Champipple

"We're Super Bowl Champs Ray, and you ain't cryin?!"

Muhammad Ali said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’” Floyd Mayweather Jr. said it this way, “A true champion will fight through anything.” Bo Schembechler always said, “Those that stay will become champions.”

What he should have said was those that don’t fall asleep will become champions. After the longest Super Bowl in history as it lasted 4 hours and 14 minutes. The Baltimore Ravens walked out of the joint with the Lombardi Trophy after squeezing out a 34-31 victory over the San Francisco 49ers.

It was turning into a one sided gang fight in the projects where the Ravens had gone old school on boyz showing up with bats, chains and brass knuckles and the 49ers showed up thinking that it was gonna be a fair fight with just hands. While the Ravens were in the process of dog walking these boyz 28-6 early in the 3rd quarter something unexpected happened. The lights went out!

The NFL won’t tell you the truth so I will. One of the maintenance workers who had been working around the clock for the past two weeks getting the joint ready for the big game hooked up with a little hunny in the control room. She’s been known around New Orleans as not  being too bright but she’s fine as frog hair pimpin‘!

He figured he’d  get it in during the game and no one would be the wiser before he and his co-workers would have to get all of the confetti up afterwards. He put that Teddy Pendergrass, “Turn Off the Lights”, on to set the mood. All of a sudden when Teddy screams in the song, “TURN OM OFF!” Ole girl got up and hit the switch!

Now was she really that dumb or was she working for the NFL or Vegas? I'm just sayin'!

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! If it really was a power grid situation why wasn't the neighbors lights out too? More than 100 million watching the joint and the power goes out? C'mon bruh! More bread is made if it's a 3 point game than a 22 point game. That's real talk!

The game was delayed for more than 30 minutes and that gave the 49ers new life. They were able to go to the crib and get their bats, chains and brass knuckles! By the time the lights came back on they were swinging for the fences bruh! San Fran made a game out of it and if you look only at the stats they won the game homeboy! They had more first downs 23 vs. 21, more total yards 468 vs. 367, more total yards per play 7.8 vs. 5.2, doubled them up in rushing yards 182 vs. 93 but just couldn’t over come the first half beat down.

Surprisingly enough ole Baby Ray wasn’t boo hooing all night. His tear ducks must have just quit on him after he worked them overtime for the past three weeks. I just knew for sure that dun would be dehydrated by the end of the 3rd quarter from crying all night but he never did.

Memo to Ray Lewis, I’m a believer in the word of God too but I’m quite sure when he wrote, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.” in Isaiah 54-17. He wasn’t talking about the other team that has boyz that pray to him too playa. I can guarantee you that the man up there in the great press box of life ain't trippin' on who wins the freakin' Super Bowl homie! I got love for you but I’m just sayin’!

Meanwhile the maintenance worker is still trying to explain to his bosses why he came sprinting out of the control room with one shoe on, smelling like some old school knock off Lagerfeld and carrying a bottle of Champipple! That’s that old school Fred G. Sanford drank, cheap drugstore champagne and ripple mixed in an old 2 liter pop bottle.  “See what had happen was….! Just think about how much trouble he would have been in if San Fran would have pulled it out! OMG!!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport