Scarface (How Warren Sapp tried to pull a Larry Flynt on Pee Wee Herman's budget)

"You right dawg! I need to stay away from these Super Bowls!"

Thomas Szasz, the famous psychiatrist, once said, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. Marcus Tullius Cicero, the ancient Roman philosopher, spit some fire when he said, “The wise are instructed by reason, average minds by experience, the stupid by necessity and the brute by instinct.” Then Gustave Flaubert, the 19^th century French writer, shut the buildin’ down with, “To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking all is lost.”

Well playboy…it looks like ole Warren Sapp was definitely stupid, selfish and obviously in good enough health to call a couple of prostitutes while he was in Phoenix workin’ for the NFL Network durin’ the massive coverage of the Super Bowl. This dun gets into a fight with the broads to the point where they have to call the police on this fool and guess what playa? Now ole Warren is out of a job this mornin’!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’ve been around the block too many times and have been around too many famous cats not to understand that that’s what cats do. Victor Sweet said it best in the movie Four Brothers, “I paid for out of town shooters! What I get? In town shooters! You don’t pay a broad to love you, you pay her to leave!” And that’s the edited version! So I get why some of these cats go that route! It makes no sense to me but I get it.

Some cats do stuff just because bruh! And that’s the edited version again playa. They don’t think things through! They just pop off of instinct like wild animals even when they know they’re wrong and could lose everything. Like ole dull Greg Anthony gettin’ caught up solicitin’ a prostitute. Like he just called the poster out in front of the hotel. “Call LaQueeeeesha if you wanna have a good time!”

If you’re gonna do some illegal foolishness at least deal with the same folks every time you’re in town. Don’t call some random broad and get clipped because you were freakin’ anxious. Again, I don’t agree with this foolishness but I’m just sayin’ that if you’re gonna be stupid at least have a plan.

However, Warren didn’t get clipped because he solicited the broads! He got popped because he was arguin’ and fightin’ with them over payin’ the freakin’ bill! Wheredeydodatat? He literally got into a fight with the chicks about how much it was gonna cost.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. Ole Warren got in there and started doin’ the wild cowboy type stuff and the meter went up without him realizin’ it. That dun started doin’ some Larry Flynt type joints on a boy and he had only budgeted to pay on a Pee Wee Herman type scale. When they pulled up at their destination they were like, “Hey big playa, it was originally gonna cost you $1200 but you’re up to 3 stacks now!” And Warren snapped! “What??!!! You M#@%&$ F#$@^&% tryin’ ta rob me? I ain’t payin’ %*!@!” And it was on because ole boy reverted back to the hood and forgot that he was that dude on TV makin’ 500 stacks a year for workin’ 6 months! 

Can you imagine gettin' off of the elevator and seein' that dun in my Bernie Mac voice, "Bucket Naked" wrestlin' with two broads over his wallet breathin' hard and sweatin' like bullfrog! 

Now here’s the problem playboy! This is the same cat that filed for bankruptcy in 2012. He owed at the time $6.7 million to creditors, back child support and alimony accordin’ to the Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing in Florida. Now he only had $6.45 million in assets bruh! Now included in those assets where, get this playa, 240 pairs of Jordan’s worth almost $6,500, a $2,250 watch and a lion skin rug worth $1,200. I can’t make this up bruh! A lion skin rug? That dun has been watchin’ way too much Scarface.

So if they’ve taken a boy’s Jordan’s away from him then you know that he’s doin’ bad! So the 500 stacks he was makin’ with NFL Network was keepin’ him afloat. He could have parlayed that gig into retirement or until some he found something else to do. He's a freakin' Hall of Famer for cryin' out loud! He and the fellas were great on that show.

But this fool literally put a match to his cushy job and burned it up because he didn’t wanna pay full price. It’s like a boy that goes to a high end restaurant and starts askin’ a boy how much the lobster is because it says MP; or the dun that goes into the shoe store and turns the shoes over to look at the price. If you gotta ask or look then you don’t need to be in there playa.

Hey Warren? Don’t call the broads if you’re on a budget. Pull a Tiger Woods and hook up with the low end waitress type joints but don’t pull a complete Tiger because that dun wouldn’t pay the basic “go get your hair and nails done” bread to keep her from puttin’ him on blast.

Hey didn’t ole Warren get arrested and sent home from Super Bowl XLIV in Miami in 2010 on a domestic violence charge? Sounds like that dun needs to stop goin’ to the Super Bowl. I swear these cats out here drive me nuts and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Spit some fire: verb phrase – to say something of importance.
2) Dun: noun – the person in question when you’re disgusted at how stupid they are, dude, guy, etc.
3) Clipped and Popped: verb – to get arrested
4) Wheredeydodatat?: Who does that?
5) Let me put it where the goats can get it.: To make it simple and plain. To lay it out on the ground i.e. goats eat off of the ground.
6) A boy: noun – the other person we’re talkin’ about. The second individual in the conversation.
7) Stacks: noun – a thousand dollars, a grand
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O.G. Bobby Johnson (How Goodell found out that it's way too much work tryin' to be a gangsta)

"Runnin' the streets ain't easy bruh!"

Nigella Lawson, the English journalist and broadcaster, once said, “At some stages of your life you will deal with things and at others you are overwhelmed with misery and anxiety.” Og Mandino, the famous author, stood up and shouted, “Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is…the highway to success.” Then Friedrich Nietzche was slammin’ Cadillac doors like OutKast when he said, “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Well playboy…Roger Goodell tried to be that individual and the tribe is overwhelmin’ him to the point where he’s lonely and frightened. See ole boy tried to come into the league a few years ago and be the judge and the jury, the Great Oz, if you will. He wanted to show cats that it was his word that allowed the streets to move like he as O.G. Bobby Johnson or somebody.

Well guess what playa? If you wanna be the Ace there’s a whole lot that comes with bein’ the Ace. The first thing that the streets teach you is that you can’t regulate everything in the streets. You gotta pick your poison and stay with that. Everybody specializes in somethin’ bruh. The dun that tries to do too much always gets his head blown off.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The NFL messed up when they dove into the “off the field disciplinary actions business.” And that’s the edited version pimpin’! See when they were in the football business only things ran smoothly and when boyz got into trouble they would let the judicial system handle it. See how that works bruh?

If you stay in the football business then you only have to deal with things that affect the game. Like duns takin’ steroids, smokin’ weed, takin’ PED’s etc. Simple stuff! And that’s definitely the edited version.

See when Roger jumped out of the birthday cake and wanted to get into the off the field behavior business he picked up boyz killin’ teammates while drivin’ drunk, duns makin’ it rain at the strip clubs in Vegas and a plethora of domestic violence and assault cases. Then he and his boyz had to sit down and put together a full menu of offenses with the disciplinary action to match each one of them. You get four games for this, three games for that, six games for this and a year for that.

Then it got confusin’ when boyz started pullin’ branches off of trees and beaten the brakes off of kids. There wasn’t anything on the freakin’ menu for that. So boyz started makin’ stuff up (edited version) because they no longer knew what to do. Roger was overwhelmed.

He was so confused that the Vikings just went ahead and deactivated the child abuser cat for last Sunday’s game because it seemed like the right thing to do. However, while they were deactivatin’ him nobody thought about the other 14 weeks left in the season. What do we do with those joints? He’s not gonna go to trial until next year. So do we lose games and bread waitin’ on him to go trial or do we play him and make our bread until the real judicial system plays out?

The duns down in Carolina deactivated a boy on Sunday after he had already played week 1 even though he’d been convicted of domestic violence last summer. Why? Because Minnesota deactivated the child abuser cat on Sunday too. But on Monday both teams activated both players because they realized that they were in the football business and not in the off the field issues business. Funny how that works ain’t it playa?

Now the 49er’s looked at all of these duns like they were crazy and played their Ray Ray until somebody steps to the curb and formally charges him. They were like, “We’re in the football business only playboy! Y’all can go head on with that foolishness.”

See if the NFL had stayed in its lane from jump they wouldn’t be dealin’ with all of this grand standin’ that boyz are doin’. Every Woman’s Group in America is callin’ for Roger’s head on a silver platter but only after the tape of Ray Ray the Puncher actually surfaced last week.

Where were they in February when the dun actually committed the crime and drug her off of the elevator unconscious? Why weren’t they outraged at the prosecutor’s office for lettin’ ole Ray get into the diversion program when less than 1% of people charged with that felony actual gets into a program like that? There’s the outrage right there not the NFL screwin’ up their ole janky off the field menu! If the cats in the prosecutor’s office had simply done their jobs, Roger wouldn’t be dealin’ with any of this foolishness. I’m just sayin’.

See if Goodell hadn’t wanted to be O.G. Bobby Johnson he wouldn’t be dealin’ fly overs callin’ for his job. Sure, boyz would be still catchin’ cases but the punishments wouldn’t be fallin’ into his lap and nor would the public outcry for him to handle every fool that gets into trouble.

Oh…boyz stayed in trouble back in the day bruh! I guess you don’t remember cats like Hollywood Henderson, Lawrence Taylor, Ray Lewis, Michael Irvin, Todd Marinovich and the list goes on. When they got into trouble the league would let the legal system handle these duns like Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue would just roll over at night and keep fartin’. They got up in the mornin’, went to work and dealt with football issues, not whether some clown should get a time out or not and for how long.

If you got convicted of a crime then you couldn’t play because you were in jail. The fans couldn’t force a boy into a corner because he gave Pookie one thing and Ray Ray another. Naw playa… if it wasn’t a football issue the commissioner wasn’t touchin’ it. Ole Roger wanted to be a gangsta and jumped off into the mote with the polar bears smellin’ like Harold’s Chicken and jalapeno peppers. Now he’s gotta deal with it. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Chauncey (How Roger Goodell forgot that the tape is always movin' around the hood)

"I guess that's all she wrote bruh?"

John Ruskin, the leading English art critic of the Victorian era, once said, “The essence of lying is in deception, not the words.” James E. Faust, one of the former leaders of the Church or Latter-day Saints, got deep on a boy when he said, “Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” Then Dinesh D’Souza, the Indian-American political commentator, made everybody recognize when he said, “Never assume, no matter how strong the temptation, that other people are low-life lying manipulators without a shred of human decency.”

Obviously, Dinesh didn't grow up in the hood playboy because where I’m from you’ve got to always assume that boyz are low-life lyin’ manipulators until they prove to you otherwise. I told you boyz that Roger Goodell was lyin’ about not seein’ the tape and many of these ole dull journalists took his word for it. However, on Wednesday some dun at the police department pulled a “Chauncey” and told the Associated Press that he sent the freakin’ tape to the NFL league office back in April.

Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know what a Chauncey is that’s ole boy from Menace to Society that turned in the tape of O-Dog and Caine robbin’ the store after Caine beat the brakes off of him. There’s always a Chauncey runnin’ around with the tape bruh and that’s why you can’t trust anybody includin’ Roger Goodell. No way does the tape show up in the joint and he hasn’t seen it because curiosity killed the cat years ago.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! If the league office saw the freakin’ tape then the Baltimore Ravens saw the tape. So all of the duns in that office are lyin’ too. No way does the league office get the joint and impose a suspension without hollerin’ at the team that it’s goin’ to specifically affect. And if it's gonna impact them they wanna see the foolishness just to make sure that it's foolishness.

So like I said earlier in the week, John Harbaugh was showin’ out right along with ole Roger. How do I know that? Because the first thing that a boy will say after findin' out about the incident is, “Yeah I saw what happened when ole boy got off of the elevator but what happened on it. Do you have the tape of that?” As soon as the tape comes in it’s too juicy not to share.

Just like in the hood where the streets talk and nobody can keep good stuff (and that’s the edited version) to themselves well it works the same way in the cororate world too. There’s a Chauncey in every aspect of life playa. He’s always movin’ the tape around because he wants to be that dude that everybody likes.

Now on some real talk, Goodell is at the crib as we speak packin’ the mini-van up tryin’ to get out of town like Caine because he knows that the owners are comin’ for him. Why? Because when he beat Chauncey down by messin' up with this Ray Rice situation he negatively affected they’re bread. Sponsors are about to dive overboard and bail on these boyz like nobody’s business and they definitely can’t afford for that to happen. So the owners are creepin’ out of the crib in all black lookin’ both ways, strappin’ up with ski masks on headed to Goodell's crib to finish that dun off. No way does he survive through Friday playa.

When they run up on him in the front yard and get with him they’re gonna be like that detective when he said, “You know you done messed up, don’t you? You know it, don’t you? You know you done messed up?” And that’s the edited version.

As Goodell bites the dust he’ll sound just like Caine before he closes his eyes on his NFL career as the commissioner, “I knew I was gonna have to deal with that fool someday. Damn! I never thought he’d come back like this, blasting. Like I said, it was funny like that in the hood sometimes. I mean you never knew what was gonna happen or when. I’ve done too much to turn back, and I’ve done too much to go on.”

Like I tell boyz all of the time, the hood and Corporate America are the same place playboy. The only difference is that the consequences in the hood are permanent. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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High Standards (Why players sound crazy tryin' to compare Wes Welker'ssuspension to Jim Irsay's)

"I'll be at the crib loungin' playa!"

As I stopped by the brown bag joint to get some soul food deep in the hood, I heard these cats in line arguin’ about boyz followin’ the rules out here. Katherine Hepburn said, “If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.” Albert Einstein got his food and said, “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” Then the big homie Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., the 19^th century physician and poet, shut the buildin’ down with, “The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.”

He sure does playa and that’s why Jim Irsay is chillin’ for the next six games at the crib and only peelin’ off $500K to the league. After ole boy plead guilty to drivin’ while impaired on Tuesday, Roger Goodell hit him off with his league punishment. All of a sudden the players around the league were beside themselves because of what they viewed as a lack of severity in Irsay's punishment compared to what Wes Welker got hit with.

Former Colt and current Buffalo Bills defensive end Jerry Hughes jumped out of the birthday cake with, “It’s kind of like a slap on the wrist.” He went on to point out that Wes Welker is gonna get hit for $1.8 million because of his four game suspension and Irsay only got hit for 500 stacks.

Well…let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What these young cats have to understand playboy is that Roger Goodell doesn’t work for Wes Welker he works for Jim Irsay. If you wanna get high and break the freakin’ rules then you need to own a team. But as long as you are what we call an employee in the real world, then you need to follow the darn rules. And that’s the edited version!

Is it right? Absolutely not! But is it real? You darn right it is playboy! Go read the rule book and you’ll see that the maximum fine that the league could hit Irsay with was $500K. That wasn’t a typo bruh! And while you're readin' the rule book playa. Skim over the part that says that if a player had plead guilty to drivin' under the influence on a first offense he would only have been fined $50K with no suspension. 

Getting back to Irsay's fine...the owners made sure to put the 500 stack fine in there for their benefit. Why? Because they’re the owners!

Irsay and every owner in the league knew that they could handle 500 stacks that’s why it’s in the rules. Where y’all from? What did the big homie Oliver just say earlier bruh? “These young cats know the rules but the old heads know the exceptions.” That’s the hood paraphrase version because it sounds better.

You got duns rallyin’ around Wes Welker and he’s comin’ with the “My dog ate my homework” line. This cat tested positive for MDMA which boyz know it as Ecstasy or Molly. He took it durin’ the Kentucky Derby weekend back in May. Not only was there Molly in his system but it was laced with amphetamines. Now he’s screamin’ from the roof tops that he doesn’t do drugs etc.

Well playboy... unless they call Molly and amphetamines something else you’re doin’ drugs. He claims that somebody must have slipped something in his drink. That could be possible playa. But my next question is, who are you hangin’ out with? Because if the duns you’re runnin’ with are droppin’ stuff in your drink (and that’s the edited version) then you need to get another crew. Even if it wasn’t someone in your own crew, how does your crew let somebody get at your drink? I'm just sayin'! I'm not even a celebrity and my boyz will protect my drink at the club bruh.

I say you should be fined $2 million for runnin’ with some fake cats if that's your story and you're stickin' with it. That means that your game is weak if you got weak cats runnin’ with you. Again, I’m just sayin’!

So for boyz to be upset that Jim Irsay is on vacation for six weeks is nuts. You gotta understand who you are in this equation pimpin’. When Albert Einstein published his revolutionary papers on basic physics in 1905 and laid out E=mc2 he changed the game. The E is units of energy, M is for mass and c2 is the speed of light. The owners are the Energy playboy because they’ve got all of the bread. Mass times the speed of light or in other words your wanna be gettin’ high butt "A" can’t function without his bread.

So to compare yourself to him is crazy. In my Big Momma voice, “You can’t do what he does because you ain’t him. So yo best bet is to start followin’ the rules.” Because at the end of the day Jim Irsay will die before he can spend all of his money gettin’ high. However, as a player you can spend all of your bread in one dope house in six months if you’re not careful. You sound foolish comparin’ what some billionaire cat got in terms of a punishment to a player.

That’s like sayin’ that I could have gotten off without a prison sentence if I had the same bread as the rich dude. Yeah, you could have! But you knew that you didn’t have any bread when you did the crime. Then you wouldn’t be in court with a public defender that could give two dead flies smashed about yo dumb "A." Hey playa, how bout you just follow the rules and we don’t ever have to compare you to him again? Because he's got enough bread to keep breakin' the rules but you don't. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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What is ya? Ignant (Why the phone in Ray McDonald's limo must have been busted)

"I gotta find somethin' to do with my time now bruh!

As I was standin’ outside of Trick’s Shoe Shine on 25 Ave. deep in the G on Sunday these cats started arguin’ about boyz bein’ stupid. Robert Heinlein, the famous science fiction writer, said, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” Albert Einstein said with his square still hangin’ out of his mouth, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Then the homie Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys pulled up with the trunk rattlin’ and said, “Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way.”

You’re exactly right playa, a long way to jail and out of the National Football League like Big Momma used to say, “Quick, fast and in a hurry!” Less than three days after Roger Goodell handed boyz a memo explainin’ the new domestic violence policy, 49er’s defensive end Ray McDonald gets arrested on guess what pimpin? Felony domestic violence charges.

I know when Goodell got that phone call on Sunday he quoted Big Momma too, “Oh y’all don’t believe that fat meat is greasy huh?” followed up by the infamous, “I can show you better than I can tell you baby!”

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I thought that ole Roger went way overboard with the way the policy was set up with a six game suspension on the first rip and a life-time ban on the second because not all situations of domestic violence are the same. There are instances when the police show up to a boyz crib and he isn’t always the aggressor as I explained in the Hot Joint entitled "Shown Out"  a few days ago. Everybody arrested isn’t “Ike Turner” because some cats are seriously freakin’ “Tiger Woods” runnin’ from a woman swingin' a golf club or some other type of weapon. That’s real talk. 

However, when the boss man tells you on Thursday that he’s not playin’ and you jump off of the roof without a freakin’ parachute on Sunday then it sucks to be you playa. McDonald can’t holler self-defense or it was a big misunderstandin’ or nothin’. Why? Because he’s already got a history of bein’ an idiot under his belt. And he just told yo dumb butt that he’s not playin’ on Thursday. And that’s the edited version playa.

McDonald’s been suspended for nine games for multiple off the field incidents already bruh. He was arrested in the same city of San Jose that he was arrested on Sunday on DUI charges back in 2010 too. So his history is gonna bury him alive. What did the old timers always tell you growin’ up, “Your reputation precedes you playboy!” If you’ve already been known to be a fool then you don’t get the benefit of the doubt. Pass go and go straight to jail and in NFL terms sit yo “A” down for these next six games and get ready for the life-time joint because as stupid as you are bruh, that joint is waitin’ around the corner butt naked with combat boots on.   

The ink wasn’t even dry on the memo before this dun dove off into the alligator mote at the San Francisco Zoo. No way is he gonna explain his way out of this one and nor should he be able to. Roger Goodell is gonna sit this cat down and go old school “Trading Places” on him with, “What is a…ignant?” and McDonald’s reply will be, “Didn’t I tell you that my phone in my limo was busted and couldn’t get the message.”

Since he acts like he couldn’t read or couldn't get the message they’re gonna make an example out of him real quick. I wouldn’t be surprised if Goodell hauls him out in front of everybody in the NFL town square at noon and cuts his freakin' head off. Screw the six games for the first offense and find a reason to give him the life-time joint for bein’ stupid.

Even if he ends up claimin’ that ole girl rushed him with a steak knife or a fryin’ pan. You almost gotta take the beaten  ‘if” that was the case after only three days of a new policy. But if I was a bettin’ man ole Ray would be on the Ike Turner team and I’ve got no respect for duns like that. There’s gotta be a stupidity clause in that joint somewhere bruh and if there is I say use it. Then everybody else will proceed with extreme caution and start gettin’ out of bad relationships or seekin’ counsel or both.

I gotta tell my boy Huggy Lowdown that he doesn’t need to nominate a single cat this week. Why? Because Ray McDonald! You are the bama of the week! Week! Week!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!

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Showin' Out (Why Goodell was doin' WAY TOO MUCH with the new NFL Domestic Violence Policy

"Yeah I was doin' too much but I can't take it back now."

You already know how the barber shop gets down on a Friday night playboy. I walked in on boyz arguin’ about doin’ way too much. Eleanor Roosevelt stood up and said, “We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.” Charlie Chapman was gettin’ a shave and shouted, “We think too much and feel too little.” Then Og Mandino, the famous author, that was playin’ dominoes in the back spit this, “Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.”

Ole Roger Goodell should have taken Og’s advice before he jumped out of the plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute because that dun was doin’ way too much with the NFL's new domestic violence policy. Now this cat didn’t do enough when Ray Rice chopped off his feet by only givin’ him a two game suspension. Then when women’s groups all over the country dove on him for seemin’ to not care he goes overboard with his response. 

Before, the league had absolutely no written policy on domestic violence which was insane and now they’ve put one in place without even thinkin’ it through. The new joint is a six game suspension for the first time offender and then a life-time ban for the second offense. On the surface that sounds fair and reasonable right?  Surely, you would be nuts to argue with that…right?

Well…let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! If every situation of domestic violence were the same I would 100 percent agree with the terms of the punishment. If every cat caught up in a domestic violence situation was “Ike Turner” then not only would I agree with the punishment but he needs to be hung up by his toes butt naked and beaten with a splintered paddle everyday for the rest of his life. Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know who Ike was. He was Tina Turner’s first husband that just beat the crap out of her just because. That type of cat is the scum of the earth.

But in the world that I live in “Just because abuse” scenario simply isn’t always the case. Not every time the police are called to a boy’s house he’s been the aggressor. What happens in those situations where a boy is protectin’ himself nobody wants to hear it and he gets charged anyway. So even if his lady jumps on him he's gettin' punished with either six games or a life-time ban for protectin' himself. That's crazy bruh.  

I grew up in the hood around very aggressive people and they all weren’t dudes either. So I know for a fact that there are women out that will jump on a boy in a New York minute or will go at him with a weapon just because she’s pissed off at him.

Oh I’m talkin’ crazy? We don’t always have to go to the hood to see it either bruh. Tiger Woods’ wife at the time got so fired up at him that she attacked him with a golf club, chased him out of the crib and put a hole in the back of his Cadillac. Now what if Tiger had gotten trapped in one of the rooms in that house and she’s swingin’ that club? At what point does he have a right to defend himself? To at least knock her down with force to get the club out of her hand? And if he does protect himself he's goin' to jail.

So let’s say ole Tiger wasn’t a golfer and he was a corner back in the freakin’ NFL and this is the second time that his wife snapped because he was cheatin’. If he defends himself he’s banned from the league for life. Not because he was Ike Turner but because he married a chick that gets out of hand when she's mad. And don’t give me the “He shouldn’t have been cheatin’” line either. Because if she didn’t want him cheatin’ on her she could leave. It ain’t always on the man to walk away.  

Goodell wanted to satisfy public opinion so much that he not only jumped out of the plane without a parachute but he put on a 3,000 pound back pack so that he’d hit the ground at break neck speed. He even added to the joint that if a kid has been in trouble in high school or college then the first offense isn’t really the first offense. That six games could be even more.

Again, that sounds great if this cat is Ike Turner. However, every situation isn’t the same. Now for all of the aggressive chicks like Tiger’s ex-wife you’ve put a cannon in their hands. “You can’t touch me fool! I’ll get you kicked out of the league! Just try me!” If you grew up in the hood you already know that chick. So now what? If you’ve got that type of woman at the crib you’re movin’ out today bruh. You know who your lady is right off of the rip.

Again, Ike Turner should be banned after the first offense. Any man that beats on women is a sucka and there is no place in society for them. But you better be careful tryin’ to group every cat into the same category just because the police gets called.

Here’s some clown that only sees the world through the naïve lens of his upbringin’ that can’t imagine that what I’m sayin’ is actually true. “Jay you sound like a fool. There aren’t women out there that would use this policy against their own boyfriends or husbands. What type of woman would do that?”

The same type of woman that would pull a “It’s a thin line between love and hate” move on a boy. I know chicks that have beaten themselves in the face, bruised their arms up and called the police on a boy because she was angry with him. Where do you think they got that scene in the movie from? Oh am I lyin’? It happens all of the time bruh. Now if a broad is datin’ a cat and she wants to control him why not pull a gank move? Especially if he’s on the edge with one incident under his belt that dates back to high school.

I’m still talkin’ crazy about what type of woman would do that? The same type of woman that will let a boy fall asleep after makin’ love to him and takes the condom and a turkey baster and tries to get pregnant. The same type of woman that will allow a man to raise a child for 18 years knowin’ that it’s not his but he’s had no reason to question her.  

See I know that it’s some foul chicks out here that will do anything to get bread from a boy and if they can threaten to call the police on a cat or else he’s gotta pay out the nose, then they will.

I get that Goodell was tryin’ to please the world because he screwed up with the Ray Rice joint but he went overboard tryin’ to fix the NFL’s image. That rule is in place for the Ike Turner's of the world not the Tiger Woods' of the world. Hey and you can disagree with me all day playa but I live in the world of what is, not the world of what should be pimpin’! Don’t look at me crazy either. I’m not the only sports writer out here that feels this way about it but I’m the only one bold enough to keep it real with you and say it. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!

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Green Elephants (Why Josina Anderson kept it real on Michael Sam & his teammates)

 "Do you want a real answer to that question or not bruh?"

Plato once said, “Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance.” Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet, set it off like Queen Latifah when he said, “By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.” Then Albert Camus, the French-Algerian Nobel Prize winning author, shut the joint down with, “The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding.”

Well playboy…there is a lot of lack of understandin’ goin’ on around this piece which is fuelin’ the ignorance. Boyz are goin’ nuts about ESPN’s Josina Anderson’s report on Sports Center about how Michael Sam is gettin’ along with his teammates. When asked by the anchor in the studio in a live report how Sam was gettin’ along with his teammates she answered the freakin’ question and the social media and news media world exploded.

She simply said that a defensive player said that “Sam is respecting our space” and that from his perspective ole boy is kind of waitin’ to take a shower as not to make his teammates feel uncomfortable. Other players said that they haven’t been trackin’ it and that there could be a million reasons as to why etc.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! When the dun in the studio asked the freakin’ question there was only one road it was goin’ to go down playa! To ask how he’s gettin’ along with his teammates begs for only one answer bruh! In other words he said how are these young cats handlin’ the fact that they’ve got an openly gay player in the locker room. Nobody cares that he’s gay on the field while he’s playin’. He’s just another co-worker. All of these cats know someone that is gay. So workin’ alongside someone that is gay isn’t a big deal. They've grown up with cats that were gay.

The place where it gets uncomfortable for most people is goin’ to be when boyz gotta get in my Bernie Mac voice, “Bucket Naked” and get in the shower. That doesn’t make the players “Homophobic” it makes them naturally uncomfortable. As anyone would be whether we’re talkin’ about gay or straight individuals.

If they made an announcement at work today on your job that ALL employees had to get butt naked at 5pm and get in the shower together, men and women alike would be to some degree uncomfortable with it. If I’m a man that has an appetite for women and all of the women that work with me know that, then they would be uncomfortable with gettin’ in the shower with me even though we’ve got great relationships on the job. That doesn't make them heterophobic it makes them uncomfortable. However, if I were gay they wouldn’t be uncomfortable, if at all, because I don’t have an appetite for what they have.

So why wouldn’t it be normal if boyz were to some degree uncomfortable with Michael Sam gettin’ into a shower with duns that have appetites for women and he has one for men?

Therefore, the only freakin’ answer that was legitimately asked for with that line of questionin’ was the one that she gave. Everybody and their momma is lookin’ for that information anyway! So stop with this foolishness bruh! Everybody wants to know that information. Why? Because it’s something that is a new situation in an NFL locker room. We all know that when he’s on the field he’s no different than the rest of the guys. He’s a football player. But when boyz gets butt naked and get in the shower he’s different in the fact that he likes dudes. That naturally makes the straight cat uncomfortable.

"That's real talk bruh!"

And please don’t tell me that he’s a freakin’ robot and can turn off his natural appetite for men while he’s in the shower with duns that are built like gladiators. It is a proven psychological fact that men like what they see and women like what they feel. So since he's still a man he's gonna be turned up by what he sees. I'm talk in' but y'all ain't listenin'. 

Now a dude that likes women can be as professional as the day is long but if he gets in the shower with the volleyball team he’s gonna be checkin’ them out. He may not say a word or let them know that he’s watchin’ but he’s freakin’ watchin’ playa! Why? Because he has an appetite for women and he's a man! And guess what? They know that dun is watchin’ too!

Even a married and devoted husband is lookin’ at the artwork when it comes by. He just can’t touch it or knock anything off of the shelf pimpin’. So let’s stop actin’ like the green elephant standin’ in the middle of the room with his pants down crappin’ in the floor isn’t there. We all see it and somebody’s gotta admit that it’s there. Josina just told us that he was in the freakin’ room and boyz are mad that she was bold enough to give a real answer. Now I hope ESPN doesn’t punk out and suspend her for doin’ her job too. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Uncle Mike (Why Ditka doesn't think the Redskins should change theirname but he changed his)

"I never thought about it that way Jay. Great point!"

I was hangin’ out in the barber shop yesterday when these three ole timers started arguin’ about boyz bein’ ignorant. Benjamin Franklin stood up and said, “Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.” Maximilien Robespierre, the 18^th century French lawyer and politician and one of the most influential figures of the French Revolution, knocked over the dominoes and shouted, “The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.” Then Richard Cecil, the 18^th and 19^th century Evangelical Anglican clergyman, shut the joint down with, “The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.”

Well playboy…somebody needs to push ole Mike Ditka towards his first step because that dun made one of the most ignorant statements possible a few weeks ago. In an interview with some ole dull website that I won’t give them the pleasure of namin’, the NFL Hall of Famer said that it would be “ridiculous” to change the Washington Redskins name.

This cat said in his Mike Ditka way, “What’s all the stink over the Redskins name? It was said out of reverence, out of pride to the American Indian. Even though it was called Redskin, what are you going to call them, a Brownskin?”

Well let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! It’s easy to stand on the freakin’ sideline and not care about what they call another race of people because you don’t really have a dog in that fight. And who are you tell American Indians that it’s not a big deal because you don’t think that it is playa?

I bet if the name was offensive to the Ukrainian people ole Mike would be up in arms about Daniel Snyder changin’ the name. Oh, so y’all didn’t know that Mike was born of Ukrainian decent? He was born Michael Dyczko not Ditka playa! The dun’s family changed their name to Ditka because it was too difficult to pronounce.

So in other words playboy, they sold out the family name and just made up something to conform. I bet his grandfather or great-great grandfather didn’t approve of that. It was the family name and boyz changed it just to fit in. Think about that for a minute pimpin'.

But you wanna tell Daniel Snyder that it’s OK to keep callin’ a race of people somethin’ that many find offensive. However, you and your family changed your name just to get along. Now which one of those sounds more ridiculous?

If a boy can’t pronounce your name then you force him to pronounce it right. You don’t change it. That’s called sellin’ out bruh! To demand that someone call folks something that is offensive to many is called bein’ ignorant. And if I’m talkin’ about the same cat then that makes him an ignorant sellout.

There are a number of people in this country right now that think that the N-word is offensive. However, there are many young folks today that don’t think that it is because they grew up usin’ it in a different context than what my mother and father heard it bein’ used in growin’ up in the south. 

So if there was a team called the New York N-words some white dude from Pennsylvania couldn’t tell my folks that it wasn’t offensive because he’s accustomed to hearin’ it. That’s Mike Ditka bruh! I mean Mike Dyczko if we’re keepin’ it 100.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. If there were a team named the San Francisco F-words people would be outraged. So stop actin' like it's not a big deal because it's not in your backyard. It's like folks in the suburbs not trippin' about the drug epidemic in the hood in the mid to late 1980's until it knocked on their door. Now it's a problem!

What blows my mind is that boyz will immediately agree with Mike because he’s a Hall of Famer. Like bein’ able to play the game makes him socially correct when he opens his freakin’ mouth. His statements were ignorant and selfish because he’s standin’ on the sideline with no dog in the fight. If some American Indians find it offensive then it is playa. It doesn’t matter what you think Mr. Dyczko.

I bet that dun wouldn’t feel the same way if there was a team called the Kansas City “Koguts.” Kogut pronounced “Ko-goot” is a Russian term used to call Ukrainians. That’s real talk playboy. If there are people out there that find it offensive then it’s wrong. So who are you to tell a boy that it isn’t when you can’t even stand up for your OWN name! So since I can't call him a Uncle Tom I'll call him Uncle Mike. I’m preachin’ but y’all ain’t listenin’ and you can stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Dude Pieces (Why the new NFL Domestic Violence Policy has to beinclusive to both straight & gay players)

"Uhhhhh... I guess you're right about that Jay."

J.C. Watts, former U.S. Congressman and Oklahoma quarterback, once said, “Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.” Victor Hugo kept it simple with, “Initiative is doing the right thing without being told.” Then the O.G., John D. Rockefeller, broke it down like this, “Next to doing the right thing, the most important thing is to let people know you are doing the right thing.”

Well…finally the NFL is lookin’ to put a defined rule in place that will spell out the punishment for domestic violence. After the Ray Rice situation completely blew up in Goodell’s face, boyz are tryin’ to keep that foolishness from happenin’ again. The new policy could set suspensions of four to six games for a first time offense and then bring the hammer on a boy of a full season for a second offense. It makes sense to me playa.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Why hasn’t there been a rule in place all along bruh? It’s crazy to me that you would have rules in place for every other form of foolishness; DUI, smokin’ weed, takin’ unauthorized pills, fightin’ in the club, shootin’ yourself in the leg, takin’ selfies with Justin Beiber etc. but no domestic violence rule in the code of conduct policy! Really?

So you’re tellin’ me that a league full of duns that are on level 10 when it comes to testosterone never thought about the possibly of a cat hittin’ his girl? I mean really? Nobody sittin’ around the table ever said, “What if a player gets into an argument with his girl and hits her?” Even after ole boy, Jevon Belcher, shot and killed his girl and then himself in the freakin’ parkin’ lot of the Kansas City Chiefs football complex.

Even if there were no rules in place before that incident that should have been a wake-up call. How do you not seriously put rules in place for a league full of men that are paid to be violent? That’s crazy to me bruh!

Now while they’re puttin’ the domestic violence joint into the code of conduct. Are they puttin’ a clause in there for gay players? Let’s say Michael Sam gets into a fight with his boyfriend. Will it be characterized as just a fight or will it fall under the domestic violence clause? It would first have to determine who is considered to be the male dominant personality vs. female dominant personality in the relationship to make sure that we get in right. Right? I’m just sayin’!

I’m not bein’ facetious baby boy I’m bein’ real. Because if Joe Blow gets into a fight with his girl and gets a six game suspension and ole Sam, on the other hand, punches his dude and doesn’t get suspended at all then we’ve got a problem.

So I’m all good with the NFL puttin’ a policy in place for domestic violence because there can never be any gray area in punishin’ players for actin’ a fool. However, it just needs to be inclusive to EVERYBODY in the league not just cats with wives and girlfriends. It’s gotta be the same set of rules for cats with dudes and side-dudes pieces too. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The Business (Why fans that hit players should be dealt with by theplayers)

"Gimme some of that bruh!"

David Tennant, the Scottish actor, once said, “When you’re older, you want to be scared because you understand more where the boundaries between fantasy and reality are, and I suppose they are more blurred the younger you are.” Edgar allen Poe got real when he said, “The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?” Then Edwin Louis Cole, the founder of the Men’s Christian Network, shut the buildin’ down with, “Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.”

On Tuesday the fence was definitely the boundary protectin’ life that kept Dallas Cowboys’ cornerback B.W. Webb from beatin’ the brakes off of an Oakland Raiders fan. Durin’ a joint practice between the two teams a fight broke out because Dallas cornerback Morris Claiborne tackled Oakland tight end Mychal Rivera near the sideline. The agreement between the two teams was that there would be no tacklin’ durin’ the workout.

However, Rivera lowered his shoulder after catchin’ the rock and ole boy tackled him. He wasn’t about to just get run over. So I get it. Once Claiborne blasted him the rest of the Raiders team ran out on the field and started squabbin’. Okay, no big deal right? It happens all of the time in trainin’ camp. But when a fan thinks he’s in the ride with the fellas and can take a swing at a boy he’s crossed the line.

This dun hit Webb twice in the back and then hit him with a helmet. Webb finally swiped at him just to back him up off of him just as the fight broke up. Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! These ole dull fans need to understand that just because they’ve bought a freakin’ jersey doesn’t mean that they’re on the team bruh. You’re a fan! Not a player! No matter how much you love your team playboy you ain't on the team!

So sit yo butt down and watch the game or practice because you can’t participate in what’s goin’ on out there. Let’s be real for a second bruh. What if ole boy would have turned around and gave that fan the business? I mean what if he had turned around and blasted that dun with everything he’s got simply out of pure reaction to the situation? We’d be talkin’ about a Raiders fan in critical condition this mornin’ and fans all over the freakin’ country would be upset sayin’ that the player had no right to hit him like that. Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?

Sometimes you’ve got to understand what that admission ticket allows you to do. It allows you to be a spectator and a spectator only. When you start tryin’ to get into the game with a boy you put yourself in danger.

See everybody playin’ doesn’t have good sense bruh. Everybody didn’t grow up in the suburbs or rural America. Most of these cats grew up in the hood where things pop off daily and protectin’ yourself is merely a natural reaction. So in the middle of a fight you start hittin’ a boy that’s fully engaged you run the serious risk of gettin’ knocked out or worse.

On some real talk, Webb had every right to turn around and knock that fan out because he jumped into the mote with the lions. I never feel sorry for the dun that climbs into the pit with the polar bears at the zoo that gets mauled. He got what he deserved because they were mindin’ their own business then he walked up, knocked over their drinks on purpose and stuck his finger in their ears. If the bear turns around and gives him the business he bought it.

When the fan threw the cup at Ron Artest at the Palace years ago he took his life into his own hands. Sure, Ron should have known better and been a professional about the situation but like I said earlier playboy, everybody playin’ doesn’t have good sense or will use good judgment. And for so many cats that grew up in the hood it’s pure reaction especially if they’re not too far removed from the war zone. Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is real playa. Most folks only think that you can get it by goin’ to war in the military. Boyz that grow up in the ghetto have been in the war zone since birth. Am I just talkin' crazy? Clinical studies have shown that kids growin' up in violent environments suffer from as much if not more PTSD than military veterans. So you can’t just walk up on a boy and start swingin’.

You wouldn’t walk up on a Vietnam or Desert Storm Veteran and start swingin’ would you? Especially, if he had only been home for a couple of years. Why? Because you already know that that dun will give you the business out of pure instinct. It’s the same way with a boy that’s seen more in the hood than most folks see at war overseas.

That’s why ole boy that threw the cup of beer at Artest got dealt with. You can’t be irresponsible and do somethin’ crazy and then expect for the dun that you just disrespected to be responsible in his response to your foolishness. We don't live in the world of what should be playa. We live in the world of what is! Y’all need to read that joint again because I just said somethin’.

The penitentiary is full of cats that will tell you that somebody disrespected them. It’s just that simple bruh! So if you don’t wanna get dealt with out here in these streets you need to sit yo butt down somewhere and leave boyz alone. That even includes when you’re at the game or at practice. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Outta Control (The REAL reason the Bears suspended Martellus Bennett)

"See what had happened was..."

Zig Ziglar, the famous sales guru, once said, “It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” Vince Lombardi gave it to us like this, “It’s easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you’re a winner, when you’re number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you’re not a winner.” Then the big homie John Wooden put his square out on the bottom of his shoe and saved the rest of it behind his ear for later and said, “Discipline yourself, and others won’t need to.”

Well...obviously Martellus Bennett couldn’t discipline himself so the Chicago Bears needed to. They announced on Tuesday that they’ve fined and suspended the tight end for conduct detrimental to the team after ole boy was involved in a scrap at practice with rookie cornerback Kyle Fuller. Now they got into the fight on Monday after the rookie attempted to strip Bennett of the rock. While attemptin’ to grab for the ball Fuller grabbed Bennett’s chest area of his shoulder pads and pulled him down. Bennett then got up and body slammed ole boy and it was on.

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Boyz squab at practice all of the time playboy. It’s trainin’ camp for cryin’ out loud! If the Bears thought that it was necessary to both fine and suspend this cat, then he’s been an ongoin’ problem that they just haven’t talked about publically. That’s real talk! They can say how much they love him and want him back on the field all day long bruh but if they sent his butt to the crib durin’ trainin’ camp they don’t want him around. Do you realize how important trainin’ camp is bruh?

That's like your mother tellin' boyz that she loves you to death and really wants you here but she sent you down south to live with Big Momma. She loves you but she's tired of your rectum. And that's the edited version. 

Save that spin cycle for the suckas that don’t know any better! You’re not suspendin’ a cat that you need and want because he got into a scrap durin’ trainin’ camp. Any time other players like Lamarr Houston, Matt Forte and Zach Miller have to try to calm a boy down it’s a problem. When other players voice their disgust on the field of a cat fightin’ and then the offensive coordinator has to walk over and try to calm him down he’s outta control and he’s gettin’ on everybody’s last nerve like Big Momma would say.

"I'm tired of this freakin' manure! And that's the edited version playboy!"

He’s the dun that you can’t go out and party with bruh! You know the cat that as soon as you and the fellas fall off into the spot and start gettin’ your swerve on he’s about to fight a boy at the bar over nothin’. You can’t ever enjoy yourself because this dun is off of the wall about to throw hands because some dun walked past him and he claims that he looked at him funny. That’s Martellus Bennett bruh! 

You cannot win at the level you would like to with a clown that's a freakin' loose cannon on the field. Any time a boy will body slam his own teammate and then won't listen to the rest of his teammates when they're tryin' chill him out when it's over you've got a problem on your hands.

Do you realize how many fights pop off durin’ trainin’ camp? No way does a team sit a boy down because he got into a fight. He’s a bonafide clown and that’s why they sat him and nobody, I mean NOBODY stood up for him. Otherwise, he’d be at practice handlin’ his business. Either they’re tryin’ to trade him or he’s gonna be on thin ice when he comes back. Sit in the cut and wait for it pimpin’ because it’s gonna happen! And no I don't need "sources" to tell me what is as clear as Vodka playboy. Just stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Or Worse (Why Ray Rice's suspension was appropriate under the circumstances)

"Yeah bruh I messed up bruh.."

Denis Waitley, the famous motivational speaker, once said, “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Jim Rohn, the author and motivational speaker, broke it down like this, “You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” Then the big homie Max de Pree, businessman and writer, came through with, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.”

On Thursday Ray Rice found out that he was gonna be responsible for sittin’ his butt down for two games as a result of gettin’ into a squab with his then fiancée now wife Janay. Not only was he suspended for two games but he also lost an additional game check datin’ back to last season. So essentially he lost three games that totaled $529,411.24. Now I’m not sure where you’re from playboy but a half million dollar punch in the heat of a "dual" fight is punishment enough for a boy that’s never been in trouble before. He’s only gonna make $1 million this year! You do the math playa.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What kills me is that all of these media type cats want to be judge and jury of this situation without once again doin’ their freakin’ homework. Speakin’ of responsibility bruh! Journalist, both on TV and in print, have a responsibility to give their audiences all of the facts and not just bits and pieces of information so that their opinions make sense.

Ray Rice has never been in trouble before and both he and his girl were charged with assault. That means that ole girl was swingin’ too and not in self-defense. What it really means is that she was in that elevator whoopin' his butt because no way would the police charge a woman with assault especially after she had just gotten knocked out! I was born at night not last night pimpin'!

Ray Rice made a mistake tryin' to get his girl off of him! He caught her with what boyz call a loose one. For all of you cats that didn't grow up in the ghetto, that was the joint that was only supposed to back her up off of him but it landed. He didn't mean to knock her out or even for it to land. Was he dead wrong? You darn right he was but he doesn't deserve to be suspended for the entire season like most of these clowns keep suggestin'.

So stop actin’ like ole boy was at the New Jersey casino just throwin’ hands at his girl and knocked her out. We’ve all seen it before where some women will jump bad with a boy and start swingin’ and end up on the floor. Is it wrong? Absolutely! Should he be punished? You darn right he should but not for an entire season. I had no problem with the two games.

However, to say that he should lose any more than what he’s already lost is ridiculous for a first time offender. He’s lost more than a half million dollars bruh and he’s had to go through counselin’! I could have seen a four game suspension for the punch because that’s pretty much what duns get for gettin’ into trouble like that's the NFL's version of a value meal.

Now everybody and their momma saw Jay-Z gettin’ abused in that elevator by Beyoncé’s sister Solange. Now the only reason that she didn’t end up on the floor is because A) He’s old and wise enough to know better because he’s 40 plus! B) He’s worth $450 million! And C) There was a dun holdin' her back! If he were 27 and only made a $1 million dollars a year he probably would have knocked her “A” out. And that’s real talk!

It’s never permissible for a man to put hands on a woman. However, it’s never permissible for a woman to put hands on a man. Somewhere along the line folks got it twisted and told little girls that it was okay to hit boyz because they’re not supposed to hit you back. Well…everybody doesn’t follow that line of thinkin’ playboy or should I say, everybody isn’t mature enough not to hit back. I'm just sayin'. So the moral of the story is to stay away from both males and females that have a tendency of hitting.

I’ve got an eleven year old daughter and I tell her all of the time “keep yo hands in yo pockets!" Don’t you think for one minute that you have a right to swing on one of these little boys because instinct is a beast and I don’t wanna end up in jail.”

What these women don’t realize is that when you swing on a boy more often than not basic instinct will put you on the floor. Is it right? Absolutely not! Does it happen? You darn right it does! And that’s the edited version.

Once the punishment for Rice was handed down these same media cats that can’t think for themselves heard some fool say something that makes no sense at all and they ran with it. Some clown jumped out of the cake and said, “Josh Gordon got suspended for an entire year for smokin’ weed and Ray Rice only got two games for knockin’ his girl out! What? Josh Gordon is a habitual offender you idiot. He didn’t just walk up with a blunt in his mouth and got suspended for an entire year. Use your freakin’ brain and stop repeatin’ foolishness that you heard some idiot say.

This dun was suspended last year for two games and he lost two additional game checks for the same thing. Not to mention that he was kicked off of the team at Baylor after he’d already been suspended twice for smokin’ weed. You sound like a fool even tryin’ to compare the two.

Josh Gordon has a serious problem. You already know that if he was suspended multiple times in college and then kicked off of the team he was busted probably 10 times by the student trainer before anybody else even found out about it. Ole boy tried to give him fair warnin’ and he kept doin’ it.

If Ray Rice had been some cat that is always in trouble then a lengthy suspension would have been appropriate. If he were constantly doin’ things that put the team in jeopardy then sit his butt down. But a mistake is a mistake bruh. He’s gone through counselin’ and he’s lost significant bread. He’s paid the price for havin’ a fight with his girl. Let’s move on.

Josh Gordon, on the other hand, is probably somewhere right now smokin’ weed or worse. He's a drug addict and you can't have that on your football team. Why? Because he puts everybody else in harms way gettin' high. Ray fightin' with his girl only endangers he & her unfortunately and that incident was an anomaly because he's never been in trouble before. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Gangsta Boogie (The REAL reason the Eagles were justified in firingDeSean Jackson)

"I ain't no gangsta I'm just throwing up their set on Instagram!"

George Washington once said, “If freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep together to the slaughter.” Edward Abby, the famous author, gave it to us like this, “One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.” Then Honore de Balzac, the French novelist and playwright, got real on a boy when she said, “Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society.”

Only a complete fool will put his career and bread on the line for some cats that ain’t trying to do anything. Well that’s exactly what DeSean Jackson did by trying to be a gangsta or at least trying to wear the gangstas uniform. The Eagles let that dun go on Friday because of his gang affiliation to the Crips.

Everybody in the ghetto seems to be upset that the Eagles let ole boy go. I was in the barber shop yesterday and boyz were hollerin’ “Riley Cooper said this and that and he still got a job but they let DeSean go.” Listen playboy, Ima tell you like the old timers have been telling us since we got off of the plantations. You can’t do what they do. You’re always gonna be held to a higher standard. It is what it is!

What Riley said has nothing to do with what DeSean was doing. Don’t be stupid your whole life pimpin’! And don’t get it twisted, what he said was ignorant but let’s keep it in perspective. Don’t jump out of the window and make dumb comparisons because the brother got fired and the white kid didn't.

DeSean was hangin’ out with two known Crips that were involved in a 14 year old kid’s murder that happened in 2010. One of the cats has been convicted and is now serving a 15 year to life sentence. DeSean was even on Instagram posing in Crip colors and throwing up the set with ole boy. Now he wasn’t involved in the murder nor was he even around when it took place. Let's be clear on that. The other cat was eventually acquitted and when he got out of the county ole boy was on Instagram with DeSean still in his LA County Jail T-shirt.

Then there was another gang related murder in 2012 where a party took place in a building that was owned or leased by someone in Jackson’s family. That's way too close playboy!!! Because we all know who really owned the joint.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’m from the ghetto and grew up in gang territory playa. “GD Folks”, “One Way” and "Vice Lord" all filtered into my high school. So I knew all of the gangstas and being a ball playa you had to politic with all of them to stay neutral. So I already know what time it is.

So I get it bruh, these cats probably grew up with ole boy but here’s the problem pimpin’! DeSean works for a $9 billion corporation (NFL) that isn’t trying allow the shield to be drug through the mud with some cat runnin’ with known gangstas. The Eagles ain’t crazy, they can see the writing on the wall and they don’t want the foolishness that the Patriots had to deal with, with Aaron Hernandez if something were to happen and DeSean is remotely involved.

What these young cats in the barber shop don’t understand is that things pop off without warning and if you’re hangin’ out with some cats that don’t give a #$%! You and easily get caught up.

Now this dun was only two years into a five-year, $48 million deal! What boyz don’t realize is that NFL contracts aren’t like NBA joints. They aren’t guaranteed! So if you get fired they don’t have to pay you a dime. Ole boy was due to make $10.5 million in 2014 and they still owed him $30.5 over the remainder of the contract. Now he gets nothing!

Gilbert Arenas is making $17 million this year and he ain’t even in the freakin’ league. Why? Because his bread was guaranteed even after he got fired! So this fool that wanted to keep it real with the homies in the hood just flushed his bread down the toilet.

As soon as the Eagles let him go six teams contacted him about a job. So duns in the ghetto are saying, “It don’t matter Jay, ole boy is gonna be working next week! So the Eagles were the suckas!” Naw playboy DeSean was the sucka because those duns that are hollerin’ at him right now are hollerin’ at him on the cheap.

Nobody’s gonna pay him what the Eagles had already promised him because of his situation and his tendency to be a fool. What these cats have to realize is that they work for a legitimate corporation. They don’t work for some street gangstas selling records like these rappers do.

"I still ain't no gangsta, but Ima throw it up with some REAL gangstas!

It’s OK with Snoop’s employer for him to get on national television and throw up his set. Why? Because the dun that owns the label is affiliated too (Suge, Death Row, was a Blood). He actually sold more records the more reckless he was but DeSean can’t get on TV and throw up the Crip joint like he did against the Redskins one Sunday and think that nobody knows what that is. Maybe the freakin’ network and team officials didn’t know at the time but the duns that work in law enforcement were bound to call the team and tell them just like they did.

Then you got boyz close to him saying that he isn’t a gangsta and that after his old man passed away he started hangin’ out with some shady characters. Look here playa, you can tell that foolishness to some cat that grew up in suburban America but the REAL cats out here know better. You don’t all of a sudden start runnin’ with gangstas at 28 years bruh! He’s been runnin’ with these cats his whole life because they grew up together. How do I know? Because I grew up in the hood!!!

These cats sound as stupid as boyz were sounding when Pac died and all of a sudden people close to him were saying, “Pac wasn’t no gangsta!” You right, he wasn’t a gangsta! But he got involved with some gangstas and things popped off that he couldn’t control. Therefore, Pac not actually being a gangsta was irrelevant.

So for all of you duns out there that wanna ride with DeSean being a fool and keeping his job let me put something on ya head. The REAL world ain’t the ghetto bruh! Once you get out of the hood and start makin’ moves you gotta tell the duns that you used to run with, “Either you gotta step yo game up or I gotta let you go playboy. Cuz I can’t blow my opportunity out here messin’ wit you. It’s real out here and this bread ain’t easy to make when it’s legal.” Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The Great Gazoo (Why neither Jim Irsay nor the cop that arrested him were thinking)

"Dang bruh, I wish that cop would have been smarter than I was."

As I was walking into Bankers Life Fieldhouse the ticket scalpers got into a fight right in the middle of Pennsylvania Street over the concept of Stupidity. Robert A. Heinlein, the famous science fiction writer, said, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” Martin Luther king Jr. threw his tickets at a boy and said, “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” Then Albert Einstein picked those joints up and started selling them with, “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

I’d be stupid to try to waste your time explaining in detail how the Pacers beat some duns that have lost 21 straight. So I won’t playboy. I’ll just tell you that they beat the 76ers like everybody else has by a final of 99-90. Lance the Don Dada led all scorers with 25 and ole dull Roy Hibbert barely got out of the ride again last night. This cat had 8 points, 5 freakin’ rebounds and 1 measly block at 7’2” 290 lbs. and got his joint batted on several occasions during the game. I’m just sayin’!

Let’s talk about what boyz really want me to break down playa. That dun Jim Irsay, the owner of the Indianapolis Colts! Now everybody and their momma is talking about him gettin’ arrested up in Carmel on Sunday night for DUI, having controlled substances and facing four felony charges etc. However, nobody is talking about the stupidity sittin’ on his shoulder like The Great Gazoo.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’ve listened to every talking head give their opinion on this story and not one cat has kept it real and asked the obvious question. I’m not trippin’ on the fact that he was drunk or on drugs bruh because everybody and Big Momma’s house cat knows that he’s got a problem. That’s not the problem here playa.

The problem is, why is a cat with a “B” in front of his name for Billionaire driving his own vehicle playboy? That’s the real crime here. How stupid can you be? If he’s gonna destroy his life that’s on him. If he’s cool with being 54 and looking like he went to school with JoePa that’s on him bruh. Just don’t put other folks in danger!

What’s really blowin’ my mind is all of the people around this piece talking about how sorry they feel for this dun. If that were one of his players they’d be killin’ ‘em right now. “These freakin’ pro athletes are so ignorant! They make all of this money and don’t know how to act.” And God forbid that it was young black player they’d be calling him a thug and everything else under the sun this morning and saying that he should be kicked off of the team etc.

But since it’s the freakin’ guy that actually owns the team, they’ve got empathy for him. Now don’t get it twisted playboy, we should have empathy for anybody that has a problem with addiction. Why? Because addiction isn’t a respecter of persons. That animal will jump on anybody’s back and ride until the wheels come off regardless of race, color, creed or financial situation. I’m just sayin’ don’t act like ole Jim is beyond being held to a much higher standard than his players.

If Edgerrin James had enough bread and enough sense to own a limousine while he was a player with the Colts to keep from driving drunk or getting into trouble. Then the freakin’ owner of the team should be able to have a fleet of those joints and drivers for life.

Edge would always pull up with the fellas, get it in and roll out like Ludacris on these boyz. His brother would drive that joint and it was all good. That’s called being smart and Edge wasn’t even a drinker bruh! He just didn’t want to drive. So again, why is Irsay gettin’ pulled over? He should have been charged with DWB, “Driving While a Billionaire.” That’s an automatic beat down for the first offense.

Look here bruh; I don’t even have time to talk about how stupid the police officer was that took him to jail. I’ve got a BILLIONAIRE in the back seat of my car drunk with a pocket full of pills? I just hit the lottery playa! “Aye Jim call ya boy, your assistant or somebody at the house and tell ‘em I need 500 stacks right now and season tickets "fo life" like Mac 10 on the "Fitty" not the fifty but the fitty. I need it all in a brown paper bag and placed in my trunk. Tell him to bring somebody else to drive your joint home and we good. Why? Because I don’t even know you playboy. As a matter of fact, Jim who?”

Sending that dun to jail didn’t benefit anybody because he’s probably drunk right now inhaling pills at the crib in the Jacuzzi. Why? Because he’s not gonna stop until he decides that he wants to. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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