Guns & Bullets (How LeGarrette Blount & his boy came to their senses REAL quick)

"It was funny at the time playboy!"

David Hilbert, the famous German mathematician, once said, “No other question has ever moved so profoundly the spirit of man; no other idea has so fruitfully stimulated his intellect; yet no other concept stand in greater need of clarification than that of the infinite.” Arthur Bloch, writer and author of Murphy’s Law, gave it to us like this, “Every clarification breeds new questions.” Then Ann Beattie, the short story writer and novelist, hit boyz in the dome when she said, “I’ve been in this business for a long time, and I no longer think that anything that I do by way of clarification is ever going to eradicate the mistakes.”

Well playas…less than twenty-four hours after tryin’ to be some gangstas and tryin’ to diss Marshawn Lynch publically, LaGarrette Blount and Brandon Bolden are now back trackin’. Both of those duns held up T-shirts that read “B#$@! Mode” at the Patriots parade and championship celebration on Wednesday as they got caught up in the hype. On Thursday they were tryin’ to clarify what they meant and Bolden went as far as to publically apologize. Why? Because the reality of the situation kicked in on a boy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Both Blount and Bolden realized that they’ve got to see that dun in the streets or deal with his boyz some point and it won't end well. See it’s all good when you’re in Boston and the fans are hypin’ you up for some foolishness because you’re on your own turf. The off-season is an entirely different beast playboy, literally.

Most of these cats don’t live where they play. They go back to the crib and post up for the off-season. They jet-set around the country etc. so at some point they’re gonna run into that dun and it’s gonna be a problem. Even if they don’t run into him per se they’ll run into some cats that feel like they’ve got to protect his name. They don’t even have to know Marshawn personally bruh. That’s how the streets work out here playa. So don’t start somethin’ that you aren’t willin’ to finish.

It’s real out here bruh and when you start tossin’ insults at a boy from the streets you suddenly find more enemies in the streets. Marshawn is from Oakland playboy! Don't think for one minute that the home of the original pimps, playas and hustlas is gonna sit back and let a boy call their favorite son a B#@*!!  It ain't gone happen! So they could be chillin' somewhere like Miami and get ran up on by some cats from Oakland they don't even know just because. Again...I didn't make the rules, I just live by them.

Oh I’m talkin’ crazy? Ask Tupac and Biggie if I’m talkin’ crazy! Let me put it where the goats can get it pimpin’! Once Tupac started hurlin’ insults at Biggie and then back and forth every dun that loved Pac jumped in the whip with him and every cat that loved Biggie go on board with him. The next thing you know we’ve got the entire East coast hatin’ the entire West coast because two cats couldn’t figure it out. And on some real talk, Pac was the culprit. He got with some real gangstas when he signed with Death Row and thought that he was one too and it blew up in his face before he realized what was goin’ on.

LaGarrette Blount and Brandon Bolden aren’t fools! They know how the streets ride and it never makes sense. So let’s clean this up before I show up in Miami somewhere tryin’ to kick it and get bum rushed by some duns tryin’ to protect Marshawn’s name. Yeah I know it doesn’t make since to the outside world but the streets operate by a different set of rules. I didn’t make them I just live by them.

So now both of these cats have ran out and hired Olivia Pope on a boy to take the edge off of this foolishness by sendin’ out these tweets:

LeGarrette:

If you respected him you never would have held up the shirt playa!

Brandon Bolden:

Olivia Pope just took over for a boy!

Why because it just got real! Let me share something with all of my young thunder cats out here that an old hustler told me in the barber shop when I was a shorty. “Don’t ever shoot the gun unless you mean to because you can’t ever get the bullets back.” Remember this bruh, it can go from 0 to 60 real quick out here in these streets. Stop me when I start lyin’!


Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dome: noun – head
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, guy, dude, etc.
3) Crib: noun – house, one’s home, residence
4) Post-up: verb – to relax, chill, take it easy
5) Per se: adverb – by, of , for, or in itself (This was for all of you simple minded individuals that can’t expand because it’s not a hood term but some cats just got lost)
6) Let me put it where the goats can get it: In other words let me break it all the way down for playa. Let me put it on the ground for you. Goats eat off of the ground.
7) Pimpin’: noun – my guy, my dude, the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.
8) Whip: noun – car or in this case on his bandwagon
9) Thunder Cats: noun – young boyz out here in these streets
  Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Un-Willie (How Russell Wilson proved boyz right about him on that final play)

"You right dawg! I put me before we!"

Oscar Wilde once said, “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” Galileo Galilei gave it to us like this, “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. Then the homie Marcus Aurelius hit boyz in the dome when he said, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

Well playboy…I got a perspective on why ole Pete Carroll decided to throw the rock instead of givin’ it to a dun that they call Beast Mode and it’s as close to the truth as there is. Everybody and their momma’s momma has an opinion on why the Seahawks called the worst play in the history of thinkin’ and only the real cats out here get it.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Pete Carroll and Co. wanted Russell Wilson to shine and not Marshawn Lynch! It’s as simple as that playboy. Now let me dig into why! But in order to understand why you gotta go back to early in the season when a dun named Percy Harvin put it on blast.

Remember when the Seahawks decided to trade Percy to the freakin’ Jets in October because he was becomin’ a cancer in the locker room? Durin’ that fiasco the truth came out that boyz thought that Russell Wilson was too close to management. It was also rumored that boyz were sayin’ that ole boy wasn’t black enough.

I went on to explain to the naïve in a Hot Joint entitled “Housey vs. Field” back in October that boyz sayin’ he wasn’t black enough had nothin’ to do with his skin color or ethnicity but everything to do with his LOYALTY to the fellas in that locker room.

See when most folks outside of bein’ black hear that they automatically think that cats are jealous of a cat because he’s educated or because he speaks well. Not the case at all playboy. Everybody in that locker room has been to college and many of them have better educations that Russell Wilson. He when to North Carolina State and freakin’ Wisconsin! You can look down your nose at Marshawn all you want to playa but he went to California Berkley! They aren’t lettin’ too many cats drive past Cal-Berkley bruh. Richard Sherman graduated from Stanford in three years pimpin’! Doug Baldwin also went to Stanford! Brandon Mebane also went to Cal too and Cliff Avril went to Purdue just to name a few. So you can go head on with the “Boyz are jealous” deal.

Let me put it where the goats can get it. Now fast forward to Sunday night’s Super Bowl! There’s roughly 30 seconds left in the biggest game of the franchise’s history and boyz need one yard to win the league championship. Who does management want to get the shine? The guy that they love and adore or the cat that has been beefin’ with them all year about gettin’ more bread, the dun that held out for an additional $1.5 million and not wantin’ to talk to the media?

When the play was called and Russ told the duns in that huddle what it was they all probably said, “Whatttttt????? Naw playa we goin’ with Beast Mode!” Russ responded, “Hey man that’s what coach called so we gotta go with it!” Why because everybody’s got an agenda! Even Russell Wilson!

When he heard the play call he knew that it was the wrong play. He’s on the field with the fellas and can feel the pulse of what’s happenin’! Winnin’ the game at that point was paramount not who gets the credit. When Russ decided to run that play instead of givin’ it to Marshawn he proved everybody in that locker room right about him. A real leader would have pulled a Willie Beamen and changed the play and dealt with the consequences.

A real leader of men and not the dun that’s too close to management would have put the team before himself and rode the Beast to glory! Bret Farve, Joe Montana, John Elway, Peyton Manning and even Tom Brady would have changed that play playa. However, Russell Wilson didn’t do that because he wanted the glory and forced the joint into a spot that it had no place bein’! Like I keep tellin’ you boyz, the truth is in the details and stop me when I start lyin’


Playas Thesaurus: 1) Dome: noun – the head, skull
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
3) Momma’s momma: noun – everybody talkin’ about a subject
4) Pimpin’: noun – The person that I’m talkin’ to.
5) Now let me put it where the goats can get it.: I’m layin’ it as simple and plain as I can. Goats eat off of the ground so I’m puttin’ it where they can reach it.
6) Willie Beamen: adjective – Willie Beamen was the quarterback in in the move Any Given Sunday played by Jamie Foxx that changed the play when the game was on the line. So to pull a Willie is to change the play.
  Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Highjacked (How Donald Duck held the Seattle O.C. at gun point andcalled that play)

"What the %$#&!"

Benjamin Franklin once said, “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” John Wayne pulled up in a big body Chevy with some of the homies and said, “Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” Then Bertrand Russell stood up and shouted, “The trouble thing with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”

Well playboy…the stupid was definitely cocksure sure in the Seattle coach’s booth on Sunday night when they put the ball in the air on 2nd and goal from the 1 yard line. Then some dun named Malcolm Butler became a hero in New England forever as he picked off Russell Wilson to secure a 28-24 Super Bowl victory.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! That was the dumbest play call in the history of the Super Bowl! As a matter of fact pimpin’, that was the dumbest play call in the history of football based on the circumstances. You’ve got the ball on the 1 yard line with the NFL Championship on the line and all of a sudden Donald Duck pulls a gun on a boy, highjacks the headset and calls the play?

No way does an experienced offensive coordinator call that play. No way does Pete Carroll allow it to be called. It had to be Donald Duck or Ricohet Rabbit bruh! No human being called that play. Not when you’ve got a dun in your huddle that his momma calls him Beast Mode! Not when you’ve got a cat that is impossible to bring down that can get 1 yard in his pajamas, slippers and mornin’ breath.

Marshawn Lynch had 102 yards on 24 carries bruh! He was averagin’ 4.3 yards per carry and you don’t give him the rock on second down with little less than thirty seconds on the clock for all of the marbles? Here’s an example of smart people tryin’ too hard to be smart. It’s called over-thinkin’ the situation playa.

You put the ball in the air and some cat that needed ID to get into the stadium picked your pocket. Wheredeydodatat? Now I can’t just put it on the dull coordinator and Pete because Russell Wilson forced the joint in there knowin’ that the dun was covered. He’s on the 1 for cryin’ out loud, if the cat is standin’ right next to him all he’s gotta do is jump the route. All he literally had to do was put his hands out in front of the receiver. C’mon Russ I know you can see better than that.

Keep in mind playboy, I’ve got no dog in this fight. I’m just callin’ it like I see it.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh! An old timer once told me when I was kid playin’ Pop Warner football that there are 3 things that can happen when you throw the football and 2 of them are bad. I know that the game has changed over the years but the basic concepts don’t EVER change. You’re always gonna have to block and tackle and you’ve gotta THINK before you let the ball go.

What blew my mind was Pete Carroll tryin’ to explain this foolishness durin’ his post-game joint. This dun got up in front of human beings with brains and eye balls and said, “On second down we throw the ball really to try to waste that play if we score we do, if we don’t , we run it in on the next.” After that dun said that it was like on SpongeBob when a boy says somethin’ stupid and then the cat he’s talkin’ to blinks and it makes the squishy sound. Yeah that was the press bruh! Boys were lookin’ at him like they wanted to fight him. “Don’t tell me no stupid stuff like that bruh!” And that’s the edited version.

What really tripped me out was the Seahawks defense tryin’ to fight a boy after the turnover that essentially cost them the game. New England is in victory formation and all of a sudden the Legion of Boom starts squabbin’ because they’ve lost the game. Don’t fight the Patriots you idiots! Go fight the clown that called that hideous play and you’ve got “I’m only here so I don’t get fined” in the backfield salivatin’ for the football.

After maybe the worst play call in the history of mankind the Seahawks offensive coordinator barely got a ride back to the hotel after the game. Can you imagine bein’ him this mornin’? Dull!!! I can just hear him tryin' to explain to the fellas what happened.

"Man all of a sudden these cats kicked in the door just as I'm about to call the play. They had on ski masks so you really couldn't see their faces. The first cat had some extremely big ears with a black and white tuxedo on kinda looked like Martin Lawrence but his head was bigger and he was two toned light skinned. Then the dun with the gun was talkin' with a lisp because he kept sayin' 'Get the headschlet! Get the headschlet!' I thought it was Lou Holtz at first but he was taller! Ole boy pistol whipped me and then called the play dawg. I was helpless!"

If you lose the game you gotta lose it with Beast Mode gettin’ stopped at the goal line with time expirin’. Not with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Ricohet Rabbit holdin’ boyz at gun point callin’ plays tryin' to convince them that they can afford to waste plays in the Super Bowl! And don't me get outta hear without sayin' Russell Wilson choked! He never should have thrown that football into traffic. You gotta throw it into the stands and live to see another play! Stop me when I start lyin’!



Playas Thesaurus:  
1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude , guy, etc.
2) Big Body Chevy: noun – Chevy Caprice from 1981 to 1988 body style.
3) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m talkin’ to.
4) Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh!: Let me break it all the way down for you. Goats eat off of the ground so I’m layin’ it out for you as plainly as possible.
5) Joint: noun – in this the ball when I’m talkin’ about Russell Wilson and then the case press conference when I’m talkin’ about Pete Carroll. However, it could mean any number of things dependin’ upon how it’s used in context.
6) Squabbin’: verb – to fight, the act of fightin’
7) Dull: adjective- pathetic, terrible. I’m don’t even wanna look it you bruh!
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

100 (What you NEED to tell your kids about Deflate Gate bruh)

"If you don't tell them I will pimpin'!"

As all of the homies are hangin’ out in front of University of Phoenix Stadium gettin’ ready for Super Bowl XLIX, I hear these cats arguin’ about honesty. James E. Faust, the religious leader, said, “Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” Thomas Jefferson put the brew down for a minute and said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. “ Then the playas playa himself, William Shakespeare, spit some simple but fire game to a boy by sayin’, “No legacy is so rich as honesty.”

Well playboy…all week long people, especially mothers, have been askin’ the same question about the whole Deflate Gate situation with the New England Patriots. Every time I turn around some cat is askin’, “If the NFL just sits and does nothin’ to the Patriots, what kind of message does it send to our young people?” This is the one that completely blows my mind bruh, “What am I supposed to tell my kids if they see people like Bill Belichick and Tom Brady cheatin’ and bein’ successful?”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Tell your kids the freakin’ truth! Tell them that folks have been cheatin’, lyin’ and stealin’ since the beginnin’ of time and becomin’ successful as a result of it. However, true success is not measured by the amount of games, championships, awards or bread you can acquire. Tell your kids what’s real! You owe them that much.

Folks have been cheatin’ in this country and winnin’ since before its independence. Don’t act like Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are the first two to profit from wrong doin’. Remember who you’re talkin’ to playboy, I’m a descendent of African slaves that helped build the foundation of this country for free. Do you know how many millionaires and billionaires there are walkin’ around today that got rich by stealin’, beatin', rapin' and tradin’ my ancestors?

There are so many major corporations that were admittedly involved in the slave trade and kept it movin’. Duns like Lehman Brothers, Aetna, JP Morgan Chase, New York Life, USA Today and Norfolk Southern just to name a few. So lookin’ at success and wealth doesn’t always keep it real with a boy.

Let me put it where the goats can get it. John F. Kennedy’s old man, Joe Kennedy, made a fortune importin’ alcohol durin’ Prohibition pimpin’! Then he used his connections to the mob to get his son elected to the highest office in the land. This isn’t my opinion playa, these are well documented facts. Do your homework! 

We celebrate a dun named Christopher Columbus every year that told boyz that he discovered a new world that already had people livin' in it! Then they took those same people, moved them to reservations and acted like they didn't.

I'm still talkin' crazy? We had a recent Vice President of this country handin' out construction contracts to rebuild Iraq to his OWN company! Wheredeydodatat? 

So if you’re goin’ to talk to your kids tell them the truth. Don’t tell them that everybody that has succeeded in this country has always done it the right way. Tell them that the love of money is the root of all evil and that it’s not always about winnin’ by any means necessary. It’s about doin’ things the right way and that the most important asset a man or woman can possess is their integrity. Tell them that!

Don’t look at a person’s material success and form the opinion that because they’ve got fame and wealth that they’ve always done it the right way. Havin’ morals are far more important than gettin’ over on people and you can become materially successful without lyin’, stealin’ and cheatin’. It just requires more work and attention to detail. And on some real talk, everybody isn’t goin’ to become rich and win all of the awards. Why? Because everybody’s potential isn’t the same.

You make the choice of what your legacy is goin’ to become because when they put you in that box you’re the only one that has to answer to the good Lord on how you lived. I can guarantee that he’s not gonna ask you how much bread you made and how many awards or Super Bowls you won. When you close your eyes it suddenly gets REAL! Tell your kids that playa! Tell them the TRUTH! Keep it 100! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: the person in question, the dude, guy, etc.
2) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^{st: :} I’m bein’ straight up with you bruh.
3) Let me put it where the goats can get it. : I’m goin’ to lay it all out for you. I’m puttin’ it on the ground for you. Goats eat off of the ground bruh.
4) Fire game: impressive and enlightening information
5) Pimpin': my man, my guy, whoever I'm talkin' to at the time. Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!   

Fall Guy (How Robert Kraft got up Monday and pulled a Lucius on a boy)

"Hey dawg! If you don't find who did it!
 Y'all owe me and my boyz an apology playa!

As I’m standin’ out in front of University of Phoenix Stadium kickin’ it with the fellas, boyz start arguin’ about duns bein’ the fall guy. Uncle Willie, from the back seat of the whip, shouted, “Whoever is the most insignificant cat in the room is the one that has to take the fall bruh!” Frankie Nuckles, not the godfather of House Music but the gangsta, stood up and said, “It’s only right that somebody take the fall for the real hustlas out here.” Then Shorty the Pimp poured out a lil’ liquor for all of the dead homies and said, “The world would cease to exist if there wasn’t a fall guy when you needed him.”

Well playboy…the NFL has been squirmin’ for a week lookin’ for a boy to pin this Deflate Gate foolishness on because ole Bill Belichick and Tom Brady made it difficult for them. Neither one of those clowns fessed up to pullin’ the trigger when they clearly had a chance to say I accidently bumped into the joint and it went off. So the NFL did what all good hustlas do. They found a fall guy.

Accordin’ to reports from ESPN the NFL is now zeroin’ in on the freakin’ New England Patriots' locker room attendant bruh! Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know what the locker room attendant is. He’s the dun that picks stuff up in the locker room playa. And that’s the edited version. He’s the dun that walks around and picks up dirty uniforms and towels when the ball players are changin’ clothes and gettin’ out of the showers! That’s the dun that the NFL wants you and I to believe that just took it upon himself to deflate 11 of 12 balls in the freakin’ AFC Championship Game!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Everybody and their momma’s momma knows that you can’t touch the Super Bowl with suspensions and fines this week because there’s more than a BILLION dollars ridin’ on this joint. Between the wise guys in Vegas, corporate sponsors payin’ more than $3 million per 30 second commerical spot and God knows who else has their hands in the kitty, you can’t breathe on it. So just say it. Anybody that understands business and commitments realizes that there’s nothin’ that a boy can do this week. So stop tryin’ to act like you’re actually workin’ on it.

But to get on national television and tell me that your person of interest is the darn locker room boy is like we used to say in the hood, “Playin’ with my intelligence!” So you mean to tell me that you want me to believe, Mr. NFL guy, that some dun that is the lowest man on the totem pole in New England took it upon himself to run into the secured spot where the balls were on Sunday, right before kickoff and started punchin’ them with the air needle for kicks and giggles? That’s what you want me to believe playa?

They are about to Steve Bartman this cat! You’re gonna find the locker room attendant this time next year down in Mobile, Alabama or Tupelo, Mississippi somewhere waterin’ plants at a casino bruh. Now they’re gonna put some bread in his pocket but he’s gotta disappear. Between the NFL and the Patriots they’ll set him up good but he’s officially now the head of plant hydration for the rest of his life.

"Tell 'em Bob! We ain't playin' with these boyz!

I told you boyz a week ago that this was gonna happen because somebody always has to take the fall when you’re dealin’ with gangstas, hustlas and con-artists.

Dude, did you see Robert Kraft get up in front of the media after the Patriots landed in Phoenix on Monday and pull a Lucius on a boy! That dun had the, in my Grinch that Stole Christmas voice, “Unmitigated Gall” to tell a boy that the Patriots expect an apology from the NFL if nobody is found guilty of the crime. Whattt? These duns have pulled out the whole clown suit complete with the fake water spittin’ flower and whoopee cushion.

Like I said in the Hot Joint entitled “CRYSTAL” last week. All Tom Brady had to do was say, “Hey look here dawg! I like my balls at the minimum 12.5 lbs. per square inch which is the NFL’s minimum. Maybe we had them just under that threshold and if we did I apologize.” If he’d just said that it would have gone away. Sure, everybody and their momma’s momma would still say that he’s lyin’ but the NFL wouldn’t still be obligated to investigate.

Who cares what the public thinks but the NFL could no longer fool with it because you can’t prove his intent if he had just given you that answer. Take the blame for bein’ over zealous and you’re good. Of course they would get fined (after the Super Bowl) for the balls bein’ under inflated but so what. Now because boyz flat out denied any wrong doin’ whether intentionally or unintentionally, the poor locker room cat is goin’ down like a ton of bricks.

Keep in mind that he’s the cat that eats, sleeps and breathes New England! He’s the dun that skipped school his entire life, climbed the gate at practice just to see the team everyday. He would sneak into the locker room and sniff dirty garments just to be close to the Patriots. He got caught one day and they hired him because of his loyalty and commitment to New England. Now they’re about to ruin him because they can’t fess up to runnin’ game a boy. The only cat that’s loyal is the dun that just got transferred to Tupelo! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1)    Dun: The person in question, dude, guy, etc.

2)    Fall Guy: the person that has to take the blame for the foolishness in question

3)    Fess Up: Confess to the foolishness at hand

4)    Kicks and Giggles: Just for laughs

5)    Steven Bartman: The dun that all of Chicago tried to blame for fallin’ apart 2 outs before implodin’ right before getting’ the World Series.

6)    Pullin’ a Lucius: Lucius is the main character in the new series on Fox called EImpire.” He killed his best friend and then showed up at his funeral cryin’ talkin’ about findin’ the killer.

Holla At Ya Boy!

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

CRYSTAL (How boyz ridin' dirty want Belichick in the ride but not TomBrady)

"Can I please go now officer?"

Johnny Depp, Edward Scissorhands himself, once said, “With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it’s just not acting. It’s lying.” Samuel Butler, the Victorian-era English author, gave it to us like this, “The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.” Then Tim Allen, the actor/comedian, got smooth on a boy and said, “Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.”

Well playboy…ole dull Bill Belichick and Tom Brady must subscribe to that same thinkin’ because both of those duns got up in front of the media and lied to boyz without blinkin’! The only problem was, Tom wasn’t as smooth as Bill.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Bill got up Thursday mornin’ and handled the media like a G! He was on some ole school Eddie Murphy "Raw" up in that piece, "It wasn't me!"By the time he finished with these boyz he had cats questionin’ whether they had even played a game on Sunday let alone tampered with some balls.

He’s the type of cat you want in the ride with you when you get pulled over dirty. By the time he finishes with the police they’ll be givin’ you an escort home. Ole boy was smooth pushin’ all of the focus off of him and right over to Tom Brady. The crazy thing was only the real G’s out here saw him doin’ it. By the time he finished boyz were like, “Did he just put everything in Brady’s lap like a stripper at Magic City bruh? Yep!” SMOOTH!

So now everybody waits on Tom to show up and he’s the cat that you don’t want in the ride if you’re dirty. As soon as he hit the podium he was lookin’ like he’d just been caught in Big Momma’s kitchen tryin’ to steal some of her pound cake before dinner. He had that deer in the head lights look, confused, nervous. Dull! Everybody in the ride is tellin’ him to relax and breathe and that fool starts talkin’!

Let me put it in street terms for you playa. “Hey Tom what’s up with these balls bruh?” All of a sudden this fool breaks out with, "I, I, I" Media: Spit it out bruh!" Tom: "I have no idea what happened to the balls mayne!I had 24 balls and they were perfect!’ Media: “Hold up dawg, we didn’t ask you about 24 balls we want know about the 12 balls and more specifically the 11that came up short! Tom: “Uhhhh, I don’t want anybody touchin’ the balls, rubbin’ the balls. To me those balls were perfect!” Media: “Well playboy they weren’t perfect when the feds kicked in the front door! Wassup wit dat!”

Then all of a sudden ole boy straight panics right in the middle of the freakin’ interview. He starts ramblin’ on about knowin’ who your friends are in times like these. He goes in about how he’s gonna be alright and that this wasn’t Isis etc. When a boy starts ramblin’ he’s seein’ his life flash before his eyes. If someone would have screamed in that room he would have pulled a Willie Beamen on these boyz and threw up all over the front row of media.

Like I said in my joint entitled “Mad Dog 20/20 vs. Merlot” yesterday Tom Brady was directly responsible for those balls bein’ deflated. He handles the football on every single play playa and if it were deflated he would know before anybody. So for a boy to get up and act like he knows nothin’ was even worse.

He could have said, “Hey look here dawg! I normally like my balls at the lowest end of the required standard at 12.5 lbs. per square inch and maybe we were just below that. I take the blame for that and I’m sorry. It was never my intent to cheat these boyz.”

If he would have just said that it would have been over. They would have handed him his license and registration and told him to have a nice day. Instead that dun started squirmin’ in the seat and lyin’ to a boy and now they’ve got him strapped belly down on the hood of the car waitin’ on the dogs to show up. Now they're about to go all through the ride, take the doors off, blast the bumpers, pull the seats out, etc.

Now they’ll let these cats play in the Super Bowl because it’s too much bread on the table to tamper with it now. Uncle Sal and Bruno was sittin’ in Roger Goodell’s office yesterday when he showed up to work. As soon as he turned the lights on they had the horse head in the toilet waitin’ for him. They were like, “Listen Rog, Jimmy the Bull in Kansas City and Shorty the Pimp in Las Vegas wants you to know that we’re behind you 100 percent. However, don’t touch this Super Bowl! We don’t care what you do afterwards. Are we clear on that?” CRYSTAL!!! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: the person in question, dude, guy, cat etc.
2) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! : Let me break it down for you bruh.
3) G: A gangsta, like a soldier, no fear
4) Willie Beamen: Character in the movie “Any Given Sunday” played by Jamie Foxx that threw up on the field when he started at quarterback for the first time.5) Mayne: The Memphis way of sayin' man.  
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk! 
All quotes on paraphrases playa!  

Mad Dog 20/20 vs. Merlot (Why Belichick should be suspended for anENTIRE season)

In my Denzel voice, "King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!"

Bob Marley once said, “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” Douglas Adams, the English writer, gave it to us like this, “To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.” Then Dwight D. Eisenhower shut the buildin’ down with, “The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.”

Well playas…somebody needs to tell ole dull Bill Belichick that because he believes in success Malcolm X style. “By Any Means Necessary!” This dun is willin’ to do anything to win from spyin’ on a boyz' signals to deflatin’ footballs. Who knows what else he’s done to win games because he gotten away with it. The NFL has in fact determined that the New England Patriots deflated 11 of their 12 balls durin’ their AFC Championship win over the Colts on Sunday.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! It wouldn’t have made a bit of difference if they were playin’ with a soccer, dodge or tennis ball against the Colts they would have blasted them! Why? Because they were a far superior team.

However, what’s blowin’ my mind is the amount of people that think that what Belichick and Co. did wasn’t a big deal because they would have beaten the Colts anyway. It’s a big deal because it’s an integrity issue pimpin’! Belichick is a con-man/hustla/gangsta and I grew up with cats like that. Boyz with those types of issues keep runnin’ game as long as the odds are that they won’t get caught. That’s the problem playa.

Let me put it where the goats can get it for you bruh. He’s gonna push the envelope until somebody shuts him down. He’s been to 6 Super Bowls in a 12 year span bruh. He’s only been caught cheatin’ twice. That means that he’s coached in more than 220 games and have literally gotten away with hustlin’ a boy 218 times at the minimum. Con-men don’t con boyz every once in a while bruh. They con boyz every day. You just catch them every now and then.

Think about the amount of games just this year that they’ve hustled boyz in and won just to get to the AFC Championship game. They didn’t just decided to hustle the freakin’ Colts because they’re better than them in all phases of the game. They followed their normal routine and on Sunday they just happened to get caught.

I heard these two idiots on a national radio show yesterday say that they took the air out of one ball and didn’t see a difference between the deflated ball and the ball inflated to standards. I pulled my small intestine out and started stranglin’ myself because these are the types of fools that have radio shows around this piece. You’re not a professional athlete that handles footballs bruh! You’re a freakin’ talk show host and a terrible one at that.

That’s like me tellin’ a boy that I didn’t see the difference between some Mad Dog 20/20 and an expensive Merlot and I’m not a drinker. Even if I were a drinker I’m not a professional wine taster. They can detect little subtleties in the joint just by smellin’ it. So for cats to say that it’s no big deal is ridiculous because the rule is in place for a reason playboy. If it were no big deal there would be no reason to have the rule. Belichick and Co. have completely defied the rules and flipped the bird at the league with their actions once again.

Therefore, ole boy and anyone else involved in this foolishness up to and includin’ Tom Brady should be suspended for an entire season because they’ve been caught tamperin’ with the integrity of the game. Why Tom Brady? Because he handles the freakin’ ball on every snap and he’s probably the cat that told them to deflate the balls in the first place. All they need is a snitch and they’re easy to find for the right price.

If Sean Payton can be suspended for an entire season for Bounty Gate and duns like Ray Rice can be dismissed like Oran Juice Jones’ girl then Belichick and Co. can fall in line too.

Think about it bruh, Sean Payton didn’t cheat a boy he just let the duns in his locker room pay each other for big hits. He didn’t alter the game by messin’ with the equipment to get a unfair advantage. Ray Rice hit his girl, which was personal issue when you really break it down. As unfortunate as it was, what happened in that elevator only hurt/affected Ray and his girl. What Belichick is doin’ is affectin’ the entire National Football League and its sponsors. Why? Because the integrity of the game has been affected.

What’s so crazy is that boyz are lookin’ to hand down a punishment in a few days but you already know that it won’t have an effect on the Super Bowl. Why? Because there’s too much bread attached to that joint. That’s a billion dollar event playa. When you add up all of the ads space that’s already been sold, the duns in Vegas bettin’ on everything from what kind of sweatshirt Belichick is gonna be wearin’ to how many times Tom Brady will high five a boy it ridiculous. Can you imagine the amount of duns that would come up missin’ if they started tinkerin’ with the Super Bowl now?

Boyz are like, “You can mess with that fool after this joint is over but right now he’s untouchable playa! I got too much bread wrapped into this to be playin’ with you or Bill!” So it’ll be interestin’ to see how it all shakes out and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
2) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st!: Let me break it down for you straight with no chaser. I’ll be as clear as Vodka right here bruh.
3) Pimpin’: My man, brother, homeboy.
4) Let me put it where the goats can get it: I’m goin’ to lay it out on the ground for you. Goats eat off of the ground in case you didn't know that. I can’t make this any simpler for you. Let me spell it out for you. Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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Tail Bone ( Why it doesn't matter if the balls were deflated in NewEngland bruh)

Coaches in the Press Box:"They caught us dawg!'
Bill: "Don't look up! Don't say nothin'! Keep coachin'!"

Stephen Hawking, the English theoretical physicist, once said, “People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.” Dennis Prager, the conservative radio talk show host, pulled up in the Big Body Chevy and shouted, “Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.” Then Zig Ziglar, the sales guru, laid it out like a G when he said, “Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.”

Well playboy…boyz have been runnin’ around this piece complainin’ about the New England Patriots deflatin’ balls for two days now! Accordin’ to reports a pick by Indianapolis Colts linebacker D’Qwell Jackson in the second quarter set all of this in motion. Ole boy got the pick and gave the rock to the equipment staff who noticed that it was not fully inflated and told Chuck Pagano.

Ryan Grigson was then informed in the press box and he contacted the NFL director of football operations Mike Kensil, who then told the refs at halftime. Now the score was 17-7 at that point. However, final score was 45-7 bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Now if the freakin’ NFL and the refs knew that the balls were not fully inflated at the half then the problem was solved at the half playboy! Even if these duns were tryin’ to cheat the jig was up at that point and they still beat the brakes off of the Colts. So what does that tell you?

It wouldn’t have mattered if the balls had no air in them or helium bruh they were gonna blast the Colts! Why? Because they were a better team that’s why! They’ve beaten them six straight times and the last four times they’ve beat them by at least three touchdowns! Stop it with the Deflate Gate playa! You’re playin’ yourself!

It wouldn’t have mattered if LaGarrette Blount was carryin’ a tennis ball or a medicine ball pimpin’! He was gonna tote the rock! Did he need a better grip to carry that joint 30 times for 148 yards and score 3 touchdowns? Stop it!

OK let’s just say that they tried to cheat a boy and they probably did. I’ll give you that. Why? Because Belichick is like ole Uncle Sal that just got out of prison and you can’t leave him in the crib by himself. He’ll steal everything that’s not nailed down. His reputation precedes him.

He got caught with his hands in the whole Spy Gate joint. So you already knew that dun wss guilty even before the NFL came back with its findings that 11 of the 12 balls were in fact under inflated. He’s like O.J. Simpson bruh! He just can’t help himself. He can’t just go somewhere and sit down. He’s gotta keep on foolin’ with boyz until he gets locked up or kicked out of the league and if they do kick him out, good riddance.

However, the Colts still got ran out of the joint even after they caught him with his pants down. So I don’t wanna hear any excuses Colts fans. No way can you explain a boy puttin’ an additional 28 points on the board after the fact. If the final score was 17-7 then I’d listen. But 45-7 means that they could have been playin’ with a Wiffle Ball and they were gonna dig in that tail bone. And that’s the edited version playa and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Pick: Interception
2) Rock: the ball in this case a football
3) Bruh: short for brother, my man, my dude, homeboy, playa
4) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st!: Let me give it to you straight with no chaser. Let me make it as clear as Vodka for you.
5) Pimpin’: another word for homeboy, playa, man etc.
6) Tote the rock: Carry the ball
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!   

Panic (How the Packers literally pulled a Willie Beamen at the Link)

"My bad dawg! I shouldn't have touched it!"

Simon Sinek, the famous author, once said, “Panic causes tunnel vision. Calm acceptance of danger allows us to more easily assess the situation and see the options.” John P. Kotter, a professor of leadership at Harvard, gave it to us like this, “A higher rate of urgency does not imply ever-present panic, anxiety, or fear. It means a state in which complacency is virtually absent.” Then Anais Nin, the well-known author, broke it down like a G when she said, “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

Well playas…the Green Bay Packers panicked at the Link and drowned after completely dominatin’ the Seattle Seahawks for 57 minutes. Durin’ the last 3 minutes of the game these duns pulled a Willie Beamen on these boyz and threw up all over the field. They allowed Seattle to come from behind, tie the joint and win it in overtime 28-22.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Green Bay had these boyz on the ropes time and time again but they kept lettin’ them off of the hook. Two dull field goals in the red zone in the first quarter came back to bite them in the butt. You can’t leave points on the field in a hostile environment like the Link. The 12^th Man is a beast!

Now everybody and their momma’s momma is blamin’ ole dull Brandon Bostick for droppin’ the onside kick. Now he was dull because he wasn’t even supposed to touch the rock. He was out there to block and block only! Jordy Nelson was supposed to field it because he’s on the hand’s team. That dun saw the ball and panicked bruh, forgot his name, his phone number, Big Momma’s number and his baby momma’s address. All he saw was the ball comin’ at him, started slobbering like Big Foot and let it hit him dead in the face mask. Then everything came back to him. That dull mug!!!!

I bet all of the Green Bay trainers were instructed to take everybody’s shoe strings and belts before they boarded the plane. They wheeled Bostick on board on a gurney strapped belly down butt naked with an oxygen mask on so that they can get him home safely. One false move and that dun might end it all the way he was lookin' after the game. Don't leave him home alone!

Can you imagine how dull that cat felt after droppin’ a ball that he wasn’t even supposed to handle? He pulled a freakin’ Leon Lett on a boy! Did you see Mike McCarthy givin’ it to him on the side line bruh?

The crazy thing is, Bostick didn’t lose that game for them playa. The Green Bay Packers lost that game. They had plenty of opportunities to win that game but they kept wettin’ the bad. They left points on the field for darn near 4 quarters. Russell Wilson kept givin’ them chance, after chance, after chance, after chance bruh! Was that four? He gave them the ball four times himself. Then they gave it to them again.

If you can’t win a freakin’ ball game when a boy turns it over 5 times you don’t deserve to win. Richard was out there lookin’ like me with one arm and you never challenged him down the stretch! C’mon bruh! I know he’s the man but you had him like the old school coaches used to say, “Dead to right!”

So Packers fans don’t spray paint Bostick’s ride or egg his house because he wasn’t the only one that was dull out there. The whole team wet the bed. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: the person in question, dude, guy etc.
2)Willie Beamen: The quarter in the movie "Any Given Sunday" that got nervous and threw up all over the field.

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Poppin' Bottles (How Marshawn not talkin' to the media is like a boy stuntin' at the club)

"I'm thankful I'm losin' bread for bein' hard headed!"

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn.” Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese military general and philosopher, gave it to us like this, “If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.” Then Epitectus, the ancient Greek philosopher, poured a lil’ liquor out for all the dead homies and said, “Be careful to leave your sons well instructed rather than rich, for the hopes of the instructed are better than the wealth of the ignorant.”

Well bruh…it looks like Epitectus needs to come holler at ole dull Marshawn Lynch right now because his wealth is gonna dry up quick, fast and in a hurry if he doesn’t learn how to play the game. Know I’m not talkin’ about the game of football playa. I’m talkin’ about the game of life! On Friday ole boy was notified that he’d lost his appeal to the league on bein’ fined and he’ll have to cough up the 100 stacks he’s owes them for bein’ fined for simply not talkin’ to the media after ball games.

In November he blew off the media after their game against the Chiefs so they hit him for 50 racks and then they went back and got the 50 he owed them from last year that they were gonna let ride but he keeps trippin’. Now he’s gotta come out of the whole 100!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Marshawn Lynch is a professional football player not an amateur. What that means pimpin’, is that when he signed that freakin’ contract to play in the National Football League it comes with certain responsibilities! One of those is talkin’ to the media after the freakin’ games. So if that is part of your job description then you gotta do your freakin’ job.

After their win against the Panthers on Saturday night he met with the media but was a complete idiot in the process with the whole “I'm Thankful” response to every question. On some real talk, it was funny the first time he did it earlier this year when he kept respondin’, “I appreciate you askin’” to every question but know it’s stupid and immature. Sure, by simply respondin' to the question keeps him from bein' fined but he looks like a fool and not a professional athlete.

Here’s my dun that has never set one foot out of the ghetto before in his life. “Man he don’t have to meet with the media if he don’t want to bruh! He’s a football player not a speaker! You trippin’ Jay! Where you from?” I’m from where you’re from playa but I understand how the world of business works!

The more bread they pay you the more your job responsibility increases. This isn’t a mouth breather’s job Marshawn’s doin’ bruh! They pay that dun a whole lot of bread to run around out there on that field. Most if not all of the revenue generated to pay his butt (and that’s the edited version) comes from the fans that wanna hear his legitimate responses to those questions. The media is the reason why the fans get to watch the game. The sponsors are the duns that pay the teams and the networks need the extra air time created by the dun answerin’ questions after the game to fulfill the commitments to the sponsors. So guess what playa? When you start messn’ with other people’s bread because you don’t wanna step outside of the ghetto walls of your mind that’s a problem.

Think about this bruh, the average life span of an NFL player is three and a half years. Sure, Marshawn has exceeded that because he’s been in the league for seven. However, this is the most money that he’s ever gonna make in his life and he’s givin’ bread away because he doesn’t want to holla at a boy? Do you realize that 100 stacks is a regular cat’s mortgage and he just gave it away on GP? Wheredeydodatat?

When his career is over he’ll look back at all of the bread he gave away for bein’ stupid and hard headed. Duns in the real world are no different. It's like the fool at 28 that doesn’t think about all the dumb stuff (edited version) they do like buyin’ bottles at the club. They’ll charge his dumb butt (edited version) $250 to $500 for a bottle of somethin’ that they can buy at the “L” for $35. But they do it every week!

Here’s my ghetto bird chirpin’ again. “Man what does him talkin’ to the media have to do with the fans and sponsors? You ain’t makin’ sense bruh!” OK, let me put it where the goats can get it for you playa.

If you’re a barber down at June’s Chop Shop deep in the hood and you’re one of the best dun’s in the buildin’. You’ve got crazy skills but you never clean up around you work-station. So its hair and foolishness everywhere and customers really don’t wanna sit in your seat because the joint is a mess.

Now your job description says barber and not custodian but in the shop you gotta do all of the other things to keep the customers happy like, clean up around your spot. When you took the job they told you that and now they’ve fined you $400 today because you wouldn’t listen. Does it makes sense to keep leavin’ the joint a mess and losin’ money or does it make sense to go ahead and do what they’ve asked you to do? It’s simple playa, if you have a job to do just do it. Marshawn isn’t the only cat that doesn’t like every aspect of their job. But he’s the only cat that’s givin’ money away that thinks it’s funny. Holla at that dun when he’s 48 and see how funny it is. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Ghetto Playa's Thesaurus: 1) Dull: term used to describe a boy by simply shakin’ your head when you say his name. As if to say I’m disgusted with this clown at this point.
2) Stacks or racks: another word for $1000.00 A grand
3) Mouth Breather Job: A job that only requires a boy to be there. Just stand right here and don’t think on your own.
4) GP: General Purposes, just because, for no reason
5) The “L”: liquor store, the package store
6) Ghetto Bird: resident of the ghetto
7) Chirpin’: talkin’ crazy, not makin’ sense
  Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Just Talkin' (Why Stuart Scott was James Brown 25 years later)

Big ups to the big homie! And thanks for bein' you!

Aaliyah once said, “I stay true to myself and my style, and I am always pushing myself to be aware of that and be original.” The great Frank Lloyd Wright, the famous architect, broke us off with, “Every great architect is – necessarily – a great poet. He must be a great original interpreter of his time, his day, his age.” Then Allen Ginsberg, the famous poet, shut the joint down with, “Poetry is the one place where people can speak their original human mind. It is the outlet for people to say in public what is known in private.”

Well playas…y’all know how I do! Sometimes I just sit in the cut and wait for everybody else to comment on somethin’ before I break you off with what’s really real. Last week the homie Stuart Scott passed away and it was great to see the love that he got all over the sports world. Boyz talked about all of his catch phrases, how he pushed the envelope and changed the game and for that the brotherhood is eternally grateful. Stu was just a poet playa and like Allen Ginsberg said earlier, “It is the outlet for people to say in public what is known in private.”

However, let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Stu didn’t make up anything new bruh! He was just bein’ what God made him to be. An original! So many times these media type executives say that they want diversity but what they really want is a different look on camera. They want to change the lighting in the buildin’ but they want the soul of the buildin’ to remain the same. Catch that one later on today pimpin’!

However, when ESPN hired Stuart Scott they ran into a cat that stayed true to himself that would only represent himself. A wise old gangsta once told me that everybody is born a priceless original but more often than not they end up dying cheap imitations.

I’m so happy that if Stuart had to die on us that he died a priceless original. See all he was doin’ was talkin’ sports like they do in every basement, barber shop and pool hall in every hood in America. What Stu was doin’ wasn’t new to the brothers in the hood playa. He was representin’ us not schoolin’ us on somethin’ new! It was only new to the folks from the suburbs and rural America. They don’t call them catch phrases in the ghetto! It’s called talkin’! Everybody has somethin’ that they say that’s unique to their personality in the hood. His just happened to be joints like “Boo-yah” and “As cool as the other side of the pillow.” He was bein’ what God made him to be and he didn’t apologize to the rest of the world for bein’ proud of who and what he was.

Let me put it where the goats can get it playboy! James Brown released a hit record in August of 1968 entitled “Say It Loud- I’m Black and I’m Proud!” because black folks needed a boost of confidence after goin’ through the tortures of slavery, Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Movement. After being kidnapped, bought and sold, raped, families destroyed, denied education and voting rights, churches bombed, boyz lynched, tarred and feathered, and leaders assassinated we needed a boy to tell us that we still mattered. Brother James gave us that shot in the arm and told us that it was permissible that for us to be proud of who and what we were.

It was OK to wear our clothes and hair the way “We” wanted to. It was OK to talk the way “We” wanted to. It was OK to walk the way “We” wanted to. And guess what playa? After we decided that we needed to be us and that it was OK to be us, then the rest of the world wanted to be like us too.

Well playboy…Stuart Scott did the same thing for us when he showed up on ESPN! He told us that it was OK for us to be us as long as we know our stuff! And that’s the edited version bruh! As long as you put in the work and know what you’re talkin’ about you can be you. Stuart was James Brown 25 years later. Why? Because once we got comfortable with bein’ us the rest of the world has now become us. Now EVERYBODY is usin’ “catch phrases” or like we’ve always said, just talkin’ bruh!

Once we got comfortable with rappin’ everybody wanted to rap. Now they use it to sell everything from hamburgers to cars all over the world. Stuart Scott told the world that it was permissible to be black and proud even in the world of sports journalism! I’m forever grateful to the big homie because now I’m just talkin’ to the world in my at home language and not makin’ excuses for doin’ so! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The caption under the photo isn't real but its REAL talk! 　

The Beast (Even with the dull neck beard Andrew Luck is a future Hall of Famer)

"I got this bruh!"

Vince Lombardi once said, “I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” Nelson Mandela gave it to us like this, “After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.” Then Charles de Montesquieu shut the buildin’ down with, “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

Simply put, what makes Andrew Luck great is his ability to remain humble even after he’s shown his butt on the field playboy. Now for all of you suburbanites and rural bread cats that means after he’s gotten off, gone to work on a boy or simply destroyed his opponents. Andrew Luck steps up to the podium and says all of the right things and then prepares his mind for the next game. After beatin’ the dull Bengals 26-10 it’s on to the next like Jay-Z for him.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What boyz don’t realize is that they’re watchin’ a future Hall of Famer doin’ his thing right before their eyes. Sure, I know it’s way too early in his career to start talkin’ HOF but when you’ve been around this game for as long as I have you know HOF talent when you see it. You can smell it like gumbo on Bourbon Street or hear it like Ray Charles and the humming bird outside the window. All I can tell you boyz to do is just sit in the cut and enjoy the ride. Even though sometimes I wanna run up on him with my clippers and cut that dull neck beard off. It drives me crazy!!!!

After puttin’ up 376 yards on the dull Bengals he surpassed Kurt Warner for the most passin’ yards by a quarterback in their first four postseason games in NFL history. What you cats don’t realize is that he’s only been in the league for four years bruh. I could run all of his stats down to you but why? Just watch the dun play.

Here are my usual antagonists wearin’ Bears jersey soundin’ like the haters that they are, “Man what are you talkin’ about Jay? How can you say that he’s gonna be a HOF some day? He’s gotta win some more playoff games first. He’s gotta get to a Super Bowl and win one first! C’mon bruh! Get off of his jock!”

What always blows my mind is that Bears fans sit on the sideline and hate on everybody else when their team constantly sucks and they quarterback is a cry baby. But they’ll hate on Andrew Luck, who is in the playoffs again puttin’ in work. I just had to say that. Let’s move on shall we.

So you don’t think that a young thunder cat that is only 25 years old isn’t gonna get better every year? We aren’t talkin’ about hard headed RGIII playboy. We’re talkin’ about a cat that puts in the work to be great! We’re talkin’ about a dun that understands the concept of T.E.A.M. Andrew Luck is the rare combination of DNA, intellect and work ethic. Those joints don’t show up in one human being very often pimpin’.

Therefore, if I were you I’d sit in the cut and just enjoy the freakin’ movie and stop interruptin’. I’m tellin’ you what the ending is gonna look like but you’ve got to be patient enough to watch it play out. If you thought Peyton Manning was a beast then this is King Kong’s long lost brother. Don’t trip… I didn’t get into Big Momma’s pills or anything like that I’m just tellin’ you what’s real before it becomes a reality. Up next King Kong in Denver! Can he knock him off of the Empire State Building at 25 years old? We’ll see and stop me when I start lyin’!

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!
 

Slow Ya Roll (Why the media needs to sit in the cut on this Ravens Security Chief situation)

"Now what dawg?"

Dan Quayle once said, “Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.” Carlos Castaneda, the famous author, gave it to us like this, “A warrior thinks of death when things become unclear. The idea of death is the only thing that tempers our spirit.” Then Ansel Adams, the famous photographer, shut the buildin’ down when he said, “When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

Well playas…I really think boyz need to be content with silence when it comes to the Baltimore Ravens senior security director gettin’ popped for a sex offense. Accordin’ a summons issued Tuesday night Darren Sanders was charged with fourth-degree sexual offense, related to an incident that occurred on Dec.14.

Now fourth-degree sexual offense is a misdemeanor and is punishable by a maximum $1,000 fine and/or a year in jail. A hearing in the case is not scheduled until Feb. 9.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I know boyz want to dive all over this one and completely destroy the NFL but I say you gotta slow ya roll, sit in the cut, wait and see on this one bruh. Now I wasn’t there playboy but the charge itself doesn’t make sense unless there is more information out there about ole boy’s employment status that they aren’t tellin’ us.

Sexual offense in the fourth-degree in the state of Maryland is a position of authority crime. It’s when a person who is a full-time employee of a public or private school, whether preschool, elementary or secondary commits a sex act with a minor. It’s crazy that the punishment for such a crime is only a freakin’ stack and/or a year in jail for bein’ a pervert but that argument is for another day.

So was this dun a teacher/school employee or the security director for the Ravens? I don’t know too many cats moonlighting as the security director of an NFL team and workin’ full-time at a school. Talk to me playa because that makes no sense. If this cat has sexually offended someone then I’m the first to say keep that dun in jail and throw away the key because I’ve got a wife, daughter, sister and a mother and freaks and perverts don’t get a pass from me.

However, I’m just somewhat curious to know why a boy would get popped for a misdemeanor sex crime that under the law doesn’t fit with his position of authority. So until more information comes out I’m stayin’ clear of blastin’ the NFL for what some individual dun got himself into. I know that a lot of these media type cats are gonna dive off of the roof head first into the league but cats on regular jobs get themselves into trouble every day and the company they work for don’t take the hit. Let it play out before you blame the NFL for ole boy’s foolishness and even if he did what they say he did you can’t blast the league unless they try to cover for him. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Horror-ible (Why seein' Cutler start on Sunday is a nightmare for the Bears)

"I'm like roaches in the projects playboy!
Ain't goin' nowhere!

Jonas Salk, the famous medical researcher and virologist, once said, “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.” John Irving, the Academy Award winning screenwriter, gave it to us like this, “Of all the things you choose in life, you don’t get to choose what your nightmares are. You don’t pick them, they pick you. Then John Lennon got spooky on a boy when he said, “I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
Well playboy…they are as real as the here and now if you’re a Chicago Bears fan bruh! One week after they benched the Winter Warlock, Jay Cutler, for his backup Jimmy Clausen, that dun got his magic powers back and now he’s gonna start again this week. After Sunday’s loss to Detroit Jimmy called the team to inform them that he was experiencin’ delayed concussion symptoms and you wouldn’t believe the horror that came over the buildin’.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! All of a sudden boyz saw a Poltergeist in the flat screen hangin’ in the locker room and the offensive line was screamin’ “He’s baaaack!” The joint started Shining and there was all types of Paranormal Activity in the buildin’!

It was crazy because it wasn’t Halloween and they just left Michael Myers at his baby momma’s house. So they knew it wasn’t him trippin’ like that. All of a sudden the joint got dark so boyz thought that it was Dracula actin’ a fool because he’s known to creep late at night.

Everybody ran out of the locker room onto the field only to see Birds everywhere because it was like the Night of the Living Dead. So Big Momma tried to save them all by performin’ The Exorcist to get rid of the evil spirits that have haunted this team for decades. However, it just became A Nightmare on Elm Street because some cat named Freddie Krueger showed up lookin’ for a refund on his season tickets. Then some cat named Blair Witch from the Projects told him that he couldn’t get a refund and it turned into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre right at the Will Call booth.

When Rosemary’s Baby, Jay Cutler, shows up for practice today it’s gonna be a complete Silence of the Lambs and the nightmare will be as real as the Alien that stole Uncle Leroy’s Coupe De Ville! It Horror-ible and there’s nothin’ you can do about it! Jay Cutler’s not goin’ anywhere playa because that contract is too big for anybody to swallow. Stop me when I start lyin’!

P.S.: How many horror films did you find in that joint? Are you up on your toes today playa? Answer: 16

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!