that want to see this cat fail at all cost and it ain’t gonna happen pimpin’. He’s the best player on the planet with shooters in the ride with him and he’s not afraid to trust them either! Chris Bosh dropped 18 in the kitty. Both Rashard Lewis and D. Wade brought some of Big Momma’s pound cake and 14 each to the party.

So unless you can find some young kid with a slingshot that is ordained to bring him down, that Philistine is in charge right now. It’s just that simple. You cannot bet against the best player breathin’ when he’s smart enough to stay in control of the game. We’ve never seen a player this good that possesses the basketball IQ that he does. That’s what makes it scary.

"Hey bruh, why don't you let my boy hook you up?"

Sabotagin’ the air conditionin’ was like cuttin’ Sampson’s hair off playa. So you already knew that he was gonna be aggressive in Game 2. He went straight at Kawhi Leonard and forced him into foul trouble early and he eventually succumbed to his injuries late in the fourth as he fouled out with only 9 points.

Will somebody please call Edward Scissorhands to show up and cut that duns hair bruh? He and Allen Iverson gotta be the only two cats left on the planet rockin’ cornrows and his joints haven’t been touched up since freakin’ Labor Day. I mean, he’s a got darn afro puffed up around the edges. And that’s the edited version!

It’s like the old cat in the club still rockin’ the Members Only jacket, some parachute pants and some stacks. He’s wearin’ joints from three different eras. He’s got cornrows, an afro and wearin’ baggy shorts. Wheredeydodatat? At Kawhi’s house bruh that’s where.

Now boyz have to deal with LeBron on his floor for the next two games. That’s a problem, especially after he got hustled in Game 1. It should be interestin’ to see how it all turns out on South Beach. And if Kawhi shows up with them darn braids I’m gonna put he and RGIII in a time capsule and mark it, date unknown.

Why! Because one of these duns has the hair cut of a share cropper and the other cat looks like he just left a Vaughn Mason & Crew concert on his way to hang out with MC Eight but they've got on Y2K gear! In my Hank Stram voice, "What the hell is goin' on out here!" Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Young Russ vs. Bad Russ (Why OKC can't win it all with two Russell Westbrooks)

"I like this Russ! What you think bruh?"

Soren Kiekegaard, the Danish philosopher, once said, “Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” Tiger Woods gave it to us like this, “I want to be what I’ve always wanted to be: dominant.” Then James Allen, the British philosopher, earned a ghetto pass with this, “You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”

Well on Tuesday night Russell Westbrook’s dominant aspiration jumped out of the birthday cake on San Antonio and put up 40 points, threw 10 dimes and had 5 steals as the Oklahoma City Thunder beat the Spurs 105-92. Let me correct that playboy, they beat the brakes off of San Antonio to even the series at two apiece.

For two games the Thunder looked lost in the middle of the projects on the wrong side of town with the wrong colors on. Then all of a sudden the big homie Serge Ibaka jumped in the ride and for the past two games they’ve looked like some G’s ridin’ through the hood lookin’ for the dun that stole Lil’ Man-Man’s Jordan’s.

After gettin’ blasted in San Antonio in Games 1 and 2 by a combined 52 points they’ve regrouped behind old lady Johnson’s house, grabbed Ibaka and put in work.

In Game 4 Young Russ(the baller under control) and not Bad Russ(the Alpha Dog/Steering Wheel Wrestler) got busy. He dominated on both ends of the floor and showed boyz why he’s one of the most athletic players in the league. Ole boy can go when he’s playin’ within’ the context of the game and on Tuesday he was.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Here’s the problem with Russ playboy. Even though he’s the freakin’ man and is a superstar in this league he still has to understand that OKC is Kevin Durant’s team. Yeah, he put up 40 last night and looked like Jordan but he’s still Pippen in regards to peckin’ order on that team! KD’s is drivin’ the freakin’ bus there’s no ifs, ands or buts about it.

Until he understands that both he and KD can’t sit in the driver’s seat and wrestle over the steerin’ wheel they won’t win a title. Don’t get it twisted playa, he’s a beast but it’s KD’s team. So enjoy the unbelievable night but in Game 5 play within the context of the game. If it comes your way again take it. Don’t jump out there in San Antonio and try to take every shot because you went HAM in Game 4. Game 4 is Game 4 and you were within’ the lines because it was one of those nights.

D. Wade had a 41 point night durin’ the Eastern conference Finals against the Pacers last year when he came in the buildin’ rockin’ those hot pink pants. Remember that? He went to work on the Pacers but he still understood that it was LeBron’s team when he went to bed that night pimpin’!

The problem with Russ is that he went to bed thinkin’, “Ima do that every night regardless of what anybody says. I’m takin’ as many shots as I want because I’m the freakin’ man!” What gets OKC into trouble is Bad Russ thinkin’ that boyz around this piece need to respect me more and give me the wheel at all times even though I've got the best scorer on the planet standin’ right next to me.

Sure, Young Russ is gonna explode from time to time because he’s just that good. However, if he’s ever gonna win at the level he wants to with this team he’s gotta ride shotgun and go off when it’s appropriate like he did last night. He simply played within the context of the game and it was all good.

Here’s my OKC fan screamin’ from the roof top, “Jay you’re a hater! You know Young Russ is the best point guard alive! He can score at will! Are you crazy? He’s the man!”

I’ve never said that Young Russ wasn’t the man playboy. He’s just not the man in OKC! KD is. You can’t have but one MAN on a team because somebody has to ride shotgun no matter how good they are. So if Bad Russ is never goin’ to be content with ridin’ in the passenger seat then maybe just maybe he needs to find his own car playa? Young Russ can stay but Bad Russ needs to move around.

Here’s the ultimate question goin’ forward in this series bruh. Will Young Russ allow the game to come to him or will Bad Russ try to take over every game goin’ forward and get in the way. Why am I askin’? Because Bad Russ can be like a drug addict from time to time. When he gets a taste he starts lookin’ to repeat the high again ASAP! So in Game 5 will Bad Russ show up scratchin' his freakin' arm like Ray Charles and take every shot like he did in Game 2 and completely kill the momentum that they've built in Games 3 and 4? That’s the million dollar question and that’s the dun (Bad Russ) that nobody likes. So in my Huggy Lowdown voice, “Waaait for it!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Check Yo Self (The REAL reason OKC is gettin' dog walked by San Antonio)

"Maybe I need to go holler at D. Wade huh?"

John Wooden once said, “Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be careful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” John Madden put his square down and said, “Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class and be humble.” Then Shahrukh Khan, the famous Indian film actor, poured out a lil’ liquor for all the dead homies and said, “Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble.”

Well pimpin’, the San Antonio Spurs have been puttin’ that thang on the Oklahoma City Thunder in the Western Conference Finals and boy am I happy. Not because I hate OKC playboy because I’m not a fan of any team. I just hate the OKC fans bruh! They are the worse! I mean the absolute worse! These boyz will talk a $100 worth of noise in their sleep. So when Tim Duncan and Co. beat the breaks off of them in Game 2 112-77 to go up 2-0 I knew that the rest of the world could sleep last night.

I love KD’s game and was rootin’ for him this year to win the MVP because I knew that he more than deserved it. Now I don’t particularly care for Young Russ because he doesn’t understand, for some strange reason, that it’s not his freakin’ team. I’ve been sayin’ it since day one, “Everybody in America knows that it’s KD’s team but KD and Young Russ!”

As long as they’re wrestlin’ over the freakin’ steerin’ wheel they’ll never win at the level that they aspire to. But there fans are so ridiculously foolish that they can’t see that. Let them tell it, they were gonna sweep San Antonio, drink up all of the water in the River Walk and steal the Alamo. Like they couldn’t see Pop standin’ over there on the sideline with the wish factor with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Danny Green and ole rusty braids Kawhi Leonard purrin’ like a kitten comin’ into this series. Really?

As long as duns like Young Russ keep comin’ down the floor just jackin’ up shots without even lookin’ like he’s runnin’ an offense they’ll get dog walked every night against the Spurs. When you’ve got a dun just shootin’ for no reason you get destroyed on the glass because nobody’s ever in a position to rebound the basketball. They got pushed in the face in that department 53-38. Therefore, you're always one and done down the floor. 

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Russ was 7-24 from the field which is 29 percent pimpin’! Then he was 1-5 from behind the arc which is only 20 percent but the freakin’ MVP of the league only took 16 shots all night. Now how is that even possible? Because you’ve got a dun that wants to drive the Bentley and the cat that really owns it is scared to just pimp slap him and tell him if he’s gonna ride he’s gotta ride shotgun or get out of the whip. But KD ain't that type of dude because his momma raised him too well. Sometimes it's OK to back a boy up off of you.

Now how in the world do you see all of that foolishness goin’ on as an OKC fan and still have the nerve to talk trash? And that’s the edited version bruh. As a team they shot 39 percent from the field, 10 percent from behind the arc and got very few second chance shots because you’re boy keeps gunnin’!

When KD was really ballin’ this year it was when Russ was out. He was very comfortable and didn’t worry about gettin’ shots etc. Why? Because everybody on the floor knew who’s whip it was and they allowed the offense to flow through him. Then all of a sudden a dun that’s supposed to be Robin showed up in a Wonder Twins outfit and sat on ole boyz lap and now he won’t get out of the driver’s seat.

Now here’s my dull OKC fan talkin’ crazy again, “Man what are you talkin’ about? We got beat because Serge is out bruh! Check yo self fool!” Dude it wouldn’t make a difference if you had Kevin Garnett in his prime as long as Young Russ is on that team they’re in trouble. They’ll win during the regular season all day but they’ll keep gettin’ to this point and keep gettin’ the doors blown off of them because that dun wants to be the man and not Bernie Rubble. So how bout you “Check yo self’ or better yet have Russ to check himself. Just have him go holler at D. Wade and ask him how bein' smart enough to get out of the freakin' way has worked for the Miami Heat. So in my Das Efx voice, "Chickity check yo self before you wreck yo self" because Young Russ is bad for your health!" Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The Shooter (Why KG FINALLY has a reason to be mad at Ray Allen)

"Hey KG! I'll understand if you don't shake my hand now playboy!"

Giorgio Armani once said, “To create something exceptional, your mindset must be relentlessly focused on the smallest detail.” Paul J. Meyer, the famous author of motivational books, said, “Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning and focused effort.” Then the big homie Walt Disney jumped out of the whip and said, “Times and conditions change so rapidly that we must keep our aim constantly focused on the future.”

The Miami Heat found themselves in a battle at the crib with some duns that weren’t tryin’ to go fishin’ just yet. So the times and conditions kept changin’ on a boy until Ray Ray came through with two huge plays in the closing seconds to shut the Nets season down 96-94 to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals.

On some real talk, Brooklyn came off in the joint like some G.I. gangstas or if it sounds better to you input wherever you’re from. You know how boyz always wanna think that wherever they’re from is harder than anywhere else. That’s why I said G.I. pimpin’! Anyway, they showed up in the joint snatchin’ chains and lunch money for 43 and a half minutes until the Heat decided that enough was enough.

Down by eight with less than five minutes left they forced the boyz from the BK into missin’ nine straight shots. They went on a 12-0 run in the process to take the lead when ole Ray Ray punched a dagger into his boyz chest (old teammates) with the deadly three.

Now he’s not gonna say it but you already know he looked over at ya boy KG when he hit that joint. Y’all remember how ole boy dissed him when he tried to shake his hand the first time he played them in a Miami uniform. Karma is lady dog playa and that’s the edited version.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Joe Johnson was givin’ that Philistine the business last night! He finished with 34 points and they weren’t easy buckets but he made them look easy playboy. After a while ole boy got into a rhythm and just couldn’t miss.

So in the final seconds Helen Keller, Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Ronnie Milsap and those three freakin’ mice sittin’ courtside could even see that that dun was gonna take the last shot. That’s why ole Ray Ray stepped up big again by disruptin’ his dribble as LeBron knocked it out of reach as time expired. That’s just boyz listenin’ to the big homie Walt and keepin’ their aim constantly focused on the future.

LeBron finished with 29, D. Wade hit ‘em up for 28 with bad knees and all and Chris Bosh delivered a serviceable 16 on GP but he was 4-6 from behind the arc. Deadly! Ray Allen finished with 13 but talk about staying focused bruh; he was 1-7 from three all night but the one that went in was the game winner. Having shooters on the floor at all times is the formula. As long as he’s on the floor you have to account for him and on that particular joint they didn’t. It only takes one to beat you bruh and they got caught slippin’.

The Heat are now headed to their sixth Eastern Conference Finals in the past 10 seasons. The Philistine is headin’ there for the sixth time in eight seasons because you gotta remember, he went twice in dull Cleveland in 2007 and 2009.

Now they’ll sit in the cut to see if the dull Pacers are goin’ to “decide” to take care of business tonight in DC or let these boyz off the hook again. On some real talk, they’ll love to see the Wizards win tonight because it just gives them an additional day of rest. Believe me pimpin’ they could care less who wins the series because they’ve got to lace them up and play in the East title series anyway. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Dang Bruh? (The REAL reason OKC hit the guard rail against Memphis)

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John Wooden once said, “Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” Henry Ward Beecher, the famous abolitionist, spit some fire when he said, “Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Then Hugh Prather, the Chinese philosopher, shut the joint down with, “Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble.”

In the closing seconds of regulation Russell Westbrook just couldn’t be honest bruh! Pride jumped in that duns collar and he couldn’t get out of the drivers seat and let the probable MVP take the wheel as he missed the 3-pointer as Memphis eventually held on to win in overtime 111-105.

Sure, the Thunder had several opportunities to still win the joint but the pink elephant keeps farting down in OKC and boyz wanna act like he doesn’t have gas. I’ve been saying it since Young Russ came back. "Everybody in the world knows that it’s KD’s team but Russ!"

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! KD should always have his hands on the wheel in critical moments of the game and that three point attempt in the closing moments of regulation was one of them. You live or die with KD not Russ.

Durant hit these boyz up for 36 points with 20 after the end of the third quarter. The only way that game should have gone into overtime was because KD misfired not because someone else did. You could see ole boy looking for the rock as Russ spotted up. His facial expression simply said, “This mother friend!” And that’s the edited version bruh.

Russ is that cat you grew up with that always wanted to prove that he was hot too. You show up with the new Jordan’s on and he’s gotta try to top it. Not only does he get the new Jordan’s but he’s gotta talk his mom into getting the whole Jump Man 23 warm up, the Hanes underwear and that dull Jordan cologne too. If you tell a joke in class he’s gotta stand on top of the lab table in chemistry and tell one too.

If you race down the street against a boy, he’s gotta take his shoes off and race everybody. If you show up with a bad chick, he’s gonna show up with two even though they’re his cousins. He’s constantly competing with KD to prove that he’s the man too instead of playing his role.

Even though it’s only one loss to a scrappy Memphis team, that dynamic is gonna kill them against a better squad down the road if it doesn’t bite them in the butt messin’ around with Zebo and Co. now! I’m just sayin’!

What happened on South Beach is the same thing that has to happen in OKC bruh. Young Russ has to relinquish the wheel and tell himself that it’s KD’s squad and then they’ll get over the hump. But as long as that dun wants to prove that he’s the man too they’re in trouble.

It was Wade County when LeBron showed up and their first year they lost a championship not because of Dallas. They lost a championship because they were wrestling over the steering wheel in rush hour traffic and hit the guard rail.

Now I know boyz out there will say, “Jay you trippin’! Young Russ was good taking that shot because he was ballin’ too!” Instead of paying attention to Russ you needed to keep your eye on KD bruh. His body language told you everything that you needed know.

Go back and watch the tape. I’m from Any Hood, USA and you’re my neighbor. Whenever a boy looks at you like “Dang bruh?” You got problems. Sit in the cut and in my Huggy Lowdown voice, “Waaaait for it!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Grown Man Business (The REAL reason the Heat sat boyz and conceded the No.1 seed)

"It's bout to get REAL playa in 4 days!"

As we began to pull the regular season hooptie into the garage to exchange it for the new playoff whip sittin’ on 24’s, the mechanics down at the shop started arguing about boyz being smart. Solomon Short, who is the famous writer David Gerrold’s science fiction alter-ego, said, “Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb about.” Mr. Willie, the head detail man, said, “If you’re gonna survive out here in these streets you better be smart and always calculate the cost before making moves young blood.” Then Hunter Thompson, the famous author, pulled the new boy out and said, “There are many harsh lessons to be learned from the gambling experience, but the harshest one of all is the difference between having fun and being smart.”

The Miami Heat decided that it was smarter not to gamble while pulling into the garage. It made way more sense to rest boyz these next few days than to go all out to try to win the last two games and still hope that Indiana loses on Wednesday to Orlando to secure the top seed in the East. So they went on ahead and let the Wizards have the joint 114-93 by allowing that Philistine an opportunity to take off his armor to breathe before doing battle.

That was clearly too much to do with the playoffs starting this weekend. They’ve got to get boyz ready to slay that “Beast" known as the post-season bruh. Yesterday I heard duns saying that the Heat were losing down the stretch so that they wouldn’t have to play Brooklyn in the second round of the playoffs. Don’t be that dude bruh! Please don’t be him! Don’t be silly enough to think that what Brooklyn was able to do (4-0 vs. Heat) in the regular season had any effect why they sat boyz last night.

Like I keep telling these dudes, the playoffs are a different animal than the regular season bruh! Nobody is watching film during the regular season. These cats are just showing up and playing. Do you really think that on a back to back or when cats play 5 games in 7 nights they're studying film and making adjustments? Really?

However, during the playoffs they're zoned in on the same team for a week or more playing every other day. Now you gotta bring the funk or go home.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Miami Heat are the two-time defending NBA champions playboy with the best player on the planet in the vehicle. They ain’t dodging the Nets because if Brooklyn is the real deal they’ll have to see them in order to get out of the East anyway.

Keep in mind that the Pacers carjacked the Heat last year during the regular season too. The playoffs are a different animal and only the strong will survive. The great thing about the NBA playoffs is that you can’t just sneak up on a boy and win one game and advance like they do in the NCAA Tournament. Naw playboy, you gotta win four times so the BEST TEAM always advances!

That Philistine isn’t doing anything that he hasn’t done before bruh. He missed the final game in 2011 and kicked his feet up the last two in both 2012 and 2013. So don’t listen to some clown talking head cat today trying to give you some conspiracy theory on why the Heat are afraid of Brooklyn because he wants to boost ratings to sell ads space.

Just like when all of these clowns were running around Indy when Larry Bird picked up Andrew Bynum saying that ole boy signed him so that the Heat couldn’t get him. I was the only one that came out and said that Larry Bird fell for the banana in the tailpipe. If you think that I’m lyin’ pull the tape playa. Check out the Hot Joints entitled "Big Worm" and "Boomerang" written as soon as they signed that dun. Bird's expertise is basketball but mine is in the field of hustlin'! I know more about hustlin' than I do anything else and I saw that hustle coming a mile away. I guess they don't teach that class in French Lick but you can't get out of sixth grade in Gary, In. without passing that joint. Getting at least a B+ in Hustlin' 101 is a mandatory minimum in the ghetto bruh.

Pat Riley is a lot of things playboy but he ain’t crazy. He already had two projects in his locker room with Beasley and Oden. He wasn’t gonna run out and get another one for the sake of having him so the Pacers couldn’t. That makes no sense. The only cat that was willing to get hustled was Bird and that he did.

Nobody wanted Bynum and even he was shocked that they threw a solid million his way. Y’all gone start listenin’ to me bruh! Just because some dun is on the radio or TV doesn’t mean that he knows his butt from a hole in the ground. Just pay attention to the foolishness that some of these cats will come up with today about the Heat.

It just didn’t make sense for Spoelstra to run his team to the brink this week and still have the possibility of not having the No.1 seed if Indiana were to win in Orlando tomorrow and the playoffs start this weekend. With the Heat losing in DC last night now the Pacers will more than likely kick their feet up and hang out with Mickey Mouse on Wednesday. Now that everybody’s resting let me say in my Michael Buffer voice, “Let’s Get Ready to R-U-M-B-L-E!!!!!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Youngins (The REAL reason San Antonio can't do "nothin'" with OKC)



"Dude, we can't do nothin' with these young boyz!"

You already know that when I’m in Oklahoma City that I’ve gotta stop by my man Billy Sims’ BBQ joint. As I’m waiting for my “Halfback” dinner, these cats started debating over the burden of proof. Charles Darwin said, “False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science, for they often endure long, but false views, if supported by some evidence, do little harm, for everyone takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness. Then John Kenneth Galbraith, the famous economist, hit boyz in the dome with, “Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.”

Well... the Oklahoma City Thunder got busy on the proof Thursday night as they let boyz know that they were the better team when they beat the brakes off of San Antonio 106-94. The Spurs came rolling into town on a 19 game win streak after carjacking boyz all over the country.

Then OKC spoke to them in their native ANY HOOD, USA vernacular, “That all sounds good playboy but you ain’t played us during that 19 game love affair you’ve been on! Now you’re on my block playing with my ball and my rules! So let’s get it in!” For all of you rural or suburban minded individuals, my ball means that you’re at my crib. My rules means that Ima make you play my game and that's run and gun. Then Ima put you out of my house like all the rest of these fools.

The young thunder cats went to work on the old veterans as KD peeled them off for 28 and Young Russ hit ‘em up for 27 as they sprinted up and down the floor on the old timers. They even held Tony Parker to 6 points bruh. The Spurs turned the rock over 18 times and the youngins took full advantage of their generosity.

KD is not playing with these boyz out here son. That was his 39^th straight game with at least 25 points, the longest such streak since Jordan went 40 straight during the 1986-87 season. So don’t act like ole boy just got hot because the Spurs were in town. KD must have told the veterans in his Michael Irving at the U voice, “It ain’t you son! I burn everybody!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! OKC is the best in the West bruh. Yeah I know the Spurs have been bangin’ but they can’t run with these young boyz deep in the playoffs. OKC has just proven that they’ve got what the Spurs don’t have and that’s the ability to expand their lungs.

Here’s my San Antonio fan screamin’ from the roof top of the Alamo, “Jay you sound crazy! They’ve been moppin’ boyz all over the country and now because they got beat in OKC you wanna say that they don’t have what it takes?”

Here’s the problem with your Spurs playboy. At some point they've gotta play the Thunder in the playoffs. They’re gonna play them deep in the playoffs and they’ve already been swept 4-0 by these duns in the regular season and the Spurs are old. If you thought that they were running last night wait until they blow the whistle in the playoffs!

San Antonio won’t even be able to see these young boyz they’re gonna be movin’ so fast, especially if everybody is healthy. I’m just sayin’! So in my Puffy ’96 voice, “It’s real in the field. Take that! Take that!”

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Stuntmen (How the Knicks got blasted by some duns that weren't evenREAL Lakers)

"Just think what we could have done to 'em if we were the real Lakers bruh!"

As I was gettin’ out of the ride in front of the Staples Center these three ticket scalpers started arguing about reality. Albert Einstein put his joints down and said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher, threw his tickets at ole boy and said, “Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.” Then the Dalai Lama head faked both of them and picked up all of the tickets as he said, “Appearance is something absolute, but reality is not that way – everything is interdependent, not absolute.”

Ole Dalai was talking to all of these dull Knicks fans that could only see the appearance of Phil and not the interdependence of the pieces that it takes to really win. These clowns could only see the championship pedigree of a man but not the reality of what the Knicks truly are. Well playboy, wins don’t come through osmosis and the Los Angeles Lakers proved that on Tuesday night by beating the dog snot out of the Knicks 127-96.

For the past week all I’ve heard from Knicks fans was that they were not only going to win the championship next year but that they were gonna make the playoffs this year. Why? Because Phil was in the building playboy. Then after the magic jumping beans wore off that ole boy sold all of these fools in Knicks jerseys and the magic seed corn that the Winter Warlock gave them to make ‘em fly stopped working they became the dull Knicks again.

With this loss in LA they are 3 games behind Atlanta for the final playoff spot! From this point on every Knicks fan in the world should just stop talking and send that dull jersey to the dry cleaners for the season. As matter of fact, store that joint like boyz do their furs for the summer and then go hibernate ‘til November. Why? Cuz you’re on punishment for being a sucka.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Knicks gave up 51 points in the third quarter alone bruh! It wasn’t like the Lakers had the best scorers to ever wear the purple and gold out there. You would have thought that Magic (17,707 points) was running the point and dishin' to duns like Kareem (38,387) Kobe (30,004 and counting), Jerry West (25,192) and Elgin Baylor (23,149)!

Naw playa they had a bunch of stuntmen out there in Lakers uniforms goin’ to work on these boyz. Duns like Xavier Henry put up 22 points and Nick Young dropped five 3-pointers on these clowns in the third quarter alone. The Lakers have won 16 championships, the second most behind Boston, and have never scored 51 in a quarter with all of the superstars they’ve had over the years bruh. That’s a problem!

Like I said before, unless Phil is the Wizard of Oz and can get the Knicks a brain, a heart and some freakin’ players they’re shot. Now he can get them one out of the three right away. He can coach the freakin’ team and solve the brain part now but they ain’t makin’ the playoffs so forget about that. But he can’t give heart to duns that just don’t have it and he can’t get them players because of the idiots that made decisions before he took over.

Now that the magic seed has worn off I can talk to you clowns. Again, they have NO FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICKS THIS YEAR NOR IN 2016!! They’re hit in the throat until after next season with Amare’ and Tyson Chandler’s contracts and the most important piece of reality that nobody with a New York accent wants to face is that James “freakin’” Dolan still owns the joint.

As long as that dun is making money he's winning! He’s the Jerry Jones of the NBA bruh! He got y’all wearing Knicks gear, buying tickets and cable subscriptions. Who do you think owns the freakin’ cable company playboy, Mickey Mouse?

The only thing worse than a sucka is a sucka that thinks he’s cool and untouchable in a pair of Timberlands, a flat bip Yankees joint and rockin’ a Knicks jersey. But you can’t tell ‘em anything. So me and the fellas in the shop are just gonna sit back and watch Knicks fans make fools of themselves for the next couple of years as Phil robs them with a butter knife and then heads back to LA once he gets bored.

He’s already told you that he ain’t coachin’ because he tried to punk LA into paying him $15 million to only coach the home games and Buss was at least smart enough to tell him to kick rocks on that. Even though he was stupid enough to give Kobe $48 more million even before the dun came back from the Achilles injury. Not mention that he's paying him $30 million this year to be the mascot!

So ole Phil found some suckas in New York to pay him $12 million to hang out and look important while he can still live in LA too. A hustle is a hustle regardless of who’s pullin’ it pimpin’! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The Dragon (How OKC killed themselves by playing Westbrook)

"That's cool playa but look at the scoreboard!"

On Thursday afternoon I stopped by the big homie Billy Sims’ BBQ joint like I always do when I’m in OKC. As I was sitting there preparing for the big game these cats started fighting over the concept of overcoming obstacles. Henry Ford said, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” Then Booker T. Washington wiped the sauce off of his face and said, “Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.”

Well playboy, where I’m from they call those obstacles the dragon! And on Thursday night the dragon came to OKC spittin’ fire and burned up the joint 103-81! The key to slaying the dragon is to cut the head off but by the time boyz built up enough nerve to do it, the head had eaten 33 points, kicked his feet up and was farting!

With 5:50 left to play LeBron went up for a dunk and got caught in the nose by Serge Ibaka’s wrist. Ole boy went down in a pool of blood and didn’t return but the Heat was in complete control by then.

Duns from OKC have been talking mad noise on social media for weeks because of the tear that Kevin Durant has been on and not realizing that dragon was still in the forest and that he still has to eat.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I told boyz in the barber shop that it would be a mistake for the Thunder to play Westbrook for the first time back against the Heat! I said that they’d have a better chance of winning at home without him. I got ran out of the joint because boyz in the shop many times don’t understand the dynamic of sports.

Why bring that dun back in the biggest game of the year against the two-time defending champions on national television? You gotta remember that he’s 25 years old so he’s gonna want to show out and prove to the world that he’s ready to play. KD has been ballin’ without him because he’s got full range to select shots. There hasn’t been any picking and choosing for months. He’s been free to do his thing and now Westbrook is gonna want the ball playboy or at least some attention!

Also why put a dun out there that isn’t in any “game” shape to play against the best “team” in the league day one? Not to mention that you just threw whatever chemistry you had in the toilet and you’re standing out there butt naked in front of Goliath.

Here’s the idiot OKC fan standing on the roof top talking crazy, “Man shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about! Westbrook was ready to go last night! Why not play him?” Sure, he was ready to play pimp but the duns playing with him were thrown off by his presence in the middle of a tornado.

Can you explain to me why KD didn’t take a single shot in the first 6 minutes of the game? Since you don’t know I’ll tell you why playa, he was waiting to see what Westbrook was gonna do. He was trying to figure out the rhythm while the Heat was sprintin’ through ‘em like Biddy Basketball in the first quarter 34-17. That first 6 minutes set the tone for the rest of the game bruh! Am I hatin’ or am I just telling you that it was a mistake to put that dun back on the floor for the first time in the middle of freakin’ monsoon?

Here's the problem playboy! Everybody in America knows that it's KD's team but KD and Russell. So while they were busy wrestling over the steering wheel LeBron was goin' to work scoring 12 points in the first 4:11. KD was out there trying to adjust to having ole boy back in the ride and that killed 'em.

They should have waited and brought him back against somebody like the Lakers or Kings so that they could slowly build their chemistry back. Because the Heat were like, “Who do you think you are that you can just come back against us on day one and win?” They completely disrespected the fire in the dragon’s mouth just by putting that dun on the floor and got burned up. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Lead Foot (Why D. Wade is being selfish by playing in the All-Star Game)

"Now I may not play when it counts
but I'm good this weekend bruh!"

As I was coming out of Harrah’s Casino near the French Quarter early this morning, some old timers were standing out front wrestling over selfishness. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Napoleon Hill immediately threw his chips down and said, “Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness.” Then Woodrow Wilson lit his square, took a puff and shut the joint down when he said, “Caution is the confidential agent of selfishness.”

Well ole dull smoke breakin’ Dwyane Wade showed up in New Orleans on Thursday for the All-Star Game and told his boy Caution to get out of the ride. This dun told Frank Vogel who’s coaching the East team that he was ready to play.

Now keep in mind that he missed Wednesday’s game against Golden State with “Drop Foot.” It’s a nerve condition that leaves a boy without feeling in his lower leg and foot. But all of a sudden the smell in the air in New Orleans fixed it playboy.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Seems like every night this dun has a reason for not playing and then all of a sudden he’s healthy enough to play in the All-Star game? One night he’s got knee problems, then he’s got migraines and the next night he’s got lead foot, drop foot or just plain ole foots. I’m waiting on this cat to tell us that he lost his thumb at the airport or that his back got lost with his luggage and that’s why he’s not playing tonight.

Now on some real talk, I can respect a boy for not playing when he’s not healthy because they’re trying to win a championship and they need him for the playoffs more than anything else. So if ole boy loses his elbow and big toe on the way to a game and he can’t play, I completely understand.

However, when he shows up to the All-Star Game that means absolutely nothing and decides to play, I’ve got a freakin’ problem with that pimpin’! He’s already missed 15 games for a myriad of reasons so you never know when he’s gonna be healthy enough to play.

Why take the chance of aggravating one of the many ailments that he’s got to play in the All-Star Game? That’s crazy to me because you already know this dun is gonna be on the sideline on Tuesday when they show up in Dallas talkin’ about his ankle fell off in traffic and he can’t play without it.

I don’t care how you look at it playboy, it’s crazy selfish of him to play this weekend when he could be resting and getting healthy. He’s got nothing to prove by playing. His team needs him to be healthy enough to make a run playa; not risking being injured fooling around in a dull game that means nothing because you already know that dun is fragile!

Ole boy has already played in this game 9 other times and has 3 championships to his credit. It’s not like he’s some cat making the team for the first time and Big Momma is going nuts to see her baby out there. She’s been there done that and is cool with sittin’ at the crib this weekend because she even understands the big picture. He's acting like he's a rookie that plays in Toronto somewhere and he's got to be seen this weekend.

Now don't get it twisted bruh. I realize that it's all marketing and promotion for his brand and boyz get crazy bonuses for just suiting up for the joint. So I get it now that my boy Marcus Walker set me straight. But if that dun plays more than 8 minutes you're gonna see a cat in a bow tie out there fightin' because the Heat can't afford for him to keep missing games after the All-Star break!

Like everybody else, I wanna see a battle between Miami and Indiana in the playoffs and he needs to be healthy for that to happen.

All these clown Heat fans that say I'm crazy for saying it don't realize that they're still two and half games behind Indiana and can't afford to give those duns home court. Last year the Heat had home court with D. Wade and they still had to go 7 games.

What happens if ole boy can't go this year and they don't have home court? Still think it makes sense to play in a pick up game on nation TV? Y'all can think I'm crazy if you want to. Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

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Street Signs (Why KD & the boyz literally took over South Beach with the Heat on it)

"Get off of me son! I got this!"

The fellas and I were hangin’ out at Wet Willie’s on South Beach before the game and boyz started arguing about preparation. Alexander Graham Bell said, “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” Confucius put his drink down and said, “Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” Then Elbert Hubbard, the famous writer and philosopher, ordered another round and broke this down, “The preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today.”

Well the Oklahoma City Thunder are definitely preparing for good work tomorrow in the playoffs because they’re doing good work today in the regular season! They showed up on South Beach and straight took over the joint by blasting the Miami Heat 112-95.

Now like most cats, I wanted to see the head-to-head matchup between KD and LeBron and pretty much everybody else could have just gotten out of the way. But the NBA was obligated to give us a game so the rest of those duns were invited to the party even though nobody cared that they were there.

On some real talk, the KD and LeBron show was a wash with them going 33 and 34 points respectively. So if you were zoned in on that you got your money’s worth playboy. However, like I keep telling these duns in South Florida you can’t just push a button and be ready to play come playoff time.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Heat are nowhere near looking like a championship caliber team. You can’t just throw your sneakers out on the floor with the Heat logo and expect for boyz to back up and respect you. The last two years don’t exist anymore bruh. That’s why they distinguish time by calling it past, present and future.

The past is in the rearview mirror, the present is the gift that’s in the ride right now and the future is where you’re going depending upon how well you prepare for it today. Let me put something on ya head playa! Everybody’s got a future but if you don’t prepare for it, you're gonna beat you down by it.

As long as the Heat just keep going through the motions, boyz are gonna find them in an alley belly down somewhere talking about how good they used to be. That’s real talk!

What you did last year has no relevance on today pimp. KD and his boyz went to work on a team that wasn’t prepared for the moment. Not only did Durant moon the duns on South Beach for 33, Serge Ibaka also stuck his butt out of the window of the limo for 22. Then Jeremy Lamb came off of the bench and drained 18 at the Clevelander while old man Derek Fisher went 5-5 from behind the arc for 15 at LIV.

The Heat got production out of the Big Three but as a team they turned the rock over 20 times giving up 25 points off of those joints. You can’t win games giving the ball to the cats in the other jersey all night. Why were they turning the joint over? Because there was no chemistry on the floor like I’ve been saying all year.

An wise Old Italian once told me that luck is the corner where Opportunity and Preparation meet. You have to constantly drive down the road of Preparation and every now and then you'll come across Opportunity. However, if you aren’t prepared for the moment you can’t get out of the ride because the Opportunity will be too much for you to handle and the Heat simply couldn’t get out of the ride last night. All you gotta do is pay attention to the street signs bruh! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

The Wild Wild (KD explodes on Golden State for a career high 54 points)

I got this bruh! Don't even waste ya time!"

Whenever I go to Oklahoma City my first stop is to my boy Billy Sims’ barbeque joint! As I was ordering the Half-Back to go these duns started wrestling over what it meant to be relentless. Denis Waitley, the famous productivity consultant, said, “Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image. John F. Kennedy got smooth on a boy and said, “History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.” Then Steve Garvey shut the building down with, “You must be passionate, you must dedicate yourself, and you must be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. If you do, you will be successful.”

Well Kevin Durant was both relentless in pursuing his goal of scoring and successful at leading the Oklahoma City Thunder past the Golden State Warriors 127-121. This dun was in a coma on Friday night bruh as he put up 54 on the Steph and the boyz!

Now what's so crazy is that Steph put up 37! But when you're standing next to a giant even Shaquille O'Neal looks short.

While the world is paying attention to the Pacers bullying duns on school buses and the Heat gettin’ carjacked in NYC or whether they’re giving 100% every night boyz have forgotten about ole Kevin.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! KD is pulling heists all over the country without even wearing a ski mask bruh! Putting up the 54 against Golden State was a career best for him but he’s been lightin’ boyz up all year!

He leads the league in scoring at 30.6 ppg and the closest cat to him is Melo with 26.1! He's averaging almost 40 ppg in the last six games bruh! He’s killin’ these cats out here and police have yet to even bring him in for questioning. So you already know that he’ll unload on a boy because the police ain’t messin’ with him like that. He’s carte blanche! It’s the Streets 101!

So you already knew that when they printed the schedule and you saw Golden State vs. OKC that it was gonna be the Wild Wild West! Steph Curry and KD on the same floor playboy?

They did it old west style too! They stood back to back and marched away counting to 10 before turning around and firing. Under normal circumstances it would be just the two of them shooting at each other but you already know that the brothers are gonna show up with back up! Rule 3 Section 2 Article 5 of the Hood Code of Conduct says, “Never let the big homie ride alone!”

As KD was efficient with his shots going 19 of 28 and 11 of 13 from the foul line in his third straight game with at least 36 points, the homies didn’t let him down. While KD was bussin’ these boyz heads, Serge Ibaka let off 21 from the roof of old Mr. Willie’s Shoe Shine and picked up 8 rebounds in the process. Reggie Jackson rode into town in a Mustang and not on one playboy and pulled a drive by unloading 14. Then Kendrick Perkins took care of the duns in the saloon with 12 rebounds just to make sure KD could reload on the cats out front.

On some real talk, they may as well ship the MVP Trophy to his crib now and save boyz the hassle of having to beef about it because some dun will start shooting and more than likely it’s gonna be Melo. You know how the hood operates bruh? Things just pop off like that. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

Ain't No Joke (Why the Miami Heat are Vulnerable to the Streets Now)

"Hey dawg? These boyz ain't scared of us anymore!"

I was hanging out in front of the White House taking pictures on Wednesday and I saw these homeless cats arguing about contentment. Buddha said, “Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.” Thomas Fuller, the 17^th century English author, broke it down like this, “Contentment consists not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.” Then Dalai Lama got everybody’s attention with, “When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, “Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.”

Sounds like the Miami Heat have been spending way too much time with the Dalai playboy because they’re playing like they’ve got everything they need! On Tuesday they went to the White House to see Obama and on Wednesday got the breaks beat off of them by the dull Washington Wizards 114-97.

These duns have dropped three straight to some bad teams bruh! They went up to New York to sight see last week and got carjacked in Manhattan and then got pistol whipped and tied up in a Brooklyn basement the following day. You’ll catch that one later!

It looks like these duns are content with boyz introducing them as the Two-Time Defending Champs the Miami Heat! So they’re figuring that all they’ve got to do is show up and roll their sneakers and the Heat logo out on the floor and boyz will concede.

John Wall and the rest of the lil’ homies felt some type a way about that playa! While the Heat were still ridin’ around sightseeing, the Wizards ran up on the ride and started bussin’! By the end of the first quarter they had them staggering trying to get out of the whip like Queen Latifah in Set it Off by a deficit of 43-18. It was on and poppin’ after that because the Wizards had crazy confidence at that point. Understand this playa, they’re professional athletes too so if you crack the door boyz are comin' in!

I don’t care how bad a team you’re playing, if you give a boy with that kind of confidence he’s going to run over you every time. At one point the Heat were down by 30 points! Wheredeydodatat bruh?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The NBA is no different from the streets playboy! The Kingpin always has to defend his reputation with violence! He can’t afford for a boy to ever beat him and get away with it. He has no other choice but to make an example out of cats that try to challenge him or his power. Because the very time that he doesn’t, the streets will take him down.

That’s what’s happening to the Heat right now! Boyz are sittin’ in the cut watching this all play out! The duns in DC watched the assault in NYC last week and that’s why they showed up ready for war on Wednesday. There was no intimidation factor going in so they felt like they had a right to take their sneakers and jewelry too.

Miami’s acting like they can just push a button and be ready for the playoffs without having any rhythm at all. And maybe they’ll get it together because it is just January but while they’re goofing around the Pacers are clicking on all cylinders right now. They’re cruising towards home court advantage in the playoffs and that’s gonna be problem.

Now don’t get it twisted, the Pacers have their problems too but at least they’re winning the games that they’re supposed to win while they’re fixing the ride. They turn the rock over way too much, Roy Hibbert is still too inconsistent and they need a true point guard. However, at least they’ve started on the road trip towards the Finals.

The Heat are still in the garage arguing about which car they’re going to drive and if they’re not careful some young cat trying to make a name for himself will run up on them and shoot them in the back of the head before they even leave the crib. So they better figure it out and either ride or die out here in these streets because like my man Rakim once said, “It ain’t no joke!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!   

"The Objectors" Heat 84 Pacers 90 (How the Pacers ran up on the Heat tryna break in the crib)

"Naw playboy! I got this tonight!"

As I got out of the ride last night at Bankers Life FieldHouse, I ran into these three cats scalping tickets in the parking lot arguing about war. Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese military strategist,  said, “All war is deception.” John F. Kennedy got fired up, threw his tickets down and said, “War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today.” Then Bertrand Russell, the British philosopher, doubled the price on a boy for nose bleed joints and said, “War does not determine who is right – only who is left.”

Well playboy, the Indiana Pacers were the only ones left after Tuesday night’s first of four regular season battles with the Heat as they beat the two-time defending champions 90-84. While the Pacers have been gone for more than week and some change on a western conference road trip, boyz have been scopin’ out the crib.

As soon as they pulled up to spot they saw these duns with Miami plates climbing through the side window. They’ve got a reputation of catching boyz sleeping and just taking everything. On some real talk, sometimes they’ve been known to just come right through the front door on a boy in the middle of the day. They’ve gotten so bad in the hood that a lot of cats just let them come right on in and take whatever they want without a fight.

When the Pacers jumped out of the ride they were overwhelmed initially by the smothering defense that these cats from South Beach were bringing. Paul George ran off into the crib but couldn’t get a shot off. LeBron was all over the young boy and he was only able score 2 points in the first half.

At the end of the 1^st quarter the Heat were up 30-19 on these boyz. In hood terms they had already taken the flat screen off of the wall that shouldn’t have been there in the first place and they were on their way to Big Momma’s room to get the stash. Ya’ll know how Big Momma always had some bread hidden but she moves it all of the time because her youngest nephew is a thief. Don’t look at me funny bruh, every family has a dun that steals. If you’re saying that your family doesn’t, then it’s probably you.

By the time they made it to the half the home town boyz had closed the gap to 47-40. That means that they were starting to get off enough shots that Miami started to at least putting stuff down and having to fight to stay in the crib.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! By the time the Pacers retreated to the ride to reload they had made up in their minds that even though these duns have run the hood for the last two years they aren’t going to run the boyz that live at 125 S. Pennsylvania Street anymore.

So they regrouped at the half and went to work the rest of the way. Big Boy Roy Hibbert beat a boy up inside and finished with 24 points. David West was in the back of the house bangin’ hard with these cats and got off 17 points, 9 rebounds and 4 assists. While Paul George found his rhythm making two big 3-pointers in the front yard in route to a 15 point second half to finish with 17 points.

LeBron and D. Wade did the damage that they normally do as they both finished with 17 points. LeBron was a beast on the glass with 14 rebounds though. However, even though they did some damage to the crib and even got away with the flat screen they didn’t let them take completely clean them out. That TV was getting old anyway bruh! Y'all know how we do. Even if it's nothing wrong with it we gotta run out and get the 3D joint but can't even afford the glasses.

While everybody was down playing the significance of this win, it was a major boost of confidence to say the least. The Pacers own the best record in the league at 19-3 and they’re 10-0 at the crib. That means that if you knock on the door at 125 S. Pennsylvannia St. you’re gonna run into some major problems playa.

As a matter of fact, you better lock your doors and hide all of the jewelry, sneakers and electronics too because these boyz have to come through your front door in order to secure home court advantage in the playoffs. So understand this playboy, the Pacers are that conscientious objector that ole boy John F. Kennedy spoke of earlier. They won’t rest until they enjoy the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today. For all of my hood dwellers out there, that means don’t get comfortable pimpin’ and watch ya back because they ain’t goin’ nowhere, no time soon! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!