Checkin' the Box (Why boyz should have taken the mic from Shabazz on the podium)

"I'm bout to get this mic and talk crazy right now bruh!"

Big Momma once said, “Sometimes saying less is more baby.” Mr. Willie down at the car wash gave it to us like this, “You trying to do way too much playboy. Just stick to the scrip because if you keep talking they’re gonna figure you out.” Then the Dalai Lama shut the building down with, “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.”

Well somebody should have told Shabazz Napier that before they put the mic in that dun's face while he was on the podium. After the UConn Huskies went to work on the Kentucky Wildcats to win their fourth national title since 1999, ole boy just couldn’t help himself. When they gave him the mic he started out great and then it went left.

“You’re looking at the hungry Huskies!” Great start pimpin’! Then this dun says, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you banned us.”

What? They should have grabbed the mic after the  first sentence because he went left and hit the guard rail with that joint.

What he was talking about was the fact that UConn was barred from participating in the NCAA Tournament last year because of their academic performance or more specifically, lack thereof.

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Don’t get it twisted, I know that this is all a sham because the NCAA is raping boyz and making a killin' in revenues off of these cats. Any time you can hold a sellout basketball game in an arena that seats 80,000 people, broadcast the tourney on three networks simultaneously during the course of the tournament and get another network that isn't even hosting the games to set up shop for pre and post game then you already know it's a hustle. To top that off you had five freshmen playing in the freakin' game last night from UK that didn't "NEED" to go to not one single solitary class to be eligible to play in that game. So you know it's a scam. 

 The NCAA could care less if the duns at UConn graduate, go to class or even know where the freakin’ classes are. I get that playboy. But if the rule is to check the freakin’ box, then you gotta check the freakin’ box. That’s Real World 101!

Shabazz: "Hey man let me get it again? Teammates: Naw Dawg!"

The best thing to say after winning the ultimate prize would have been, “After being banned from the tournament last year. We made a commitment to one another to become better people and players and this is the result of that. I’m so proud of our team!” And keep it movin'! Because the more ole boy talked the more boyz figured that he doesn’t have a clue of how the world works.

Anytime you're blaming someone else for you not handling "YOUR" business you sound like a fool. That’s like a boy getting fired from his job for not doing his job and then eventually becoming the CEO of his own company and saying, “This is what you get for firing me!” That sounds crazy. Just handle your business because you already had it in you to succeed.

Everywhere you go in life there are going to be rules and regulations that you may or may not agree with. But if you’re going to succeed you’re going to have to follow them. There’s no way around it playa.

So in this case the UConn Huskies had to go to class and make the grades in order to be able to hold up the trophy. That’s what people in the real world have to do every day. You gotta give to get. You can’t ever do what you want to do without first having to check the freakin’ box. Congrats to UConn for checkin’ it and winning the ultimate prize! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Junior Mafia (Why the Kentucky freshmen are READY to rock the Mic with Biggie)

"We rockin' the crowd right now bruh!"

Ole dull Donald Trump once said, “I wasn’t satisfied just to earn a good living. I was looking to make a statement.” Ezra Pound, the famous poet, gave it to us like this, “Any general statement is like a check drawn on a bank. Its value depends on what is there to meet it.” Then Edward Teller, the famous physicist, said, “A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective.”

Well the five freshmen from Kentucky have been guilty all season and on Saturday night they were found effective! The young boyz beat Wisconsin 74-73 to advance to the national championship game on Monday night leaving all haters and doubters sucking their thumbs in disbelieve.

We haven’t seen five freshmen play for a national title since the Fab Five did it in ’92 playboy! If these duns pull it off why in the world would they stay in school listening to clowns on TV tell them that they aren’t ready to go the NBA?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The NCAA Tournament is their job interview bruh and these boyz are killin’ every question, showing proof of accomplishment and are coming in highly recommended.

GM’s and scouts are salivating and have already told a boy that he’s got the job if he wants it and he’s supposed to listen to some fool on TV that left school early too tell him that they're not ready? You sound like a complete fool!

Like I said in my Hot Joint a couple of weeks ago entitled “Top 10 Nonsense” if the job is offered these young boyz gotta take it. Why? Because there are no guarantees in life and if you’re bangin’ right now, take the money! Ask Mitch McGary if it made sense to stay a Michigan this year? That dun had back surgery and there are no guarantees that he’ll ever catch lightening in a bottle again.

Nobody even knew his name before the tournament started last year and in six games he became the 8th player on everybody’s mock draft board and he decided to stay in school. Well guess what playa? Had he been drafted No.8 he would have been paid $2.1M in year one of the guarantee, $2.2M in year two and $2.3M in year three of the team option according to the new Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA). But he decided listen to some undercover hater working a regular job. Yeah that makes sense.

School has been here for two thousand years playboy and it’ll be here for another two thousand but these young cat’s ability and opportunity to play this game will only be here for a short period of time.

Even if the Wildcats don’t win the national title on Monday they’ve done enough to get a job offer in the NBA and that’s the only freakin’ reason they went to college in the first place. The only reason a boy should stay is if he’s not going to be a first round pick because there isn’t any guaranteed bread in the second round. But if he’s a first round pick, which all of these cats should be, then adios amigos!

Here’s the clown that believes everybody in the world needs to have a degree screamin’ from the roof top. “Jay you sound crazy! They need to stay in school and get an education. I think that everybody would be better off with a degree! You sound stupid telling these kids to leave school.”

Do I really playa? If everybody in the world had a degree from a 4 year institution we wouldn’t be communicating via the World Wide Web right now pimp. If everybody had a degree we wouldn’t be using these things called cell phones or Facebook. If boyz had listened to you we wouldn’t be living in houses and working in office buildings because there would be no construction workers, plumbers, electricians, artists, landscapers or glass makers. There would be no mass production of products because the folks working in the mills and factories wouldn’t be there.

We’d all be walking around this piece with our hair looking a hot mess because there would be no barbers and beauticians. We wouldn’t have anything to entertain us because there would be no actors or actresses in Hollywood. As a matter of fact, there would be no Hollywood playboy. They would be no music on the radio if everybody had to go to college bruh! There would be no Beyonce', Lil Wayne, Drake, Jay-Z, Lady GaGa, or Michael "freakin' Jackson!

And if everybody had a college degree the pay scale wouldn't change. The same duns that are making minimum wage now would still be making minimum wage and the cats getting all of the bread now would still be getting it. You sound foolish!

So before you throw everybody in a freakin’ classroom and hold them hostage. Understand that everybody has been blessed with a gift that they’ve got to use before it’s taken away from them. Some of us have to have a college degree in order to use that gift and some of us don’t. And the freshmen at Kentucky fall into the category of those that don’t!

When the NBA’s CBA is offering boyz a two year guaranteed salary that ranges from $4M a year for the 1^st pick all the way to $850K per year for the 30^th pick with a third year team option of slightly more than the first two. You’ve got to be crazy to tell a boy not to take that job. Most people in the world with a degree will never make $1M over the course of their careers bruh and you’re gonna tell a boy not to take it! It took me darn near 17 years to make a $1M with a degree because when you first get out of school you gotta start at the bottom!

Please don’t try to sell me the “If you stay in school you’ll be better at handling money and that’s why these duns keep going broke” line.” Why? Because I know a gang of boyz with Masters Degrees with bad credit living paycheck to paycheck. I know boyz with degrees right now that if they lost their jobs today would be homeless in less than 30 days. So don’t sell that foolishness to me.

I guess you already know who I’m ridin’ with on Monday? The Junior Mafia playboy and turn up that “Get Money” all the way to the national title and then on to the draft! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Money Ball (Why it makes absolutely no sense to pass up an NBA job offer)

"I can't see the future playboy! Can you?"

William Penn said, “The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” The Swiss playwright, Max Frisch, broke it down like this, “Jealousy is the fear of comparison.” The science fiction writer, Robert A. Heinlein, shut the building down when he said, “A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything.  Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

I’m always blown away by how much some of these dull cats in the media will hate on a boy for doing his thing! Growing up in the ghetto we called it “Throwing salt!” I hear so many sports journalists spittin' hate on cats for leaving school early to get paid. Why? Because they're jealous of these young boyz because they don't possess the DNA to play at that level!

Yesterday I wrote the Hot Joint entitled, "Top 10 NonSense" about why if a boy is first round draft eligible that he's ready not only to go the league but ready to get paid!

For example, I was covering a Pacers game last season and sitting next to this dun on press row that was saying that Gerald Green should have gone to college instead of coming straight into the league out of high school in 2005! I constantly hear this cat on ESPN radio, who shall remain nameless, hatin' on Kentucky's John Calipari for the way he recruits because his players have been getting drafted after one year of school. Now these are sports journalist’s bruh not diehard fans that only think with their hearts! These are cats that have an audience of people that hang on every word that they say. So it's like the blind leading the blind playboy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st!  Sports is entertainment to only the fans and strictly business to the duns that make money off of it including the players and journalists! Sure, they can still be fans of the game but they should have a more intelligent perspective on why boyz do what they do. The whole premise of going to school at any level is to learn enough to get a job that will allow you to make a living. Right?

So if duns like Gerald Green could come out of high school at 18 years old before the league changed the rules in 2005 and the NBA was willing to draft him in the first round at No.18 overall why wouldn't he take advantage of that opportunity? He’s been in the league for 9 years and his current salary is $3.5 million and he's been making that for a few years now! Let’s say he plays for the one more season and makes it a cool 10 years in the league! Now obviously he didn't come out making that type of bread on an annual basis. So on average let's say he would make just about $2 million per year over his career. That's $20 million bruh!

So again I ask, why would he go to college where the NBA scouts would have had a chance to see that he wasn’t as good as they thought he was at 18. Going to school only would have given them more time to poke holes in his game and he probably never would have gotten drafted or drafted as high. He’s not in it for the clown that says he ain’t ready for the league. He’s in it for himself and Big Momma! Who cares what some playa hatin' journalist or fan thinks about whether a boy is ready to go to the league or not? What did the scouts say? If they're paying he's playing playboy! That's real talk!!

I heard this other talking head say that Calipari is recruiting all of these “One and Done” players and they aren’t ready for the NBA but are getting drafted anyway! He goes on to say, “Look at the 2012 team where all of those cats got drafted and the only one that was ready was Anthony Davis! What? Ready to be a superstar or ready to get drafted? Anthony Davis is making $5.14 million, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is making $4.6 million, Terrence Jones $1.48 million, Marquis Teague $1.0 million, Doron Lamb $650,000 and Daruis Miller $473,000! Ready for what homeboy? They’re making a living! If it doesn’t work out they can always go back to school if that’s even what a boy wants to do. How many duns do you know that are making $473,000 per year? I'm just sayin'!

Only so many cats are gonna be superstars in this league bruh! Somebody has to come off of the bench and somebody’s gotta sit on that joint! So why not sit and make a living doing something that you love to do as opposed to sitting in a classroom broke or at this point working a regular job! If they were to stay in school and risk getting hurt or boyz finding out that they weren’t as good doesn’t help anybody but the fans and the owners. The player doesn't benefit at all from that scenario. So why stay?

Why don't you ask Greg Oden if coming out of school when he did made sense? If he had listened to clowns like these telling him that he needs one more year to develop he never would have gotten drafted because he's knees went south two months after the draft. So he would probably have a college degree by now working a regular job at 7 feet tall looking like an idiot trying to squeeze into a cubical in somebody's office. Now he's got plenty of bread with a net worth of $15 million and he shouldn't HAVE to work day in his life.

Go ask Michigan's Mitch McGary if it made sense to stay in school. Nobody knew his name outside of Ann Arbor before the tournament started last year. Then that dun went nuts for six games and all of a sudden was projected as a No.8 pick and decided to stay. Then ended up having back surgery last fall and hasn't played all year. So guess what playboy? He's gotta go back to school next year and try to catch lightening in a bottle all over again and what's the chance of doing that? Will he get drafted? Probably so but will he be a No.8 pick? Doubt it! Because there's always a crop of new boyz comin' up.

And before you fix your mouth to say it. A college degree doesn't guarantee that a boy won't blow all of his bread because I know a whole lot of duns that are broke with degrees.

Let me give you some perspective on just how much bread some of these playa hatin’ journalists are telling boyz to walk away from! A pediatrician makes on average $165,000! Specialists like cardiologists, radiologists or orthopedic surgeons make on average $315,000 per year. Now these duns have gone to undergraduate school, medical school and have done 3 to 4 years of residency to make that type of bread! Not to mention they've got $160,000 in student loans to repay when they get out.

Let’s say the specialist works until he or she is 65. That’s 35 years at an average of $315,000 because they don't start getting paid until they're 30 because they've been in school and training the whole time. They would only make $11.2 million for their CAREERS! I just told you that Gerald Green can make $20 million in 10 years sitting on the bench bruh for 9 of them because he just got on the floor this year in Phoenix!

Do you realize that the average salary in America is $29,000! The average salary for a person with a college degree is $53,000! Most people aren't going to make a million dollars in their entire careers bruh and this cat can make 20 times that sitting on the bench in 10 years! You sound like a fool tellin' a boy to stay in school! How much sense does it make to pass up the opportunity to go to the league after putting that bread in perspective now? In my Bernie Mac voice, “You jealous somma ma….!” Stop me when I start lyin'!

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Top 10 NonSense (Why duns that say these freshmen aren't READY for the NBA sound foolish)

In my Harlem Nights voice, "Weady s%&! yeah! I'm Weady!"

Williams James, the famous philosopher and psychologist, once said, “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” Mark Twain gave it to us like this, “It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” Then the big homie, Robert Frost, settled the argument with, “Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.”

He must have been talking to all of these clowns on TV telling the world that all of these “One and Done” cats aren’t ready to go to the NBA. Every time I look up some former player like Charles Barkley is saying that these cats aren’t ready and then fools that can’t think for themselves agree with him.

First of all, if the freakin’ NBA is gonna draft them in the first round then they’re ready! If they meet the criteria to be ranked in the top 30 players (1^st round) in the world then they’re ready. Stop with all of this foolishness and lyin’ to folks playboy. The question is; are they willing to enter the draft?

Duns act like that in order to get drafted you’ve got to be an impact or franchise player. That’s ignorant! Not everybody in the top 10 of the draft is going to be a superstar. There are only 12 All-Stars in the East and 12 in the West and there is a reason for that pimpin’. Everybody can’t be LeBron, Kobe, KD, CP3 or Melo etc. bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Somebody has to be a role player bruh. Somebody has to be a sixth man and so on and so forth. There are duns that have played their entire careers in the league and have never even started a game before. So you telling me that they aren’t ready to play in the NBA means that they can’t make a roster. That’s sounds dumb if you just take the time to say it out loud.

Here’s my “non-thinking for himself” sports fan screamin’ at the top of his lungs, “Jay you sound like a fool! Every cat that is a Top 10 pick should be a franchise player!” Oh really? Sit down and let me take you to school real quick big playa.

There are gangs of cats that have been drafted in the Top 10 that played for years and never became a "franchise" player. Were they not ready? Let’s start with Rex Chapman drafted No. 8 overall in ’88 and played for 12 years. I could go back further but why? Then there’s Pervis Ellison in ’89 that went No. 1 and played for 11 years, Danny Ferry in ’89 went No.2 played 14 years, Shawn Bradley in ’93 went No. 2 played 12 years. Do I need to go on playa?

Since you don’t believe that fat meat is greasy I will. Donyell Marshall went No.5 played 15 years, Glenn “Big Dawg” Robinson my homeboy went No.1 played 11 years, Darius Miles went No. 3 played 9 years, Bobby Hurley went No. 7 played 5 years, Shawn Livingston went No. 4 played 9 years, Johnathan Bender went No. 5 played 11 years until his knees gave him the shaft. Don't let me EVER forget Kwami "freakin'" Brown who went No.1 overall and played 12 years in the league.

Then there are duns like Corey Brewer that went No.7 in ’07 and Michael Beasley in ’08 that went No. 2 that are still in the league. So don’t tell me that in order to be considered “ready” you gotta be a franchise player because none of the duns I just named were. Glenn may be the closest to becoming one but he never really turned the corner either.

Y’all get caught up in listening to some fool that used to play instead of pulling up the facts. Just because a boy is a Hall of Famer doesn’t mean that he’s a student of the game and knows the history of it. It just means that he could play. Facts are facts playboy and you don’t have to be a Hall of Famer to know them.

Keep this in mind too, the very cats that are saying that boyz should stay in school got rich playing basketball in the NBA! How much hypocrisy can you stomach bruh?

Now if boyz we're saying that guys like Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker and Julius Randle aren’t ready to be superstars right now I’d agree. But to say that they aren’t ready to play in the NBA is asinine! Because if they aren’t then who is? There are cats in the league right now that they are better than. So don't tell me that they aren't ready.

They’re going to hold the draft in June regardless. So if the scouts tell them that they’re going to be Top 10 picks you sound like a fool telling them that they aren’t ready.

Let me give you some food for thought playboy that an old timer once gave me. “You are ALWAYS worth whatever somebody is willing to pay you!” So for the clowns telling these kids that they need to stay in school another year stop talking to hear yourself talk. You’re speaking purely from a fans perspective and guess what pimpin’? The player cares nothing about how you feel about the NBA's fan appeal. That’s not their concern. He’s taking the job that’s being offered to him and you would too. So stop making a fool of yourself even repeating that foolishness.

Unless the clowns spittin’ that ignorance are freakin’ prophets how do they know who’s gonna become a franchise player and who won’t? So young fella, I say take the guaranteed bread and tell these haters to kick rocks. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Office Hours (The REAL reason nobody in the ghetto is upset that Duke got bounced)

"You still wanna see my books playboy!"

Iain Duncan Smith, the British Secretary of State, once said, “Do not underestimate the determination of a quiet man.” Oliver Stone gave it to us like this, “Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate that.” Then Wilma Rudolph shut the building down with, “Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion. The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”

Well the duns from Mercer must have been the quiet man that was full of jealousy and envy dreaming about the greatness living within because they stepped to Duke in Raleigh and gave them the business 78-71!

The boyz from Macon Georgia didn’t trip that they were playing the powerhouse from Durham. They just laced 'em boyz up and went to work. Here’s the problem playboy, Duke let those duns hang around for way too long. Like Mr. Willie down at the shoe shine shop that never in my life has had a boy gettin’ his shoes shined in the joint but stays in business says, “You can’t let a boy hang around because all he’s doing is setting up bruh!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Duke let ‘em hang around outside the joint all day and the next thing they knew Mercer was Big Red hangin’ ‘em out of the window upside down! Duke stepped to the wrong cats and wanted to see their books and Mercer gave them the famous line, “My office hours are between 9 and 5!”

"We got this!"

The 14^th seeded Bears stepped to ‘em with five seniors and the young boyz from Duke panicked. At the 16 minute mark Duke was only down like 3 points and the Blue Devils freaked out. They stopped running any version of an offense and started jacking up 3-pointers for no reason. These cats were stepping over the half court line and pulling up. At one point they were shooting from the parking lot bruh. 

I think ole Mike Krzyzewski himself panicked too because he never stepped in to help these duns. He called a few timeouts but they went right back out on the floor and kept pulling up. They made it easy for Big Red!

Well on some real talk, no hood dwellers or former hood dwellers are sick this morning that Duke got bounced except for a few boyz on the South Side of the Chicago that were repin’ Jabari Parker. Why? Because ole dull Mike Krzyzewski never goes to the ghetto to get players. I think Jabari may have been his first and only trip to war zone. Jalen Rose wasn't playin' bruh! Nobody in the hood likes Duke for that very reason! And don't give me the whole "nobody in the hood can get into Duke" crap because boyz from the ghetto are in private schools on scholarship all over this freakin' country.

Mike just wants the black kids from the upper middle class families or the cats who's daddy's played in the NBA that grew up rich because it's safe. Pass the collection plate playboy because you know I'm preachin'!

So ain’t nobody trippin’ on Duke gettin’ thrown out of the window yesterday playboy. As a matter of fact, the police have been knocking on doors all night to see if anybody saw Big Red do it and they’ve been gettin’ the same answer from everybody. What they don't know is that Big Red is at my crib right now downstairs playin' cards with the homies. So since they’re knocking on my joint as we speak, I'm forced to say in my Every Hood, USA vernacular, “I ain’t seen nuthin’ or nobody! So git off my porch with that foolishness!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Bracket Lyin'! (How boyz will lie to you in a minute about picking theupsets)

"Dude you gotta get a hair cut tonight bruh!"

As I I’m sitting in the sports bar watching this Madness unfold these cats sitting next to me start arguing about boyz lyin’! John Ruskin, the 19th century English art critic, said, “The essence of lying is in deception, not in words.” William Shakespeare threw his wings down and said, “Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying.” Then Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher, stood up on the table and shouted, “The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.”

Ole Friedrich obviously never filled out a bracket playboy because these duns are running around here lyin’ just to be lyin’ today. They call it March Madness for a reason pimpin’ and Thursday was in full effect. Boyz were gettin’ knocked off and duns were lyin’ about picking the upsets.

I can’t tell you how many cats told me last night that they picked Dayton over Ohio State. Don’t repeat that bruh because you look like a fool telling that lie. The only duns that picked Dayton over Ohio State were die hard Dayton fans and the only humans beings that are die hard Dayton fans are clowns that went to Dayton. And they picked them out of loyalty alone. Give me a break.

Then I had cats running through the joint talking about how they got the Harvard over Cincinnati joint right. Now Harvard was the 12^th seed pulling in with a bunch of white boy geniuses from suburban America and Cincinnati was the 5^th seed with Pookie and Ray Ray nem from Every Hood, USA and you picked the Ivy League to win the hoop game? C’mon bruh! The students at Harvard didn't even pick them to win.

It's not like we're talkin' about some white cats like Steve Nash, Larry Bird, Jerry West or even Rex Chapman! We're talkin about the Revenge of the Nerds bruh! They lost to Poindexter, Harold and Booger!

See Pookie and Ray Ray nem looked at the bracket, saw Harvard and checked out. They showed up thinkin’, we’re bout to carjack these fools for their Polo’s and Breitlings and keep it movin’. Well the geniuses pulled the gun first and got out of there with some Jordan’s and jewelry of their own playboy.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! If we’re gonna be cool then stop all of the foolish lyin’ right now so we can enjoy the freakin’ tournament.

Now if you run in and tell me that you picked North Dakota State to beat Oklahoma I would believe you. Why? Because even though OU was the fifth seed they were bipolar all season. Up and down like a yo-yo bruh. One minute they looked like they were the real deal that could win the Big 12 and the next they looked like they belonged in the Missouri Valley. Sure, they were 23-10 but they were all over the place this year. So the duns from North Dakota caught them slippin’ at the light and got ‘em.

Now will somebody wrestle the North Dakota point guard to the floor and cut his freakin' hair bruh? I know Big Momma was cussin', not cursing playboy, but cussin' when he stepped on the floor. "I told that boy to cut his hair before he left campus. Now he on national TV lookin' a hot mess and you know all them #$%@&! at church gone have something to say. Wait 'til I get him on the phone tonight!"

Big Momma I told you not to send him to North Dakota unless he could cut it himself. It ain't but 4 black people in the entire state that aren't students and those that are athletes playboy! So do you mean to tell me that nobody cuts hair?

While you’re playin’ Louisville almost got clipped by some cats from Manhattan. Ole Rick Pitino was woofin’ that they passed the eye test to be a No. 1 seed because they were rollin’ going into the tournament and almost took it on the chin day one by some commuter campus cats.

Stop talking playboy and play the freakin’ game. Who cares what seed you are?! You gotta play the boyz in front of you and win at this point. Telling me that you pass the eye test for a 1 seed and then gettin’ caught up in an alley by Manhattan means that you better have your head on a swivel going forward.

March Madness is in full effect and that was just the first full day playa! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Top 10 HOOD Bracket Rules for March Madness

"It's on and poppin' playboy!"

March Madness is officially here. The two greatest weeks in sports next to College Football season in my opinion is sittin' on top of us bruh. Regardless of whether you agree with me or not, it's a good time. Before we get started this week I just want to lay out some ground rules for filling out your freakin' brackets playas and playettes!

Here are the Top 10 HOOD Bracket Rules:

1. You can only fill out one bracket! I hate when people show up to work with 10 joints filled out and try to win the office pool. "If it's shady and you know it clap ya hands." Clap! Clap! When the tournament is over this person gallivants around like they really knew something about college basketball. Sorry excuse for a sports fan!!!

2. Don't fill out your kid's bracket! If he or she can't talk or walk they can't participate. If they're still gruntin' and stinkin' then they can't have a freakin' bracket! That's final. I get tired of losing to some kid that's 8 months old named Shaniqua or Lil' Money with snot hanging out of their nose wearing a pinky ring and some Jordan's. I'm serious!

3. Don't pick the stupid teams based on the uniforms! If you haven't watched the games to this point just say that you don't know and bow out gracefully.

4. Don't try to change your bracket once all of your Final Four teams lose! I get tired of duns that pick boyz to make it to the Final Four and then by next Friday they've got somebody else on their bracket because all of their joints are sittin' at the crib. The bracket police is gonna be blastin' boyz for violating these rules.

5. Don't show up to the sports bar on Thursday talking trash or wearing your team logo if your school isn't in the tournament. You're on punishment for crying out loud!! If your school sucks then you have to stay at the crib! That includes Indiana and Purdue fans too. If you show up to the joint talking about next year you're gonna get drug out of the joint and beat in the parking lot. The tournament is about this year bruh.  Also no brew and wings for you or your boyz if you dare show up with team logo's and your school isn't dancin', you gotta sit in the corner in the Ginger Ale and hot dogs section all night.

6. Don't install that stupid software with the fake graphs on it to try to fool your boss when he walks past your computer. He knows that you're watchin' the games because he's watching the freakin' games in his office. Just keep it real son, order pizza and go to the conference room and watch it together. Ain't no sense in lyin' to each other.

7. Don't get on Facebook or Twitter lyin' about being at the games. Who cares? You always got some dun tellin' boyz that he's at the freakin' game and he hasn't left his driveway. It's better to watch it at the crib or at the sports bar anyway you idiot! There's always a clown trying to big time like nobody else can just walk up and buy a ticket to a half sold arena because half the teams had to fly across the country to play in the stinkin' tournament and their fans only had 48 hours to book a flight.  On some real talk, who can afford to do that? Facebook a boy when you've got court side seats in Dallas for the Final Four if you wanna impress me pimpin'!

8. If you win the bracket challenge and get the traveling trophy don't try to keep the stupid thing or try to pawn it down at Big Momma's Pawn & Chicken Shack! You can't do anything with a trophy in the streets but get beat up or drink out of it and Ned the Whino just drinks straight out of the bottle! That's why they call it a traveling trophy your moron! It's travels!!! Return it next year and I mean it!!

9. Don't call in sick Thursday and Friday because you'll look like a complete fool! Trust me. Those duns are still unemployed from getting fired last year for sittin' in the the sports bar gettin' it in simply because they didn't invite their bosses to join them. Just be honest bruh because he would have rolled with you and you'd still have a job! Use a vacation day and you won't have to hide out all day! Trust me!

10. Finally, don't spend the next 24 hours asking folks "Who's your Final Four teams" so you can pick yours. This is an independent project tonight. No cheating!

You've officially been warned by the ghetto bracket police! You know how we get it in so let's get it in!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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