Mr. Crabs (The REAL reason Jameis Winston got caught hustlin' crab legs)

"On second thought, I don't even like crabs legs bruh!"

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the 18^th century German writer, once said, “Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.” Andrew Jackson stood up and shouted, “Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop and go in.” Then Henry Ford sounded like an ole playa when he said, “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.”

Well bruh… one thing is for certain and two is for sure, Famous Jameis wasn’t engaging in any thinking on Tuesday night. The Leon County Sheriff issued this cat a citation for walking out of a Tallahassee area Publix with $32 worth of crab legs and not paying for them. Ole boy says that he just forgot. In the real world that's called shoplifting playboy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! You’re the reigning Heisman Trophy winner and the quarterback of the reigning national championship football team in the south bruh! You didn’t forget to pay for the crab legs pimpin' privilege just escorted those joints out of the store for you like a prom date.

C’mon bruh, you can tell these duns that don’t know any better that you forgot to pay for them but all the real G’s know exactly how it went down! Some other student or students work in the deli and they’ve been hooking you and the fellas up with crab legs for months. You've got enough shells piled up behind your crib to armor a truck bruh.

Here’s the conversation, Jameis:” “You workin’ tonight?” Student: “Yep! C’mon through! I got you homie!” Jameis: “Bet!” When ole boy got to the store they squared him off with $32 worth of crab legs like they do every week and ole boy walked out of the store. Now is it dead wrong? Absolutely! Does it happen on every college campus with students working in fast food joints and grocery stores? You darn right it does! And that’s the edited version!

Now you got some naïve cat reading this joint saying, “Jay you think you know everything! Why couldn’t Jameis have just walked into the joint and stolen the crab legs or just plain forgot to pay for them like he said he did.” Listen playboy, because I listened to the details! The truth is always in the details bruh! The details said that the police didn’t show up at ole boy’s apartment until three hours later.

If he’d just come into the joint and stolen some crab legs they would have called the police immediately. Everybody in the freakin’ state knows who that dun is. So why didn’t it get reported for three hours? Because it wasn’t until three hours later that the manager figured out that $32 worth of crab legs had gotten up and walked out of the joint for the 4^th or 5^th time this week.

So he locked the doors at closing and told all of those duns that nobody is going home until my crab legs moon walk back into this joint rockin' some penny loafers dancin' to some "Billie Jean." He got fired up when he saw crabs walking around the store with prosthesis on! That just sent him over the edge bruh! So you already knew somebody was goin' down.

That’s real talk and anybody that’s ever managed kids before already knows what I’m talking about! After a few minutes of interrogating those clowns somebody went on and gave up the goods. Now some cat gets fired on the spot and the police are called. It’s just that simple.

Jameis didn’t steal the legs bruh he got hooked up and it went left on him. Whose fault is that though? It’s his 1000 percent because he should have better game than that playboy. Hook ups always go left. Why? Because boyz always abuse the hook up. Don’t get it twisted, the hook up is always theft! Why? Because the dun giving the hook up doesn't ever have the authority to give it. So don’t think that he’s not guilty of theft because he is. Unfortunately, because he's twenty years old he didn't realize that it was technically theft. I’m just telling you what happened since nobody else will.

He probably has eaten so many crab legs that he can only shower in salt water now. Boyz are walking around campus calling him Mr. Crabs at this point. For all of you young thunder cats out there reading this joint. Always understand that the hook up will go left on you for one reason or another so it’s really not worth it.

On some real talk, he’s Famous Jameis! He should have enough game to at least be able to call some chick up and tell her that he wants some crab legs and like Jimmy Johns before he puts the phone down she should be knocking on the door. He’s the reigning Heisman Trophy winner for crying out loud! Crab legs!!!!

Now he’s all over the news and suspended from the baseball team for listening to some fool thinking he could hook him up. My old man told me something when I was 15 years old that I’ll never forget as long as I live. He said, “Never put your future into someone else’s hands.” Now granted, he was talking about me trusting these chicks’ word out here on being on birth control and not using condoms but I’ve applied it to every aspect of my life.

Jameis needs his butt whooped literally! If he were my son I would have been in Tallahassee before the news went off. “Crab legs! You’re all over the news this evening for some crab legs bruh! You got folks laughing at you and pointing at me and ya momma over some crab legs? Bend yo “A” over!” Jameis: “But dad…”

Now you know it’s ignorant when they’re interviewing the freakin’ sheriff on SportsCenter about a dun stealing some crab legs! There are six words that I share with my kids all of the time. I tell them that these six words can change your life, your relationships, your career and your future. They are, “DO WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!” It’s just that simple playboy and you can stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the picture isn’t real but its REAL talk!
This is completely my opinion. I have no facts to substantiate my article other than that dun taking the crab legs. It's all jokes!