Chapter 55 (Why Lil' Darryl must have been negotiatin' NBA contracts this week)

"Huh?" Yeah, I'll give you that shawty!"

As I was standin’ outside of the brown bag joint waitin’ for my food I see these three old cats arguin’ about opportunity. John D. Rockefeller said, “Every right implies a responsibility; Every opportunity, an obligation, Every possession, a duty.” Winston Churchill pulled up in the whip sittin’ on 20’s and shouted, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Then Thomas Edison put his food down and shined a light on the subject by spittin’, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

Well playas…these duns in the NBA free agent open market weren’t missin’ out on the opportunity to get paid this week. On the first day of free agency NBA teams agreed to $1.4 billion in salaries. You read that right playa! Boyz were signin’ unheard of deals and this isn’t even the year cats were expectin’ for it to be stupid. Next year under the new CBA and new television deals it gonna be sick and boyz were cashin’ out like an old lady at a broken slot machine all week.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! I get duns like Anthony Davis stingin’ a boy for 5 years/ $145 million or Kevin Love with a 4 year joint for $80 million. I get that playboy because they were the two of the biggest names in free agency. But when duns like Draymond Green can hit a boy up for 5 years and $85 million or Tristan Thompson for 4 and 80 on a boy it’s open season at the coo-coo factory. Now should they have been paid? Sure, but $80+ million? What!!?

Now don’t get me wrong playa, I’m not hatin’ on the boy for gettin’ his bread but who are the duns in these front offices agreein’ to this foolishness. Damien Lillard reaches off into a boyz pockets for 5 years 120? Brandon Knight and Kris Middleton at 5 years 70 million? They must have been negotiatin’ with Lil’ Darryl.

Everybody and their baby momma’s momma knew that Jimmy Butler and dusty corn rolls havin’ Kawhi Leonard was gonna get the max joints so it made sense that they both agreed to a 5 year deal worth $90 million. On some real talk, they could have really agreed to a 1 year deal and hit ‘um up next year when the new TV deals kicks in. I would have if I were them because they’ve got the leverage to do so.

Even D. Wade sucka punched the Heat into a 1 year deal for $20 million on his shot up knees. That dun gets out of a chair like Fred G. Sanford and the G now stands for “Gotcho dumb butt!” And that’s the edited version.

When cats like Tobias Harris can get a boy to agree to a 4year/$64 million joint something is definitely in the water and the milk. In my Spanky voice, “Don’t drink the milk!” Why! “It’s spoiled!”

Now either these front office cats are smokin’, snortin’, injectin’, swallowin’ or all of the above or these cats have the best agents in the world. Talk about a boy takin’ advantage of the opportunity. When a cat like Draymond is makin’ more bread than DeAndre Jordan somebody in that room was high and it wasn’t the player’s agent or the player. I ain’t made at cha like Tupac but some of these teams got way too excited and dove off of the deep end. I’m just sayin’!

Now we’ll have to sit in the cut and see who over the next couple of years has a garage sale to unload a boy with a bad contract to the next sucka. Ask the Pacers what a bad contract looks like and they’ll open the book of “Skittles and Lemonheads” and read a passage from Chapter 55 verse 55! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:
1) Brown Bag: noun – hood take-out restaurant. They’re called brown bags because your food is given to you in a brown bag bruh.
2) Whip: noun – luxury vehicle
3) Sittin’ on 20’s: adjective – the car has 20 inch rims
4) Spittin’: verb – to say or in the act of sayin’. C’mon bruh keep up with me now. You’re slowin’ me down playa.
5) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. Whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. So a woman can be a dun. That’s if I’m talkin’ about her.
6) Lil’ Darryl: noun – a character that Ricky Smiley plays of a dun that wears pop bottle glasses and doesn’t understand a thing.
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!