Tips (Why I know the pizza man ain't tellin' the whole story on D'Qwell Jacskon)

"If you gone tell it, tell the whole story dawg!"

Winston Churchill once said, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” Arthur Conan Doyle, the Scottish writer, lit his square, looked a boy straight in the eye and said, “There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.” Then the big homie Elvis Presley broke it down so that it would forever be broken, “Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.”

Well playboy…on Tuesday night in D.C. Indianapolis Colts linebacker D’Qwell Jackson was arrested and charged with assault after gettin’ into it with a dun over a parkin’ space. Accordin’ to the police report ole boy was charged with a misdemeanor of simple assault of, get this playa, a pizza delivery guy!

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Before every jumps all over D’Qwell for bein’ a stark ravin’ maniac let’s wait until all of the facts come out. Because I’ve been around gangstas, thugs, con-artists, athletes, nuns and priests in my life and nobody goes from 0 to 60mph because the pizza delivery guy says I’ll be just a minute. Naw playa, you’re not gettin’ me to believe that.

Now was D’Qwell wrong for firin’ on ole boy? Sure he was because he’s a high profile cat with a lot of bread and should know better. However, that doesn’t excuse the pizza man from the reality of knowin’ that you can’t talk crazy to a boy just because. . See that’s what blows my mind about people in this world. They jump bad with a boy, end up gettin’ the breaks beat off of them and then wanna act like the victim.

It’s like a boy throwin’ rocks at the neighbor’s dog named King. Then after he breaks the chain and mauls the dun you want the animal put to sleep because he’s too violent. How bout you leave the freakin’ dog alone in the first place then we won't have a problem.

See where I’m from if you jump bad with a boy then you’ve got to take whatever comes after that playboy. I know that there’s more to the story because the pizza guy is doin’ radio now. He was on my homeboy Kent Sterling’s Show on 1430AM the CBS affiliate here in Indy yesterday talkin’ about how this crazy guy just jumped on him for no reason. For that reason alone you know there was more to the story than what’s bein’ told. How do I know that? Because I’ve witnessed fights my whole life and it never goes from 0 to 60 just like that.

And who gets beat up and goes on sports radio the next day to tell his side of the story bruh? Wheredeydodatat? What did Big Momma always tell you? “It’s three sides to the story, His side, the other side and somewhere in the middle we’ll find the truth.” The pizza man's holdin' out for a tip!

So just sit in the cut and do like my man Huggy Lowdown always says, “Waaait for it!” because the truth will fall out of the closet at some point. Now D’Qwell will be disciplined by the league because he did in fact fire on ole boy. However, don’t tell me the story with half of the information. And please stop tellin’ me about wantin’ to sign high character guys so that you can win football games. Just say that you wanna win football games, you gotta do what you gotta do and sometimes it blows up in your face.

This is the fifth Colts arrested since March of 2014 includin’ the freakin’ owner, Jim Irsay. That dun got arrested for drivin’ 15mph and havin’ 30 stacks in a bag in his ride. Some people call it impaired drivin’. I call it bein’ pulled over by an idiot that could have retired from the police force that night. Then backup linebacker Josh McNary was charged with rape last month. Linebacker Andrew Jackson got popped for DUI for the second time. Hold on a second dawg, what’s up with the linebacker corps? What are they drinkin’ at the facility? Oh and I forgot all about ole dull D’Rick Rogers, a dun that wasn’t even playin’ or dressin’ got popped for DUI and cut before he even made bail in September.

So stop tellin’ me that certain cats aren’t Colts’ type of guys. Stop it playa because you’ve got the freakin’ Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s out there. Now I’m not mad at you because everybody’s got their share of idiots on the team and that’s the risk you take to win football games.

It’s a violent sport for cryin’ out loud! You’re gonna have to some degree some idiots that can’t turn it off when they leave the field. Just stop lyin’ to folks about havin’ such high character players. Look around and pay attention to the best teams in the league and they’ve got a bunch of idiots too. LaGarrette Blount showed up to the Patriots Super Bowl parade and celebration with a T-shirt that says B#$@! Mode! How much class and character does that show? But they won the championship with him! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:   1) Square: noun – cigarette
2) Dun: noun – a person, a guy, dude, etc.
3) Fire: verb – to hit, punch without warnin’
4) Bread: noun – money
5) Jump Bad: verb – to antagonize
6) Stacks: noun – a thousand dollars, a grand
7) Ride: noun - car
8) Popped: verb: past tense – arrested
9) Dull: adjective – stupid, ignorant, the freakin’ guy you just wanna slap for not thinkin’, when you say his name you shake your head in disgust.
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Snap ,Crackle & Pop (Why Reggie Wayne shouldn't be makin' excuses for gettin' blasted)

"We own these boyz bruh!"

Tom Price, the U.S. Representative from Georgia, once said, “One person’s embarrassment is another person’s accountability.” Douglas Engelbart, the famous engineer and inventor, gave it to us like this, “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” Marianne Williamson, the famous author, shut the buildin’ down with, “We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes.”

Well playas…the Indianapolis Colts got the breaks beat off of them in Foxborough 45-7 and the team leader, Reggie Wayne, was callin’ boyz out before he got his freakin’ shoulder pads off good. Ole boy said in speakin' to the big homie Philip B. Wilson, “I believe we’re getting better and better and better, but everybody has to be all in line. We can’t have anybody that’s kind of on the fence. Either you’re all in or you’re not.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Sounds like an excuse to me playboy! It’s not like the Colts were 5-11 and didn’t make the playoffs bruh. They were one win away from playin’ in a Super Bowl. At some point boyz have to admit that New England was a far better team than they were.

This has nothin’ to do with boyz not buyin’ in! It has everything to do with gettin’ blasted by a better team. The last four times Bill and the gang have played the Colts with Andrew Luck at the helm they’ve beaten the doors off of them and all by at least three downs. So whatever Reggie was tryin’ to come up with was complete foolishness.

You don’t get to the AFC Championship game without duns buyin’ in. Belichick just has the Colts number and knows how to beat them. They didn’t change the formula from when they dog walked them 43-22 back in November. They ran the football up and down the field on them with some dun named Jonas Gray for 201 and 4 touchdowns. This time around it was LeGarrette Blount goin’ for 148 yards on 30 carries and 3 touchdowns. Tom Brady put up a smooth 226 yards and 3 touchdowns on GP.

From the word go Andrew Luck was runnin’ for his freakin’ life. He didn’t get sacked but he was hurried all night long finishin’ with his worst performance as a pro with only 126 yards, no touchdowns and 2 dull picks. After last night’s performance you can stop callin’ Daniel Herron, “Boom” and start callin’ him “Snap, Crackle and Pop” because the Patriots took all of the fire power out of him holdin’ him to just 51 yards on 10 carries.

I say give the Patriots props for bein’ a better team. That blowout had very little to do with the Colts not buyin’ in to the system as Reggie claims and everything to do with New England being a far better organization from top to bottom. The system they have in place just works and that’s why Brady and Belichick have been to more Super Bowls than any other player/coach duo in the history of the game.

Jordan wasn’t makin’ excuses for not bein’ able to get past Detroit. He just put in the work and he eventually got over the hump. Andrew Luck and Co. will just have to do the same thing but Reggie may not be around to see it. It is what it is bruh. Now Jim Irsay and his front office needs to spend the bread to get the players around Luck, specifically an offensive line and a run defense, to make it happen. Every time Luck tried to light his cigarette boyz were chasin' him. He didn't have time to put the filter in his mouth durin' that joint! So you already know you're gonna have to back the Brinks truck up playboy and drop it like it's hot.

On some real talk, New England is like the Transformers. They can interchange just about every position on the field with a nobody and win games. They even did it when Tom Brady got hurt in 2008 and missed the season. They plugged ole dull Matt Cassel in at QB after he hadn’t started a football game since high school and they won 11 ball games. Sure, they didn’t go the Super Bowl but they still knew how to win games. Tom Brady is the icing on the cake pimpin’!

So I don’t know what Reggie was on last night talkin’ about boyz not buyin’ in. They simply got beat by the same duns that have had they number for a while. When a team is better they’re better and there’s nothin’ you can do about it but take it on the chin playa. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1)Dun: The person in question, dude, guy etc.

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That Call (Why Trent Richard doesn't wanna call Big Momma this mornin')

"Man she gone act a fool bruh!" 

Ryan Reynolds, the Canadian actor, once said, “When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.” Jim Rohn, the famous author and motivational speaker, pulled up in the whip and said, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” Conan O’Brien shouted from the passenger side joint, “The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

Well playas…the Indianapolis Colts have clarity alright but nobody’s convicted that ole dull Trent Richardson will be sittin’ at the crib today watchin’ them play. On Saturday the team announced that ole boy would not be travelin’ with the team due to personal reasons. Now accordin' to the big homie Bob Kravitz over at WTHR ole boy missed the mornin' walk through and didn't holler at anybody.

Keep in mind that this is the same dun that was the No.3 overall pick in the draft behind Andrew Luck and RGIII in 2012 bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Colts gave up a first round draft pick for this cat and from a football standpoint he ain’t worth two dead flies smashed to that backfield. He lost his job to Donald Brown late last season and then regained it this year only to lose the joint in Week 16 to “Boom” Herron. Stop right there bruh!

Let me put it where the goats can get it playa. He lost his job to a dun that started his career with these cats on the practice squad. Now that says a lot about “Boom” but nothin’ about Trent. You were the 3^rd overall pick comin’ into the league and now you’re sittin’ at my crib today watchin’ the game with me and the fellas? Wheredeydodatat?

When the playoffs started a few weeks ago against the Bengals he was the third team cat behind “Boom” and some dun named Zurlon Tipton! Whatttt? You heard me bruh! That cat is so unknown in Naptown that I had to get him into the club on my strength. I also had to tell him if he was gonna roll with some real G’s that he’s gotta go by “Z.” We can’t call a boy Zurlon bruh, that ain’t happenin’!

Can you imagine Trent callin’ Big Momma and tellin’ her that he’s not only, not playin’ today but he missed the bus like Kris Kross? Trent: “Hey Big Momma!” Big Momma: “Hey Baby, I cooked all this food for everybody to come over and watch the game today. We shole proud of you even though that coach didn’t let you play last week.” Trent: “Uh yeah Big Momma, that’s what I was callin’ about. You didn’t already cook did you?” BM: “Yeah baby, you know I started cookin’ yesterday!” Trent: “Uhhhh, Big Momma not only am I not gonna play today but they left me at the crib.” BM: “Whatttt?!! Let me find my purse and my shoes! Junya, we gotta go to Indianapolis right now!” Trent: “Big Momma don’t come up here with all of that! You gone embarrass me just like you did in Mrs. Johnson’s class when I was in the third grade.” BM: “Boy you can’t tell me what to do! I’m comin’ and don’t let me see that coach. Messin’ wit MY baby!”

Looks like ole Trent is gonna be headin’ to the glue factory with ole dull RGIII. At least RGIII was smart enough to peal Subway’s head back on an endorsement deal before they figured out he was a bust. Trent’s got no personality so all of his bread has come from the NFL and that’s about to dry up to a minimum. Even if somebody signs him next year they won’t throw any type of real bread at him.

Now you can’t tell me that the No.3 overall pick just doesn’t have the ability to play this game bruh. So it’s got to be a lack of work ethic. What a lot of cats don’t realize is that DNA gets you to the league but work ethic keeps you in the league and missin' the mornin' walk through get's you kicked out of the ride like Eddie Kendrick.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Big Momma doesn’t show up in Foxborough today and curse Pagano out right on the sideline for messin’ with her baby! Ya’ll know how women get about their baby’s. You can’t tell them a thing.

But later for that playboy! Its game day so get your wings together and post up and oh yeah, stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:            1) Dun: the person in question, the guy, dude etc. 2) Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st!: Let me give it to you straight with no chaser.
3) Let me put it where the goats can get it.: I’m puttin’ it on the ground for you, spoon feedin’ you, breakin’ it all the way down for you.
4) Wheredeydodatat?: What kind of sense does that make!
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T.I. Is (Why Jim Irsay looks still looks like a genius for keepin' it real about Peyton)

We're lookin' for these playa!
Not just regular season wins!

Roy H. Williams, the best-selling author, once said, “A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether.” Stephen Hawking, the English theoretical physicist, gave it to us like this, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” Then the homie Aristotle broke it down so that it would forever be broken, “There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.”

Well playas…I’m not gonna call ole dull Jim Irsay a genius but there has been a mixture on madness to him. Although he does have a tendency to get high he wasn’t too high to miss out on Andrew Luck. On Sunday he looked like a pure genius after the Colts walked into the mile high city and beat Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos 24-13 to advance to the AFC Championship Game next week in New England.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! In October of 2013 boyz were hot with Irsay for criticizin’ ole Peyton for essentially fallin’ apart in the playoffs more often than not while he was in Indy. What he really said was that it didn’t make sense to pay a boy a $28 million roster bonus comin’ off of neck surgery and I’ve got the No.1 pick on the table and this dun can’t win in the playoffs.

Oh, he didn’t say that? Here’s what he really said pimpin’! “We’ve changed our model a little bit, because we wanted more than one of these,” he said while showin’ a boy his Super Bowl ring. “Brady never had consistent numbers, but he has three of these. Pittsburgh had two, the Giants had two, Baltimore had two and we had one.”

As great a quarterback as Peyton has been and all of the bread that he’s made this city it still doesn’t erase the fact that while he was here he made the playoffs 11 times and he was out of the first round 7 times throwin’ to Hall of Famers. I’m just sayin’!

Overall, that dun is 11-13 in the postseason. For all of you simple minded individuals that’s a losin’ record. He’s been 39-10 in the regular season out in Denver but only 2-3 in the playoffs. However, Andrew Luck’s been in the league for 3 years and he’s already 3-2 in the postseason. I’d say Irsay was a G for keepin’ it movin’!

I’ve been sayin’ it for years and I’ll keep sayin’ it bruh! Peyton Manning is the greatest regular season quarterback of all-time but that dun is gonna wet the bed come playoff time. It’s almost impossible to be that good all season and fall apart when they call it the playoffs. Sure, his receivers dropped a lot of balls yesterday but he overthrew as many as they dropped if not more.

A week ago I wrote the Hot Joint entitled “The Beast" tellin’ you boyz that you’re currently watchin’ one of the greatest quarterbacks of all-time in Andrew Luck. It’s still early but he’s a future Hall of Famer and most folks can’t appreciate seein’ greatness while they are watchin’ it.

Boyz didn’t appreciate Ali until after he finished talkin’ trash. They couldn’t understand the genius of Author Ashe until after his work was done. Now I’m not sayin’ that Luck is gonna be as great as Ali or Ashe but he’s one of the rare jewels you come across in sports that you really never appreciate until he’s finished workin’! This young boy is about the shock the world! Up next New England for all of the AFC marbles! Now boyz still owe Irsay an apology for blastin’ him for tellin’ it like Big Momma used to say, “Like it sho- nuff T.I. Is.” about Peyton Manning. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The Beast (Even with the dull neck beard Andrew Luck is a future Hall of Famer)

"I got this bruh!"

Vince Lombardi once said, “I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” Nelson Mandela gave it to us like this, “After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.” Then Charles de Montesquieu shut the buildin’ down with, “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

Simply put, what makes Andrew Luck great is his ability to remain humble even after he’s shown his butt on the field playboy. Now for all of you suburbanites and rural bread cats that means after he’s gotten off, gone to work on a boy or simply destroyed his opponents. Andrew Luck steps up to the podium and says all of the right things and then prepares his mind for the next game. After beatin’ the dull Bengals 26-10 it’s on to the next like Jay-Z for him.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! What boyz don’t realize is that they’re watchin’ a future Hall of Famer doin’ his thing right before their eyes. Sure, I know it’s way too early in his career to start talkin’ HOF but when you’ve been around this game for as long as I have you know HOF talent when you see it. You can smell it like gumbo on Bourbon Street or hear it like Ray Charles and the humming bird outside the window. All I can tell you boyz to do is just sit in the cut and enjoy the ride. Even though sometimes I wanna run up on him with my clippers and cut that dull neck beard off. It drives me crazy!!!!

After puttin’ up 376 yards on the dull Bengals he surpassed Kurt Warner for the most passin’ yards by a quarterback in their first four postseason games in NFL history. What you cats don’t realize is that he’s only been in the league for four years bruh. I could run all of his stats down to you but why? Just watch the dun play.

Here are my usual antagonists wearin’ Bears jersey soundin’ like the haters that they are, “Man what are you talkin’ about Jay? How can you say that he’s gonna be a HOF some day? He’s gotta win some more playoff games first. He’s gotta get to a Super Bowl and win one first! C’mon bruh! Get off of his jock!”

What always blows my mind is that Bears fans sit on the sideline and hate on everybody else when their team constantly sucks and they quarterback is a cry baby. But they’ll hate on Andrew Luck, who is in the playoffs again puttin’ in work. I just had to say that. Let’s move on shall we.

So you don’t think that a young thunder cat that is only 25 years old isn’t gonna get better every year? We aren’t talkin’ about hard headed RGIII playboy. We’re talkin’ about a cat that puts in the work to be great! We’re talkin’ about a dun that understands the concept of T.E.A.M. Andrew Luck is the rare combination of DNA, intellect and work ethic. Those joints don’t show up in one human being very often pimpin’.

Therefore, if I were you I’d sit in the cut and just enjoy the freakin’ movie and stop interruptin’. I’m tellin’ you what the ending is gonna look like but you’ve got to be patient enough to watch it play out. If you thought Peyton Manning was a beast then this is King Kong’s long lost brother. Don’t trip… I didn’t get into Big Momma’s pills or anything like that I’m just tellin’ you what’s real before it becomes a reality. Up next King Kong in Denver! Can he knock him off of the Empire State Building at 25 years old? We’ll see and stop me when I start lyin’!

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Bad Boy (Why Andrew Luck was bumpin' some old-school Puff Daddy in Cleveland)

"Oh I'm still here playboy!"

Denis Waitley, the motivational speaker, once said, “Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.” Ralph Bunche, the political scientist and Nobel Peace Prize winner, gave it to us like this, “To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up.” Then Isoroku Yamamoto, the Japanese commander-in-chief of the Combined Fleet in World War II, shut the buidlin’ down with, “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.”

Well playas…the Cleveland Browns did everything in their power to disrupt Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday and all they did was awaken the beast. What they didn’t realize about the young boy was that he has more resolve than an old cat hangin’ out in McDonald’s every mornin’ readin’ the paper and lyin’ to fellas. Luck and the Colts got bullied for nearly 57 minutes and then walked out of the joint with a 25-24 victory.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Browns defense had Luck in the bathroom takin’ his lunch money and sneakers. They were completely assaultin’ the Colts wide receivers every time they came off of the line of scrimmage bruh. Talk about bump and run! These boyz renamed the joint cold cock and sprint!

At one point they had Luck in the toilet beggin’ for his belongings bruh! He tried to get loose but it wasn’t happenin’. Ole boy fumbled a joint in the end zone that was picked up for a touchdown and then he threw a dull pick six. The great Andrew Luck seemed to be discombobulated by the pressure and the dull Dog Pound were lovin’ it!

What these boyz in Cleveland didn’t realize was that this young boy has the “It Factor” and the Colts have traditionally started slow this year. After only bein’ down 14-7 at the half, Luck was able to call his homeboys into the toilet to do the bullyin’!

In the second half the Browns were held to only three first-downs and again it made them second guess the Johnny Football situation. Brian Hoyer finished 14 of 31 for 140 yards and 2 dull picks. I’d say that next week has Johnny Football all over it bruh! They forced 4 Colts turnovers; 2 fumbles and 2 dull picks but still lost at the crib. Yep Johnny Football is takin’ selfies right now.

Andrew Luck still walked out of the joint with 294 yards, 2 touchdowns and his dignity playboy. Nobody will remember the 2 picks or the fumble in the end zone. Why? Because of the resolve that he showed on the road and the dignity he displayed after winnin’ the freakin’ game. Now I would have preferred that he drive out of the joint bumpin’ that old-school Puff Daddy, “We Ain’t Go-in No-where!” And maybe he did bruh!

Don’t think for one minute that Luck was the only cat out there gettin’ assaulted in the John! T.Y. Hilton was gettin’ pushed and shoved all over the field by the Cleveland secondary but he wiped his shoulders off and got busy. Even though these cats were tryin’ to give him the business out there he continued to ball out with 10 catches for 150 yards and 2 touchdowns. T.Y. doesn’t weigh but a “Buck-O-Five” like the old timers used to say and he’s just tall enough to sit on the curve.

Resolve is what allowed these boyz to get out of Cleveland alive! To win a game like that shows a lot of character and discipline. Now on some real talk, Chuck Pagano light weight panicked with 4 minutes left in the third quarter when the Colts scored to close the gap 21-16. Instead of kickin’ the extra point ole boy tried a two-point conversion and missed when he didn’t need to. Luckily Andrew Luck bailed him out and now it’s water under the bridge. But the boyz in the barber shop saw it and will always remember it. Well at least for the next couple of days. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Juicy (How Andrew Luck kept the Colts' 2ndary from really lookin' like some busters)

"Hey turn that Biggie up bruh! Just so these boyz know!"

William Shakespeare once said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Wilma Rudolph slowed down long enough to say, “Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion. The potential for greatness lives within each of us.” Then Bob Marley put the herbs and spices down long enough to say, “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.”

Well playboy…Ole Bob must have been talkin’ about Andrew Luck because the third year pro definitely has the ability to affect those around him positively. In the process of torchin’ the Washington Redskins on Sunday 49-27 he put boyz on notice. In the famous words of the Notorious B.I.G., “If you don’t know! Now you know!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Andrew Luck just keeps lettin’ boyz know that he ain’t no punk out here and that he’s got this playa. He put up 370 yards and threw 5 touchdown passes in front of Big Momma and nem. Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know who “nem” is, nem is anybody that rolled in with Big Momma. Now be quiet and let me finish.

In the process of beatin’ the brakes off of Washington ole boy broke Peyton Manning’s franchise record for the most 300-yard passin’ games in one season with 10. He also became only the fifth cat in the NFL since 1970 to win 30 regular-season games in their first three seasons and only the third player to throw for 4,000 yards in two of their first three seasons. The only other two duns to do it were Peyton Manning and Dan Marino.

So I guess all of the suckas that were screamin’ for the Colts to draft RGIII have officially been banished from the city forever huh? The thought of even comin’ back to town would be an immediate butt whoopin’! And that’s the edited version! That’s why players play, coaches coach, GM’s and presidents make personnel decisions and fans show up and cheer. Don’t ever get that twisted.

When you go to Big Momma’s house to eat you just sit down and eat right? You wouldn’t dare walk into the kitchen and try to cook would you? Well...you wouldn’t if you knew how Big Momma really gets down. She always keeps her pistol within arm’s reach playboy don’t ever forget that.

Did you see RGIII walkin’ up and down the sideline on Sunday bruh? He looked like a wounded puppy followin’ Colt McCoy around like he really wanted to help. Every time McCoy sat down ole boy slid up next to him like he wanted to put his shoes on and keep his thigh pads and rib protector warm. Colt had that look like, “Man get up off me! I’m goin’ to work on these boyz out here. I just don’t play defense bruh!

On some real talk, the Colts defensive secondary completely hid behind the success of Andrew Luck on Sunday pimpin’! They were horrendous in every aspect of the word playa. Colt McCoy got at them for 392 yards and 3 touchdowns. Don’t let that run out of the door without bein’ called out. You can jump around and high five all day long playa but if Luck wasn't Luck on Sunday you'd be gettin' torched by the local and national media this mornin' for completely soilin' the mattress.

I know that the Colts won the freakin’ game but the game was pretty much over mid-way through the second quarter. In the words of the old school coaches in the projects, “Once the game is in hand you start playin’ against yourself, the potential of the remainin’ duns on your schedule and the boyz you’ll run into in the playoffs.” You can’t afford to wet the bed like that against Dallas in a few weeks and you definitely can’t go out to New England and do that in the playoffs.

Givin’ up 392 to a dun like Colt McCoy is a problem! I’m not trippin’ if were Peyton, Tom Brady or Aaron Rogers but Colt McCoy bruh? That’s a serious problem. Up next Johnny Football and the Browns at Cleveland and stop me when I start lyin’!

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Grown Man Status (Why boyz are givin' T.Y. props for simply doin' what he's supposed to do)

"Why you runnin' so fast dawg? I got diapers and milk to buy playa!"

Dalai Lama once said, “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” Margaret Thatcher gave it to us like this, “What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.” Then John F. Kennedy kept it real by simply sayin', “Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

Well playboy…T.Y. Hilton came to work on Sunday with a brand new sense of purpose, direction and a mouth to feed. His wife Shantrell gave birth to his first baby girl early Sunday mornin’ and ole boy didn’t get to the stadium until 75 minutes before kickoff to help the Colts beat Jacksonville 23-3!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! A man with boyz, which T.Y. has two of already, is one thing but a man with a baby girl becomes a beast with a purpose! Therefore, the inspired speedster gave the strugglin’ Colts just the boost they needed to pull away from ole dull Jacksonville. Before Andrew Luck hit T.Y. down the side line for a 73 yard touchdown pass midway through the third quarter they looked like the freakin’ Bad News Bears out there.

Check this out playa, the offensive line must have been up all night with T.Y. doin’ breathin’ exercises in a dull Lamaze class because they couldn’t hold water nor a secret in the first half. Luck was sacked four times durin’ his first 13 drop backs! Wheredeydodatat? He was sacked so many times Sunday that he started chargin’ boyz. You'll catch that one later on today bruh. Ole boy was sacked five times and had four fumbles in which he lost two of them.

As a team they had six fumbles like they’ve been over to Everette Golson’s crib playin’ in the peanut oil all week because that dun is a turnover machine at Notre Dame. Luckily they only lost three of them.  They’ve already turned the rock over 19 times this season like they’re workin’ for the March of Dimes or somebody bruh! Boyz are in the givin' mood and that's not a good thing. Leave the charity for off of the field activities. In my Vince Lombardi voice, “What the hell is goin’ on out here?” They’ve already turned it over five times more than they did all last season. That’s a problem!!

If Jacksonville could spell the word touchdown they could have beaten the Colts as bad as they played on Sunday. But the inspiration of T.Y. Hilton saved the day. A man playin’ with a new sense of purpose is a shot in the arm every time. Congrats to the homie for bein’ there with his wife and then havin’ the energy to show up and ball out! Ole boy finished the day with 4 catches for 122 yards and his chest poked out like a peacock. In my Eddie Kendricks voice, “Go on with your bad self!

When I was a shorty my dad once told me that a man isn't the one that makes the baby. He's the one that takes care of the baby! Bein' a man isn't about doin' what you want to do. It's about doin' what you have to do. Therefore, you get no credit for doin' what you're supposed to do playboy! Why? Because it's your kid and it's your freakin' job! Welcome to the world of Grown Man Status!

T.Y.'s daughter was born healthy and he had a game to play. He was there for the birth and then he went to work! Why wouldn't he bruh? He's makin' $706,850 to play a game! You don't get props for bein' there for the birth of your child and then goin' to work! Wheredeydodatat? Cats do that everyday!

While boyz were congratulatin’ T.Y., Andrew should have been kickin’ his offensive line in the rear end for hangin’ him out to dry like Big Momma’s bloomers. But on some real talk, a win is a win playboy. As long as the “W” goes up and not the “L” it’s all good in the hood. Maybe everybody on the team should have a baby next week. Now that would be what you’d call inspired football. Up next ole dull no slidin' hard headed RGIII! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Dull Pipes (How the Colts let the Mall Cop run all over them in front of Big Momma)

"Do you think Big Momma's still up bruh!"

Louis Pasteur, the famous French chemist and microbiologist, once said, “Fortune favors the prepared mind.” Harvey Mackay, the famous author and businessman, gave it to us like this, “To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you’ve prepared mentally and physically, you don’t have to worry.” Then Robert Braden-Powell put it where the goats can get it, “Be prepared…the meaning of the motto is that a scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise.”

Well playboy…the Indianapolis Colts thought that they were prepared for the New England Patriots but they ran into a lil’ snag. Well maybe the lil’ snag ran into them. Ole Bill Belichick proved to boyz why he’s the smartest dun in football as he and his staff beat the breaks off of the Colts 42-20 in front of Big Momma nem on Sunday Night Football.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Everybody and their momma’s momma were prepared for Tom Brady on Sunday night bruh. Boyz were even prepared for Gronk. What they didn’t expect was for Belichick to essentially pull a dun out of the mall parkin’ lot and feed him the rock. Jonas Gray darn near got cut in trainin’ camp bruh! Comin’ into this ball game he’d only carried the ball 32 times for a total of 131 yards in three dull games. These duns let freakin' Paul Blart get at them! SMH

So when boyz started to disrupt Tom Brady and forced him into throwin’ 2 picks ole Bill pulled a Buffalo Wild Wings commercial on a boy. He pushed a button and started feedin’ the dun that nobody knew existed until after he ran for a career high 199 yards and 4 touchdowns. Boyz barely knew who he was at Notre Dame bruh!

He’s the cat that’s always with the fellas but never says a word. So you recognize him from runnin’ with Pookie and Ray Ray nem but the name doesn’t ring a bell.

The Colts did a great job of containin’ the future Hall of Famer to 257 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 dull picks. Andrew Luck did enough to win by puttin’ up 303 yards, 2 touchdowns and only 1 pick against that defense. Think about it bruh, Luck has now thrown for more than 300 yards in a franchise record eight consecutive games. Don’t look at him for answers talk to the dull runnin’ game and the defense for fallin’ asleep in class. When they started callin’ the roll it was like Bueller, Bueller! Dull!

Do you realize that the Colts only managed 17 rushing yards all night? That’s like walkin’ to the mail box and back. That’s like goin’ to the bar twice bruh! You can’t even get a buzz off of two trips to the bar bruh!

In order for Indy to be a legitimate threat in the AFC they’ve got to find ways to win these types of games. With Denver wetin’ the bed in St. Louis yesterday this ball game became monumental for the Colts in terms of positionin’ in the AFC race for home field. Let me tell you what an ole timer once told me in the barber shop playa. “Pressure can do two things young brother, it can make diamonds or it can burst pipes. Which one will it do in your life?” Well last night it burst pipes on the Colts! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The 18th Letter (How Andrew Luck turned into Rakim on a boy on Monday Night Football)

"I got the mic now bruh!

Confucius once said, “The will to win. The desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” Steve Jobs put down the IPhone long enough to give it to boyz like this, “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.” Then Aristotle pulled up in the hot chariot sittin’ on 24’s and said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Well playa…Andrew Luck has created a habit of puttin’ up 300 plus yard games on boyz and Monday night was no exception. As he and the Indianapolis Colts went to work on the New York Giants 40-24 cats just got out of the way and let them take whatever they wanted off of a boy.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Andrew Luck is a beast and duns that don’t wanna except the fact that he’s special just keep gettin’ bum rushed fightin’ it. Last night he turned into Rakim and told boyz “Don’t Sweat the Technique” as he jumped out of the whip in the middle of traffic and was surgical on the Giants defense puttin’ up 354 yards and 4 touchdowns.

As the game progressed he got louder and his lyrics got stronger as he told these cats“I Ain’t No Joke.” In the first half he stung the Giants with a 32-yard joint to Coby Fleener and then in the third he started spittin’ that “Move the Crowd” when he hit T.Y. Hilton on a 31-yarder, Reggie Wayne for a 40 yarder and Dwayne Allen on a 2-yard strike to blow the joint wide open bruh.

At that point he just “Let the Rhythm Hit ‘Em” because it’s “Been a Long Time.” After the game was pretty much decided I overheard him tellin’ a boy on the Giants defense to check out “My Melody” because “I know I got Soul” so you can “Follow the Leader” now playboy.

It was Luck’s eighth time this season throwin’ for more than 300 yards and the 17^th time in his short three year career. Jim Irsay has to be the luckiest owner alive playa. He gets Peyton Manning and then Andrew Luck walks right in and picks up where ole boy left off.

Here’s the crazy thing bruh, Andrew may even be better! He’s out of the gate quicker and has more poise than Peyton not only at a early age but even now. I know that diehard Manning fans don’t wanna hear that but it’s real talk! This dun has only been in the league for 3 years and he plays like a 10 year veteran!

Tell me that I’m crazy but Andrew Luck is gonna have these boyz in a Super Bowl at a much faster rate than Peyton did and he’s gonna win several! Andrew is in the hunt for “The 18^th Letter” playboy! Rings!!! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Note: For all of you duns that aren’t hip hop heads and were confused. Rakim is an old school rapper from New York that changed the game when it comes to lyrics bruh! He was the first cat to use metaphors and similes in the rap game! Those were some his song titles I used in this joint! Step ya game up if your gonna hang out with me.

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Dodgeball (How the Colts enrolled in the Roy Hibbert Car Sittin'Academy in Pittsburgh)

"C'mon bruh! You know the drill!"

Brene Brown, the famous author, once said, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” Woody Allen gave it to us like this, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Then Paul Schneider, the famous actor, hit boyz in the head with, “I feel strongly about showing up and being prepared and not taking the opportunity for granted and being conscientious about my fellow co-workers.”

Well bruh…the only cats that felt strongly about showin’ up prepared and not takin’ the opportunity for granted were the freakin’ Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday. They walked into the joint and beat the doors, brakes, transmission, seats and trunk off of the Indianapolis Colts 51-34. And that’s the edited version! 

What made it even worse was that they beat the snot out of ‘em wearin’ clown suits bruh! Can you imagine a boy runnin' up on you at the light in a Bozo the Clown costume and beatin' you down? Now who are you gonna tell that story to? You can't tell the fellas right? So imagine how these cats feel this morning when everybody and Big Monma's hairstylist saw them get carjack by Homie the Clown on TV.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Colts showed up in Pittsburgh ridin’ a five game winnin’ streak feelin’ good about themselves or like Big Momma used to say, “Smellin’ themselves” and got ran over in the middle of the street. Big Ben jumped out of the bushes on these boyz and set a Steelers passin’ record by puttin’ up 522 yards and six touchdowns.

The Colts pulled a Roy Hibbert on us and refused to get out of the freakin’ car bruh! Now let me take that back because Andrew Luck, T.Y. Hilton and Donte Moncrief did jump out of the ride and fight for their sneakers and jewelry. However, the offensive line and the entire defense sat in the ride scared to death eatin’ Skittles, cornbread and Funions with ole dull Roy Hibbert.

Andrew Luck was out there runnin’ for his life all day. It’s amazin’ that he even managed to put up 400 yards passin’ and throw 3 touchdowns because he was hurried on every play. T.Y. gave boyz the business with 6 catches for 155 yards and a touchdown as well as Moncrief with 7 joints for 113 yards and a score.

However, everybody else enrolled in the Roy Hibbert Car Sittin' Academy for Back Seat Drivers and the Luther Vandross listenin’ parties. Yesterday was Day 1 of the learnin’ how to hang your feet out of the back seat properly. Did you see the defensive secondary bruh? Big Ben was completin’ passes without a boy even bein’ in the picture frame. The Steelers’ receivers were open more than a crack house in the ghetto or a meth lab in a trailer park playboy. The DB’s must have gotten to the Academy early and they were on Day 2 of “How to get so comfortable in the ride that you simply fall asleep on a boy in the middle of the fight.”

Like I’ve been sayin’ for 4 or 5 weeks now, turnovers are a problem and the Colts gave it up twice again on Sunday. However, those two joints were the least of their worries. It got so bad for a boy that ole Andrew turned into White Goodman in Dodgeball because he was throwin’ that joint to boyz legs and feet just to keep from gettin’ sacked. All he needed was that dull mustache and bandana bruh. DULL!!!

The Steelers put up 639 yards of total offense on these boyz and scored 28 points in the second quarter alone. It was bad bruh and I know boyz are glad to just get out of Pittsburgh breathin’. Up next, the New York Giants and hopefully they can rebound against them. I just hope boyz didn’t get too comfortable ridin’ around with Roy and lose all of their dignity. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Popcorn Love (Why the Colts are quietly hurtin' themselves but nobodyseems to care)

"Oh, we got this playa!"

Earl Nightingale, the motivational speaker and author, once said, “The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts.” Josh Lucas, the famous actor, gave it to us like this, “At a certain point, even if the one alpha male is dominant, at a certain point there’s a younger lion that is stronger, and everyone knows it.” Then the big homie Robert Frost got deep on a boy when he said, “The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.”

In other words playboy, the dominated gets to a point where they just lay down and take it. The Cincinnati Bengals rolled into Indy on Sunday and got beat like they stole Big Momma’s dentures and patent leather purse 27-0. Not only did the Colts’ offense go to work on these boyz but the defense carjacked them in the middle of Capital Ave. with more than 60,000 people watchin’!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Bengals pulled into town with the radiator leakin’, the power steerin’ shot and the tires flat bruh. They got out of the gate strong openin’ the 2014 season 3-0 and then got their doors blown out off against New England and then tied a joint verses dull Carolina a week ago. So when they showed up in Indy talkin’ strong you already knew that it was simply for the cameras. They didn’t really believe that they could win because their actions proved it.

Normally when a boy is about to carjack a cat they’ll roll up on the side of the vehicle with a ski mask on and catch them by surprise. The Colts were so confident on Sunday that they stood out in the middle of the street and told them what they were about to do to them. Then they reached off in the ride and beat the brakes off of them, tossed their wack CD’s out of the window like Cleo in “Set It Off” and drove off.

As the Bengals attempted to fight back the Colts defense drug a boy up and down the street until they were unconscious, forcin’ them to punt 11 times with 10 comin’ off of 3 and outs. They held a team that was ranked 5^th in total offense to only 135 yards with 32 yards on the ground. They sacked ole dull Andy Dalton 3 times, takin’ his wallet and his pinky ring.

Andrew Luck and Co. did what they do playboy! As an offense they put up 506 yards on 27 first downs and held on to the rock for darn near 40 minutes. The only reason that they didn’t score more points was because they continue to let these boyz eat popcorn in the locker room. They again had the butter fingers turnin’ the rock over twice.

Even though it didn’t affect the outcome of this game, it’s an ongoin’ problem that needs to be corrected bruh. At some point turnin’ the ball over is goin’ to cost them dearly. I’m just sayin’! The dull loss to Philly earlier this season was because of turnovers. Not because the Eagles' hurry up offense gave them problems! It was because boyz couldn't hold on to the rock. 

Enjoy the wins now but if that isn’t addressed it’s goin’ to end the freakin’ season abruptly. Keep ole dull Orville Redenbacher away from the facility bumpin' that old school New Edition "Popcorn Love" and the Colts can be one dangerous team down the stretch. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Lil' Flip (How the Colts got in on some old school Hip Hop down inHouston 33-28)

"Now that's how you rock the mic playboy!"

Norman Vincent Peale, the famous minister and author, once said, “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” Mark Twain pulled up in the hot whip and shouted, “To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” Then the great Joe Namath spit some real fire at a boy with, “When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”

Well somebody needs to ask the homie Andrew Luck just how much fun he’s havin’ right now because he’s torchin’ boyz in the National Football League. His confidence is through the roof! It doesn’t matter who lines up on the other side of the ball these days because he's gonna rock the mic. On Thursday Night Football when the lights were bright in downtown Houston, Luck was “ridin’ dirty” like Chamillionaire and led the Colts to a 33-28 win over the Texans.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Colts caught the Texans rollin’ through the 5^th Ward with their mind’s playin’ tricks on 'em like the Geto Boys and put that thang on them in the first quarter. Before they realized it, these cats from Indiana were off in their pockets 24-0.

Andrew jumped out of the whip with the big gun and took all jewelry, sneakers and he even grabbed a boy’z old school snatch out finishin’ with 370 yards and 3 touchdowns. This was Luck’s fourth straight 300-yard passin’ game and T.Y. Hilton was grabbin everything that wasn’t nailed down includin’ the spare tire as he got back in the ride with 223 yards on just 9 catches.

Unfortunately, they pulled off celebratin’ the heist in the 2^nd quarter and allowed the Underground Kings (UGK) to roll up on them and recoup some of their stuff. And that’s the edited version! By the time they got to the half the Texans had slowed the joint down like DJ Screw and the Colts were only up 24-14.

After a series of turnovers and mishaps Houston was off in a boyz grill like Paul Wall! J.J. Watt did what J.J. Watt does playboy and swooped up a loose ball and rumbled 45 yards for a touchdown to make it 33-28 bruh. I felt like Slim Thug up in the joint because these cats were “Still Trippin’” about to give all of the jewelry, sneakers and even the old school snatch out back.

With the game goin’ down to the wire and the Texans on the move ole dull Ryan Fitzpatrick didn’t see Bjoern Werner run up on the passenger side door primarily because of his walrus mustache. That dun needed a separate helmet for the mustache alone bruh. Werner blasted through the door and stripped him as D’Qwell Jackson recovered the rock. At that point playboy, it was Lil’ Flip, “Game Over.”

I know that I lost all of you duns that aren’t hip hop heads today but it’s all good playa. Like the homie Joe Namath said up top, “When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” You’ve never seen a boy incorporate hip hop skillz into a sports recap? Well you need to keep up with Ya Boy every day because I used to Rap-A-Lot like J.Prince! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Honey (Why the Colts ended up in a bar fight that should have been an easy beat down)

"This shouldn't have been this difficult bruh!"

As I was comin’ out of Lucas Oil Stadium yesterday, I ran into these three cats arguin’ about boyz bein’ careless. Horace, the ancient Roman poet durin’ the time of Augustus, pulled off his Colts jersey and said, “Sad people dislike the happy, and the happy the sad; the quick thinking the sedate, and the careless the busy and the industrious.” Earl Derr Biggers, the famous novelist and playwright, put his brew down and said, “Careless shepherd make excellent dinner for wolf.” Then the homie Hunter S. Thompson, the famous journalist and author, pulled off in his new whip shoutin’, “There is no fool like a careless gambler who starts taking victory for granted.”

Now I’m not sure if the Colts were takin’ the Baltimore Ravens for granted playboy but they were definitely careless with the football on Sunday. What should have been a beat down turned out to be an old fashioned bar fight as the Colts barely got out of the joint alive 20-17.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Colts dominated every aspect of the freakin’ game but boyz kept eatin’ popcorn on the sideline bruh! They could have beaten the brakes off of these cats but somebody was loyal to ole dull Orville Redenbacher. I know that dun is from Indiana but we’re tryin’ to play a football game here. Butter fingers cost Indy 2 fumbles and the lil’ big homie Andrew threw 2 dull picks. For all of you simple minded individuals, that’s 4 turnovers. Why? Because in old math it’s 2+2=4!

If it hadn’t been for their otherwise dominant play they would have taken an “L” in this one playa. They had more first downs 26 to 15, substantially more totals yardage at 422 to 287. Andrew destroyed the Ravens secondary with 305 passin’ yards and even the Colts ground game showed up like UPS on these boyz with 117 yards. The most staggerin’ stat of them all was the time of possession! The Colts held on to the rock like a hungry bull frog for more than 38 minutes! They had the ball for more than a quarter and three minutes longer than the Ravens did but they barely got out of the joint with their shirts on.

Now don’t get me wrong big pimpin’, a win is a win is a win. I get that! But let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. Turnovers are the difference between a boy gettin’ the bad chick and a dun losin’ the bad chick. Any cat with swagger and a mouth piece can get a dime piece but the key my brother is bein’ able to keep her. Because if she’s bad everybody with some swag and mouth piece is hollerin’ at her too. The question is, “Is your game tight enough to keep her?”

See everybody wants the same thing bruh! So you can’t afford to be careless with the prize. I’m still talkin’ to the Colts playa I just brought everybody else into the conversation too. I didn’t want boyz to think that bein’ careless was just a Colts problem. Think about this bruh, the Colts should be 4-1 on a four game winnin’ streak right now instead of 3-2 on a three game winnin’ streak. Why? Because they were careless with the rock against Philly in week two. They had the Eagles on the ropes and gave away the prize down the stretch.

This is an excellent football team with weapons all over the field that needs to understand that the bad chick can always be swayed by the dun with the most swag and fire conversation. Just because you can get the honey doesn’t mean that you’ll keep the honey. I’m just sayin’! Stop me when I start lyin’!

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Dilly Dally (The REAL reason the Colts had to cut Da'Rick Rogers immediately)

"Well it was good while it lasted bruh!"

Albert Einstein once said, “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” Robert A. Heinlein, the famous science fiction writer, kept it simple with, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” Then Frank Zappa, the famous writer, composer and music producer, pulled out the old school encyclopedia on a boy when he said, “Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”

Well…I don’t know about that playboy but I do know that there was more stupidity in the ride with Colts wide receiver Da’Rick Rogers early Monday morning than hydrogen when he got popped on IUPUI’s campus. This clown was pulled over on suspicion of drivin’ under the influence by campus police of all people bruh! His blood alcohol content was between .08 and .14 percent accordin’ to the duns at IUPUI.

The Colts didn’t waste any time cuttin’ him either. By the time he made bail they were standin’ outside the joint with all of his stuff in a brown bag. And that’s the edited version. Boyz were like, “It was nice doin' business witcha but I’ll holla pimpin’!”

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Rogers was the sixth wide receiver on the freakin’ roster bruh and they only had six! For all of you simple minded individuals that means he was under the bench in a strait jacket with his mouth duck taped and his shoes tied together. He wasn’t playin’ unless the other five cats suddenly came down with chickenpox, bubble guts and poison ivy in that order.

He was already on thin ice with these boyz because he had a history of foolishness datin’ back to his days in college. In 2010 while at the University of Tennessee he was arrested as part of a bar fight. Then he was dismissed from the football program for marijuana use and therefore went undrafted. And you already know that if he was kicked off of the team for smokin' weed that he was a repeat offender. They don't just kick a boy off for failin' one drug test playa.

Ole boy hasn’t been active for any of the Colts first four games so that means that this dun isn’t even dressin'. So why take the chance on gettin’ popped when you’re barely on the freakin’ team anyway?

Now on some real talk, the Colts didn’t cut that dun because he was drunk bruh! The REAL reason that they cut him because he got pulled over by campus police!! He got popped by Ole Otis that carries a water gun and firecrackers bruh.

"You talkin' to me der boi?"

Ole boy was like, “Whatcha say der boi? Where ya goin’ der boi? Ya lookin’ fa some of dese young girl on campus der boi? Step out da car der boi! So ya play fa da Colts der huh boi? Well I ain’t never seent on the field der boi! Oh, you da six string receiver huh? That’s mean you ain’t got uniform der boi! And take ya dilly dally off while I’m talkin’ to ya! Oh you can’t walk that line der boi? Dat mean ya goin’ to the clink der boi! Here what I say der boi? Ya goin' in the clink der boi!  Get it there and don’t mess up my back seat!!”

When the Colts saw that the IUPUI campus police ran him down they had no further use for him. Get rid of that dun immediately if he can’t out run Ole Otis.

Now I actually over heard some Colts fans that were upset that ole boy had been cut. They were like, “How do the Colts have the nerve to cut this cat and the owner was popped for havin’ drugs in the ride and he was high? Explain that one to me?”

Well pimpin’, the key word here is “owner.” Jim Irsay can ride down the freakin’ street butt naked and high with his pubic hair hangin’ out of the trunk if he wants to bruh. He can’t cut himself you idiot! He owns the freakin’ team! When Da’Rick Rogers gets enough bread to own a team then he can ride around naked with his shoes on the roof of the car and his underwear hangin’ out of the passenger side door as high as a kite and only pick up a misdemeanor too.

But since he doesn’t have the bread to own the joint and he’s the dun standin’ in the vestibule on Easter Sunday mornin' rockin’ a purple suit that’s draggin’ the floor. Why? Because he doesn’t know how to spell the word tailor, he’s gotta find another job. It’s just that simple playa and take ya dilly dally off while I'm talkin' to ya der boi. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Rabbit's Foot (The REAL reason the Colts were able to put that thang on Jacksonville)

"Don't trip! I got this playa!"

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” Brian Tracy, the author of “Self Made Millionaires,” gave it to us like this, “I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often.” Then Ed Bradley, the award winning journalist, shut the buildin’ down with, “Be prepared, work hard, and hope for a little luck. Recognize that the harder you work and the better prepared you are, the more luck you might have.”

Well playboy it looks like that formula paid off for the Colts on Sunday in Jacksonville. As they worked harder and were better prepared for the Jaguars the more Luck they had, Andrew that is. After droppin’ their first two ball games of the season they didn’t panic they just relied on Luck. Ole boy led them to a 44-17 victory in steamy Jacksonville and then they went to the crib.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The Colts hadn’t played their best football up to this point so boyz were a little worried about how they would respond on Sunday. They got carjacked in Denver on openin’ night and then they fall asleep at the wheel on Monday Night a week ago. So which team was gonna show up in Jacksonville?

When in doubt rely on the rabbit’s foot playboy! The old timers just called it plain ole Luck! The Colts pulled up at the light this time with all of the windows down and all the big guns loaded. Andrew was drivin’ with his head on a swivel lettin’ boyz go all day.

The third year stud finished the day goin’ 31 of 39 for 370 yards and 4 touchdowns bruh! Sure, Jacksonville sucks but he did what he was supposed to do against them. Anything less than a blowout would have been cause for boyz to panic. They were 0-2 goin’ into this matchup but so were the Colts! So they sucked too until Sunday evenin’!

Remember what ole Bill Parcells used to say? “You are what your record says you are!” So until the Colts put it all together in Jacksonville they were no better than any other 0-2 team in the league either. Now boyz can at least breathe around this piece. Well... for only a day and then it's preparation for the Titans rollin' through on Sunday.

Losin’ those first two ball games will probably turn out to be a blessin’ down the road this season. Sometimes it’s OK to get punched in the mouth out of the gate. Big Momma says that it builds character and she’s always right except when she was hittin’ boyz with switches back in the day!

Now it’s real and boyz are focused. When Luck started firin’ the chopper out of the window at the light his soldiers responded. T.Y. Hilton grabbed 5 catches for 80 yards before goin’ down with an ankle injury and Reggie came out of the back seat with 4 catches for 62 yards. However, I was most impressed with what the other cats did in T.Y.’s absence. Donte Moncrief, Hakeem Nicks and Dwayne Allen came out of the trunk and showed out in the middle of the street. That’s called havin’ a boyz back for real playa.

So in my Ice Cube voice, “Today (Sunday) was a good day!” Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Self Inflicted (How the Colts shot themselves in the pinky toe on Monday Night)

"That's hurts bruh! That really hurts!"

Napoleon Hill, the famous author, once said, “Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.” John Quincy Adams broke it down like this, “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” Then Joyce Meyer, the author and speaker, put the icin’ on the cake with, “Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”

The Philadelphia Eagles' hurry up offense only managed to only put up two field goals in the first half on Monday Night Football but they were patient enough not to panic. They’ve behaved and waited like ole John Quincy said until the difficulties disappeared and the obstacles vanished as they came from behind to knock off the Indianapolis Colts 30-27 on a dull field goal as time expired.

Let’s keep it real or all the way, 100 whichever comes 1^st! The Colts shot themselves in the foot more than the Eagles held them at gun point playa. The Colts controlled the time of possession all night with 36:15 to 23:45. Sure, the Eagles' hurry up doesn’t need the rock long to do damage with it, I get it. However, when you turn the joint over three times that’s the formula for bein’ dull like erectile dysfunction playboy.

It’s like the cat that’s been talkin’ strong all night at the club about what he’s gonna do and then falls short at the end of the night. Chip Kelly’s offense is nothin’ to play with bruh! So you already know that you can’t give them additional possessions durin’ the course of the night.

They called seven less plays than the Colts but outgained them 458 to 341 as Nick Foles looked like freakin’ Joe Montana against the Indy secondary down the stretch. This dun torched them for 331 yards passin’.

On a night when the Colts runnin’ game finally got dressed, put on some make-up and switched a little bit they had 169 yards on the ground. Boyz finally gave Trent Richardson some room to breathe as he managed 79 yards on 21 carries and even showed that wiggle that he had back at Alabama. All you gotta do is give him some runnin’ lanes and he’s fine. 

And already tired of all the Colts fans complainin' this mornin' about bad calls from the officials and bad play callin' by the Colts' offensive coordinator. YOU CAN'T TURN THE BALL OVER AND YOU CAN'T LET SUPER MARIO BROTHERS RUN UP AND DOWN THE FIELD ON YOU ALL NIGHT! Stop with the excuses! You shot your pinky toe off foolin' around with Miss Vera. 

The Eagles start the season 2-0 after erasin’ a 17-0 halftime deficit to beat ole dull Jacksonville a week ago and then they became only the fourth team in the last 30 years to win consecutive games in which they trailed by 14 or more points in the 2^nd half to beat the Colts, accordin’ STATS, LLC. For all of you simple minded individuals, STATS, LLC. are the duns that waste time lookin’ all of this foolishness up so that I don’t have to.

The Colts on the other hand start the joint off behind the dun at the gas station holdin’ up the line buyin’ lottery tickets, squares and Beef Jerky, ridin’ a bicycle 0-2 headed to Jacksonville next week. Now they’ve got to learn some patience and hope that the difficulties and obstacles disappear. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Contact (How the Colts got distracted by the herbs & spices in the air in Denver)

"Hey man you smell that? Smell what?"

I was down at the pool hall hustlin’ these boyz Sunday night when I overheard some cats tryin’ to convince this dun to never give up. Of all people, Richard Nixon said, “Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.” Jesse Jackson was sittin’ in the cut keepin’ hope alive when he said, “If you fall behind, run faster. Never surrender, and rise up against the odds.” Then the big homie H. Jackson Brown Jr., the famous author, said, “Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts.”

Well playboy…the fact is the Indianapolis Colts didn’t get off of the bus until the second half of a two half ball game. However, they never gave up. I know everybody in that locker room is kickin’ themselves this mornin’ because it was like they woke up from a drunkin’ stupor with a second half rally that came up short 31-24 against Peyton Manning and Co.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! You’ve got to give them credit for not completely takin’ a beaten after Peyton looked like Dr. Oz out there in the first half. Ole boy was surgical with the rock as he threw three touchdown passes to tight end Julius Thomas. After seein’ Denver go up 24-0 boyz started orderin’ their last drinks and givin’ pounds to the fellas to go to the crib early.

After all, John Elway had spent more than $100 million on defense and his offensive line in the off-season to get back to the Super Bowl. So no way were the Colts gonna come out of that hole playa. Not with Peyton doin’ open heart surgery on the entire Colts secondary.

The Broncos were a well-oiled machine on third downs in the first half goin’ 6 of 7 even without ole dull Molly poppin’ Wes Welker. Then the Colts finally showed up to the stadium in the second half and held them to 1 of 7 on third downs and it was on and poppin’. The absence of Welker made a difference after all.

Then Andrew Luck leaned the seat back in the Bentley and cracked the window as he went 35 of 53 for 370 yards and 2 touchdowns. Two dull interceptions hurt him but ole boy put in work in that ole thin air.

"Smell this bruh!"

When you look at the stats for the night the Colts looked like world beaters bruh. They had as many first downs as Denver, more passin’ first downs, more pass yards and more total yards. Denver held onto the rock just about five minutes longer and boy did that make a difference down the stretch? Turnovers always come back to bite you square in the pants.

So the net-net here is boyz gotta show up in time for kick off next week. You can’t be out there smellin’ the herbs and spices in the parkin’ lot with the fans and then decide to put your uniform on and play once the contact goes away. Y’all do know that Colorado has legalized in my Big Momma’s voice, “Those funny cigarettes.” Boyz got off of the bus and was like Daaaaaaannnnggg! And that’s the edited version. Yeah, don’t let that get you distracted next time playa! I’m glad that that was the only trip out there for the season. Well… maybe not. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!