Probably (Why the NFL would have been better off payin' Crack-head Jeff to investigate Deflategate)

"What? Oh this should be easy to figure out playa!"

E.W. Howe, the 19^th century novelist and newspaper and magazine editor, once said, “Half the time men think they are talking business, they are wasting time.” Dean Kamen, the famous inventor, gave it to us like this, “I do not want to waste any time. And if you are not working on important things, you are wasting time.” Then Benjamin Franklin broke a boy off with, “If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality.” Now for all of you simple minded individuals, prodigality means wasteful extravagance of spendin’ or lavish abundance. Keep up with me playa you’re slowin’ me down.

Well playboy…the freakin’ NFL has again wasted its time payin’ a dun to tell us what we already knew. Ted Wells comes up with a report on Deflategate full of probably’s. Ole boy turns in a 243-page report on whether the New England Patriots were guilty of deflatin’ balls durin’ the AFC Championship Game verses the Indianapolis Colts and all that dun could give us was they probably did it.

This cat literally says in the report, “It is more probable than not that New England Patriots personnel participated in violations of the Playing Rules and were involved in a deliberate effort to circumvent the rules.” He goes on to say, “Based on the evidence, it is also our view that it is more probable than not that Tom Brady was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities of the duns that were probably guilty.” Now that was my version of the last six words or so bruh. But you get the point because I wasn’t gonna call out some locker room cats that got thrown under the bus by some millionaires and a freakin’ billionaire.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Now these boyz went out and paid an attorney “real” money to come back with a report that said that a boy probably did something. They’ve spent the past 4 months investigatin’ the New England Patriots and all they could tell Roger Goodell is that New England probably knew about it. Deaf and blind 146 year old Miss Lucy down the street probably knew about it bruh!

They could have paid Crack-head Jeff $10 to tell them that! They didn’t need to pay a boy real money to act like they were really doin’ an investigation. You could have given Jeff Aunt Lu-Lu’s VCR and lawn mower and got the same result. On some real talk, Jeff would have washed your car too.

Don’t tell me that you paid some fool to tell you that they probably did it. That doesn’t satisfy the requirement of actually doin’ an investigation. Now you’re playin’ with people’s intelligence. That’s like tellin’ a boy that the Klan was probably responsible for the death of the three civil rights workers murdered in Mississippi in the summer of 1964. Really bruh? Or some dun tellin’ me that the fat kid standin’ next to the birthday cake with icin’ on his shirt probably ate the missin’ piece of cake. Don’t waste a boy’z time and money with this foolishness.

The NFL and Roger Goodell should have beaten the brakes off of that fool for even comin’ in there with that foolishness. “They probably did it.” We know that bruh that’s why we paid you to figure it out! If Goodell was a real O.G. from where I’m from he would have said, “I’m probably not gonna pay your dumb butt! How bout that?” And that’s the edited version!

What pisses me off about Goodell and these duns in the NFL is that they’ve got so much of a lock on the American sports audience that they can just tell a boy anything and he’ll be cool with it. Either they did it or not playa! Don’t run in here with a probably because it was evident that they probably did it when I called you. Tom Brady's legacy isn't tarnished not one bit with a probably playboy! But I guess that was the hole freakin' point huh?

No way will he get disciplined on a probably! How stupid would it sound tellin' a boy that he's gettin' 3 to 5 years in prison for "probably" breakin' into the liquor store down the street. As long as Brady doesn't fold like a tent and say he did it, he's good bruh.

That VCR and lawn mower looks even better today when you look at the bread you threw away! Next time just call ole Jeff and he’ll even break in the dun’s house you’re beefin’ with. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Oh and for all you duns that wanted me to recap the Bulls Cavs joint! LeBron went to work and took them boyz to school and Derrick Rose looked a hot mess! He's digressin' and is just goin' to the rack throwin' junk up just to say he took a shot. He's done playboy and don't try to argue with me about it. Just watch him play without the ball. He's a mental wreck at this point. He was a freakin' liablity in the Bucks series. Is that recap enough for you playa?

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
2) Ole boy: noun – the cat I’m talkin’ to bruh. Keep up playa.
3) Beefin’: verb – arguin’ or to have serious conflict with another person
Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!      

Fall Guy (How Robert Kraft got up Monday and pulled a Lucius on a boy)

"Hey dawg! If you don't find who did it!
 Y'all owe me and my boyz an apology playa!

As I’m standin’ out in front of University of Phoenix Stadium kickin’ it with the fellas, boyz start arguin’ about duns bein’ the fall guy. Uncle Willie, from the back seat of the whip, shouted, “Whoever is the most insignificant cat in the room is the one that has to take the fall bruh!” Frankie Nuckles, not the godfather of House Music but the gangsta, stood up and said, “It’s only right that somebody take the fall for the real hustlas out here.” Then Shorty the Pimp poured out a lil’ liquor for all of the dead homies and said, “The world would cease to exist if there wasn’t a fall guy when you needed him.”

Well playboy…the NFL has been squirmin’ for a week lookin’ for a boy to pin this Deflate Gate foolishness on because ole Bill Belichick and Tom Brady made it difficult for them. Neither one of those clowns fessed up to pullin’ the trigger when they clearly had a chance to say I accidently bumped into the joint and it went off. So the NFL did what all good hustlas do. They found a fall guy.

Accordin’ to reports from ESPN the NFL is now zeroin’ in on the freakin’ New England Patriots' locker room attendant bruh! Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know what the locker room attendant is. He’s the dun that picks stuff up in the locker room playa. And that’s the edited version. He’s the dun that walks around and picks up dirty uniforms and towels when the ball players are changin’ clothes and gettin’ out of the showers! That’s the dun that the NFL wants you and I to believe that just took it upon himself to deflate 11 of 12 balls in the freakin’ AFC Championship Game!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Everybody and their momma’s momma knows that you can’t touch the Super Bowl with suspensions and fines this week because there’s more than a BILLION dollars ridin’ on this joint. Between the wise guys in Vegas, corporate sponsors payin’ more than $3 million per 30 second commerical spot and God knows who else has their hands in the kitty, you can’t breathe on it. So just say it. Anybody that understands business and commitments realizes that there’s nothin’ that a boy can do this week. So stop tryin’ to act like you’re actually workin’ on it.

But to get on national television and tell me that your person of interest is the darn locker room boy is like we used to say in the hood, “Playin’ with my intelligence!” So you mean to tell me that you want me to believe, Mr. NFL guy, that some dun that is the lowest man on the totem pole in New England took it upon himself to run into the secured spot where the balls were on Sunday, right before kickoff and started punchin’ them with the air needle for kicks and giggles? That’s what you want me to believe playa?

They are about to Steve Bartman this cat! You’re gonna find the locker room attendant this time next year down in Mobile, Alabama or Tupelo, Mississippi somewhere waterin’ plants at a casino bruh. Now they’re gonna put some bread in his pocket but he’s gotta disappear. Between the NFL and the Patriots they’ll set him up good but he’s officially now the head of plant hydration for the rest of his life.

"Tell 'em Bob! We ain't playin' with these boyz!

I told you boyz a week ago that this was gonna happen because somebody always has to take the fall when you’re dealin’ with gangstas, hustlas and con-artists.

Dude, did you see Robert Kraft get up in front of the media after the Patriots landed in Phoenix on Monday and pull a Lucius on a boy! That dun had the, in my Grinch that Stole Christmas voice, “Unmitigated Gall” to tell a boy that the Patriots expect an apology from the NFL if nobody is found guilty of the crime. Whattt? These duns have pulled out the whole clown suit complete with the fake water spittin’ flower and whoopee cushion.

Like I said in the Hot Joint entitled “CRYSTAL” last week. All Tom Brady had to do was say, “Hey look here dawg! I like my balls at the minimum 12.5 lbs. per square inch which is the NFL’s minimum. Maybe we had them just under that threshold and if we did I apologize.” If he’d just said that it would have gone away. Sure, everybody and their momma’s momma would still say that he’s lyin’ but the NFL wouldn’t still be obligated to investigate.

Who cares what the public thinks but the NFL could no longer fool with it because you can’t prove his intent if he had just given you that answer. Take the blame for bein’ over zealous and you’re good. Of course they would get fined (after the Super Bowl) for the balls bein’ under inflated but so what. Now because boyz flat out denied any wrong doin’ whether intentionally or unintentionally, the poor locker room cat is goin’ down like a ton of bricks.

Keep in mind that he’s the cat that eats, sleeps and breathes New England! He’s the dun that skipped school his entire life, climbed the gate at practice just to see the team everyday. He would sneak into the locker room and sniff dirty garments just to be close to the Patriots. He got caught one day and they hired him because of his loyalty and commitment to New England. Now they’re about to ruin him because they can’t fess up to runnin’ game a boy. The only cat that’s loyal is the dun that just got transferred to Tupelo! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1)    Dun: The person in question, dude, guy, etc.

2)    Fall Guy: the person that has to take the blame for the foolishness in question

3)    Fess Up: Confess to the foolishness at hand

4)    Kicks and Giggles: Just for laughs

5)    Steven Bartman: The dun that all of Chicago tried to blame for fallin’ apart 2 outs before implodin’ right before getting’ the World Series.

6)    Pullin’ a Lucius: Lucius is the main character in the new series on Fox called EImpire.” He killed his best friend and then showed up at his funeral cryin’ talkin’ about findin’ the killer.

Holla At Ya Boy!

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!