Johnny Walker Red

"Y'all better recognize a real playa when you see one, playboy!"

Charlie Chapman once said, “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” Ozzy Osbourne was honest when he said, “Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.” Ernest Hemingway must have been ridin' with some gangstas when he said, “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

Well Oklahoma had way too much of that Johnny in the 77th Annual Cotton Bowl Classic on Friday night as he led the Texas A&M Aggies to a complete carjacking of the Sooners 41-13. Believe me homeboy they could have scored 70 points if Kevin Sumlin didn’t respect Bob Stoops in the morning.

Johnny Football went to work on these boyz. This dun had 516 of the 633 yards that the Aggies put up and 4 touchdowns. He rushed 13 times for 229 yards averaging 13.5 per carry then threw for 287 yards. By the time the police showed up on the scene the Sooners were 4 times the legal limit. The entire bus was drunk off of Johnny that was walking all over them in red. For short, it was too much Johnny Walker Red flowing on the Sooner sideline bruh!

By the time they cleared the bus ole Ozzie Osbourne was even sitting in the back of it talking much trash and spitting on cats. The odor of alcohol was so strong that he got on by mistake because he thought the joint was his tour bus. Johnny had boyz punch drunk by the third quarter but they couldn’t stop drinking because the crowd kept cheering them on.

You know how a cat starts drinking and his boyz are standing around hyping him up. Knowing he’s already had way too much but he’s got something to prove. He starts slurring at the mouth but they still don’t take the bottle from him because he thinks he’s still in control of himself.

We’ve all heard him before, “Naw bruh I’m good! This is my house! I got this!,” only to find that Joe bent over praying to the porcelain gods later on in the evening. That was Oklahoma midway through the 4th quarter homeboy. They drank it straight with no chaser for 3 and a half quarters and the next thing boyz knew they were butt naked running down Legends Way in front of Cowboys Stadium with one cleat on like Smokey from Fridays. They had already lost several teeth and couldn’t remember a thing.

It’s a shame that boyz opened the bottle in the first place. Especially when they were warned well in advance that this stuff was like that old school Everclear, 190 proof. It had won all of the national awards and even took home the MOST OUTSTANDING TROPHY for being the REAL deal and they wanted to mess with it anyway. From the naked eye it looked harmless. It looked like a regular Joe until they took it to the head. After a few shots of that joint, cats chests were burning, their breath was stinking and they were staggering around Cowboy Stadium like Ned the Whinno!

The college football world has been officially put on notice not to mess with Texas A&M and Johnny Football for the next few years bruh! I told you at the beginning of the season that Kevin Sumlin would completely take over the SEC in two years because he’ll get all of the best players in the state of Texas to show up in College Station!

Well he just stole everything both Texas and Oklahoma was thinking about recruiting last night playa. Every kid that thought they wanted to go play for the Longhorns and Sooners probably decommitted in the 3rd quarter! A&M will dominate the SEC playing Big 12 football because they aren’t accustomed to cats spreading it out and scoring in bunches!  I’ll just say this, if you can’t handle your liquor don’t open the bottle or at least don't mess with that Johnny because it's killer!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter:@jaygravesreport