The Pre-Game Super Bowl Speech for ALL the REAL Playas! "Let's Ride"

"It's Game Time Playboy!"

"Gentleman, this is the day that you've dreamed about your entire lives. You can't slow it down because God will only give us the same twenty four hours that he gave us on yesterday to enjoy it. So we must cherish this moment and take full advantage of the opportunity while it's in front of us.

You've dreamed of playin' in the Super Bowl since the first day you picked up a football. Now God has chosen YOU out of the millions of kids that started on this journey with you. There have been others with more talent than you possess, more athletic ability, more style and charisma; but YOU are the ones that have made it to New Jersey on this day.

Gentleman, you have been predestined to run out of this locker room to show the world that you belong in America's Game. Now that you're here, what are you goin' to do with the opportunity? It's not enough to just show up, to bring your camera or recorder and soak it all in. God didn't bring you here to have a vacation. So fellas, I ask you, what are you prepared to do this evenin'?

I've always told you that championships are not won on game day; that the game is only a culmination of events. This championship was won durin' the off season when the other teams were havin' a good time and you were puttin' in work. When everyone practiced for two hours and went home and you stayed and put in 100 extra reps everyday. When everyone was asleep and you got up at 5am to put in work in addition to your regular workouts.

The trophy was bein' engraved when you decided that you weren't goin' to let others tell you what you could or couldn't accomplish. Your ring was sized the day you cut off friends that weren't goin' in the same direction that you were goin'. Your name and picture was immortalized in the book of champions the day that you bought into our mission. Every diamond in the settin' of that ring represents the sweat that you put in to get to this very moment.

Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."

So as a result fellas, this game is just a matter of formality. It's just another part of what we have to do to show the world what we've already become. CHAMPIONS!

Who's got the intestinal fortitude to last the sixty minutes we've been given to decide this thing? We don't have to be the best team; we just have to be the best team durin' the allotted time. It's just that simple because nothin' has changed playboy. The field is the same 100 yards in length and 65 yards in width that it was when the season started. The goal posts are still 10 feet high and 18 feet 6 inches wide like they were two weeks ago. The refs are still the same duns from Footlocker. If you can remember that when you run out of this locker room, you'll return as champions and become immortals in the football book of greatness forever.

However, if you allow the moment to get too big, you'll fail miserably and 24 hours from now you'll be irrelevant to the rest of the world. You'll have what the ole timers would say, "A face that only a mother could love." So how do you want to handle this? I say we go out there and put ourselves in a position to be relevant tomorrow!" LET'S RIDE!!!!!"

Coach Jay Graves (today) but still Holla At Ya Boy!
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Champions are made not born! -Jay Graves-

Why the Super Bowl should be played on Saturday instead of Sunday! "Bread"



"Dude, I did way too much so you already know I'm not goin' to work'!"

Voltaire once said, "Common sense is not so common." Ralph Waldo Emerson gave it to us like this, "Common sense is genius dressed up in work clothes." Then the homie James Madison broke it down so that it would forever be broken when he said, "Philosophy is common sense with big words."

Well playas...I don't know any big words but I've got plenty of common sense and a philosophy on why the Super Bowl should be played on Saturday instead of Sunday! Put your ears and eyes on this. The phenomenon known as Friday Night Lights is better known as high school football in America. Saturdays have been reserved for college football and the famous art of all day tailgatin'. Therefore, when professional football became a viable sport in this country it was played on Sundays.You do realize that college football came way before pro football, right?

Typically the NFL plays it's games at 1:00 and 4:15pm on Sunday afternoons. There is also a prime time game on Sunday known as Sunday Night Football. The weekend is capped off with the biggest game of the week or the football spectacular known as Monday Night Football.

In more recent years with the institution of the NFL network some games have been played on Thursdays startin' on Thanksgiving but in 2012 they completely bum rushed the joint and Thursday games have become a staple. Why does the NFL choose to do it this way? Ratings playboy! It's all about the bottom line; paper, scrilla, deniro or as we call it around my way, good old fashioned bread! So if that is the case why is the Super Bowl still bein' played on Sunday bruh?

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Over the years the Big Game has become an unofficial national holiday! It's the most watched television event in the United States and probably the most watched event in the world. Everybody and their momma's momma, Ms. Jackson, is either hostin' a Super Bowl party or goin' to one bruh.

The only problem that cats run into is that the game doesn't start until 6:30pm and the halftime show is extremely long. This year boyz can't wait to post up because Beyonce' is performin' so you already know. Combine that with a party already filled with alcohol, food and friends and the night can get away from you real quick. So what typically happens? People start unwillingly leavin' the joint at halftime because they either have to go to work the next mornin', their kids have to go to school or both. That completely destroys the evenin' and your buzz if you're a drinker!

If it's really is about the bread and ratings, why not have the joint on Saturday night playa? I know the tradition has been to have it on Sunday but what's wrong with Super Bowl Saturday? Let's help the American economy all the way around! Don't just think about the NFL and it's advertisers. Let everybody get in on the action by allowin' the restaurants, bars, clubs and hotels an opportunity to make more bread too. I know that they're gettin' paid now but think about how much paper could be generated if the game was on Saturday! Boyz could make an entire weekend out of it!

Let me put it where the goats can get it. Movin' the game up just one day gives everybody else the opportunity to get their scratch too and more people will watch the game in it's entirety. The parties would last longer and the American workforce would be more productive on Monday mornin' because less people would call in sick. Cuz you already know boyz have been practicin' their Monday mornin' Super Bowl post-game cough since last week. I hear you laughin' because you've been practicin' your "I'm sick speech" too! You've been standin' in the mirror like you're rehearsin' an Easter speech playboy.

There's no rule that says that the game has to be played on Sunday so why keep doin' it? I know you'll argue tradition but I'll argue bread trumps tradition. Just ask all of the college football programs that have recently destroyed 100 year old rivalries by changin' conferences for the sake of bakin' bread. I don't agree with it but I understand duns gotta get paid.

When Oklahoma and Nebraska or Texas and Texas A&M can stop playin' each other because it's too much money to pass up in the Big Ten and SEC all bets were off. The Super Bowl can be played on Saturday. Trust me! The Texas vs Texas A&M game had been played every year since 1894 and the Oklahoma/Nebraska joint was first played in 1912! If these cats can change don't tell me the NFL can't, especially if more bread is on the table!
.

They're playin' NFL games on Thursdays and Mondays already and after the college football season is over they take over Saturdays too. We just watched the divisional playoffs held on Saturday a few weeks ago.  So why not hold the biggest game of the year on Saturday so we all can get it in? Otherwise, Joe's are goin' to keep callin' off on Monday and that ain't good for the American economy pimpin'!

Not only am I lookin' out for your right to get it in but I'm lookin' out for the economy too! Plus you already know some idiot is gonna get fired on Monday mornin' for smellin' like weed and alcohol because he went on and jumped in head first because he didn't have a "No" man in his camp. Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

Playas Thesaurus: 
1) Dun: noun - The person in question, dude, guy, etc. It's whoever I'm talkin' about and its non-gender specific.
2) Pimpin: noun - The person that I'm talkin' to and bein' passionate about what I'm sayin'!
3) Bread/Paper/Scratch: noun - money
4) Ms. Jackson: noun - hit song by the rap group OutKast


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The captions under the photos are REAL talk today playboy!

How duns won't listen, go to the Super Bowl and get into trouble anyway! "FOUR BROTHERS"

"Man y'all better listen! You gone end up like me!"

When I landed in Frisco for the Super Bowl I had to share a cab with these cats that talked my ear off. Ernest Hemingway said, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” William Shakespeare just kept it simple by saying, “Listen to many, speak to few.” Then Big Momma jumped in the ride and hit boyz off with two old school joints, “Baby, at some point you gone learn that fat meat is greasy!" and "The best sense is bought sense! ”

Yesterday I wrote a Hot Joint entitled "Cuz It's The Super Bowl" tryin' to tell these young thundercats that if they aren’t million dollar studs they don’t need to go anywhere near the Super Bowl this week!  Boyz will be goin' hard in the paint and if you can’t play in the blocks you’re gonna to get embarrassed real quick. We’ll I ran into four brothers at the airport on their way to Cali that have absolutely no business in the Bay Area this week. Their names were Mortgage, Light & Gas, Car Note and Child Support. 

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! They weren’t even thinkin about goin' until their cousin named Rapid Refund talked them into it. He gave them the usual line that it only comes around once a year and that they deserve to go out there and get it in. Now Rapid has always been a big instigator and when boyz listen to him they usually end up in jail or worse but they always let this fool get them into trouble. If nothin' else, he'll make a boy spend what he can't afford to just to show out. 

I can already tell you how the week is gonna go for these cats! See Mortgage is the Alpha male with the most bread so boyz always let him call the shots. He’ll have them up in Santa Clara or out San Mateo every day at the crack of dawn drinkin' because he’s buyin'. Light & Gas has the uncanny ability to find the hottest parties even in cities that he knows nothin' about. He see’s everything and it comes naturally to him. Those $300 parties I told you about in the "Cuz It's The Super Bowl" joint is no problem for this dun. He’s sponsorin' boyz all week on the party tip because that’s just how he gets down playboy. LG is always shinin' bruh!

Car Note seems to have a built in navigation system so he can find whatever spot you wanna go to and never trips on gas money. So look out Frisco these duns are gonna ball like Too Short in ‘88 this week! They'll have some "Freaky Tales" when it's all over and done with. 

Finally, Child Support is the player of the group. He knows all of the women in town and those that he doesn’t know, he’ll get to know! Trust me! This cat has no preference either. He’ll holler at the little petite chicks as well as the big girls. I saw him posted up with some plus-plus-plus size girls that were wearin' their stomachs out at last year's events. They thought that the memo read, “Stomachs required for this outfit!” When it really said, “Take your stomach OFF before puttin' this joint on! Otherwise you'll be in violation of Article 1 Section 7 of the “Just Because They Make it in Your Size Doesn’t Mean You Can Wear It!” ordinance."

Some cats just have that ability to pull and do damage on every trip and this one will be no different. Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! So these boyz have completely taken the brakes off all together and have just floored it! It’s all good this week playa but next week is just sittin' in the cut waitin' on these boyz!

It’s like when you were a kid and you would get into trouble at 3:30pm. Your ole girl would tell you to wait until your ole man gets home but that dun didn’t get off work until after midnight! Then you try to act like it’s all good and keep playin' but you know it’s goin' down as soon as he walks in the door. It just kills the fun, right?

When their plane lands at the crib next week their boy Rapid will be a missin' person! He always disappears after he gives boyz bad advice and you won't see him again until next January. These Joe’s will be a shell of themselves when they pull up. Mortgage will be on punishment and can’t have company. On some real talk, he’ll be hopin' that his key still works.

Light & Gas won’t be able to see anything for at least two weeks and will have a bad cold! Car Note will be hidin' his woman a couple of blocks away so that the bank doesn't lure her away in the middle of the night. Your boy Child Support will be hidin' from his baby mommas because he was already in the arrears before he left. Foolishness! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl and boyz won’t listen!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: noun - the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It's whoever I'm talkin' about and its non-gender specific.
2) Ole Girl: noun - your mother
3) Ole Man or dude: noun - your father
4)

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The quote under the caption is REAL talk today!

Why workin' class cats SHOULDN'T go ANYWHERE near the Super Bowl! "Cuz It's The Super Bowl"

"Unless you can afford one of these playboy, stay at the crib!"

Dorothy Hamill once said, "At times, I feel overwhelmed and my depression leads me into darkness." Marcus Buckingham, the New York Times Best-Selling author, gave it to us like this, "Many of us feel stress and get overwhelmed not because we're taking on too much, but because we're taking on too little of what really strengthens us." Then John H. Johnson, the founder of the Johnson Publishing Company, broke it down so that it would forever be broken when he spit, "Dream small dreams. If you make them too big, you get overwhelmed and you don't do anything. If you make small goals and accomplish them, it gives you the confidence to go on to higher goals."

Well playas...Everybody has dreams of flossin' in Santa Clara this weekend bruh but that maybe too big of a dream! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! Women and men alike are hittin' the malls today to get the latest gear as we speak homeboy. The beauty, barber and nail shops will be at full tilt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Rim shops all over the Bay Area will do 300% more business in the next couple of days and duns that live further away will fly in. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now before all of you duns run out to the Bay for what people think is goin' to be a free-for-all, let me break down the ground rules, if you will, for gettin' it in at a major event. Why? Cuz I'm Ya Boy and it's the Super Bowl!

Now let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Not everybody will be able to show up and participate in the festivities playboy! Beautiful women, notice that I said the word "BEAUTIFUL" women, will be carte blanche all week at every event! If you're fine enough you won't even need money. Now ladies it’s up to you to determine weather you’re fine enough to make the cut before to head out there. I won’t take responsibility for makin' that decision for you because you'll swear that I'm hatin'. That's why you gotta have a no man/homegirl in your camp. I'll explain that in a minute! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

For my bruhs on the other hand, it's not that simple! Let me give it to you straight with no chaser so that you understand what you're buyin' before you show up and get your feelings hurt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

I would say that 98% of you young thunder cats don't understand the proper etiquette for attendin' a major event: Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Game or major Las Vegas fight (Mayweather etc). Take notes fellas if you’re plannin' to go the Super Bowl this week or for that matter the NBA All-Star Game next week in Toronto.

Rule #1 and the only rule bruh! If you're not ballin' out of control, that means if you don't have pro-athlete, entertainer or major executive bread you need to stay at home, the crib, the flat or the double wide homeboy! Like my man Jay-Z said in "Imaginary Players" on his second album: "You beer money, I'm all year money, I'm poppin', you ain't got to count it, it's all there money! I never change money 'cause brothers got strange money!" He goes on to say, "I got bail money, XXL money, You got flash now, but time will reveal money!" Please don't go to Cali and be the guy he's talkin' about bruh! That also includes the fake wanna-be street level drug dealers too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Unless you're a Don or Kingpin you need to stay at the crib too.

Events like these ain't for you playa. They're exclusively for duns that have big money (millionaires) and gorgeous women and here's why. Many of the ladies (groupies) that show up to these events are tryin' to get chosen. Now most of them don't have a dime but women at these joints don't need money, they just have to be fine. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

OK let's say that you and the fellas do get into one of these joint and you're at the bar hollerin' at some bad broads! Then all of a sudden Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Jay-Z and Diddy roll into the spot. Then some lower level cats like Drake, Lil' Wayne and Kanye walk in with a group of NFL players that didn't make it to the Super Bowl. You've suddenly been reduced to Charlie Brown's teacher bruh! "Wa Wa, Wa Wa Wa, Wa!" She can't hear a word you're sayin' and you've already spent $200 of hard earned money just gettin' her to sit down with yo dumb butt! And that's the edited version. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! 

Remember playboy, like the lil' homie Meek Mill said, "It's different levels" to this bruh! Think about how many levels there are between a cat with $500 million all the way down to a boy that makes $75K and you thought that you were ballin'! These duns are about to spend $75K at the bar in one night fam! And you think you got a shot this weekend? Not a chance. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! 

Let me put this on ya head playa, young ball players and entertainers are no different than you are. They have a fetish for beautiful women too. So the ladies can show up broke if they're "FINE." If they're not, they'll be standin' outside cursin', "I done bought all these clothes and I can't get in this %#*!!?" Hey, I didn't write the rules playboy; I'm just givin' you the 411 before you go out there and make a fool out of yourself. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

It's gonna be celebrities all over town with more money than you can count and they're gonna be spendin' it as fast as the speed of sound. In every club and restaurant the bread will be loose and so will the women if you got the right type of paper. Now how silly will you look when the cover for the party is startin' at $300.00 and you've budgeted $1,000.00 for the entire weekend. This isn't a trip for people on budgets bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Groupies will be expectin' for some millionaire cat to pay for them and their girls to get into the club ($300.00 each to get in, not to mention food and drinks all night) and you think you've got a shot playboy? Not a chance playa. You and your boyz will be standin' out front kickin' rocks tryin' to holler at women that on a normal night you could impress but not this week pimpin'! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

You can't compete in a room full of multimillionaires (pro athletes and entertainers) and you've got a job, albeit a good job because you were able to get the week off and buy a plane ticket to California, right? You've got a 401K, a savings account and you even drive a brand new Infinity. Heck, you got a promotion last week that put you over the $100K mark. Around your way you're the big boss but not in the Bay Arera, SUPER BOWL WEEKEND! You better reschedule your trip for sometime in mid April bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now you can run out there if you want to! You gone get embarrassed pullin' up in that Chrysler 300 rimmed out! You got boyz tellin' you that it looks like a Phantom 'til a Phantom pulls up! You can't even fake it in that new E 550 you just bought as a result of your promotion because these cats ain't playin' out here! Hey, you better be careful because you might even see your OWN girlfriend out there under somebody else’s arm. You better cuff that if you wanna keep that playa! Remember R. Kelly already told you that boyz be "Flirtin'!" So if I were you, I'd stay clear of Northern California until after the Super Bowl bruh! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! 

Now I'm not tellin' you what I heard playa! I'm tellin' you what I know! I drove over 600 miles to Atlanta for the Super Bowl back in 2000 just to get it in when I was a single man! I had about $1,000 cash in my pocket and two credit cards with $1,000 credit limits on both. I thought that I was about to ball out on these boyz! Nobody told me the rules before I left home. I was broke by Tuesday mid-day and spent the rest of the week standin' outside with my face pressed against the glass lookin' through the window listenin' to the chicks that didn't have a "no" man/homegirl cursin' everybody out cuz they couldn't get in either. What I'm really tryin' to say ladies is if you look like a Silverback gorilla you need to stay at the crib too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Playas Thesaurus: 
1) Spit: verb - to say
2) Dun: noun - the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It's whoever I'm talkin' about and its non-gender specific.
3) Bread: noun - money, currency
4)No man/homegirl: noun - a person in your camp that will tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings.



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The quote under the caption is REAL today playboy!!!

Guns & Bullets (How LeGarrette Blount & his boy came to their senses REAL quick)

"It was funny at the time playboy!"

David Hilbert, the famous German mathematician, once said, “No other question has ever moved so profoundly the spirit of man; no other idea has so fruitfully stimulated his intellect; yet no other concept stand in greater need of clarification than that of the infinite.” Arthur Bloch, writer and author of Murphy’s Law, gave it to us like this, “Every clarification breeds new questions.” Then Ann Beattie, the short story writer and novelist, hit boyz in the dome when she said, “I’ve been in this business for a long time, and I no longer think that anything that I do by way of clarification is ever going to eradicate the mistakes.”

Well playas…less than twenty-four hours after tryin’ to be some gangstas and tryin’ to diss Marshawn Lynch publically, LaGarrette Blount and Brandon Bolden are now back trackin’. Both of those duns held up T-shirts that read “B#$@! Mode” at the Patriots parade and championship celebration on Wednesday as they got caught up in the hype. On Thursday they were tryin’ to clarify what they meant and Bolden went as far as to publically apologize. Why? Because the reality of the situation kicked in on a boy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Both Blount and Bolden realized that they’ve got to see that dun in the streets or deal with his boyz some point and it won't end well. See it’s all good when you’re in Boston and the fans are hypin’ you up for some foolishness because you’re on your own turf. The off-season is an entirely different beast playboy, literally.

Most of these cats don’t live where they play. They go back to the crib and post up for the off-season. They jet-set around the country etc. so at some point they’re gonna run into that dun and it’s gonna be a problem. Even if they don’t run into him per se they’ll run into some cats that feel like they’ve got to protect his name. They don’t even have to know Marshawn personally bruh. That’s how the streets work out here playa. So don’t start somethin’ that you aren’t willin’ to finish.

It’s real out here bruh and when you start tossin’ insults at a boy from the streets you suddenly find more enemies in the streets. Marshawn is from Oakland playboy! Don't think for one minute that the home of the original pimps, playas and hustlas is gonna sit back and let a boy call their favorite son a B#@*!!  It ain't gone happen! So they could be chillin' somewhere like Miami and get ran up on by some cats from Oakland they don't even know just because. Again...I didn't make the rules, I just live by them.

Oh I’m talkin’ crazy? Ask Tupac and Biggie if I’m talkin’ crazy! Let me put it where the goats can get it pimpin’! Once Tupac started hurlin’ insults at Biggie and then back and forth every dun that loved Pac jumped in the whip with him and every cat that loved Biggie go on board with him. The next thing you know we’ve got the entire East coast hatin’ the entire West coast because two cats couldn’t figure it out. And on some real talk, Pac was the culprit. He got with some real gangstas when he signed with Death Row and thought that he was one too and it blew up in his face before he realized what was goin’ on.

LaGarrette Blount and Brandon Bolden aren’t fools! They know how the streets ride and it never makes sense. So let’s clean this up before I show up in Miami somewhere tryin’ to kick it and get bum rushed by some duns tryin’ to protect Marshawn’s name. Yeah I know it doesn’t make since to the outside world but the streets operate by a different set of rules. I didn’t make them I just live by them.

So now both of these cats have ran out and hired Olivia Pope on a boy to take the edge off of this foolishness by sendin’ out these tweets:

LeGarrette:

If you respected him you never would have held up the shirt playa!

Brandon Bolden:

Olivia Pope just took over for a boy!

Why because it just got real! Let me share something with all of my young thunder cats out here that an old hustler told me in the barber shop when I was a shorty. “Don’t ever shoot the gun unless you mean to because you can’t ever get the bullets back.” Remember this bruh, it can go from 0 to 60 real quick out here in these streets. Stop me when I start lyin’!


Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dome: noun – head
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, guy, dude, etc.
3) Crib: noun – house, one’s home, residence
4) Post-up: verb – to relax, chill, take it easy
5) Per se: adverb – by, of , for, or in itself (This was for all of you simple minded individuals that can’t expand because it’s not a hood term but some cats just got lost)
6) Let me put it where the goats can get it: In other words let me break it all the way down for playa. Let me put it on the ground for you. Goats eat off of the ground.
7) Pimpin’: noun – my guy, my dude, the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.
8) Whip: noun – car or in this case on his bandwagon
9) Thunder Cats: noun – young boyz out here in these streets
  Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Scarface (How Warren Sapp tried to pull a Larry Flynt on Pee Wee Herman's budget)

"You right dawg! I need to stay away from these Super Bowls!"

Thomas Szasz, the famous psychiatrist, once said, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. Marcus Tullius Cicero, the ancient Roman philosopher, spit some fire when he said, “The wise are instructed by reason, average minds by experience, the stupid by necessity and the brute by instinct.” Then Gustave Flaubert, the 19^th century French writer, shut the buildin’ down with, “To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking all is lost.”

Well playboy…it looks like ole Warren Sapp was definitely stupid, selfish and obviously in good enough health to call a couple of prostitutes while he was in Phoenix workin’ for the NFL Network durin’ the massive coverage of the Super Bowl. This dun gets into a fight with the broads to the point where they have to call the police on this fool and guess what playa? Now ole Warren is out of a job this mornin’!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I’ve been around the block too many times and have been around too many famous cats not to understand that that’s what cats do. Victor Sweet said it best in the movie Four Brothers, “I paid for out of town shooters! What I get? In town shooters! You don’t pay a broad to love you, you pay her to leave!” And that’s the edited version! So I get why some of these cats go that route! It makes no sense to me but I get it.

Some cats do stuff just because bruh! And that’s the edited version again playa. They don’t think things through! They just pop off of instinct like wild animals even when they know they’re wrong and could lose everything. Like ole dull Greg Anthony gettin’ caught up solicitin’ a prostitute. Like he just called the poster out in front of the hotel. “Call LaQueeeeesha if you wanna have a good time!”

If you’re gonna do some illegal foolishness at least deal with the same folks every time you’re in town. Don’t call some random broad and get clipped because you were freakin’ anxious. Again, I don’t agree with this foolishness but I’m just sayin’ that if you’re gonna be stupid at least have a plan.

However, Warren didn’t get clipped because he solicited the broads! He got popped because he was arguin’ and fightin’ with them over payin’ the freakin’ bill! Wheredeydodatat? He literally got into a fight with the chicks about how much it was gonna cost.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. Ole Warren got in there and started doin’ the wild cowboy type stuff and the meter went up without him realizin’ it. That dun started doin’ some Larry Flynt type joints on a boy and he had only budgeted to pay on a Pee Wee Herman type scale. When they pulled up at their destination they were like, “Hey big playa, it was originally gonna cost you $1200 but you’re up to 3 stacks now!” And Warren snapped! “What??!!! You M#@%&$ F#$@^&% tryin’ ta rob me? I ain’t payin’ %*!@!” And it was on because ole boy reverted back to the hood and forgot that he was that dude on TV makin’ 500 stacks a year for workin’ 6 months! 

Can you imagine gettin' off of the elevator and seein' that dun in my Bernie Mac voice, "Bucket Naked" wrestlin' with two broads over his wallet breathin' hard and sweatin' like bullfrog! 

Now here’s the problem playboy! This is the same cat that filed for bankruptcy in 2012. He owed at the time $6.7 million to creditors, back child support and alimony accordin’ to the Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing in Florida. Now he only had $6.45 million in assets bruh! Now included in those assets where, get this playa, 240 pairs of Jordan’s worth almost $6,500, a $2,250 watch and a lion skin rug worth $1,200. I can’t make this up bruh! A lion skin rug? That dun has been watchin’ way too much Scarface.

So if they’ve taken a boy’s Jordan’s away from him then you know that he’s doin’ bad! So the 500 stacks he was makin’ with NFL Network was keepin’ him afloat. He could have parlayed that gig into retirement or until some he found something else to do. He's a freakin' Hall of Famer for cryin' out loud! He and the fellas were great on that show.

But this fool literally put a match to his cushy job and burned it up because he didn’t wanna pay full price. It’s like a boy that goes to a high end restaurant and starts askin’ a boy how much the lobster is because it says MP; or the dun that goes into the shoe store and turns the shoes over to look at the price. If you gotta ask or look then you don’t need to be in there playa.

Hey Warren? Don’t call the broads if you’re on a budget. Pull a Tiger Woods and hook up with the low end waitress type joints but don’t pull a complete Tiger because that dun wouldn’t pay the basic “go get your hair and nails done” bread to keep her from puttin’ him on blast.

Hey didn’t ole Warren get arrested and sent home from Super Bowl XLIV in Miami in 2010 on a domestic violence charge? Sounds like that dun needs to stop goin’ to the Super Bowl. I swear these cats out here drive me nuts and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Spit some fire: verb phrase – to say something of importance.
2) Dun: noun – the person in question when you’re disgusted at how stupid they are, dude, guy, etc.
3) Clipped and Popped: verb – to get arrested
4) Wheredeydodatat?: Who does that?
5) Let me put it where the goats can get it.: To make it simple and plain. To lay it out on the ground i.e. goats eat off of the ground.
6) A boy: noun – the other person we’re talkin’ about. The second individual in the conversation.
7) Stacks: noun – a thousand dollars, a grand
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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Un-Willie (How Russell Wilson proved boyz right about him on that final play)

"You right dawg! I put me before we!"

Oscar Wilde once said, “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” Galileo Galilei gave it to us like this, “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. Then the homie Marcus Aurelius hit boyz in the dome when he said, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

Well playboy…I got a perspective on why ole Pete Carroll decided to throw the rock instead of givin’ it to a dun that they call Beast Mode and it’s as close to the truth as there is. Everybody and their momma’s momma has an opinion on why the Seahawks called the worst play in the history of thinkin’ and only the real cats out here get it.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Pete Carroll and Co. wanted Russell Wilson to shine and not Marshawn Lynch! It’s as simple as that playboy. Now let me dig into why! But in order to understand why you gotta go back to early in the season when a dun named Percy Harvin put it on blast.

Remember when the Seahawks decided to trade Percy to the freakin’ Jets in October because he was becomin’ a cancer in the locker room? Durin’ that fiasco the truth came out that boyz thought that Russell Wilson was too close to management. It was also rumored that boyz were sayin’ that ole boy wasn’t black enough.

I went on to explain to the naïve in a Hot Joint entitled “Housey vs. Field” back in October that boyz sayin’ he wasn’t black enough had nothin’ to do with his skin color or ethnicity but everything to do with his LOYALTY to the fellas in that locker room.

See when most folks outside of bein’ black hear that they automatically think that cats are jealous of a cat because he’s educated or because he speaks well. Not the case at all playboy. Everybody in that locker room has been to college and many of them have better educations that Russell Wilson. He when to North Carolina State and freakin’ Wisconsin! You can look down your nose at Marshawn all you want to playa but he went to California Berkley! They aren’t lettin’ too many cats drive past Cal-Berkley bruh. Richard Sherman graduated from Stanford in three years pimpin’! Doug Baldwin also went to Stanford! Brandon Mebane also went to Cal too and Cliff Avril went to Purdue just to name a few. So you can go head on with the “Boyz are jealous” deal.

Let me put it where the goats can get it. Now fast forward to Sunday night’s Super Bowl! There’s roughly 30 seconds left in the biggest game of the franchise’s history and boyz need one yard to win the league championship. Who does management want to get the shine? The guy that they love and adore or the cat that has been beefin’ with them all year about gettin’ more bread, the dun that held out for an additional $1.5 million and not wantin’ to talk to the media?

When the play was called and Russ told the duns in that huddle what it was they all probably said, “Whatttttt????? Naw playa we goin’ with Beast Mode!” Russ responded, “Hey man that’s what coach called so we gotta go with it!” Why because everybody’s got an agenda! Even Russell Wilson!

When he heard the play call he knew that it was the wrong play. He’s on the field with the fellas and can feel the pulse of what’s happenin’! Winnin’ the game at that point was paramount not who gets the credit. When Russ decided to run that play instead of givin’ it to Marshawn he proved everybody in that locker room right about him. A real leader would have pulled a Willie Beamen and changed the play and dealt with the consequences.

A real leader of men and not the dun that’s too close to management would have put the team before himself and rode the Beast to glory! Bret Farve, Joe Montana, John Elway, Peyton Manning and even Tom Brady would have changed that play playa. However, Russell Wilson didn’t do that because he wanted the glory and forced the joint into a spot that it had no place bein’! Like I keep tellin’ you boyz, the truth is in the details and stop me when I start lyin’


Playas Thesaurus: 1) Dome: noun – the head, skull
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
3) Momma’s momma: noun – everybody talkin’ about a subject
4) Pimpin’: noun – The person that I’m talkin’ to.
5) Now let me put it where the goats can get it.: I’m layin’ it as simple and plain as I can. Goats eat off of the ground so I’m puttin’ it where they can reach it.
6) Willie Beamen: adjective – Willie Beamen was the quarterback in in the move Any Given Sunday played by Jamie Foxx that changed the play when the game was on the line. So to pull a Willie is to change the play.
  Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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Highjacked (How Donald Duck held the Seattle O.C. at gun point andcalled that play)

"What the %$#&!"

Benjamin Franklin once said, “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” John Wayne pulled up in a big body Chevy with some of the homies and said, “Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” Then Bertrand Russell stood up and shouted, “The trouble thing with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”

Well playboy…the stupid was definitely cocksure sure in the Seattle coach’s booth on Sunday night when they put the ball in the air on 2nd and goal from the 1 yard line. Then some dun named Malcolm Butler became a hero in New England forever as he picked off Russell Wilson to secure a 28-24 Super Bowl victory.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! That was the dumbest play call in the history of the Super Bowl! As a matter of fact pimpin’, that was the dumbest play call in the history of football based on the circumstances. You’ve got the ball on the 1 yard line with the NFL Championship on the line and all of a sudden Donald Duck pulls a gun on a boy, highjacks the headset and calls the play?

No way does an experienced offensive coordinator call that play. No way does Pete Carroll allow it to be called. It had to be Donald Duck or Ricohet Rabbit bruh! No human being called that play. Not when you’ve got a dun in your huddle that his momma calls him Beast Mode! Not when you’ve got a cat that is impossible to bring down that can get 1 yard in his pajamas, slippers and mornin’ breath.

Marshawn Lynch had 102 yards on 24 carries bruh! He was averagin’ 4.3 yards per carry and you don’t give him the rock on second down with little less than thirty seconds on the clock for all of the marbles? Here’s an example of smart people tryin’ too hard to be smart. It’s called over-thinkin’ the situation playa.

You put the ball in the air and some cat that needed ID to get into the stadium picked your pocket. Wheredeydodatat? Now I can’t just put it on the dull coordinator and Pete because Russell Wilson forced the joint in there knowin’ that the dun was covered. He’s on the 1 for cryin’ out loud, if the cat is standin’ right next to him all he’s gotta do is jump the route. All he literally had to do was put his hands out in front of the receiver. C’mon Russ I know you can see better than that.

Keep in mind playboy, I’ve got no dog in this fight. I’m just callin’ it like I see it.

Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh! An old timer once told me when I was kid playin’ Pop Warner football that there are 3 things that can happen when you throw the football and 2 of them are bad. I know that the game has changed over the years but the basic concepts don’t EVER change. You’re always gonna have to block and tackle and you’ve gotta THINK before you let the ball go.

What blew my mind was Pete Carroll tryin’ to explain this foolishness durin’ his post-game joint. This dun got up in front of human beings with brains and eye balls and said, “On second down we throw the ball really to try to waste that play if we score we do, if we don’t , we run it in on the next.” After that dun said that it was like on SpongeBob when a boy says somethin’ stupid and then the cat he’s talkin’ to blinks and it makes the squishy sound. Yeah that was the press bruh! Boys were lookin’ at him like they wanted to fight him. “Don’t tell me no stupid stuff like that bruh!” And that’s the edited version.

What really tripped me out was the Seahawks defense tryin’ to fight a boy after the turnover that essentially cost them the game. New England is in victory formation and all of a sudden the Legion of Boom starts squabbin’ because they’ve lost the game. Don’t fight the Patriots you idiots! Go fight the clown that called that hideous play and you’ve got “I’m only here so I don’t get fined” in the backfield salivatin’ for the football.

After maybe the worst play call in the history of mankind the Seahawks offensive coordinator barely got a ride back to the hotel after the game. Can you imagine bein’ him this mornin’? Dull!!! I can just hear him tryin' to explain to the fellas what happened.

"Man all of a sudden these cats kicked in the door just as I'm about to call the play. They had on ski masks so you really couldn't see their faces. The first cat had some extremely big ears with a black and white tuxedo on kinda looked like Martin Lawrence but his head was bigger and he was two toned light skinned. Then the dun with the gun was talkin' with a lisp because he kept sayin' 'Get the headschlet! Get the headschlet!' I thought it was Lou Holtz at first but he was taller! Ole boy pistol whipped me and then called the play dawg. I was helpless!"

If you lose the game you gotta lose it with Beast Mode gettin’ stopped at the goal line with time expirin’. Not with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Ricohet Rabbit holdin’ boyz at gun point callin’ plays tryin' to convince them that they can afford to waste plays in the Super Bowl! And don't me get outta hear without sayin' Russell Wilson choked! He never should have thrown that football into traffic. You gotta throw it into the stands and live to see another play! Stop me when I start lyin’!



Playas Thesaurus:  
1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude , guy, etc.
2) Big Body Chevy: noun – Chevy Caprice from 1981 to 1988 body style.
3) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m talkin’ to.
4) Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh!: Let me break it all the way down for you. Goats eat off of the ground so I’m layin’ it out for you as plainly as possible.
5) Joint: noun – in this the ball when I’m talkin’ about Russell Wilson and then the case press conference when I’m talkin’ about Pete Carroll. However, it could mean any number of things dependin’ upon how it’s used in context.
6) Squabbin’: verb – to fight, the act of fightin’
7) Dull: adjective- pathetic, terrible. I’m don’t even wanna look it you bruh!
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Head First (Why the Super Bowl should be played on Saturday instead of Sunday)



"Dude, I did way too much and I gotta go to work in the morning!"

Voltaire once said, "Common sense is not so common." Ralph Waldo Emerson gave it to us like this, "Common sense is genius dressed up in work clothes." Then the homie James Madison broke it down so that it would forever be broken when he said, "Philosophy is common sense with big words."

Well playas...I don't know any big words but I've got plenty of common sense and a philosophy on why the Super Bowl should be played on Saturday instead of Sunday! Put your ears and eyes on this. The phenomenon known as Friday Night Lights is better known as high school football in America. Saturdays have been reserved for college football and the famous art of all day tailgatin'. Therefore, when professional football became a viable sport in this country it was played on Sundays.You do realize that college football came way before pro football, right?

Typically the NFL plays it's games at 1:00 and 4:15pm on Sunday afternoons. There is also a prime time game on Sunday known as Sunday Night Football. The weekend is capped off with the biggest game of the week or the football spectacular known as Monday Night Football.

In more recent years with the institution of the NFL network some games have been played on Thursdays startin' on Thanksgiving but in 2012 they completely bum rushed the joint and Thursday games have become a staple. Why does the NFL choose to do it this way? Ratings playboy! It's all about the bottom line; paper, scrilla, deniro or as we call it around my way, good old fashioned bread! So if that is the case why is the Super Bowl still bein' played on Sunday bruh?

Let me put it where the goats can get it! Over the years the Big Game has become an unofficial national holiday! It's the most watched television event in the United States and probably the most watched event in the world. Everybody and their momma's momma is either hostin' a Super Bowl party or goin' to one bruh.

The only problem that cats run into is that the game doesn't start until 6:30pm and the halftime show is extremely long. This year boyz can't wait to post up because Katy Perry is performin' so you already know. Combine that with a party already filled with alcohol, food and friends and the night can get away from you real quick. So what typically happens? People start unwillingly leavin' the joint at halftime because they either have to go to work the next mornin', their kids have to go to school or both. That completely destroys the evenin' and your buzz if you're a drinker!

If it really is about the bread and ratings why not have the joint on Saturday night homeboy? I know the tradition has been to have it on Sunday but what's wrong with Super Bowl Saturday? Let's help the American economy all the way around! Don't just think about the NFL and it's advertisers. Let everybody get in on the action by allowin' the restaurants, bars, clubs and hotels an opportunity to make more money too. I know that they're gettin' paid now but think about how much bread could be generated if the game was on Saturday! Boyz could make an entire weekend out of it!

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Movin' the game up just one day gives everybody else the opportunity to get their paper too and more people will watch the game in it's entirety. The parties would last longer and the American workforce would be more productive on Monday mornin' because less people would call in sick. Cuz you already know boyz have been practicin' their Monday morning Super Bowl post-game cough since last week. I hear you laughin' because you've been practicin' your "I'm sick speech" too! You've been standin' in the mirror like you're rehearsin' an Easter speech playboy.

There's no rule that says that the game has to be played on Sunday so why keep doin' it? I know you'll argue tradition but I'll argue bread trumps tradition. Just ask all of the college football programs that have recently destroyed 100 year old rivalries by changin' conferences for the sake of bakin' bread. I don't agree with it but I understand duns gotta get paid.

When Oklahoma and Nebraska or Texas and Texas A&M can stop playin' each other because it's too much money to pass up in the Big Ten and SEC all bets were off. The Super Bowl can be played on Saturday. Trust me! The Texas vs A&M game had been played every year since 1894 and the Oklahoma/Nebraska joint was first played in 1912! If these cats can change don't tell me the NFL can't, especially if more bread is on the table!
.

"I'm callin' off tomorrow playa!"

They're playin' NFL games on Thursdays and Mondays already and after the college football season is over they take over Saturdays too. We just watched the divisional playoffs held on Saturday a few weeks ago.  So why not hold the biggest game of the year on Saturday so we all can get it in? Otherwise, Joe's are goin' to keep calling off on Monday and that ain't good for the American economy pimpin'!

Not only am I lookin' out for your right to get it in but I'm lookin' out for the economy too! Plus you already know some idiot is gonna get fired on Monday mornin' for smellin' like weed and alcohol because he went on and jumped in head first because he didn't have a "No" man in his camp. Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: noun - The person in question, dude, guy, etc.
2) Pimpin: noun - The person that I'm talkin' to and bein' passionate about what I'm sayin'!
3) Bread: noun - money


 Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Why? Cuz It's The Super Bowl (Why boyz are about to hit Phoenix and embarrass themselves)

"Unless you can afford one of these playboy, stay at the crib!"

Everybody has dreams of flossin' in Phoenix this weekend bruh! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! Women and men alike are hittin' the malls today get the latest gear as we speak homeboy. The beauty, barber and nail shops will be at full tilt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Rim shops all over the desert will do 300% more business between today and Sunday and people that live further away will fly in. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now before all of you duns run out to Phoenix for what people think is goin' to be a free-for-all, let me break down the ground rules, if you will, for gettin' it in at a major event. Why? Cuz I'm Ya Boy and it's the Super Bowl!

Now let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Not everybody will be able to show up and participate in the festivities playboy! Beautiful women, notice that I said the word "BEAUTIFUL" women, will be carte blanche all week at every event! If you're fine enough you won't even need money. Now ladies it’s up to you to determine weather you’re fine enough to make the cut before to head out there. I won’t take responsibility for makin' that decision for you because you'll swear I'm hatin'. That's why you gotta have a no man/homegirl in your camp. I'll explain that in a minute! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

For my bruhs on the other hand, it's not that simple! Let me give it to you straight with no chaser so that you understand what you're buyin' before you show up and get your feelings hurt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

I would say that 98% of these young thunder cats don't understand the proper etiquette for attendin' a major event: Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Game or major Las Vegas fight (Mayweather etc). Take notes fellas if you’re plannin' to go the Super Bowl this week or for that matter the NBA All-Star Game in a couple of weeks in NYC.

Rule #1 and the only rule bruh! If you're not ballin' out of control, that means if you don't have pro-athlete, entertainer or major executive bread you need to stay at home, the crib, the flat or the double wide homeboy! Like my man Jay-Z said in "Imaginary Players" on his second album: "You beer money, I'm all year money, I'm poppin', you ain't got to count it, it's all there money! I never change money 'cause brothers got strange money!" He goes on to say, "I got bail money, XXL money, You got flash now, but time will reveal money!" Please don't come to New York and be the guy he's talkin' about bruh! That also includes the fake wanna-be street level drug dealers too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Unless you're a Don or Kingpin you need to stay at the crib too.

Events like these aren't for you. They're exclusively for duns that have big money (millionaires) and gorgeous women and here's why. Many of the ladies (groupies) that show up to these events are tryin' to get chosen. Now most of them don't have a dime but women at these joints don't need money, they just have to be fine. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

OK let's say that you and the fellas do get into one of these joint and you're at the bar hollerin' at some bad broads! Then all of a sudden Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Jay-Z and Diddy roll into the spot. Then some lower level cats like Drake, Lil' Wayne and Kanye walk in with a group of NFL players that didn't make it to the Super Bowl. You've suddenly been reduced to Charlie Brown's teacher bruh! "Wa Wa, Wa Wa Wa, Wa!" She can't hear a word you're sayin' and you've already spent $100 of hard earned money just gettin' her to sit down with yo dumb butt! And that's the edited version. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Remember playboy like the lil' homie Meek Mill said, "It's different levels" to this bruh! Think about how many levels there are between a cat with $500 million all the way down to a boy that makes $75K! These duns are about to spend $75K at the bar in one night fam! And you think you got a shot this weekend? Not a chance. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Let me put this on ya head playa, young ball players and entertainers are no different than you are. They have a fetish for beautiful women too. So the ladies can show up broke if they're "FINE." If they're not, they'll be standing outside cursin' in their southwestern drawl, "I done bought all these clothes and I can't get in this %#*!!?" Hey, I didn't write the rules playboy; I'm just givin' you the information before you go out there and make a fool out of yourself. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

It's gonna be celebrities all over town with more money than you can count and they're gonna be spendin' it as fast as the speed of sound. In every club and restaurant the bread will be loose and so will the women if you got the right type of paper. Now how silly will you look when the cover for the party is starting at $300.00 and you've budgeted $500.00 for the entire weekend. This isn't a trip for people on budgets bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Groupies will be expectin' for some millionaire cat to pay for them and their girls to get into the club ($300.00 each to get in, not to mention food and drinks all night) and you think you've got a shot playboy? Not a chance playa. You and your boyz will be standin' out front kickin' rocks tryin' to holler at women that on a normal night you could impress but not this week pimpin'! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

You can't compete in a room full of multimillionaires (pro athletes and entertainers) and you've got a job, albeit a good job because you were able to get the week off and buy a plane ticket to Arizona, right? You've got a 401K, a savings account and you even drive a brand new Infinity. Heck, you got a promotion last week that put you over the $100K mark. Around your way you're the big boss but not in Phoenix, SUPER BOWL WEEKEND! You better reschedule your trip for sometime in mid April bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now you can run out there if you want to! You gone get embarrassed pullin' up in that Chrysler 300 rimmed out! You got boyz tellin' you it looks like a Phantom 'til a Phantom pulls up! You can't even fake it in that new E 550 you just bought as a result of your promotion because these cats ain't playin' out here! Hey, you better be careful because you might even see your OWN girlfriend out there under somebody else’s arm. You better cuff that if you wanna keep that playa! Remember R. Kelly already told you that boyz be "Flirtin'!" So if I were you, I'd stay clear of cactus and rocks until after the Super Bowl bruh! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now I'm not tellin' you what I heard playa! I'm telling you what I know! I drove over 600 miles to Atlanta for the Super Bowl back in 2000 just to get it in when I was a single man! I had about $1,000 cash in my pocket and two credit cards. I thought that I was about to ball out on these duns! Nobody told me the rules before I left home. I was broke by Tuesday mid-day and spent the rest of the week standin' outside with my face pressed against the glass lookin' through the window listenin' to the chicks that didn't have a "no" man/homegirl cursin' everybody out cuz they couldn't get in either. What I'm really tryin' to say ladies is if you look like a Silverback gorilla you need to stay at the crib too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The quote under the caption is REAL today playboy!!!

100 (What you NEED to tell your kids about Deflate Gate bruh)

"If you don't tell them I will pimpin'!"

As all of the homies are hangin’ out in front of University of Phoenix Stadium gettin’ ready for Super Bowl XLIX, I hear these cats arguin’ about honesty. James E. Faust, the religious leader, said, “Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” Thomas Jefferson put the brew down for a minute and said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. “ Then the playas playa himself, William Shakespeare, spit some simple but fire game to a boy by sayin’, “No legacy is so rich as honesty.”

Well playboy…all week long people, especially mothers, have been askin’ the same question about the whole Deflate Gate situation with the New England Patriots. Every time I turn around some cat is askin’, “If the NFL just sits and does nothin’ to the Patriots, what kind of message does it send to our young people?” This is the one that completely blows my mind bruh, “What am I supposed to tell my kids if they see people like Bill Belichick and Tom Brady cheatin’ and bein’ successful?”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Tell your kids the freakin’ truth! Tell them that folks have been cheatin’, lyin’ and stealin’ since the beginnin’ of time and becomin’ successful as a result of it. However, true success is not measured by the amount of games, championships, awards or bread you can acquire. Tell your kids what’s real! You owe them that much.

Folks have been cheatin’ in this country and winnin’ since before its independence. Don’t act like Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are the first two to profit from wrong doin’. Remember who you’re talkin’ to playboy, I’m a descendent of African slaves that helped build the foundation of this country for free. Do you know how many millionaires and billionaires there are walkin’ around today that got rich by stealin’, beatin', rapin' and tradin’ my ancestors?

There are so many major corporations that were admittedly involved in the slave trade and kept it movin’. Duns like Lehman Brothers, Aetna, JP Morgan Chase, New York Life, USA Today and Norfolk Southern just to name a few. So lookin’ at success and wealth doesn’t always keep it real with a boy.

Let me put it where the goats can get it. John F. Kennedy’s old man, Joe Kennedy, made a fortune importin’ alcohol durin’ Prohibition pimpin’! Then he used his connections to the mob to get his son elected to the highest office in the land. This isn’t my opinion playa, these are well documented facts. Do your homework! 

We celebrate a dun named Christopher Columbus every year that told boyz that he discovered a new world that already had people livin' in it! Then they took those same people, moved them to reservations and acted like they didn't.

I'm still talkin' crazy? We had a recent Vice President of this country handin' out construction contracts to rebuild Iraq to his OWN company! Wheredeydodatat? 

So if you’re goin’ to talk to your kids tell them the truth. Don’t tell them that everybody that has succeeded in this country has always done it the right way. Tell them that the love of money is the root of all evil and that it’s not always about winnin’ by any means necessary. It’s about doin’ things the right way and that the most important asset a man or woman can possess is their integrity. Tell them that!

Don’t look at a person’s material success and form the opinion that because they’ve got fame and wealth that they’ve always done it the right way. Havin’ morals are far more important than gettin’ over on people and you can become materially successful without lyin’, stealin’ and cheatin’. It just requires more work and attention to detail. And on some real talk, everybody isn’t goin’ to become rich and win all of the awards. Why? Because everybody’s potential isn’t the same.

You make the choice of what your legacy is goin’ to become because when they put you in that box you’re the only one that has to answer to the good Lord on how you lived. I can guarantee that he’s not gonna ask you how much bread you made and how many awards or Super Bowls you won. When you close your eyes it suddenly gets REAL! Tell your kids that playa! Tell them the TRUTH! Keep it 100! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: the person in question, the dude, guy, etc.
2) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^{st: :} I’m bein’ straight up with you bruh.
3) Let me put it where the goats can get it. : I’m goin’ to lay it all out for you. I’m puttin’ it on the ground for you. Goats eat off of the ground bruh.
4) Fire game: impressive and enlightening information
5) Pimpin': my man, my guy, whoever I'm talkin' to at the time. Holla At Ya Boy!
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!   

Aunt Lou Lou (How Marshawn keeps lyin' to boyz about not wantin' theattention)

"Man I hate all the attention! I just wanna play ball!"

Albert Einstein once said, “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” Winston Churchill gave it to us like this, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Then George Washington Carver pulled out a peanut butter sandwich and said, “When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.”

Well playas…Marshawn Lynch has done it again! He made yet another complete fool of himself at the Super Bowl’s media day. Ole boy only showed up because the NFL threatened to pop him for a cool half a million if he didn’t participate. So this dun sat there for 4 minutes and 51 seconds and answered 29 questions with the same answer, “I’m only here so I don’t get fined!”

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I know that all of my young cats out there think that what ole boy’s doin’ is strong and “That’s Wassup” but he’s only drawin’ more attention to himself. If he claims that he’s uncomfortable with the media and doesn’t like the attention he’s doin’ everything to draw even more attention to himself playa. 

That’s the fool part that I’m talkin’ about. Don’t tell a boy that you don’t want the attention but then you strip butt naked and run down the street in broad day light. If you’re the cat that wants to fly under the radar then be simple and bland with your answers. Keep in mind pimpin’ that there are 53 cats on a football team and only 5 or 6 are worth sittin’ down to talk to because of their personalities. Trust me I know because this is what I do. You only want to talk to the cats that give you something to write about. 

So the dun that’s gonna do somethin’ or say somethin’ crazy or be the clown is always gonna get all of the attention. Therefore, when you show up lookin’ crazy and answerin’ questions crazy, guess what? You’re gonna have everybody and their momma’s momma standin’ there waitin’ to talk to yo butt! And that's the edited version. That’s why there were more than 200 reporters waitin’ 15 minutes before hand at his spot on media day.

Now you can keep tellin’ boyz that you don’t like the attention all you want but it looks like you’re beggin’ for it playa. Now you gotta do what you gotta do but don’t tell a real G that you don’t like the attention and that you don’t want to talk to the media because it’s obvious that you do.

The cat that doesn’t want to talk to the media simply answers the questions without emotion and give simple responses. He becomes borin’ to talk to and boyz start to avoid his interviews because he gives them nothin’ to write about. We stopped talkin’ to Roy Hibbert three months ago because that dun says nothin’ of importance and reporters are there to report. If you give a boy nothin’ to report he can’t do his job. So guess what pimpin’? He’s stops waitin’ around for you because he’s gonna get fired for wastin’ time talkin’ to a dun that gives him nothin’ to report.

See how that works? So stop lyin’ to folks tellin’ them that all you want to do is play ball because you’re dyin’ for the attention as well. And let me holla at all the young thunder cats in the barber shop and standin’ around the street corners tryin’ to figure out life. When a boy is payin’ you to do a job then you’ve got to do it.

Let me put it where the goats can get it playa. Marshawn Lynch is a PROFESSIONAL athlete playin’ in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE which is the biggest sport in these United States. Part of his job is to meet with the media. Why? Because the media helps drive the financial bus that brings the fans closer to the game. The fans are the ones that are buyin’ into the product literally. If the product gets bought the pay checks get processed and deposited into boyz accounts. If the checks are comin’ in Big Momma, Aunt Lou Lou, baby momma and the kids are eatin’! The child support man isn’t ridin’ your back and the mortgage or land lord isn’t callin’ your phone, bottles get popped, whips get pushed, broads holla and Pookie nem hates.  

There are aspects of everybody’s job that they don’t like but in order to keep the direct deposit you gotta do it. It’s no different in the NFL playa. Therefore, stop makin’ a fool of yourself by showin’ up in the headlines tellin’ boyz that you don’t want the attention because it obvious that you do. The only reason Skittles and Progressive is messin' with you is because of the media attention that you're gettin' for sayin' that you don't want the attention. Stop me when I start lyin’!    

Playas Thesaurus:

1)    Ole boy: The person in question.

2)    That’s Wassup: I’m in agreement with that. Right on! I concur

3)    Playa: the person that I’m talkin’ to.

4)    Pimpin’: The person I’m talkin’ to. (Words like playa and pimpin’ can be used interchangeably)

5)    G: short for gangsta, real cat out here that grew up around foolishness that understands how to recognize game.

6)    Young Thunder Cats: Young cats that think they know it all but don’t know how to wipe their noses or their butts.

7)    Let me put it where the goats can get: Let me break it all the way down for you. I’m puttin’ it on the ground for you i.e. goats eat off of the ground.
8) Whips get pushed: Luxury cars get driven

Holla At Ya Boy!

JayGravesReport
#thebestdressedmaninmedia
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

DNA (Why duns like Percy Harvin are worth more than boyz ever realize)

"This is all day playboy! All day!"

Confucius once said, “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” Vince Lombardi stood up and shouted, “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” Then my boy Aristotle spit some fire with this one, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

The Seattle Seahawks told ole Vince that that was hot but they liked the joint Aristotle dropped even better because they couldn't break their habits on Sunday. The Legion of Boom lived up to all of the hype as they beat the brakes off of Peyton Manning and Co. and his freakin’ legacy 43-8.

All week boyz like Richard Sherman and Beast Mode were getting a lot a press because of their ability to either talk too much or for not talking enough. However, there is a dun on the team that has a DNA that boyz need to study, bottle and sell. The world either forgot about him or just didn’t know that he existed. His name is Percy freakin’ Harvin!

He only played 19 plays all season long because of preseason hip surgery and when he came back for the NFC divisional playoff against New Orleans he got blasted on like his first reception attempt and suffered a concussion.

There is a reason why boyz want to keep him off of field. It’s called Winning DNA bruh and it can be highly contagious! This cat has won championships at every level of his life and it’s dangerous to have him around.

At 11 years old he was a member of the National Champion 4x100m relay team. At 12 he led his Pop Warner team to the national title. He then led his high school team to a perfect 14-0 Virginia state championship before going on to the University of Florida and winning two BCS National Championships.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What I’m trying to say playboy is that it’s not good for the opposing team for this dun to be on the field or even on the sideline breathing. That’s why the Broncos tried to just pop the opening kickoff of the second half straight up in the air to keep this stud from getting his filthy hands on it.

Well he found a way to grab it as he took that joint 87 yards to the house to put the Seahawks up 29-0. When you’re fighting against DNA there's nothing that you can do about it. He’s a winner by nature and coaches and players love to have those types of cats around.

Ole boy doesn’t say a word because everybody knows that his DNA is a beast. That’s why other teams target him or try to keep the rock out of his hands. See folks that didn’t understand the value of having someone like that in your locker room questioned why the Seahawks signed him to a six-year, $67 million contract and gave up an additional three draft picks for him.

Remember when you were a kid  and the old timers would always say, “Stop hangin’ out with cats that ain’t goin’ nowhere! Surround yourself with leaders and winners!” There is a reason why they would say that bruh. It’s called wisdom. Having cats like Percy in the locker room is like magic! Something about them rubs off on the rest of the team and amazing things happen.

Here was the problem for the NFL this year. They had a team full of Percy Harvins that believed that losing in life was never an option. When you've got duns that are "Straight out of Compton" out there playing with Stanford degrees it's called winning! When you've got boyz from the gutter of Oakland on "Beast Mode" it's called winning. When you've got cats playing quarterback in the Super Bowl at 5'11" saying, "Why Not US?" it's called winning! When there are boyz on the field that were either drafted in late rounds or undrafted all together. It's called winning!

When you've got duns out there like Derrick Coleman that can't even hear the snap count or the crowd screaming! It's called winning pimpin'!

Winning is more than just scoring more points in the Super Bowl. It's being able to walk out of the joint on top when nobody gave you a freakin' chance from birth. The Legion of Boom is more than a defense playboy. It's a culture of boyz that the world didn't care about but they made it happen anyway! Congrats to the Seahawks for reppin' for every ghetto child, every undersized cat and every disabled kid in America and giving them something to hold on to. If they can make it and ball out in life. So can I! Winning is in the DNA playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!