Enhancements (Braun, the writers & fans are fake!)

"What do you want me to say pimpin'? I'm sorry I got caught!"

Winston Churchill once said, “The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, but in the end, there it is.” Mark Twain turned that new Jay-Z down as he pulled up to say, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” Then Buddha stepped in the joint with some purple gators on and said, “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.”

On Thursday ole dull Ryan Braun finally admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs during his NL MVP season of 2011. He gave the same jacked up story that all of these duns give; that he took a cream and a lozenge containing banned substances while rehabbing an injury. “It was a huge mistake for which I am deeply ashamed and I compounded the situation by not admitting my mistakes immediately.”

Stop it! Just stop it bruh! If you gone be bout it! Then be bout it! Don’t apologize in a statement and then keep lying to boyz. Just say it playboy. If you're gonna be a No Limit Soldier then ride or die. All the real G’s just want you to say, “I took them joints because I wanted to compete with the rest of these duns taking PED’s. If I hadn’t taken them I never would have been as good as I was."

Don’t tell me that you were rehabbing and you took some junk to get better faster. All of these cats are taking this stuff to compete. It’s just like track and field! If you get down in the blocks and the other 6 to 7 duns are doping and you aren’t, then you’re about to get the break beat off of you. So you start taking what the other cats were taking just to be able to compete or in MLB to get that major bread. It’s the difference between making $20 million and making $100 million. Is it right? Absolutely not! Is it real talk? Absolutely!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’m sick of all of these dull sports writers and fans that are out here thinking that ole boy owes them a more sincere apology for using drugs. I’m hearing boyz saying that he needs to be more specific or that I’m a fan and that he owes me more than that because he ruined the game. What?

First of all, you already know why he took the freakin’ drugs so stop actin’ brand new! Secondly, he owes you absolutely nothing and what game are you watching that he ruined. As a fan you got what you paid for when you bought a ticket to see him play. You saw him hit home runs and wins games. Therefore, you paid to be entertained and in my Marcus Aurelius voice, “Are you not entertained?”

That’s like some cat going to the strip club, sitting down with the fellas and then storming out of the joint highly pissed because the chick on stage has enhancements. He’s got, in my Grinch that stole Christmas voice, “the unmitigated gall to be upset!” Hollerin’ and screamin’ in the parking lot that she’s cheating. That’s the only reason that you paid to get into the joint! So why are you trippin’ if that’s what you paid to see? 

These folks kill me acting like they didn’t know the game of baseball was full of cats doing everything to get a competitive edge. Boyz have been cheating since the beginning of time. If not by using pine tar, corking the freakin’ bat and taking PED’s, cheating is cheating playboy. Just like sin is sin! Don’t act like Ryan Braun is the worse human being alive when you’re at work stealing time by reading this joint right now.

Don’t act like Braun robbed a bank when you sneak in or out of work without clocking in or out daily. Don’t look at this dun sideways when you knocked 45 minutes off of your road trip by speeding for 10 hours. Don’t get upset because you paid to see a boy do exactly what you expected for him to do and you enjoyed every freakin’ minute of it. Stop it! Just stop it!

Everybody including MLB’s momma knows that dirty players sell tickets. Are any of us going be mad when Usain Bolt comes up dirty? This cat is running 9.58’s and pulling up 20 meters from the finish line bruh and I’m enjoying every minute of it. But you and I both know that dun is dirty.

How many boyz wanted a refund when Sosa and McGuire were going at it? How many folks were up in arms when hat size and shoe size changing Barry Bonds was blasting boyz into the cove every night? Nobody! Why? Because you were entertained!

The only reason Braun or any other cat is apologizing for using drugs is because they got caught. It’s like the Joe that gets caught out somewhere with his mistress/sidepiece or whatever you wanna call it and then runs home to apologize to the Mrs. He ain’t sorry for cheating, he’s sorry that she found out. Stop me when I start lyin’ playboy!

Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

Hang Man (A-Rod pays for Bosch's attorney)

"This is getting real, real quick bruh!"

William Shakespeare once said, “Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.” Hunter S. Thompson, the famous author, gave it to us like this, “In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.” Then Lucius Annaeus Seneca, the Roman philosopher, shut the building down with, “Every guilty person is his own hangman.”

Well it finally looks like ole A-Rod is starting to hang himself playboy. According to ESPN’s “Outside the Lines” Alex Rodriguez paid for Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch’s attorney and made a wire transfer for $50,000 that Bosch’s attorney refused to accept.

A spokesman for Bosch attorney Susy Ribero-Ayala said in a statement Sunday that A-Rod paid her a $25,000 retainer to defend Bosch in back in February. It goes on to say that ole boy sent a second payment which was unsolicited and unwarranted for 50 stacks in April that was returned.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! This dun has done everything but kicked the chair out from under him. The boyz in the barber shop are trying to defend him but he keeps tying the rope around his freakin’ neck. Everyday more and more information is leaked and it doesn’t look good for this cat.

Like I always say, if you’re gonna run with gangstas you’ve got to move like a gangsta. The first rule of the Gangstas Handbook of Survival is to never write anything down. By sending bread in a wire transfer he left a paper trail that can and will be used against him. A real gangsta drops the money off in a brief case and keeps it moving. Then it’s his word vs. yours. If you keep his money then he owns you and if you refuse the money he owns even more of you because you disrespected him and he had to force you to take it. Either way it's your money and you work for him!

I’m like Big Momma at this point on A-Rod, “Boy I keep defended you but you keep making me look bad so now I gotta leave you alone.” I keep telling boyz that they’re rail roading this dun with the 211 game suspension. Don't get it twisted, he's guilty but 211 games? However, with stuff like this coming out he may primarily deserve it for being stupid. You can’t be that dumb and live playboy. A wire transfer bruh?

Don't think for one minute I'm pulling a stunt like the Boston Marathon bomber's mom. I know this dun is guilty as all out doors but she was trippin'. She's all on TV telling boyz that her baby couldn't possibly have done that. Wasn't he the same fool on tape? Wasn't he the same fool throwing bombs out of the window of the ride at the police? Wasn't he the same fool that ran over your other child in the street trying to get away? Was he not the fool that they pulled out of a boat in some cats back yard hiding with gunshot wounds from the police or wasn't he?

I'm not that crazy bruh. I know this clown was taking drugs. What I don’t get is why MLB just won’t just come out and lay everything on the table? Well, yeah I do! If they put him on complete blast he’ll just start singing like Luther Vandross about what Major League Baseball has known and not done about drugs in the game for years. They had to have known that A-Rod wasn’t going to take the 211 game suspension laying down because he’s got $30 million tied to it.

Guilty or not he’s not just gonna give you $30 million bruh! He’ll still salvage more than half of that back because no way will the 211 games stand. That number will be cut in half even with all of this foolishness coming out because MLB should have dropped all of it on the table from jump.

They only look shady by not presenting all of the evidence when they initially handed down the suspensions. I’m talking but y’all ain’t listenin’! Sit in the cut and watch it play out. Major League Baseball will come out of this thing looking just as bad as A-Rod when it’s all said and done.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Streets 101 (A-Rod ain't the only one lyin'!)

"That's my story and I'm stickin' with it playa!"

Eric Carr, the drummer from Kiss, walked into the barber shop on 25^th where all the G’s hang out and said, “I can’t say why people lie; they just do. Everyone has their own reasons for not telling the truth.” Michael Musto, the famous journalist, broke it down like this, “In the last few years, the very idea of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is dredged up only when the alternative options of deception, threat and bribery have all been exhausted.”

According to a report by “60 Minutes” members of A-Rod’s camp leaked the names of Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun and his own teammate Francisco Cervelli to the media in the whole Biogenesis scandal. Now the word is A-Rod’s boyz got a hold to unredacted versions (that means unedited for all you 3^rd  grade reading Joe’s out there) of documents with Braun and Cervelli’s names on them and sent them to Yahoo! according to some cats that claim to be close to the situation. A-Rod is denying everything.

Like Big Momma used to say, “It’s a dead skunk on the line and we ain’t leavin’ until somebody cleans it up.” Somebody is lyin’ playboy and it ain’t just Alex Rodriguez like all of these duns, including Major League Baseball, want you to believe. Some cat named Porter Fischer that used to work for Biogenesis is saying that his ride was broken into and all of the said documents were stolen. Some of those same documents were then sold to MLB.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! How convenient of a lie is that bruh? So you’re ridin’ around with classified joints in your car? Now I’m supposed to believe that you stopped to get a haircut in the Pork N Beans projects and boyz broke into your whip, stole the paperwork, and gave it to some cats that sold it to MLB? That's worse than the fool that caught with the murder victims cell phone and he says some dude sold it to him for $20. on some real real that is how it goes down.

Now it sounds like they’re trying to say that A-Rod had his cousin Edwardo break into ole boys ride and take them. Then A-Rod decided to snitch on the same cats that he’s handcuffed to while giving them the paperwork Eddie stole. Dude... I'm just telling you what they're trying to get us to believe.

I don’t know where y’all from but the only reason boyz snitch is to shorten their sentences playa. Why would A-Rod have a reason to snitch on a dun that is doing the same thing he’s been caught doing if it doesn’t help him in the long run? Now don’t get me wrong pimp, I don’t have a dog in this fight. I can’t stand baseball! I think it’s the most boring sport known to man but the streets are the streets and those I know. A boy isn’t going to set a cat up unless it benefits him.

See MLB keeps saying that they have all of this information on A-Rod and that he should just take the 211 game suspension and walk away or else is crazy. Because if you’ve got information then put it on the table and quit bluffing. Streets 101 tells you that MLB is just trying to justify to the public why they gave ole boy 211 games. They can’t just come out and say that they don’t like him and don’t want him in the game. Also the Yankees want to get out from underneath that $100 million that they owe him.

Is A-Rod fake and phony? Sure he is! Is he a cheater? Absolutely! Can Bud Selig justify 211 games even with all of the foolish lies boyz are running with now and win the appeal? Not at all! Because none of it makes sense under the JDA (Joint Drug Agreement). You can’t suspend him for 211 games for doing the exact same thing that the next cat was doing and give him 50. A-Rod knows that so he’s gonna make these fools look stupid by appealing. Genius I say or in the hood it’s called Gangsta.

Put up or shut up MLB and stop trying to cover your butt because we all know that dirty players sell tickets. When Sosa and McGuire were chasing the homerun record you set in the cut knowing those clowns were dirty but you let it ride. Why, because you were selling tickets and TV ad space. Now all of a sudden when congress gets a stick up their butts you wanna act like you got robbed in the ghetto by some stick up kid and now you want revenge? 

Go head on with that foolishness! All these duns are out here lyin' and now they've got ole reputable "60 Minutes" caught up in the ride like Trey! They still got time to jump out but they gotta  tell Doughboy to pull over now!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
The caption under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

Suspended Jealousy (The Hateration of A-Rod)

"Huh?"

Oliver Stone once said, “Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate that.” Aristotle gave it to us like this, “Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbor to have them through envy.” Then George Washington stood up, took his teeth out, poured out a ‘lil liquor for all the dead homies and said, “It will be found an unjust and unwise jealousy to deprive a man of his natural liberty upon the supposition he may abuse it.”

On Monday Major League Baseball handed down suspensions for 13 players including Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod was hit for 211 games which is equivalent to the rest of this season and all of 2014, while the rest of those duns were just hit for 50 games. The other cats just took the 50 like a “G” and kept it moving. A-Rod on the other hand, is going to appeal it like he should.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What’s killin’ me is all of these reporters and talking heads on TV that are jealous of this cat for being the pretty boy with all of the bread and the women. Every time one of these Joe’s opens their mouths they’re talking about how fake A-Rod is and that he should just take the punishment and go away.

Now don’t mistake my defense of this cat as me being an A-Rod fan because I can’t stand baseball. It’s like watching paint dry sitting on that plastic cover on Big Momma’s couch with no air conditioning in the summer time. It’s torcher playboy. So don’t get it twisted that I may remotely like this dun or the game of baseball.

However, I can spot a hater a mile away like the sound of a gun shot in the projects. When ole boy was being interviewed on Monday night before his season debut against the White Sox, these cats went in on him about the suspension and rightfully so. It’s obvious that he can’t talk about it because he’s appealing it. Then some dun asks him if he did in fact take steroids and he deflected the question to being happy about being able to play again.

It was classic A-Rod but what did you expect for him to say bruh? Did they really think that this dude was gonna say, “Yeah I took them joints!” when he’s already told you that he’s gonna fight the suspension?  Sure, if he was innocent he would have just come out and said no but he ain't innocent and y'all know that. So why are you asking questions that you already know the answer to and you know he's not gonna keep it 100?

That's like asking Aaron Hernandez if he did it before he goes to court! Or like asking the dope boy if it's his cocaine that they found down the freakin' street from his house right before he goes on trial. Some of these duns out here calling themselves reporters are idiots. I've been in sales for 23 years and the first rule of thought is to never ask a question where there is no answer because it takes you nowhere.

It's like some chick having all of the circumstantial evidence she needs to imply that her man is dirty. However, she doesn't have the smoking gun to prove it but she's upset that this clown isn't just admitting to it. Let me help you out babygirl. If he wanted you to know that he was dirty he would have just told you to swing and be cool with it. So until you find hard evidence he ain't coppin' to nothing! That's A-Rod! Until you produce pictures of him sticking them joints in his butt he ain't, in his Bernie Mac voice, sayin' NOTIN', NOTIN'!

Then I heard some clown say, “It’s all about the money for him man!” And? Give me something else homeboy? It’s always about the money pimp! Boyz ain’t out here working for free! You didn’t fly to the Chi to interview that dun for free. It’s always about the bread.

If he accepts the 211 games he stands to lose $30 million! Would you just give a boy $30 mill if you had never once tested positive and the normal suspension for a positive test is 50 games? Those other duns took the 50 because they didn’t have $30 million sitting on the table.

Let me break it down where you can smell it playboy! If you and your homies were alleged to have stolen candy out of Fat Daddy’s Sugar Spot on your lunch hour and you know full well that you took 50 penny cookies with the strawberry frosting, a bag of Funions and some Lemon Heads but they couldn’t prove it. Then the cafeteria lady with the fish net cap on her head sees you running into the building and takes you to the office do you admit to anything?

They end up giving the rest of your crew 5 swats in the principal’s office because Fat Daddy thinks that you guys stole from him but he can’t prove it. Now you were the light skinned curly head stud that got all the women so because of that they told you that you had to take 20 swats in instead of the 5; even though you had already eaten the candy and there was no evidence. Would you bend over or call Big Momma?

If you would call Big Momma then get off of A-Rod and stop acting brand new. He’s gonna appeal that joint and laugh at the Yankees for trying to help MLB because they got sucka punched and signed him to a 10 year $250 million dollar deal. He didn’t force them to offer him all of that money. Don’t think for one minute that the Yankees aren't driving the bus to get ole boy thrown out of baseball because they’re still on the hook for $100 million with him.

If Major League Baseball really wanted the game to be clean they would have life-time banned boyz the first time they came up dirty years ago. However, dirty cats sell tickets and boost TV ratings. They weren't complaining when Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were going at it a few years ago. They relished in it because people were watching that ole dull game and they got paid too. So don't hate on A-Rod because he's the pretty boy that boyz don't like.

Now is taking P.E.D.'s cheating? Sure it is! But if you're gonna hand out suspensions be consistent with it. Don't pick and choose who you're gonna jam up and just throw something on the table expecting a boy to roll over just because you think that he should. Any lawyer worth his or her weight in their degree will win that appeal and some. At the very least that 211 games is gonna get cut in half or down to 75 because it's too much bread on the table.

Ima tell you like the old timers in the barber shop once told me, “You’re ALWAYS worth whatever people are WILLING to pay you.” So just because you don’t like A-Rod doesn’t mean that you can just throw him away. Stop me when I start lyin' playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Pusha Man (A-Rod ain't the problem!)

"I'm not trippin' playboy! So why should you?"

Michael Korda, the famous novelist, once said, “Luck can often mean simply taking advantage of a situation at the right moment. It is possible to make your luck by being always prepared.” Cao Cao, the Chancellor of the Eastern Han Dynasty in the 1^st and 2^nd century AD, gave it to us like this, “What is at peak is certain to decline. He who shows his hand will surely be defeated. He who can prevail in battle by taking advantage of his enemy’s doubts is invincible.”

MLB officials have told Alex Rodriguez’s attorneys that they are willing to ban him for life. They would rather ban ole boy and force him to defend himself than to agree to a suspension that would allow him to play through an appeals process. A-Rod is like “I ain’t agreeing to jack homeboy! If you want me you gotta bring it!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Yankees are probably all up in the mix with MLB to get this dun banned for life so that they don’t have to pay out the $100 million left on his contract. In 2007 they signed A-Rod to a 10 year $275 million deal after he won the American League MVP award. Now who’s fault is that, A-Rod’s or the Yankees?

Being mad at A-Rod is like getting into a fight with the cat that's messing around with your girl. Your beef ain't with him it's with your girl. He just took what was offered to him. Well...unless he does what your boy Simon Cowell did by getting his friend's wife pregnant. And don't give me that "They're about to get a divorce" crap. It's still his boy's girl and that joint is always off limits. Stop me when I start lyin'!

Like I told you duns before, you’re always worth whatever people are willing to pay you. If the Yankees offered the bread to him then why are boyz hatin’ on A-Rod? There was always a good chance that he was dirty because most cats in the league are. Here’s my roof top screamer again, “Because he’s a cheater Jay! He’s using banned substances man and he cares nothing about the game of baseball.”

I completely agree with you playa but what does any of that have to do with the price of apples in China in the winter time at 3 o’clock in the morning? See fans get caught up in loving the game and boyz like A-Rod are only trying to get paid bruh. On some real talk, all of these cats are trying to get paid. Is it right? Not at all! But if the difference between making $400K and $20 million is taking a banned substance then most young cats will do it. If the difference is playing AAA ball or playing in the majors is bending over and juicing most young cats will juice. Not saying that it’s right but I’m just sayin’!

It’s like deciding that you want to be an Olympic sprinter after your All-American college days. You show up with all of the best intensions of being clean and wanting to do the right thing. As you’re standing at the starting line at the first event of your professional career. You look to your left and then to your right and 8 out of the 9 duns on the track are dirty. After you get the doors blown off of you, you’ve got a decision to make playboy.

You either keep replacing doors, quit and get a real job or find out who the pusha man is. It’s just that simple. It's like being a cat burglar when everybody shows up with masks and gloves on and you show without a mask or gloves. How do you expect to compete? It’s the same way in baseball playboy.

Now I’m not saying that everybody is dirty but most are these cats are because they’re all competing for the same thing. Bread. If having a pusha man is the difference between getting a massive contract and not, then most cats will cheat as we have seen in the past so why are folks acting brand new because A-Rod got busted.

Because their thought process is, “even if I get caught MLB is only gonna hit me for 50 games. I can stand on my head for 50 games. They can’t take the bread from me that I’ve already made and if I wasn’t on these joints, I wouldn’t have made any of this money in the first place. In that case I’ll take my chances.” If MLB wanted to clean up the game they would but dirty players sell tickets.

So for all of you fans hatin’ on A-Rod because he’s fake and phony and always seems to say the right things and it’s so staged etc. He’s done it to get what he wants playboy and that’s sucker contracts from both the Rangers and the Yankees. He doesn’t care about what you think of his charades because they work! How many cats have signed two $250 million plus contracts in the history of the game? Is it right? Well… that depends on how you ask playboy! Fans need to understand that everybody playing the game doesn’t love the game like they do. That’s real talk!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!