Freeballin'

"Yeah dawg, I gotta get ready for these nachos and keep 'em comin' too!"

George Carlin once said, “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” Harold S. Greneen gave it to us like this, “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins; cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” William F. Buckley Jr. shut the building down when he said this, “I get satisfaction of three kinds. One is creating something, one is being paid for it and one is the feeling that I haven’t just been sitting on my butt all afternoon.”

Well, I’m sure ole Juwan Howard doesn’t feel that way bruh. As a matter of fact, he relishes in sitting on his butt. The Miami Heat just signed this dun to a 10 day contract over the weekend which is a genius move because team chemistry has to be perfect to win another title. Athletes are superstitious and things have to be the same in order for boyz to feel comfortable down the stretch going into the playoffs.

I’m quite sure they’ll extend that joint because this dun can play all positions because somebody has to sit in the CENTER of the bench, GUARD the water and look FORWARD to the next game. Juwan  is an expert at doing that these days bruh! Playing his 19^th season he’s the O.G. that boyz need around to keep everybody’s mind right as they hunt for this next championship. That’s real talk!

Before they signed him Pat Riley told him that he can't change his routine at all. He's got to keep his street clothes on under his warm up, lace his ole school Stacey Adams Knobs up extremely tight to the point that his ankles are turning red and he must keep finding the camera during all timeouts. He has to keep drinking all of the Gatorade on the bench to the point where LeBron is cramping down the stretch because of it. I know y'all remember ole boy cramping bad in the playoffs last year. That was all on Juwan bruh!

He has to order Nachos in the second and third quarters as usual. Also it won’t be necessary for him to shower after the games. He can do that at the crib. Otherwise, they’ll have to deduct that from his check. Pat also told him that it would be mandatory for him to wear that ski mask that he’s successfully worn throughout his career to steal more than $151 million from the NBA! Do you realize that this cat is ranked No. 22 on the highest NBA salaries all-time list?

My boy KG is No.1 at $328 million and I ain't mad at him for it. I ain’t mad at Juwan either. If you can get it, get it! But what's up with Jordan sitting at No.87 at only $90 million? He made $60 million of that the last two years with the Bulls. He got so wrapped up into winning and the Jordan brand that he never realized the Bulls were screwing him the whole time! Note to these young boyz: "Don't go anywhere near Jordan's agent!" Maybe that's why he was so mad during his Hall of Fame speech!

Now I realize that when Mike came out of school in '84 they weren't paying boyz that type of bread. However, if Shaq is No.2 on the list at $298 million and he came out in '92 when Jordan was in his prime! Boyz needed to move some bread around instead of paying Kukoc all that paper to play with the G.O.A.T. but that's Jordan's fault not the Bulls. Did he make a half a billion off of the Jordan brand? Sure he did, but he should made darn near that much off of the NBA too! I'm just sayin'!

On some real talk by signing Juwan that gives the Heat four of the NBA’s top 19 active scoring leaders with Ray Allen (No.5, 23,533), LeBron ( No.8, 20,652) and D.Wade (No.19, 16,109). As of last week Juwan was 29 points ahead of D. Wade sitting at No.18 but that joint is about to plummet because this dun "ain't bout to score nothing" but gas from snacking during the game! It’s all good though, they just needed the O.G. on the sideline. It’s like when Snoop had his uncle on tour with him for years. It just makes the run that much more comfortable.

Like Bill Russell told Uncle Drew in the new Pepsi commercial, “What these young bloods have to understand is that this game has always been and will always be, about buckets!” Well, not for Juwan at this point in his career playboy. It’s about making sure he marks up the floor with his street shoes from the nervous anxiety he’s experiencing during the game. Boyz like LeBron and D. Wade need to see the shoe marks when they come off of the floor to feel comfortable as they make this run.

I told you boyz were superstitious so the last thing they put into the O.G.’s contract was that he had to make sure that every 4 games he’s freeballin’! That means put ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on underneath your warm up! In my Bernie Mac Players Club voice, “Notin’, Notin’!” Just powder up good bruh and everything will be cool! That will help the team tremendously and just don’t it screw up playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport