How Tristan Thompson thought he was finer than he was runnin' with some Stunners!: "Homecomin'"



"Well...I'll take anything now dawg!"

Edgar Allen Poe once said, “It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.” Hugh Mackay, the psychologist and sociologist, broke it down like this, “Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.” Then A.N. Wilson, the English writer and newspaper columnist, gave it to boyz like a straight up G when he spit, “The fact that logic cannot satisfy us awakens an almost insatiable hunger for the irrational.”

Well playas…that insatiable hunger for the irrational is in overdrive in a dun named Tristan Thompson! It’s been reported that he’s lowered his contract demands to $53 million over three years instead of the 5 year joint he was lookin’ for worth $95 million! Now I’m sure everybody readin’ this joint can count and clearly understands that 9 is greater than 5! Keep that in ya pocket playboy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! This dun is lowerin’ his demands because he finally came to his senses and pushed his “Yes” man out of the freakin’ ride and picked up a reliable “No” man.

Shortly after the Finals were over the Cavs on the hype of gettin’ to the championships threw a 5 year deal worth $80 million at that dun. And on the hype of playin’ in the championship he thought that he was finer than he was so he turned the joint down figurin’ he could do better.

He was like the not-so-good lookin' chick that’s really a 4 ½ that was hangin’ out with a bunch of 9’s and 10’s durin’ homecomin’ weekend. Because she’s with a bunch a bad chicks she’s gettin’ hollered at all weekend too. Boyz are buyin’ her drinks, food, followin’ her around. Why? Because she’s a part of the Stunner Crew even though she’s not fine. She even had the nerve to turn a few boyz down and nobody tripped because she was with a gang of bad broads.

Once homecomin’ was over and she showed up at the spot by herself as the 4 ½ nobody paid much attention to nobody offered to buy her drinks  etc. She even started askin’ boyz to dance and buyin' duns rounds of drinks. Why? Because she wanted the attention. That’s Tristan Thompson right now playa. When he was with LeBron and the Cavs, duns threw the house at him on the strength of the Finals. So he lost his mind and had the nerve to turn the overpriced $80 million deal down and asked for $95 million! The only problem with that playa was that homecomin’ was over and he’s really the  4 ½ that everybody thought he was.

Boyz let him know real quick that he wasn’t worth two dead flies smashed on the open market all by his lonesome and he darn sure wasn’t worth $95 million. Then he went back to the Cavs knockin’ at their door and now they won’t half answer his calls. After they cooled down and really thought about it they were like “What the hell were we thinkin’ about bruh?”

Now ole boy has come to his senses and is lookin’ in the mirror while he’s askin’ for the $53 million. The mirror is a constant reminder that he’s a 4 ½ and not a 10. By holdin' the mirror he's conscious of his flaws because on some real talk he ain’t worth the three year deal worth $53 million bruh! Right now they could offer him $33 million and he’d take it as long as it ain’t homecomin’! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 1) G: noun – gangsta
2) Spit: verb – to say
3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.
4) Stunner Crew: noun – a bunch of bad chicks rollin’ together.
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Jump-off (Why these D Rose rape allegations has real cats scratchin' their heads bruh)

 

"Man these broads out here bruh!"

 

Alan Greenspan, the former Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, once said, “Corruption, embezzlement, fraud, these are all characteristics which exist everywhere. It is regrettably the way human nature functions, whether we like it or not. What successful economies do is keep it to a minimum. No one has ever eliminated any of that stuff.” Jean-Luc Godard, the French-Swiss film director, gave it to us like this, “Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world.” Then Sophocles, the ancient Greek tragedian, shut the buildin’ down when he spit this fire, “Things gained through unjust fraud are never secure.”

Well playas…it looks like D. Rose has an old jump-off tryin’ to get at him for some paper. Now I said earlier in the week that I wasn’t gonna touch this joint but the more I look at this foolishness I’ve gotta dive in head first with a pair of old school speedos on. Every time I read the allegations my “foolishness radar” goes off bruh!

So let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! First things first I poppa… hold up dawg that’s Biggie. I got hyped for a minute. But seriously, first things first, if a dun and his boyz gang raped you, you wouldn’t be just filin’ a civil suit for some bread! You’d be filin’ criminal charges to put these duns in jail!!! But let’s peal the freakin’ onion back on this whole get up.

Now ole girl says that they dated from 2011 to 2013! HOLD IT!!!! Now that’s a lie right there! Accordin’ to the attorney’s she was in a non-exclusive sexual relationship with him. For all of you simple minded individuals, that’s a jump-off! That’s a broad on the side that he had access to whenever he wanted her. That weren’t datin’! Let’s be clear on that.

So durin’ this two year period he allegedly pressured her to masturbate in front of him, allow him to have sex with her friends and engage in group sex with strangers, all of which she says she refused.

Stop right there again pimpin’! If she was the jump-off and we’ve clearly established that she was by the way the attorneys have described the relationship. Why would a dun have to pressure her into masturbate? Now I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer bruh but c’mon playa. And if she’s the jump-off then it’s understood that jump-offs run with other jump-offs bruh! Birds of a feather flock together. So why again, would he have to pressure her to allow him to hang out with her friends? They’re jump-offs too! Now I can’t speak to the group sex allegation because that one went over my head. Maybe she through that one in for good measure. She was on a roll bruh.

Then she says that ole boy slipped something in her drink and tried to rape her at his crib with two other cats. She then goes to her crib and D. Rose and his boyz, that she named specifically, broke into her house and gang raped her. Now again, if she is his jump-off why does he have to break into her house and rape her bruh? That’s like stealin’ your own bike!

OK for the sake of argument, let’s say that EVERYTHING that she alleges actually happened. Why isn’t she pressin’ criminal charges? If a dun violates a woman then I’m the first to say that he should not only go to jail but that they should cut off his joint too.

I’ve got a wife, a daughter, a mother and a sister. To treat a woman like that is probably the worst thing that you can do to a person. So I’ve got no love for duns rollin’ like that. But to tell a boy that you didn’t say anything until now because of what your ‘conservative family’ might think makes me scratch my head. Why would your family be upset with you for a boy breakin’ into your house and violatin’ you?

If a boy violates you to that degree and all you want is bread and not to have this fool locked up? That makes me scratch my head. You can’t put a price on rape babygirl. You wait until the eve of the date when the statute of limitation runs out and you don’t file criminal charges? That makes me scratch my head. Then you have to holler at 3 lawyers before a simple dun actually takes the case? That makes me scratch my head bruh. 

I’m not sayin’ that you’re lyin’. I’m just sayin’ that I don’t believe you're tellin' the truth. And anybody with half of a brain can see that it’s a money grab.

D. Rose doesn’t have time to fool with it so his attorney will settle with ole girl to make it go away. He’s not in jeopardy of goin’ to jail so to allow it to linger only hurts his brand. So guess what playa? He’s gonna pay her the couple hundred stacks to make it and her go away. He won’t be admittin’ to anything, he just doesn’t want it to linger and ole girl knew that when she filed the law suit in the first place.

The next time he’ll be more careful in the way he lets the jump-off go. He probably through her out of the crib talkin' crazy to her and she sat in the cut until now. Think about it playa, his son was born in 2012 durin' the time he was jumpin' this chick off. In her mind that's supposed to be her baby. So since she didn't get the guaranteed 18 year pay off she files a suit to get a piece of what she thought she should have had. I’m just sayin’ and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:   1) Spit: verb – to say
2) Fire: noun – important information
3) Jump-off: noun – the chick that a boy calls strictly for sex whenever he wants or needs it. It is what it is. She knows it and it’s all good. She’s the side chick and she knows it and everything is cool.
4) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.
5) Stacks: noun – one thousand dollars
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Buzz Kill (Why Kobe is the old dude at the club that thinks that he's still got it)

"Man I can still pull her!"

Ramana Maharshi, the old wise Indian sage, once said, “When there are thoughts, it is distraction: when there are no thoughts, it is medication.” Tom Kite, the famous golfer, gave it to us like this, “You can always find distraction if your looking for one.” Then Derek Jeter shut the buildin’ down when he said, “I think when things linger, that’s when they become a distraction. I don’t want any distractions.”

 

Well playas…Derek Jeter wasn’t talkin’ about Kobe when he said it but he was talkin’ about Kobe when he said it. Now this dun has expressed to USA Basketball Chairman Jerry Colangelo that he wants to play on the USA Olympic squad in 2016. Now Colangelo told every dun that wanted to play that they had to be in Vegas for the three day mini-camp if they wanted to even be considered. Boyz at least had to make an appearance and everybody did.

Well guess what pimpin’? Kobe didn’t show up but had the nerve to tell a boy that he doesn’t want to be given a spot he wants to earn it.  

Let’s keep it real or all the way, 100 whichever comes 1^st! If you wanted to earn a spot you would have shown up playa. Stop with this foolishness! Ole boy didn’t show up because he knew that he would look like the old cat at the club tryin’ to Whip and Nae-Nae with some thick-n-thins on with some purple gators against these young boyz out here.

Colangelo goes on to say that Kobe really deserves a spot because of his resume. So here we go again bruh because there are only 12 roster spots on this joint. He pulled that foolishness in 2008 when he put Jason Kidd on the squad tellin’ boyz that he needed a veteran leader because he had a team full young boyz at the time. He had cats like LeBron, Melo, CP3 and Dwight Howard who were all in their early 20’s.

Now all of those same cats are back and they’re in their early 30’s. So you don’t need the veteran leader excuse this time. Kobe needs to go sit his old “A” down somewhere. He’s the old cat at the steel mill that always wants to jump in the ride with the young boyz after work to go drinkin’ and then wants to fuss at a boy about drinkin’. He wants to get Turnt-Up but as soon as they fall in the spot and boyz start hollerin’ at these broads he’s ready to go home but he ain’t drivin’.

Noooo! Go sit yo “A” down! You’ve had your time in the spotlight. Now let these young boyz shine. You've been in the freakin’ league for 20 years and have been robbin’ the Lakers for the past two and are about to strong arm these cats this year. Between the last two seasons and this upcomin’ season Kobe will make a total of $78 million. Strong arm robbery bruh!!!!

Why? Because he can’t stay healthy because he’s old and refuses to let these young boyz shine!!!! He still thinks that he’s the No.1 option and he’s too beat up to play every night. Havin’ flashes of greatness doesn’t constitute bein’ the No.1 option. That’s why he’s out there playin’ with the Cosby Kids right now. NOBODY wants to play with him.

He’s been in the league since he was 17 years old! Stop it! You sound crazy tryin’ to defend him! And again, nobody likes that dun. So if he’s the old dude that keeps tryin’ to hang out with the young cats that nobody even likes and he can’t play at the level that you need for him to play at EVERY night, he’s a complete buzz kill.

You already know that if they put that dun on the team he's gonna try to be the hero. Why? Because he's Kobe bruh!

Look me in my eye and tell me that Kobe should be on that team ahead of a duns like Klay Thompson, Jimmy Butler, Victor Oladipo or Bradley Beal right now. I would have said James Harden but that dun won't play any defense. But stop it! You sound crazy thinkin' that Kobe belongs on that team! Let them young boyz do their thing. Sometimes you gotta know when to say when and if Kobe can’t say it then Colangelo needs to. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1)    Dun: the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

Holla At Ya Boy!

JayGravesReport

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Crickets (How Roy Hibbert is gonna have diarrhea once Kobe does decides to holla)

"You really think I care bruh?"

Buddha once said, “With fools, there is no companionship. Rather than to live with men who are selfish, vain, quarrelsome, and obstinate, let a man walk alone.” Richard Whately, the 18^th century rhetorician and logician, gave it to us like this, “A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor’s” Then Bryant McGill, the famous author, shut the buildin’ down when he spit this, “The world is not fair, and often fools, cowards, liars and the selfish hide in high places.”

Well playas…Mr. Selfish himself, Kobe “Bean” Bryant, is hidin’ in high places as we speak. Talk about neglectin’ his neighbor’s own good? When the Lakers held a press conference on Wednesday to introduce their three offseason acquisitions, guard Lou Williams, forward Brandon Bass and center Roy Hibbert the normal set of questions were asked. The ultimate and obvious joint was asked too. “Have you heard from Kobe and what advice, wisdom or expectations has ole boy shared with you?” Crickets bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! When I blast Kobe and I usually do, it’s about him bein’ the jerk that NOBODY in the NBA wants to play with. Why? Because he doesn’t know how to treat people. That’s why he’s out there playin’ with the Cosby Kids right now. He’s the veteran superstar and the face of the franchise playboy and he hasn’t even reached out to the new cats on his team. Wheredeydodatat?

This dun is so selfish that he’s probably sittin’ at the crib waitin’ on them to call him because he’s Kobe! Look here playa, when a boy comes to your house you’ve got to welcome him to the crib. You can’t sit up in your bedroom with the door closed and expect for him to come in, walk up the stairs, knock on the door and say high. C’mon bruh! You know better than that!

But because it’s Kobe I’m not surprised! I just wrote a Hot Joint earlier this week entitled “Lil’Ole Me” about how this dun is completely destroyin’ the Lakers just by bein’ himself, a freakin’ jerk that still thinks that he’s the No.1 option that’s 25 years old. And my diehard Mamba fans will call me a hater all day long because I’m the only cat out here in the media that has the guts to say what everybody else is thinkin’. See everybody else doesn’t want to blast him because they’ll get shut down when it comes to interviews with him.

Duns like Stephen A. wanna tell boyz that he just got off of the phone with him in a heartbeat. Well here’s the deal playboy, I could care two dead flies smashed about sittin’ down with Kobe or anybody else for that matter. My job is to give you my opinion of what’s really goin’ on out here and I don’t need to sit down with a boy to tell you that.

Let me put it where the goats can get it for you Kobe. Y’all just picked up a dun that I’ve been callin’ “Skittles and Lemonheads” for the past three years. That’s Roy Hibbert for all of you cats that are unfamiliar with The JayGravesReport. I call him that because he’ll disappear in a minute on a boy durin’ the course of a game. He’ll be sittin’ in the back seat of the ride eatin’ Skittles and Lemonheads while the rest of the team is out there scrappin’ a boy in the middle of the street.

He’s the same cat that has all types of confidence issues. He’s afraid to look a boy in the eye. I’m 5’7” and that dun refused to look me in the eye over the entire 5 seasons that I covered him with the Pacers. Keep in mind bruh that he’s 7’2”! Now if he’s Skittles and Lemonheads and won’t look ME in the eye, he’s gonna have diarrhea when Kobe walks in the door for the first time. And don’t let that dun start talkin’ crazy to him! He’s gonna have a nervous break down and start sheddin’.

For that reason alone Kobe was supposed to holler at him as soon as they made the trade. Yeah, I know that he didn’t want him but who does? However, you’re stuck with him at this point and you’ve got to play Jedi mind tricks with him to get him to produce. It is what it is. But you wouldn’t be dealin’ with this type of foolishness if you weren’t the selfish old man that won’t retire down at the steel mill.

Kobe’s the old cat that’s been at the mill for 40 years that never wants to do what everybody else has to do because in his mind he’s above that. However, he likes to tell everybody how much bread he’s makin’ but won’t do any work. Kobe doesn’t even practice anymore bruh! How bad can team chemistry get when you’ve got a dun that doesn’t practice but will show up from time to time and straight curse everybody on GP?

Here's my diehard Mamba fan screamin’ from the roof tops bruh, “Jay you’re a hater! Plain and simple! Kobe can say and do whatever he wants to do. He’s got 5 rings!” He sure does playa and he didn’t win a single one of them by himself nor did he do it by actin’ a fool with his teammates in the process. Like I keep tellin’ you simple minded individuals, Kobe has played for 8 coaches in LA and he’s only been able to win titles with 1 of them. Phil freakin’ Jackson! Period! And he didn’t let him act a fool and treat his teammates like manure. And that’s the edited version.

So for all you clowns that think that Roy Hibbert, Brandon Bass and Lou Williams should be ridin’ around lookin’ for Kobe’s crib to say hello you’re smokin’ crack and shootin’ heroin under your finger nails. Skittles and Lemonheads is gonna make $15.5 million this year and he can do that with his eyes closed and his legs crossed. He could give a rip about sittin’ down with Kobe and pleasin’ him at this point. And he’s not gonna look at him all season long bruh. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1)      Spit: verb – to say or said

2)      Crickets: noun - silence

3)      Wheredeydodatat: Hood for, “Who does that?”

4)      Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

5)      Let me put it where the goats can get: verb phrase – to break it down into its simplest form. To spoon feed you bruh. To put in on the ground so that you can reach it.

6)      Scrappin: verb – to fight, playin’ hard with desperation

7)      GP: verb – short for general purposes, just because

Holla At Ya Boy!

JayGravesReport

#thebestdressedmaninmedia

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Clinical Data (Why GREATNESS can't be determined by winnin' championships alone)

"Do your homework playboy and stop just repeatin' foolishness!"

Wernher von Braun, the German aerospace engineer and space architect once said, "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." Zora Neal Hurston, the famous folklorist, anthropologist and author, gave it to us like this, "Research is formalized curiosity. It is poking and prying with a purpose." Then Albert Einstein shut the buildin' down when he spit some serious fire at a boy when he said, "If we knew what we were doing it would not be called research, would it?'

Durin' my extensive career in the pharmaceutical industry, I've read countless medical journals and hundreds of clinical studies. What I learned early on was to never read the conclusion or results section before readin' the study protocol, participants and analysis sections. The conclusion doesn't tell the complete story. It only tells the "what" and never explains the "why!" Results can be deceivin' playboy if you don't know how they actually came up with them.

Well playas...it's the same way when lookin' at sports especially when we're talkin' about a boy's greatness as it relates to championships. For example, boyz get caught up comparin' duns like Kobe vs. Lebron or Jordan vs. LeBron and get it twisted soley based on titles. The first thing people pull out are the results section of the clinical is Kobe's got 5 rings, Jordan's got 6 rings and LeBron has 2. First of all playa, the first two cat's careers are over and the other dun is still playin' with at least 6 more years to play. But by throwin' those numbers out we're simply lookin' at the results of the study and not the entire process by which the study was performed.

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, which ever comes 1st! For the sake of this argument let’s compare Kobe vs. LeBron. LeBron was drafted #1 overall and Kobe was drafted 13th overall. That's significant because that tells us that LeBron was drafted by the worst team in the league whereas Kobe wasn't. Also the fact that LeBron initially played seven years for an organization that pretty much left him on an island without any help. Kobe on the other hand, was drafted by Charlotte and immediately trade to the 2nd best franchise in NBA history, the Los Angeles Lakers, that have won 16 titles overall. The best bein' the Boston Celtics, in terms of titles, because they've won a league high 17 titles. Keep in mind that those two franchises have won more than 50% of all of the titles in the history of the league.

Surely, you couldn't have expected LeBron to show up in Cleveland and win a title when they've never had a history of winnin' jack squat. It's literally been one of the worst franchises in the league for decades. Well...until Jordan took over the Bobcats a few years ago and ran those duns into the ground before he made them more respectable. Now you've got the dull 76ers runnin' game on the league.

However, LeBron did take the worst team in the league to the finals within 4 years at the mere age of 22. Kobe on the other hand, was blessed to have had the opportunity to play for the best coach to EVER walk the sideline in the history of the NBA and he played with Shaq in his PRIME! And in my opinion, he's probably the best center to ever play the game. I'm just sayin'!

Yeah I know that boyz will agrue, Kareem, Wilt, Hakeem/Akeem, dependin' upon how old you are and how true to the game you are! But Shaq was the best cat I'VE ever seen in the blocks just over powerin' boyz and dunkin' at will! Therefore, givin' Kobe the opportunity to win his first 3 titles early in his career. Ya'll do realize that Kobe wasn't the first option while Shaq was with the Lakers, right? Just checkin' pimpin'!

Sure, he won two more titles with Phil, I might add, only after they all but stole Pal Gasol from Memphis to help them get back on top. Can you remember Kobe beggin' boyz to be traded the year after Shaq left when they were terrible? Did you ever hear LeBron cryin' to be traded while he was in lowly Cleveland? Naw, he just went to work and played his heart out. So when you open up the clinical data bruh, Kobe had always been in a much better situation to win titles than LeBron or Jordan. 

Jordan had to endure 5 years of foolishness in Chicago before Phil showed up. The Bulls were, in my Charles Barkley voice, "TERRIBLE!" They were so bad before Mike got there that we could take our sneakers to Chicago Stadium with the right box top and get some playin' time with ole dull "gettin' high" Quinton Dailey, ole gunnin' Reggie Theus and duns like Dave Corzine. So when Mike showed up he had to struggle for a minute too. Boyz that don't know the history of the game glaze over that part of Jordan's career. Do you realize that Mike didn't get out of the first round of the playoffs until he got Scottie Pippin' 3 years after he came into the league? Do your research bruh. I'm just sayin'!

The first real opportunity LeBron had in his career to win a championship was his first year in Miami and he made it to the finals and wet the bed.  There's no gettin' around that. Oh he completely soiled the mattress. Then he won the next two. Yeah, I hear these cats hollerin' that he's 2-4 in the Finals but he should only legitimately be 3-3 in the Finals because he lost to much better TEAMS when he got there bruh. Both Spurs teams he lost to were much better than the duns he showed up with and you had to be smokin' crack and shootin' heroin if you thought that he had a shot at beatin' Golden State once Kyrie and Kevin Love went down.

Do you really think Kobe and Mike would have won multiple titles playin' without another superstar and without Phil? Ya'll do know that Phil was the only cat that could have coached and kept both Mike and Kobe in check, right? Y'all do realize that Kobe has played for 8 coaches in LA and he's only been able to win with Phil, right? Look it up bruh if you think that I'm lyin'. As a matter of fact, just pop this link of my Hot Joint entitled, "Lil' Ole Me" that I wrote last week breakin' it down for you.

Nobody has ever won a title playin' by themselves bruh. Oh, I'm talkin' crazy? Open up the data if you think I'm lyin' again pimpin'; Kareem had The Big O in Milwaukee before going to LA and later played with Magic and Worthy, Jordan had Pippen and both Pippen and Rodman, Bird had McHale and Parrish, Duncan had David Robinson, Dr. J had Moses, Shaq had Kobe or vice versa, D. Wade had Shaq and LeBron, Hakeem/Akeem had Clyde, KG had Paul Pierce and Ray Allen and so on and so forth! I could go on for hours but I won't.

So it's completely unfair to just look at the rings and draw conclusions that certain boyz are greater because they have more titles than the next cat. Like I keep tellin' all of these simple minded individuals, a title is a TEAM award! Not "Who's the best player award" because it takes an entire team to win one.

So when folks throw out titles it only tells me that they skipped all of the clinical data and just read the conclusion or results section. If championships are the standard then why do boyz keep talkin' about Jordan and not Bill Russell who has 11 of those joints? How in the world do you just disregard the O.G. with the nappy beard and fall to Mike if championships is all that counts?

How do you not talk about the other 7 duns along with Bill that have more titles than Jordan if we're usin' titles as the standard? You gotta talk about Sam Jones 10, John Havlicek 8, Tom "Satch" Sanders 8, Robert Horry 7, James Loscutoff 7, Frank Ramsey 7 before we even get to Jordan's neighborhood pimpin'! Then you got Kareem, Bob Cousy and Pippen livin' in the same house with Jordan with 6 too!

So you mean to tell me that EVERY one of these cats are better than Larry Bird because he's only got 3? Tim Duncan has 5, Wilt Chamberlain only has 2, Oscar Robertson and the NBA Logo himself Jerry West only have 1? So the championship argument completely goes out of the window bruh!  That's if we're keepin' it real! When you don't go to class it's easy to run with foolish information that some clown that was half payin' attention sittin' in the back of the room sleep gave you!

So you're tellin' me that Elgin Baylor, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Walt Bellamy, Charles Barkley, Pete Maravich, Reggie Miller, Bob Lanier, George Gervin, Patrick Ewing and Allen Iverson weren't great players or to be more specific, weren't better than duns like Tom "Satch" Sanders because they didn't win a title? Are you kiddin' me? You wouldn't know that dun if he walked up to you and stole your bike.

Stop readin' the cliff notes and look at the circumstances that allowed cats to win or not. I'm not takin' anything away from some of these cats that have multiple titles but many times they played for better coaches and organizations than cats that don't have titles at all.

Now after you've checked out the complete set of data on boyz and all you can still say is the that the only thing that counts is the amount of championships a boy has, something's wrong with you playa.

Let me put it in real life terms for you playa. Kobe was born into a wealthy suburban family with two parents playin' for the Lakers. His dad (Phil) was like the Steve Jobs of his industry. So he was supposed to win out the gate! Why? Because he doesn't know what struggle looks like.

Whereas, LeBron was raised in the middle of the ghetto in the projects (worse team in the league) with no parents (No coaches at all) playin' in Cleveland and he still doesn't. Then he got adopted by a wealthy family on Star Island and got the opportunity to shine in Miami. Now with the confidence of bein' in a nuturin' environment for 4 years he was able to go back to the projects and lift boyz out of the slums because he understands how to shine. UNLIKE in real life, in the NBA you CAN NOT win without parents (good coaching), strong siblings (another superstar) and a strong organization around you! Championships aren't won alone playboy. Stop me when I start lyin'!

PS: Look here bruh, I'm just stallin' until football season starts because there's ABSOLUTELY nothin' goin' on in sports right now! Hang in there with me! I'm strugglin' too!

Playa-saurus:
1) Spit some serious fire: verb phrase - to say something of extreme importance.
2) Dun: noun - the person or persons in question, dude, guy, girl, etc. It's whoever I'm talkin' about bruh.
3) Jack Squat: adjective - nothin'!
4) Pimpin': noun - the person that I'm passionately tryin' to get my point across to.

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
 Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
 Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo is real talk today playboy!

Power Move (Why De'Andre Jordan NEVER intended to go to Dallas in the 1st place)

"Lalalalalalalalalalalalala! I can't hear you bruh!"

Since everybody was in Houston over the past couple of days I figured that I’d get down there and hit Frenchy’s up for some of that fire chicken. As I was comin’ out of the joint I ran into these three cats debatin’ the art of betrayal. Sigmund Freud was sittin’ on the ride when he said, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” Arthur Miller, the famous playwright, was chillin’ in the back seat eatin’ Skittles and Lemonheads with ole Roy Hibbert when he broke it down like this, “Betrayal is the only truth that sticks.” Then Tennessee Williams, the playwright as well, pulled up with the system bumpin’ and shouted, “We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal.”

Well playas…boyz are actin’ like De’Andre Jordan stole their freakin’ bicycles and bent the rims on that joint because he decided to stay in LA. Cats are trippin’ like he betrayed them and took their women or somethin’. Chandler Parsons had the nerve to say that he was “shocked, frustrated and felt disrespected by ole boy changin’ his mind. Then I hear all of these media-types talkin’ about his word and how he’s obligated to go to Dallas because he told them that he would. What??!!!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! By rule, NBA free agency opened on July 1^st at freakin’ midnight and boyz can agree to terms but can’t sign deals until July 9^th! So if that dun hadn’t signed a contract he can do whatever he wants to do and if that means callin’ his boyz to come through to talk him into stayin’, that’s legal too pimpin’.

Nobody had a problem with the New York Giants pullin’ the long term deal worth $60 million that they put together for Jason “Mr. Long Nasty Finger” Pierre-Paul off of the table. Why? Because he hadn’t signed it yet! Nobody tripped when they started talkin’ about pullin’ the one year deal worth $14.8 million that would franchise him for the 2015 season off of the table. Why? Because he hadn’t signed it yet! Why? Because they put it together for a dun with 5 fingers instead of 4!

So why in the world are boyz mad at DJ for changin’ his mind before he signed the freakin’ contract? It’s the same freakin’ principle playboy. The deal ain’t done until a boy signs on the dotted line.

And Chandler Parsons is actin’ like he promised to take him out on the date or something! DJ didn’t take his bread or his woman so why does he care? Whether ole boy played in LA or Dallas Chandler Parsons was gonna get paid either way. So stop actin’ like the jilted lover bruh and keep it movin’! It’s business!

Ole boy woke up in cold sweat thinkin’ about 75 degrees and sunny all season. He got up thinkin’ about the scenery in LA as opposed to Dallas. And I’m not talkin’ about the landscape either playa. He jumped up in a cold sweat thinkin’ about not havin’ a point guard that could get him the rock at will. That dun’s got better sense than Chandler Parsons or Mark Cuban thought he had.

As of matter of fact, Mark Cuban flew into Houston and couldn’t even find that dun’s house. We call that a “Power Move” where I’m from playa. Tell a broad to come through and then don’t give her the address. Let her figure it out or not. If she knocks on the door, she’s resourceful but thirsty, get rid of her. If she rides around all night lookin’ for you she’s worthless, get rid of her. Why? Because a woman worth anything wouldn’t be ridin’ around lookin’ for a boy. She demands respect and the address before she leaves home. As a matter of fact, you’re goin’ to pick her up. That’s a keeper. Introduce her to Big Momma.

The fact that Cuban had to fly to Houston and look for him told him that he didn’t have a shot at signin’ that dun. He was never goin’ to Dallas in the first place playa. He just wanted the attention. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Frenchy’s: noun – chicken joint that off the hook in Houston.
2) Fire: adjective – good, very tasty, off the chain
3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, girl, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.
4) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmainmedia
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!


 　

Hustla's Handbook (How David West forgot all of the rules when he satdown with a hustla)

"I forgot all about them joints bruh!"

Daniel Radcliffe, the English actor, once said, “When you’re in the position I’m in, you have two options: you can either shut yourself off from everybody, from the world, and not live a full life. Or you welcome everybody into your life and occasionally somebody will try to take advantage. Layne Staley, the lead singer in Alice in Chains, broke it down like this, “We try to be real nice and friendly to people, but sometimes they take advantage of that.” Then Bernard Williams, the English philosopher, spit it like a real O.G. is supposed to with, “We grow a little every time we do not take advantage of somebody’s weakness.”

Well playas…the San Antonio Spurs’ GM R.C. Buford didn’t grow an ounce on Monday when he took advantage of David West’s weakness. What weakness do you ask playboy? His inability to see a boy takin’ advantage of the fact that he wants to win at all costs. These duns are goin’ to sign ole boy to the veteran’s minimum of $1.4 million on Thursday.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’ve got TALL respect for D. West so don’t think for one minute that I’m blastin’ him for takin’ less bread on his quest to win a championship. However, the duns in San Antonio saw a boy gettin’ out of the ride down the street when he walked in with his emotions on his sleeve and they took advantage of it. Rule No.1 of the Hustla’s Handbook says, “Never show your hand to a boy that you’re tryin’ to negotiate with.” Rule No.2, “Never tell a boy everything you’re thinkin’!” And Rule No.3, “ALWAYS leave your emotions in the ride!”

D. West ain’t no minimum wage type cat! He averaged 14 points and 7 rebounds per game over the past four seasons with the Pacers! I know because I covered him the entire time. He was the freakin’ leader in the locker the entire 4 seasons and he was guaranteed to make $12.6 million this upcomin’ season.

So when a boy says that he wants to win, the hustla on the other side of the table wants to know how bad? Buford went straight gangsta on him and told him that he’d be happy to have him for nothin’. Unfortunately, D. West let his emotions tell himself that he wasn’t worth who he actually was; a leader, a solid contributor, a productive presence and a grown “A” man that has earned that respect both on and off of the floor.

"You did what?"

He took a 90 percent pay cut on a gamble bruh! All of these suckas/media-types out here are automatically crownin’ an old San Antonio team as next year’s champion like they didn’t just see a young Golden State team win the title. The Spurs are a year older bruh. Tim Duncan is 147 years old this year and Manu Ginobili is 143. Sure, they’ve got some young pieces but as unit they’re gettin’ up there. And D. West is about to turn 35 in August! Ain’t no guarantees they’ll even get to the Finals. They didn’t sign LeBron that’s an instant game changer. They signed LaMarcus Aldridge and they still have to play in the West.

Boyz are actin’ like Golden State, Houston and OKC just fell off of the planet earth because the Spurs signed a dun named LaMarcus.

As a grown man with a family and more than 25 years of corporate experience it’s been a long time since I’ve chased money. Because after you get to a certain level of success you stop takin’ positions for the bread. You start takin’ them for the satisfaction of the job. So I get what D. West was attemptin’ to do. However, you never let a boy offer you a job for minimum wage because you’ve worked too hard to get the respect that you’ve earned over the years. Minimum wage is for the mouth breather playboy. That’s means that a boy is usually payin’ you to hold up space at minimum wage. D. West is now makin’ less bread than duns on rookie deals and worse bruh. Think about that for a minute. For what? A chance at winnin’ a title?

His experience and leadership alone is worth at the very minimum $6 or $7 million but to offer this cat $1.4 million is an insult. But what’s real crazy pimpin’, is he took it. So I can’t be mad at R.C. Buford because he’s runnin’ a business and he got what he wanted and needed for absolutely nothin’!

I just don’t see how you can go to work for a boy that doesn’t respect you or your family. To even offer a man $1.4 million after he’s proven to you that he’s a productive leader and player in this league is a slap in the face. But to accept it is even worse.

Let me put it where the goats can get it for you playa. If ESPN came to me today and offered me an opportunity to be an on-air personality but I had to work for minimum wage, I would tell them to kick rocks and their momma's breath stinks! For an up and comin' sports writer workin' for ESPN is like winnin' a championship. "The World Wide Leader In Sports?" However, my dignity means more to me than winnin’ anybody’s championship even if you could guarantee it! Give me what I’ve earned at the bare minimum and that ain’t minimum wage. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:


1) Spit: verb – to say
2) Dun: noun – to person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about bruh and its non-gender specific.
3) Ride: noun – car, vehicle
4) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

2 Inches (How the Pacers dumped Roy Hibbert to the 1st sucka lookin' to give away $15M)

"Are you freakin' kiddin' me bruh? Skittles and Lemonheads?"

All of the fellas and I were poppin’ firecrackers in front of the chicken and waffles joint when these three cats started arguin’ about boyz bein’ desperate. Henry David Thoreau threw a couple of smoke bombs into the street with, “It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.” Horatio Nelson, the 19^th century British flag officer in the Royal Navy, pulled some Jumpin’ Jacks out of his pocket when he said, “Desperate affairs require desperate measures.” Then Jim Carrey hit a boy up with a truck full of Roman Candles in his Fireman Bill voice and said, “I don’t think human beings learn anything without desperation. Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.

Well playas…the Los Angeles Lakers have OFFICIALLY hit rock bottom because they have become the MOST interestin’ team in the league. Why? Because they’ve become the MOST desperate! On Saturday as boyz around the country were poppin’ fireworks for kicks and giggles the freakin’ Lakers were walkin’ around the neighborhood knockin’ on boyz doors like a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses lookin’ for anything that was 7 feet tall. When they showed up in Indiana, Larry Bird answered the door with a dun that was 7’2” 290 lbs. that was eatin’ him out of house and home. The Pacers didn’t hesitate to throw him out on the porch like ole Eddie Cain.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Lakers are simply a shell of themselves at this point because they’ve allowed the Black Mamba to completely destroy the joint with his arrogance and ego. And I'm not lettin' Dr. Buss' kids off of the hook because they're fans instead of executives. But NOBODY wants to go to LA and play because Kobe still thinks that he’s the No.1 option. And why is that playa? Because the duns that are supposed to be runnin' the team are fans and told him that he was by payin' him a king's ransom at the end of his career. 

Look here playa, free agency of 2014 came and went without a single boy signin’ up for this foolishness. So they had to play with the Cosby Kids and Arnold and Willis Drummond. Then 2015 rolled around and duns like LaMarcus Aldridge and DeAndre Jordan told them to kick rocks. And all DeAndre had to do was move his locker down the freakin’ hall. He didn’t have to buy another crib or move his kids or anything. All he had to do was move his stuff down the hall and a flunky was gonna do that and he still said no.

You know that it’s bad when second-tier cats like Greg Monroe tells a boy that I’d rather play in cold Milwaukee than LA. Even Robin Lopez told the Lakers to get off of his porch before he sics his dog on them.

So on Saturday, the second most storied franchise in all of the NBA was knockin’ on boyz doors tryin’ to save face. “Excuse me sir, do you have a 7 footer that I can pay you $15.5 million to take off of your hands?” Larry Bird looked around for the hidden camera. Then he looked at the dun standin’ on his porch and said, “Are you kiddin’ me?” And that’s the edited version. Then he was like, “Hell yeah, I gotta 7 footer that you can have for $15.5 million! As a matter of fact, I can throw in 2 more inches for free. We were just on our way to Goodwill with this dun. Hell yeah, I got one and he’s ready to go right now.”

They had Roy strapped in his car seat with his coat and hat on so fast that it made the Lakers nervous at first. “Hold on a second dawg, we don’t have to take him to LA today. We’ve got some time! We’ve got at least until July 9^th it’s no rush bruh!” The Pacers were like, “Naw bruh, it’s cool, we don’t need him this week for anything! As a matter of fact, he’s got a huge bag of Skittles and Lemonheads in my car. Let me get those for you and you can finalize everything on the 9^th. Just get this dun out of my car right now.

Can you imagine the conversation that took place when they called Kobe to tell him that they found a center? It was like some old Three Stooges type joints. “Hello Kobe! Yes! Is this Kobe! Yes! Yes! Is this the Black Mamba? Yes! Yes! Yes! Well look here dawg, we got you a center and not only is he 7 feet tall but they threw in 2 more inches for free! What!!!? Y’all went out and got Roy Hibbert? The same cat that Jay Graves calls “Skittles and Lemonheads? The same dun that will literally play an entire game and record 0 points and 0 rebounds on a boy? That dun? Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! Aren’t you excited? Man if you don’t get off of my phone with that foolishness. Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine!”

Now as much as Kobe talks crazy to his teammates why on earth would you go get a boy that is literally afraid of his own shadow and bring him in? I’ve been coverin’ the Pacers for the more than 5 years and I’m 5’7” and Roy won’t look ME in the eye. He’s all up in the ceilin’ or lookin’ down on the floor every time you interview him. He's gonna have a panic attack dealin' with Kobe everyday bruh!

So now you’re goin’ to put him in the same car with the "Grumpy Old Man” knowin’ he’s got the tendency to eat Skittles and Lemonheads in the Bentley and spill Sprite all over the back seat? That’s gonna be the funniest road trip ever and it’s gonna play out on TV every day. Why? Because it’s the Lakers! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Eddie Cain: noun – the cat that the fictional singin’ group the Five Heartbeats got rid of in the movie entitled the “Five Heartbeats.”
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about at any time and its non-gender specific bruh. 3) Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine: You gotta be a Three Stooges fan to get it bruh!
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Chapter 55 (Why Lil' Darryl must have been negotiatin' NBA contracts this week)

"Huh?" Yeah, I'll give you that shawty!"

As I was standin’ outside of the brown bag joint waitin’ for my food I see these three old cats arguin’ about opportunity. John D. Rockefeller said, “Every right implies a responsibility; Every opportunity, an obligation, Every possession, a duty.” Winston Churchill pulled up in the whip sittin’ on 20’s and shouted, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Then Thomas Edison put his food down and shined a light on the subject by spittin’, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

Well playas…these duns in the NBA free agent open market weren’t missin’ out on the opportunity to get paid this week. On the first day of free agency NBA teams agreed to $1.4 billion in salaries. You read that right playa! Boyz were signin’ unheard of deals and this isn’t even the year cats were expectin’ for it to be stupid. Next year under the new CBA and new television deals it gonna be sick and boyz were cashin’ out like an old lady at a broken slot machine all week.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I get duns like Anthony Davis stingin’ a boy for 5 years/ $145 million or Kevin Love with a 4 year joint for $80 million. I get that playboy because they were the two of the biggest names in free agency. But when duns like Draymond Green can hit a boy up for 5 years and $85 million or Tristan Thompson for 4 and 80 on a boy it’s open season at the coo-coo factory. Now should they have been paid? Sure, but $80+ million? What!!?

Now don’t get me wrong playa, I’m not hatin’ on the boy for gettin’ his bread but who are the duns in these front offices agreein’ to this foolishness. Damien Lillard reaches off into a boyz pockets for 5 years 120? Brandon Knight and Kris Middleton at 5 years 70 million? They must have been negotiatin’ with Lil’ Darryl.

Everybody and their baby momma’s momma knew that Jimmy Butler and dusty corn rolls havin’ Kawhi Leonard was gonna get the max joints so it made sense that they both agreed to a 5 year deal worth $90 million. On some real talk, they could have really agreed to a 1 year deal and hit ‘um up next year when the new TV deals kicks in. I would have if I were them because they’ve got the leverage to do so.

Even D. Wade sucka punched the Heat into a 1 year deal for $20 million on his shot up knees. That dun gets out of a chair like Fred G. Sanford and the G now stands for “Gotcho dumb butt!” And that’s the edited version.

When cats like Tobias Harris can get a boy to agree to a 4year/$64 million joint something is definitely in the water and the milk. In my Spanky voice, “Don’t drink the milk!” Why! “It’s spoiled!”

Now either these front office cats are smokin’, snortin’, injectin’, swallowin’ or all of the above or these cats have the best agents in the world. Talk about a boy takin’ advantage of the opportunity. When a cat like Draymond is makin’ more bread than DeAndre Jordan somebody in that room was high and it wasn’t the player’s agent or the player. I ain’t made at cha like Tupac but some of these teams got way too excited and dove off of the deep end. I’m just sayin’!

Now we’ll have to sit in the cut and see who over the next couple of years has a garage sale to unload a boy with a bad contract to the next sucka. Ask the Pacers what a bad contract looks like and they’ll open the book of “Skittles and Lemonheads” and read a passage from Chapter 55 verse 55! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Brown Bag: noun – hood take-out restaurant. They’re called brown bags because your food is given to you in a brown bag bruh.
2) Whip: noun – luxury vehicle
3) Sittin’ on 20’s: adjective – the car has 20 inch rims
4) Spittin’: verb – to say or in the act of sayin’. C’mon bruh keep up with me now. You’re slowin’ me down playa.
5) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. Whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. So a woman can be a dun. That’s if I’m talkin’ about her.
6) Lil’ Darryl: noun – a character that Ricky Smiley plays of a dun that wears pop bottle glasses and doesn’t understand a thing.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebesdressedmaninmedia
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreportFacebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
Instagram: JayGravesReport
The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!    

Keep It Pushin' (How the Pacers have OFFICIALLY told Roy Hibbert to stay in the ride)

"C'mon dawg! It's like that?"

Margaret Mead, the well-known Anthropologist, once said, “Human nature is potentially aggressive and destructive and potentially orderly and constructive.” Steven Pinker, experimental psychologist, gave it to us like this, “There’s a misconception that survival of the fittest means survival of the most aggressive. The adjective ‘Darwinian’ used to refer to ruthless competition; you used to read that in business journals. But that’s not what Darwinian means to a biologist; it’s whatever leads to reproductive success.” Then Cara Delevingne, the fashion model, put it where the goats could get it when she said, “The best therapy is actually the more aggressive kind when they break you open; they unleash you.”

Well playas…it looks like Larry Bird is finally tryin’ to unleash the dragon in Indiana! Ole boy is lookin’ to play fast this upcomin’ season by bein’ aggressive with the rock. He and Frank Vogel said in the final press-conference after a season endin’ loss that kept the Pacers out of the playoffs that they would be lookin’ to play fast in 2015-2016. After takin’ Myles Turner with their first round pick in draft they turned around on Thursday and swooped up Monta Ellis to help keep it pushin’!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! With boyz like Monta Ellis and George Hill in the back court and duns like Paul George and C.J. Myles unloadin’ cannons it’s gonna be fun to watch the Pacers get up and down the floor. Now one thing we won’t see is ole dull Roy Hibbert, better known as “Skittles and Lemonheads” on TheJayGravesReport, gettin’ up and down the floor with them.

Naw playa, Frank and Larry said even before makin’ a single move this off-season that that dun was comin’ off of the bench even if he decided to opt into the $15.5 million that they’ve gotta pay him this year. Enough is enough playboy! Ole boy is so horrible that they’re willin’ to pay that dun to sit.

It’s unfortunate but he doesn’t fit into the plans playa. He doesn’t give them the effort that they need from a boy to play that style of basketball. Yeah, I saw where the big homie David West said that he felt like the Pacers have thrown Roy under the bus but “Skittles and Lemonheads” has thrown himself under the bus.

At 7’2” 290lbs. all they need is effort out of him and he’s just not givin’ it to them. So he just needs to be thankful that his bread is guaranteed. Where else can you make top dollar and not even have to work. That dun needs to invest in some blue and gold ski masks this season and make them a part of his uniform because at $15.5 million he’s robbin’ these boyz blind.

If I were Larry I’d get my bread out of him some type of way bruh. He’d be choreographing the Pacemates routines, changin’ every freakin’ light bulb in the buildin’, usherin’ boyz to their seats, carryin’ the mini chair for Frank to sit on durin’ timeouts etc. For that type of bread he’d be cookin’ the team’s pre-game meals and drivin’ the bus to the airports too. I’d even have that dun manually changin’ the score on the freakin’ scoreboard for giggles and kicks.

"I'm in the buildin' now playa!

Monta Ellis gives the Pacers an edge that they were lackin’ last season. I know boyz don’t want to admit it but Lance Stephenson was the edge that was missin’. Now granted, he was a loose cannon at times but he was the energy that the Pacers surely missed. And let’s keep it real playa, Indiana was the best fit for him but Larry, Frank and PG did him wrong at the end of the 2014 season by slammin’ him publically in those final press-conferences. I would have bounced too. But Indiana was the only place he could be successful because nobody else understands him. They just blew it but now its water under the bridge now and Monta might just be the answer.

Now don’t think that there won’t be some growin’ pains with this cat because ole boy wants the rock more often than not and he ain’t the franchise. PG is the franchise! Let’s be clear on that pimpin’! So the rocks gotta come his way. If he understands that goin’ in or if PG has to sit down with a boy like Red and hang him off of a balcony to understand the rules then it’ll be all good.

Larry’s done a great job on paper durin’ this off-season and now I can’t wait to see these boyz run up and down the floor. And I can’t wait to see Skittles and Lemonheads finally sittin’ in the back seat of the ride because he was told not to get out of the whip. In the past he was expected to get out of the car and help a boy fight in the middle of the street. Now he’ll be strapped in the freakin’ car seat watchin’ and eatin’ all the skittles and lemonheads he wants. Thanks Larry for takin’ all of the frustration away from us before the season even starts. I’m lookin’ for a boy to be Darwinian this year. For all of you simple minded individuals remember that that means ruthless competition or if you're a freakin' biologist it means reproductive success. Either way playboy, boyz around these parts want it. Now stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Put it where the goats could get it: to break it down to its simplest form. To make it easy for a boy to understand. To put it on the ground so that it’s easy to consume.
2) Skittles and Lemonheads: adjective – it’s what I call Roy Hibbert because he’s always sittin’ in the ride eatin’ them when he should be on the floor bangin’ with his teammates. When he plays an entire game and has zero points and 2 freakin’ rebounds at 7’2” 290lbs. it’s ridiculous. So I start several years ago callin’ him Skittles and Lemonheads.
3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about bruh.
4) Red: noun – character from the movie “The Five Heartbeats” that hung one of his artist off of a balcony for askin’ to see his books. Hilarious!!!
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thedressedmaninmedia
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheJayGravesReport
Instagram: JayGravesReport
The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Grumpy Old Man (How Kobe is killin' the Lakers & LaMarcus Aldridge ain't crazy)

"Ima keep showin' up and openin' my big mouth bruh! Take or leave it!"

Joel Osteen once said, “Sometimes, I think if you get away from what you’re called to do, it’s more of a distraction.” Terence Winter, the famous TV producer, stood up and shouted, “Any distraction tends to get in the way of being an effective gangster.” Then Derek Jeter spit some serious fire when he said, “I think when things linger, that’s when they become a distraction. I don’t want any distractions.”

Well playas…Kobe “Bean” Bryant is lingerin’ and has OFFICIALLY become a distraction for the Los Angeles Lakers. Now I’ve been tellin’ you boyz that ole boy was drivin’ the Lakers into the Santa Monica Pier for the last 3 off-seasons but you’ve refused to listen. I told you a year before the 2014 Free Agency period that NOBODY was goin’ to LA to play with that dun and you told me that I was a hater and he ended up playin’ with The Cosby Kids last year. Now LaMarcus Aldridge has told them to kick rocks because Kobe rubbed him the wrong way in the pitch meetin’.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Lakers front office is a freakin’ train wreck and nobody wants to admit that they screwed up by keepin’ Kobe around like 3 years too long. He’s already robbin’ these boyz without a ski mask makin’ more bread than any other player in the league and he’s been hurt more than he’s been available to play.

This dun has already hit ‘um up like Ocean’s 11and nobody in that front office has blinked at the foolishness that has been his salary over the past three years vs. the production and playin’ time he’s been able to give them. In three years includin’ this one this dun is gonna make $78 million! That would be cool if he were 25 and still the Black Mamba but now he’s the grumpy old man at work that nobody wants to sit next to.

The Lakers were tryin’ to sell the team and the city to ole LaMarcus and this dun jacks up the meetin’ by even bein’ there and sayin’ what everybody in the buildin’ was tryin’ to avoid. LaMarcus wasn’t thinkin’ about the freakin’ amenities of livin’ in LA he wanted to know one thing and one thing only. Who was gonna be the No.1 option up in this piece? I’m not comin’ out here to ride shot gun to a 37 year old ‘has been’ cat that still thinks he’s the man. I’m not doin’ it playa!

Here’s my diehard Kobe fan screamin’ from the roof tops upset with Ya Boy for sayin’ what most duns in the media won’t say, “Man are you crazy? Kobe’s the man and he’s still one of the best players in the league! You trippin’ bruh!” Naw playa, Kobe used to be the man! Now he’s some old dude that has flashes of greatness like farts. He can’t play back to backs, he doesn’t practice and he’s injury prone at this point in his career. However, he still thinks that he’s 25 and is a legitimate No.1 option. That’s called bein’ delusional where I’m from playboy.

He’s the old man that lives in the corner house on the block that chases all the kids out of his yard all day. You know how a boy turns the corner too sharp on his huffy and rides across an old cat’s yard and the old fart run outside to confront you about it?

That’s Kobe right now. Boyz wouldn’t mind goin’ to LA because well…it’s LA, the city of dreams, Hollywood, the Lakers, Showtime and all of that. But then they get in the buildin’ and the wicked witch is sittin’ in the joint beatin’ up flyin’ monkeys and terrorizin’Munchkins. NOBODY’S goin’ to LA until that dun retires bruh! All he’s gonna have on the roster with him are a bunch of young cats from the draft that are scared to death of him that call him Mr. Bryant. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Spit: verb- to say
2) Fire: noun – important information, street knowledge
3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, girl, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about bruh.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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Buttons (The REAL reason Melo is about to be fightin' boyz all season long)

"Just keep smilin' and maybe it'll just go away."

A politician appropriately named Anthony Weiner once said, “I have made terrible mistakes that have hurt the people that I cared about the most, and I am terribly sorry. I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgment and my actions.” Alexander Pope, the 18^th century English poet, gave it to us like this, “No one should be ashamed to admit they are wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that they are wiser today than they were yesterday.” Then Yelawolf, the rap artist, broke it down like a G when he spit, “I’m not ashamed of anything that I’ve done because when I did it, I was passionate about it and I was doing it for a reason.”

Well playas…what was Carmelo Anthony’s wife, LaLa, passionate about and what reason did he have for signin’ off on her gettin’ butt naked and havin’ a sex scene in the hot new TV show “Power” last weekend? Ole girl actually gave boyz a complete chest shot while straddlin’ a boy gettin’ it in in this particular scene. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen bruh! A grown woman with a husband worth $80 million that still has another $100 million in NBA contracts sittin' in the cut sold out for what bruh? Attention? Fame? Really? 

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Excuse my grammar playboy but ain’t Melo the same dun that waited on KG at the team bus to squab because he said somethin' foul about his wife a couple seasons ago durin’ a game? Now if he can’t take boyz sayin’ crazy stuff about her, why on earth would he let her get naked for a boy to YouTube those joints whenever he likes? I’m just sayin’! You already know boyz are about to put the full clown suit on to get blast this fool. I’m talkin’ about complete with the water spittin’ flower and whoopee cushion bruh. Talk about boyz pushn' buttons!

She couldn’t have did it for the bread like  I said earlier playa. It’s not like ole girl was a starvin’ artist and has been waitin’ tables for 15 years and a boy said, “OK, here’s your one and only shot baby-girl but you gotta get naked for the camera and straddle a boy.” And she starts thinkin’ about all of those tip-less nights and rude customers. This chick is loaded and went out like a sucka because she only thought about herself at the moment. Where I'm from they call that bein' selfish.

I guess she forgot all about that she’s got a kid that’s gotta go to school or summer camp with boyz pullin’ out their IPhones with the YouTube App on that joint. See, everybody's parents don't sensor what they watch pimpin'. “Hey dawg is this yo momma? Dannnngggg playa! I can't wait 'til she comes up to the school. I gotta see this for myself.” You already know boyz are gonna clown him from the time some fool finds the clip until he graduates from high school.

Can you imagine what boyz like KG are gonna do to Melo this season bruh? It’s gonna be ugly for him. Boyz already know that he’s sensitive about his wife. Who wouldn’t be? But when she pulls a stunt like that it only makes things worse. Now Melo's got to go to work in a testosterone filled environment and take it on the chin or be fightin' before, durin' and after the game. 

He’s gonna be in the middle of pullin’ up a jumper and a boy is goin’ pull up that scene and say, “Dang Melo I see you!! It's like that playa?” Bam and there it goes!! Full fledge fight right there on the floor at the top of the key. I’m tellin’ you it’s gonna happen bruh because you’re dealin’ with competitive cats that can’t wait to push his buttons. I would! All game long!

That dun may as well get his CDL and become a bus driver as much as he’s gonna be on boyz buses fightin’ after the games. And ole LaLa did all of that for some attention that wasn’t worth that lil’ ole check she got relatively speakin’. Now both her husband and son are out here swingin’ on boyz Mike Tyson in his prime and for what? Some attention that she didn’t need. SMH and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, girl, etc. Whoever I’m talkin’ about bruh and its non-gender specific.
2) KG: noun - Kevin Garnett
3) Squab: verb – to fight4) Pimpin': noun - the person that I'm passionately tryin' to get my point across to.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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Hood Senses (Why Melo's ghetto pass has expired because he's trustin' the wrong cats)

"I'm fallin' off bruh, trustin' too many cats!"

Every week I’ve got to roll back through the hood to keep my ghetto pass from expirin’. So as I’m choppin’ it up with the homies in front of Mr. Lucky’s hamburger joint these three cats start arguin’ about the art of betrayal. Tennessee Williams, the famous playwright, said, “We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal.” Sigmund Freud stood up and shouted, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” Then Catherine MacKinnon, the feminist, scholar and lawyer, shut the joint down with, “It’s particularly hard to take being stabbed in the back close to home. There’s always a feeling of betrayal when people of your own group oppose you.”

Well playas…Carmelo Anthony obviously has duns around him that have betrayal oozin’ out of them at every pore because they didn’t hesitate to throw him under the bus after the draft. Word quickly got out that Melo was furious about the Knicks pickin’ Kristaps Porzingis. Sure, Melo was hot but who wouldn’t be? That’s not the issue here playboy! The problem is, what kind of cats does Melo have in his inner circle that run to duns like Stephen A., the Daily News and friggin’ Wilona?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The word is Melo was on the phone with Tim Hardaway Jr., who was traded to the Hawks, goin’ off about the pick. So either Hardaway told boyz about the conversation or some cat sittin’ in Melo’s house let it out. Then Stephen A. is goin’ in about Melo bein’ furious because his “sources” told him that ole boy was fire up about it too Hold on a second dawg, how does a dun have sources at 'your' house? They told Stephen A. that Melo feels like he’s been lied to, like he was sold a bill of goods. And ole boy is now willin’ to admit that he wanted his bread and that’s why he signed the deal last summer. But he didn’t know that it was gonna be this bad under Phil.

Well…ole boy didn’t have to admit that he wanted his bread because he would have been a fool to walk away from $125 million. I don’t care how bad the team is. It’s called professional basketball. You’re playin’ to get paid. Not everybody is gonna win a championship bruh. That’s all time and chance playa. You gotta be in the right place at the right time with the right supportin’ cast, coachin’ staff and the right organization. It is what it is!

We’re not even gonna get into Phil robbin’ the Knicks without a ski mask on because I told you Knicks fan when they hired that dun that he was out to screw ‘em in the first place. Yeah I will bruh, because all these suckas need to hear this. Any time a boy tells you that he wants $15 million, which is 3 times what a very highly paid NBA coach makes, to only coach HALF of the season he’s a natural born hustla. When he told LA several years ago that was his deal take it or leave it he was tellin’ boyz that he was bullyin’ whoever was willin’ to get in line and the Knicks got in line.

So don’t get upset that Porzingis is the latest move of a series of epic fails that you’ve got to sit through until he bounces.

Now back to Melo! Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma realizes that boyz are gonna have an opinion about whoever is drafted to play with them. I’m quite sure Melo isn’t the first and sure won’t be the last dun fired up about a bad draft pick. But to have cats in your camp talkin’ to these media-types is beyond me. And wheredeydodatat?

Melo’s been rich far too long bruh and he’s not recoupin’ his hood senses enough if he’s got cats ridin’ with him tellin’ the freakin’ media what he’s sayin’ on his own phone and in his own house. Every now and then he needs to jump in the ride with me because I fall off into the hood EVERY week to re-up my hood sensibilities. I’ve got to holler at boyz in the barber shops and brown bag joints just to keep my ghetto antenna up. Because when you’re in the suburbs too long you start losin’ you survival skills. You start leavin’ the doors unlocked, pullin’ up to joints and goin’ in with your car runnin’, leavin’ your computer/cell phone in the front seat, trustin’ folks because they talk a good game, you stop keepin’ your head on a swivel and you let duns in your house that will run tell the media what you just said.

Now how in THEE world do you think the Knicks are gonna deal with the foolishness of terrible chemistry in the locker room on day 1. Oh its tension right now playboy believe that, because the franchise player and the new rookie first round draft pick are beefin’. Why? Because they’ve got testosterone in their systems that’s why. I don’t care who you are or where you’re from you’re not cool with a boy disrespectin’ you and you’re a competitor.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. In this young boy’s mind he’s lookin’ at Melo sayin’, “You got the nerve to question my game and you’ve done nothin’ to help not one team you’ve played on in the NBA to win jack squat!” And that’s the edited version! “All you’ve ever done in your entire professional career is gun, take boy’z money and you’ve played as much defense as a hooker in trainin’ because he ain't tryin' to keep a boy from scorin'! Back up off of me pimpin’!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: noun – the person or persons in question, dude, guy, girl, etc. Whoever I’m talkin’ about.
2) Wilona: noun – Character on the hit ‘70’s sitcom “Good Times” that couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.
3) Brown Bag Joints: noun – hood take out joints. All of your food is put into a brown bag. Thus, Brown Bag Joint. Every hood in America has Brown Bag Joints. If it ain’t in a brown bag it ain’t hood.
4) Let me put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to break it down to its simplest form for you. To put it on the ground and spoon feed you.
Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!