Broad Beef (The REAL reason Richard Sherman took a shot at Crabtree after the game)

"The cameras will be in my face in about 4 minutes!
 So you already know what I'm bout to do!"

As the fellas were sittin’ around watching Seattle and San Fran go at it, boyz started fighting over confidence. Vince Lombardi jumped up and said, “Confidence is contagious. So is a lack of confidence.” Marcus Garvey put his wings down and said, “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life.” Then Mark Twain told the lil’ momma that he was hollerin’ at on the phone to hold on as he said, “To succeed in life, you need two things; ignorance and confidence.”

Well ole Richard Sherman has been quick to let boyz know that he’s the best corner in the game all season long. So in his mind, why in the world would San Fran go at him in the final seconds of the game to earn a trip to the Super Bowl? Because you gotta go to your best receiver when it all comes down to it playboy.

With mere seconds to play the best corner in the game is locked down on the best receiver on the field for all of the marbles. We couldn’t ask for more and ole Richard answered the bell and deflected the joint. So let the trash talk begin!

You already knew that when he got his hand on it and his boy Malcolm Smith intercepted it ole boy was gonna start talking crazy because that’s his M.O. For all you duns that don’t know what M.O. really means, it’s his Modus Operandi, a Latin phrase to say in hood terms, “That’s how a boy gets down!”

As soon as they put the camera in his face he said, “I’m the best corner in the game. When you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree that’s the result you going to get.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! As soon as he called ole boy sorry I knew that the beef between the two of them had nothing to do with football. Making a play is one thing but calling a boy sorry is completely different.

Here’s the deal, Sherman making a play on the ball has absolutely nothing to do with Crabtree’s ability to play wide receiver. Because ole boy made a play on the ball and not the man.

So what does it tell me playboy? I tells me that Crabtree got the best of Sherman in the offseason somewhere and a broad is involved. There’s nothing else for two rich cats to beef about bruh! The game is the game and it's over, and Sherman won. So all of the field woofing is over.

I’m not like the rest of these media type cats that complain and whine about boyz talkin' trash because that’s part of the game. Richard Sherman’s DNA dictates that he talks all the time because that allows him to ball out. He’s been doing it since he was a child. You can’t ask him to stop doing what got him to the NFL in the first place. So I’m cool with a boy talkin’.

However, when you win the biggest game of your freakin’ life to get to the Super Bowl and the first thing you do is take a shot at a boy that you beat to get there, that’s a warning sign bruh! Crabtree is in yo head because why else would you even be thinking about that dun right now?

You’re supposed to be talking about fulfilling the dream of playing in the Super Bowl etc. “Wow I can’t believe I finally made it. We’ve worked so hard to get here. Hey, Big Momma I made it!” Not hollerin’ about being better than some cat that you just beat to get to the Super Bowl! C’mon bruh!

So you may as well tell us what her name is so we can all Google her! Because Crabtree got you doin’ bad over her playboy! I’m from where you’re from bruh! I can smell a broad beef a mile away.

That post-game interview was all testosterone saying, "Yeah you took my girl but I got the best of you today tho!" It reeked of it bruh!

Sherm did admit that his issues do go back to something in the offseason but he wouldn’t go into detail about it. Now why wouldn’t a cat that talks crazy about everything else not just say what the beef is about? Because he’s on the bottom end of the beef playboy! So in my Huggy Lowdown voice, “Waaait for it!” because it’s gonna come out! Why? Because Crabtree is gonna let it out because you disrespected him by taking it outside of the game. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The Big Giveaway (Why DeSean Jackson, on some real talk, gave away that $250K!)

"I already know bruh! And I know you gone clown me!"

Rolling through South Philly over the weekend I ran up on some cats in the projects discussing the art of stupidity. Frank Leahy, the legendary Notre Dame coach, said, “Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.” Harlan Ellison, the famous writer, flipped the ashes off of his square and said, “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” Then Paul Gauguin, the French Post-Impressionist artist, shouted as he was getting a jail house tattoo on the elevator, “We never really know what stupidity is until we have experimented on ourselves.”

Well it looks like DeSean Jackson’s experiment worked like a charm! He’s officially proven to the world that he’s not only flirting with stupidity but he’s seriously dating her! It was reported on Saturday that sometime last week ole boy’s house was robbed of more than $250K in cash and a 9mm hand gun.

First of all, let’s clear up the first piece of this foolishness! The house was not robbed playboy. A robbery involves taking something by force. According to the police report there was no sign of forced entry. Also according to DeSean’s mother his friends have access to the house!

So therefore my brother, the house wasn’t robbed of $250K and a gun. It was given away! Anybody that knows anything about the hood or hood protocol knows that 98% of the time when someone breaks into your crib it’s somebody that you already know and nearly 100% of the time it’s somebody that’s been in the house before.

Cats don’t randomly break into houses bruh! Why? Because they don’t know what’s on the other side of the door. The fact that DeSean posted on Twitter that he was in Miami all week gettin’ it in made it easy for the dun that knew the bread was in the house to go get it.

So like I said, he gave away $250K to the homie that had gotten tired of watching boyz eat and drink like kings! See that same dun that got him wouldn’t have gotten him if he was loyal to him. So it wasn’t one of Desean’s boyz that got him. It was Desean’s boy’s boy that got him! That’s why you’ve got to be careful with who you let in your crib.

Sean Taylor died as a result of his sister having a birthday party at his house and some duns that were at the party scoped the joint out and decided to come back a week later to hit a lick. He just happened to be at home due to an injury and walked out of his bedroom on these fools and here we go. Was it his sister’s fault? Not at all! Was she reckless having duns in the house that couldn’t be trusted? Absolutely!

Rule 1 Section 2 Article 6 of the Hood Code of Conduct says, “You are prohibited from bringing your boy over to my crib if I don’t know him! I don’t care how cool you and I are! If this rule is not followed you will be subject to a beat down in the driveway and sent on your way!”

DeSean is acting like $250K isn’t a big deal because he’s two years into a $51 million contract as he responds on Twitter by writing:

“The things they do 4 a lil paper! Keep a smile on my face God Plan 4 me bigger then that!! Know that 100!”

In the grand scheme of things $250K ain’t no biggie today but when he’s 36 and out of the league it’s gonna become real bread.

That’s trick off money now but to boyz in the real world that’s a whole crib in the suburbs playboy! Well... depending upon where you live. You can get up to 4,000 sq. ft. in Indiana!  That $250K can get you an Ivy League education! It's also a salary of a boy with a medical degree practicing a specialty like Endocrinology, Gastroenterology or Rheumatology. So you can act like it ain’t nothin’ if you want to but one day those NFL checks are gonna dry up! Ask T.O., Randy Moss or Chad Johnson if it’s real money or not!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Why does a dun have that type of bread in the crib anyway? That's what they make banks and credit cards for pimp! There’s no reason in the world why you would need to have that much paper in the house. That’s real talk bruh!

Ole boy’s been watching too much TV and thought that he was Nino Brown or Tony Montana and forgot that the cats hangin’ out with him ain’t rich. They’re still thirsty and the man sittin’ next to the man, sittin’ next to the man, is so thirsty that he can’t even swallow.

As an FYI to all you clowns that thought it was a G move to have that type of bread sittin' around. Duns like Niño and Tony Montana can't just deposit their money in the bank because they aren't paying taxes on it. So all kind of alarms go off when they show up if they aren't washing it first.

Like Frank Leahy said earlier, “Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.” Ole boy is so arrogant that he can’t even see that the bread isn’t the issue here. The real issue is that you can’t be so reckless with your inner-circle that you open up your crib to cats that have the potential to do some serious damage to you and your family. I’m preahin’ but y’all ain’t listenin’ but you can still pass the collection plate anyway!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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RIP (Why the Colts finally got caught slippin' tryna to hit a lick inFoxborough)

"Turn the music up playboy! Cuz I'm feelin' right now!"

On my way to Gillette Stadium on Saturday I pulled over to get some seafood from this hole in the wall joint. As I walked in I see these cats about to go to blows about second chances. Joel Olsteen stood up and said, “I mean we all need a second chance sometimes.” Tia Mowry, the famous actress, calmly said, “Having a second chance makes you want to work even harder.” Then Rachel Griffiths, the Australian actress, waited until she got close to the door and said, “There’s nothing as exciting as a comeback – seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance” and then she ran out.

Well the Indianapolis Colts finally ran out of second chances playboy. They’ve been living dangerously all season long by diving into a hole in the first half only to make miraculous comebacks in the second half. On Saturday in Foxborough they tried that mess again and got ran over literally by the New England Patriots 43-22.

After being down 21-7 in the second quarter you could hear boyz in Indy sitting around the TV saying, “Yeah we got these boyz right where we want them. This ain’t nothin’ bruh! We’ve been here before.” By the 5:01 mark of the third quarter they had pulled within 7 points making it a 29-22 game.

Then the playa that is the poster child for second chances showed the Colts what a second chance looked like for 73 yards! LaGarrette Blount George Jefferson pimp walked down the middle of the field on these duns to put the dagger in their hearts to call the coroner as the Pats went up 36-22. Then a little more than a minute later they sent them over to the funeral home to be embalmed and to get them casket clean to be shipped back to Indy.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! It’s no different than getting that phone call about a boy dying in the streets that’s been in the streets for years. He’s been bangin’ and selling dope for the past decade. He’s been shot, stabbed, carjacked and held hostage so many times that Big Momma has already prepared herself for that call. That was the Colts bruh! Now all of the homies over in Haughville are riding around with the rest in peace t-shirts on today bumpin’ that Young Jeesy “RIP!”

At some point you knew that the phone was gonna ring in the middle of the night with Detective So & So on the other line. “Look here Big Momma, they ran up to Boston trying to hit a lick and got caught slippin’! This hustla named LaGarrette who’s still trying to make a name for himself in these NFL streets put that thang on them.” You know the drill.

I know you remember in 2009 when he was at Oregon and he fired on ole boy from Boise State for talking crazy to him after they lost to the Broncos. He was suspended for the next like 9 games and was labeled by the media as a trouble maker with an attitude. Ice Cube, Dre', MC Ren, Yella and Easy would have said it differently. Catch that one later!

With all of his talent he went undrafted in 2010 and ended up signing with Tennessee before getting waived and Tampa picking him up. He played with them through the 2012 season before coming to New England. The sports world had forgotten all about Mrs. Blount’s baby boy until Sunday.

In one playoff game this dun had more yards (166 vs. 151) and more TD’s (4 vs. 2) than he did in 13 games with the Bucs in 2012. Talk about second changes! On some real talk, I just love to see people bounce back and prove the haters wrong. Keep doin’ ya thing playboy! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Three in the Club (Why Bengals fans can deal with losses better than Bears fans)

"It's all good bruh! Now I can go on vacation!"

I was gettin’ my grub on at the Montgomery Inn on the river bank in Cincy when these boyz started arguing about reality. Sigmund Freud said, “Like the physical, the psychical is not necessarily in reality what it appears to us to be.” Jack Welch, the former chairman and CEO of GE, put the fire ribs down, wiped his mouth and said, “Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be.” Then Walt Whitman, the famous poet, pointed his finger at both of them and said, “I accept reality and dare not question it.”

Maybe all of my Chicago Bear fans out there should have been in the restaurant and heard them arguing because they’re the only folks on earth that just can’t accept their reality. After the Cincinnati Bengals lost to the San Diego Chargers on Sunday making it 3 straight loses in playoff openers which is a league record. All of a sudden I had Bears fans trying to tell me that Marvin Lewis was gonna to get fired.

My response was simple playboy; they already know who they are bruh! They understand that they’re a 3 and are cool with it. As long as they’re making money and boyz are going to the games, buying gear, beer and paying to park they’re cool.

Sure they’d love to win a Super Bowl but ownership is more concerned about making money than anything else and that ain’t a bad thing. It just depends upon why they bought the team.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Bears are like the chick at the club that’s really a 4 but thinks she’s a 10! So she walks around the joint switching like she’s sitting on something. Every time I turn around some Bears fan is trying to convince me or themselves that it made sense to fire Lovie Smith after winning 10 games in 2012 and not making the playoffs only to win 8 games and not make the playoffs in 2013 under Trestman.

The Bengals already know who they are and they're cool with it. So don’t look for Marvin Lewis to get fired for winning 11 games and making it to the playoffs pimp. If they were going to fire that dun they would have when he was getting the brakes beat off of him and his players were getting arrested every other day years ago.

Now that he’s winning games and boyz aren’t getting’ locked up. He’s good! This ain’t Chicago where you’re gonna fire Trestman in two years and hire another dun only to fire him in three because ownership is gonna make it look like they really want to win. They've been playing you for suckas for years bruh.

They aren’t trying to win they’re trying to make money just like the Cubs! As long as you keep selling the joint out every week they’re winning. There is no reason to change the business model. They keep telling you that they're trying to win. You fall for it like a ton of bricks and keep being diehard delusional fans of teams that never win and they're good. The Cubs haven't won a title in more than 100 years bruh! 

There is a reason why teams underachieve bruh and it has nothing to with the not having players. It’s the freakin’ NFL for crying out loud! Everybody has first, second, third, fourth round draft picks and million dollar cats on the roster. The difference is ownership!

Some cats buy a team as a hobby and an additional revenue source. Others buy them to win and make money. Teams like Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New England, Baltimore, San Fran etc. are trying to win titles. Duns like Cleveland, Chicago, Arizona, Buffalo and Dallas are trying to sell tickets and pipe dreams to fans so that boyz can keep showing up.

Do you really think Jerry Jones is trying to win a Super Bowl? I mean C’mon bruh! That dun is the owner, the general manager and the president of a team that’s worth over $2 billion. However, he hasn’t won but one playoff game since 1996. He fired the last two coaches that won titles right after they won them. Now you tell me if he’s really trying to win a Super Bowl.

In my lifetime the Bears have only spent good money on a quarterback one time and that was last week. They’ve been to the Super Bowl twice in my 46 years of being on this earth. Jay Cutler is the first quarterback that they’ve EVER spent any bread on and you’re trying to tell me that they’ve been trying to win?

Naw playboy, they’ve been trying to get your bread and they’ve been successful at doing it. Don’t get mad at the Cincys of the world for knowing who they are and letting ole Marvin ride. They aren’t about to mess up a good thing and fire him and revert back to winning 4 games a year. Naw, they’re straight on that. Ole boy can win 11 games a year forever and lose the playoff opener ‘til the world blows up and everybody in Cincinnati will be cool with it. Why? Because they’re the 3 in the club that always brings a pocket full of money because they already know boyz ain’t buying them drinks. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Mirrors (Why Bears fans need to just learn how to sit at the lil' kids table & be quiet)

"We are who we are bruh!"

As I’m rolling down Lake Shore Drive headed to Soldier Field I see these cats fixing a flat. When I pull over to help they’re arguing about mirrors. Ernest Holmes says, “Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.” George Bernard Shaw gave it to us like this, “You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.” Then Johann Wolfgang von Goethe threw the jack down and said, “Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.”

Well… the freakin’ Chicago Bears showed their image on the jumbo-tron at Soldier Field and on national television on Sunday by losing to Green Bay 33-28. They are who I told you boyz they were week 3 when all of these obnoxious Bears fans were running down the street screamin’ that they’re going to the Super Bowl because they were 3-0.

I grew up in Gary, In. just minutes from the south side of Chicago. So I’ve been watching Chi-town sports my entire life. The Bears are the freakin’ Bears! When boyz were talking crazy in week 3, I told them that these duns would be pushing the ride back up into the driveway week 16 and now I’m out here helping to push them out of the street so that I could just get to the crib.

Keep in mind that these are the same duns that will tell you annually that the Cubs are gonna win it all every April! I'm just trying to give you some perspective on what we're dealing with bruh.

So with 38 seconds left the Bears’ defensive secondary made a run to Harold’s Chicken. Then choked on some Garett’s Popcorn to leave Randall Cobb wide open to sun bath on a 48 yard touchdown pass from Mr. Discount Double Check himself to lose yet again. Keep in mind this is the same defense that gave up 54 points to Philly last week.

I bet Lovie Smith is somewhere with his feet kicked up laughing at the front office for firing him last year. The crazy thing about it is that I had diehards trying to convince me that it made sense to fire a boy that won 10 ball games in the National Football League! The only reason the Bears didn’t make the playoffs last year was because their division was better. There were teams in the league that only won 9 games that got in but it was because their divisions weren’t as good.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! It’s virtually impossible to win 10 games and not make the playoffs but it was one of those rare instances where it happened. Then the delusional front office panicked and fired a boy. They immediately ran out and told all of these diehards that it made sense and boyz bought it hook, line and sinker.

Convinced that Lovie couldn’t coach, they hired a dun from the Canadian League because all they do is play offense up there. They told the suckas in the Chi that offense was the problem and that Marc Trestman was the answer.

Well playboy, Lovie was one of the best defensive coaches in the NFL. This ain’t Madden bruh! You still gotta play defense at some point to win games. Sure, teams are giving up more points in today’s NFL than ever before because of the rule changes that favor quarterbacks and offenses in general. However, defense still wins championships and they sure as heck don’t run to Harold’s with 38 freakin’ seconds left in the most important game of the season to get a chicken dinner with mild sauce on the side!

I know it’s hard to take your heart out of it playboy but you have to in order not to look like a fool when your boyz come up short. Now you gotta go to work today and look all of the duns that you’ve been talking crazy to all season in the face. It's ok to be a fan of your team but stop talking crazy to folks especially in week 3! 

There was nothing about the defensive side of the ball in week 3 that said that those duns were going anywhere. If you were an objective observer you would have seen that. Now you gotta take it on the chin at work today and sit at the lil' kids table like Victor Sweet told ole boy in Four Brothers.

You’re like the dun that jumps off of the deep end when the fine chick speaks to you. “She’s speaking so that means that she wants me! She smiled at me so that means I’m good.” No you idiot, she spoke to you because you looked right at her and you’re the only person in the room.

The Bears caught the Bengals before they figured out they were any good and then played ole dull Minnesota and Pittsburgh the first 3 weeks. They should have been 3-0! Finishing 8-8 and not making the playoffs 6 out of the last 7 years are who the Bears have been since George freakin’ Halas retired bruh. Stop talking crazy to boyz and just look in the mirror! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The REAL Comeback Kid (Seahawks 28 Colts 34)

"Naw big playa I got this!"

Winston Churchill once said, "Never, never, never give up." Then George Eliot spit that fire when he said, "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them." Even ole dull Richard Nixon had something valuable to say when he shouted, "Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines."

Well the Indianapolis Colts took all of that advice on Sunday and just kept playing football! Even though they looked like the Bad News Bears for 3 quarters they found a way to beat the undefeated Seahawks 34-28! It seemed like Murphy's Law was in full effect at Lucas Oil Stadium because everything that could go wrong did go wrong early.

They couldn't move the ball, had a dull punt blocked for a safety that should have been a Seattle touchdown. The dun in the instant replay booth must have been cock eyed with a patch on the other joint. No way was it a safety! But that saved the Colts from going down 17-0 early. That would have nailed boyz in the casket had Blind Mellow Jelly called off on Sunday!

They couldn't buy a 1st down what seemed like the entire 1st quarter. They were 3 and out so much that I got dizzy just watching it. Seattle had 6 first downs before the Colts registered their 1st first down bruh. They were down 12 so fast it seemed like a car jacking in Haughville but once they picked up that first down the very next play with only 1:04 left in the 1st quarter Luck connected with T.Y. Hilton on a 73 yard strike to close the gap 12-7!

The Colts just couldn't seem to get on the freakin' horse all day but they kept Seattle from scoring touchdowns and kept making them settle for field goals. That dun Steven Hauschka kicked 4 field goals that kept it close enough for the REAL Comeback Kid to pull a Kobe, put the team on his back and pull out yet another 4th quarter game winning drive. This was Andrew Luck's 9 game winning drive in the fourth quarter or overtime in his short less than two year career. Jake Plummer is the only other quarterback in the history of the league to do that within the first two years. Not even the great Peyton Manny can say that pimpin'! He's only did it 8 times. I'm just sayin'!

Ima keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! So from now on for all of you hatin' fans that keep showing up to Colts homes games in Peyton Manny No.18 Denver Broncos jerseys I'm going to be standing outside giving fines or beat downs depending upon whether I think I can take you or not. Stop disrespecting this young boy and let it go. Peyton plays in Denver so if you've got a love affair with him that's cool! Just leave it at the crib when you come to see these boyz play. That's like wearing the sweater that your Ex gave you with his freakin' picture on it on a date with your new man! Who does that bruh? No haters or freakin' Peyton Manning man crushes allowed and in the famous words of ole Winston, never, never, never give up!"

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The Head Rusher (Jets 10 Patriots 13)

"Hey Nick, this actually works. I can feel myself passing out!"

Margaret Wheatley, the famous writer, once said, “When leaders take back power, when they act as heroes and saviors, they end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and deeply stressed.” Og Mandino, the author of the bestselling book The Greatest Salesman in the World couldn’t hold his tongue so he got up and said, “Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is… the highway to success.”

The question is, who are we talking about after the sloppy 13-10 Patriots win over the Jets? Geno Smith, the dull receiving core of the Patriots or Tom Brady himself. Every time the Jets snapped the freakin’ ball on Thursday night Geno ended up wearing a Patriots jersey or at least trying that joint on for size. He seemed to be either rushed or sacked on darn near every snap. Tom Brady was exhausted and deeply stressed because he couldn’t force a boy to catch a freakin’ ball all night and finally his rookie receivers seemed to be overwhelmed at the fact they were even playing with Tom Brady on TV in the NFL.

Talk about the worse game in the world to watch playboy. I was stressed and overwhelmed trying not to fall asleep and spill my chili dogs all over the floor. Both quarterbacks were dull for different reasons. Geno was 15-35 for 214 yards with 3 fourth-quarter picks and was sacked four times primarily because he couldn’t breathe. Tom Brady went 19-39 for 185 yards because he was playing with duns that couldn’t catch. Thirteen of his 19 completions were to the veteran Julian Edelman.

Rex Ryan keeps getting heat for putting Sanchez into the pre-season joint in the fourth quarter and literally ending his season with the shoulder injury. Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Geno Smith was at some point gonna end up starting anyway. That dun Sanchez was terrible and he wasn’t getting any better. So Rex either knowingly or unknowingly did him a favor and kept him from making a fool out of himself in 2013.

We all saw the butt dive last year bruh where he forcibly took some hemorrhoids in the face! So Rex essentially saved him from being the butt of our jokes this year. Geno just got thrown into the fire sooner rather than later playboy. The New York media will complain regardless so they may as well put that young boy out there and let him make his mistakes while they’re free.

Rex is gonna be fired before the freakin’ season is over so why not get some experience under Geno’s belt now. Fooling around with Sanchez would have been a complete waste of time for everybody. The only person that wouldn’t have been complaining about Sanchez playing would have been the beer man at the stadium because you gotta be drunk to tolerate that clown on the field.

So now he can go to the crib and figure out what he really wants to do. He can either be a backup in the league for the rest of his career or sell enhancement insurance in California. Being a backup he can still stand around, make bread, hang out with the fellas, pick up groupies and never have to promise a thing. Selling enhancement insurance at some point he's gotta deliver.

I thought Tom Brady was gonna head rush and pass out every time one of those rookies dropped a ball. He must have gone to the Nick Saban Head Rush Academy over the summer and graduated at the top of his class. Y’all know how Nick gets down. Bama will be up by 100 points with 8 seconds left and a boy will miss a block and ole Nick will snatch his head phones off and nearly pass out from the head rush. His assistants have given up trying to tell him that they’ve already won the game because they’re tired of getting "Big Momma cursed out." That’s when you get cursed out with words that don’t even make sense because they’re all made up like, "Dadgumit you somoma#%*£<" and that's after she got saved bruh.

Maybe Bill Belichick can pull a Lane Kiffin but instead of deflating the balls he’ll make the joints bigger so these duns can catch them because you know that cat will cheat if necessary. It should be fun to watch bruh. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Patriots showed up next week playing with beach balls because ole Bill is gonna win by any means necessary. His homeboy Malcolm taught him that one when they were hustlin’ in the streets of Harlem back in the day. Y’all know Bill can wear a mean pair of purple gators when he wants to because once a hustla always a hustla or should I say spy! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The New P Funk (Eagles 33 Redskins 27)

"Shhhh y'all hear that? That's that new up tempo on everything I got sound!"

Arthur C. Clark, the British science fiction writer, once said, “There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.” Gene Tierney, the famous actress, gave it to us like this, “When you have spent an important part of your life playing Let’s Pretend, it’s often easy to see symbolism where none exists.” Then Old man Mr. Willie down at the shoe shine joint on 25^th hit boyz in the head with, “Don’t waste yo time lookin’ fa stuff to inspire you just handle yo business and you’ll inspire others.”

RGIII needed to be sitting in Mr. Willie’s chair on Monday morning to get some of that ole uneducated old school wisdom. Ole boy was looking for all of the symbolism he could find before the game to inspire the Redskin crowd but Michael Vick and the new P-Funk All-stars wasn’t buying it. Y'all know Chip Kelly was trying to bring the entire Parliament Funkadelic to Philly but Oregon wasn't having it so he had to rename that joint George Clinton style. Same funk different band playa. They passed on the show and all of the fake symbolism by going to work early and often to pull out a 33-27 road win.

RGIII thought that he was Hamlet or somebody on Broadway bruh. This dun showed up to the joint wearing an autographed Les Dauphins de Nice T-shirt, the American football team in France where he worked out in July during his honeymoon. Symbolism! During warm ups the cameras were all over him recording every freakin’ move he made. Symbolism! Then he led a team huddle on the 10 yard line just feet from the spot where he injured his knee 8 months ago. Symbolism! Then instead of just running out of the tunnel during starting lineups he carries the Redskin flag all the way to the other end zone for an extended kneel down for the world to see. Fake Symbolism!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! If that dun had been on Broadway he would have gotten a standing ovation but the Funkateers were waiting on the other end. When Chip Kelly covered his mouth and started calling plays the symbolism went right out of the window playboy. It was a track meet and the Redskins were struggling to breathe out there. By the time they blew the whistle to end the first half the Eagles had run 53 plays and boyz’ lungs had exploded. The Redskins spent their halftime getting lung transplants.

The next thing RGIII knew his symbolism was down 26 points, Hamlet was cursing out the beer man and Shakespeare had been thrown out of the stadium for inappropriate gestures. Even though he rallied his boyz back it was too little too late. Vick was out there looking like he was fresh out of Va. Tech completing 15-25 passes for 203 yards and 2 touchdowns and running for another 53 yards and another touchdown. LeSean McCoy put up 184 yards on 31 touches and DeSean Jackson had 7 catches for 104 yards as the P-Funk rolled pimpin’!

Next time tell RGIII to spend a little less time on the theatrics and more time on preparing for battle. All of the hype about being ready to play was good if he had been ready mentally and physically to play. What I mean by that is this; he looked tired all night playboy and the Eagles were in his head. He looked exhausted every time he got up because he wasn’t in game shape. Yeah the knee was ready but the Rhythm Nation Janet Jackson show he put on before the joint started was way over the top.

Vick came out like Mike Tyson with the simple black shorts and shoes and that ole dull towel with the hole in it. No fanfare, with the just give me the ball and let’s bang type attitude. Save all of that for the after-party playa. It’s Monday Night and I’ve got something to prove.

Chip proved to boyz that he could run his mouth all night without showing his lips too. He was like a mad scientist on the sideline calling plays and when the joint was over Dr. Andrews diagnosed him with a sprained upper lip and dislocated tongue. He’s day to day and the team will keep you posted on his health going forward! Boy the Eagles are sure going to be fun to watch this year. Stop me when I start lyin’ playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Duece & a Quarter (Terrelle Pryor still standing)

"What? You ain't know, I'm still up in this piece playboy!"

William Shakespeare once said, “Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course.” Malcolm X had boyz thinking when he said, “There is no better than adversity, every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” Then Napoleon Hill shut the building down with, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.”

All three of those duns were talking about both the Colts and Terrelle Pryor when they made those statements. The world thought that the Colts would just start the season with a beat down of the Raiders but that was far from the truth playboy. The boyz from the Bay gave them fits all day and it wasn’t until the final seconds that Colts corner Antoine Bethea picked Pryor’s pocket to seal the 21-17 victory at the Colts 4 yard line with only seconds to remaining.

Ole boy was out there like he was back in the hood playing from Mr. Jenkins’ car to old lady Hopkins’ Deuce and a Quarter drawing plays in the dirt. Sure they were calling plays because it’s the NFL but once the ball was snapped Pryor was on something else. He ended the day 19-29 for 217 yards, 2 Int’s and he rushed 13 times for another 113 yards. Why were those stats significant? Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! According to traditional thinking he wasn’t even supposed to be there playa.

This dun hasn’t played ball since 2010 bruh! He and his boyz now infamously known as the Tatt 5 for trading their own memorabilia for tattoos were suspended for the first 5 games of the 2011 season. However, prior to serving the suspension Jim Tressel got fired in the fallout and Pryor decided to leave school to enter the 2011 NFL Supplemental Draft.

Ohio State, the same duns that kissed his butt while recruiting one of the most highly sought after high school football and basketball players of all-time, turned their backs on him. During the fallout they banned this cat from all contact with the university for 5 years for selling his own stuff bruh. Wheredeydodatat? At Ohio State!!!

So excuse me for covering the game on Sunday and silently cheering for this kid to play well. Yeah he threw 2 dull picks in the red zone but in my Big Momma voice, “He ain’t even supposed to be here baby!” I’m so proud of that kid for not folding the tent and going back to the crib and giving up on his dream to play in the NFL because a whole lot of boyz would have. You know the drill bruh. Boyz go back to the crib and become a dope boy and the rest is history. Not Terrelle Pryor though!

Pryor is an example of these big time college programs using a dun up and spitting him out. I saw this cat play at Ohio State several times and every time I was in the building more than half of the 100,000 duns in the joint had on a No.2 jersey playboy. The university was not only winning with him but they were making ancillary money off of him too. For all you simple Joe’s reading this joint that’s side bread pimpin’! Hustle money!

Terrelle and his Tatt 5 brotherhood were kids that were being swallowed up in the vacuum of big time college sports seeing the powers that be getting paid all around them off of their images and wanted in.

They didn’t steal anything, they didn’t sell any dope, they didn’t hustle some unsuspecting cat on the yard out of any bread. They simply took what belonged to them and traded it for some freakin’ tattoos. Oh yeah, Pryor got paid for signing some autographs too! Sound familiar? They just didn't call Pryor, Terrelle Football at the time!

But Ohio State told the same cat that they were getting paid off of that he was no longer welcomed at the university? Why? Because there’s always a new recruit on his way to Columbus!

Unfortunately, perception is reality for most people and a lot of folks viewed Pryor as a problem and they backed off of him as well but not the Raiders. He didn’t deserve to be thrown out with the trash so I’m all in for this dun because he’s still standing.  Go head on young fella and do yo thang and when you really get paid remember that you still owe old lady Jenkins a new windshield for her Deuce and a Quarter you broke in 6th grade!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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Feds Watchin' (Peyton destroys Ravens)

"Make sure you boyz are gettin this on tape bruh? I want to be found guilty fa sho!"

Frederick Douglass hit boyz off with, “Man’s greatness consists in his ability to do and the proper application of his powers to things needed to be done.” Mahatma Gandhi got tall respect when he said, “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” Then Elbert Hubbard, the famous writer and philosopher, shut the building down with, “A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.”

Well ole Peyton Manning kicked the NFL season off with the ability, the application of his powers and the mindset to forget the dull interception that ended last seasons run to beat the breaks off of the reigning Super Bowls champs 41-27! He didn’t even give boyz in the barbershop an opportunity to start arguing about whether he was still a top 5 quarterback or not.

Ole boy put all of that to rest on day one playboy by flippin' 7 birds with the Feds watchin’! The entire country was sitting in the white van parked down the street watching to see if that dun still had it and oh yeah, he’s still pushin’ tall weight playboy. He was nothin’ to play with going 27-42 for 462 yards and 7 TD’s. That was a quarterback rating of 141.1! Wheredeydodatat?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Nobody’s thrown 7 touchdowns in an NFL game in 44 years homeboy! Joe Kapp was the last dun to do it in 1969. The only other cats to pull that stunt were Y.A. Tittle in ‘62, George Blanda in ‘61, Adrian Burk in ‘54 and Sid Luckman in ‘43! It sounds like a round table of Mafia bosses and Peyton just got blessed in.

Talk about going to work on the Ravens bruh; they ran 19 fewer plays with the same amount of 1^st downs at 24, gained 117 more yards with the ball having it almost 7 minutes less. With the Feds watchin’ Peyton and the Broncos put the rest of the streets on notice. By the time the playoffs start their hoping that there is so much evidence stacked against them that they won’t even have to go to court.

Bypass the preliminaries of having us sit through the opening arguments and let’s get straight to the closing joints, the Super Bowl. As a matter of fact, they’re not even going to hide the weight their pushin, for the next 15 weeks. Everything they do will be out in the open. It is MANDATORY that all money exchanges and beat downs be caught on camera. Don’t even bother hiding in the white van anymore because these boyz aren't hiding a thing. They’ll be giving boyz that Blue Magic right in front the of the Feds and waving at the cameras just to make sure they saw who was serving these cats.

Every time you ask them if they did it the answer will be yes. Feds: "Were you at the scene of the crime?" Broncos: “Were we there? We did it! And Ima tell you now that we're gonna do the joint next week and the week after that and so on and so forth pimpin’! All carnage that you run up on out here will have orange and blue finger prints on it homie. So don’t even trip. Don’t bother walking through the hood looking for witnesses because I’m telling you we did it even before we do it. For the next 15 duns that come up missing just know that we got ‘em tied up in a Brooklyn Basement bumpin’ that Biggie!”

Skip the arraignments and trials and let’s get straight to the sentencing phase because these boyz are guilty as charged. I can hear Frank Lucas now saying, “That’s a clown suit. That’s a costume, with a big sign on it that says, “Arrest me.” The Broncos had on the full gear last night bruh complete with the shoes, hair and makeup. Bump what Frank's talking about, they’re trying to get pinched and sent to the Meadowlands in February bumpin' that 2 Chainz.

Now even though boyz are trying to get popped, they aren't trying to lose money in the process. That's why Jack Del Rio went nuts when ole dull Danny Trevathan pulled a Leon Lett and let a bird fall off of the truck while making a run! Those types of things just can't happen playboy!

So Peyton kept shooting Ravens out of the sky all night and refused to apologize when the joint was over because it’s on to the next!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but it’s REAL talk!