Casket Clean (Why Larry Brown is out of his freakin' mind tryin' to get Allen Iverson a front office job)

"Yeah dawg, I'm ready for the front office!"

Calvin Coolidge once said, “Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity.” Joshua Liebman, the best-selling author, gave it to us like a G in trainin’ when he spit, “Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.” Then Tom Stoppard shut the buildin’ down when he said, “Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.”

Well playas…first of all, you gotta grow up! It’s got to be more important for you be grown and be willin’ to pay the high price than to walk around lookin’ like a kid dressed up like a grown up. Catch that one later pimpin’! Former Philadelphia 76ers coach Larry Brown is tryin’ to get Allen Iverson a job in the front office of his former team.

This dun was on the radio a few days ago sayin’, “I just wish there was some way that he could be involved. Just teach him about the organization and let him figure it out, figure out how he can help. He can certainly judge talent. He certainly has people’s respect. Kids will listen to anything he said. He’s certainly bright as hell.”

Aight, let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Allen Iverson is 40 years old still walkin’ around dressed up like he’s 17 bruh! Let’s start right there pimpin’! Any time a grown tail man (edited version) can’t figure out that he looks like a complete fool, that’s a problem. Secondly, he’s got tattoos all over his freakin’ body in places that aren’t hidden. This dun’s got joints all over his neck and hands! This ain’t the music business bruh! You can pull that off in industries like that but this ain’t that.

I don’t know what Larry Brown thinks the front office is but it’s that part of the buildin' they call the EXECUTIVE wing. That means you’ve got to, at the very least, look like an executive. They aren’t about to hire a dun lookin’ like he’s about to be in Lil’ Wayne’s video cast as the cat drivin’ the getaway car. A.I. looks like Uncle Jun Bug!

Can you imagine if they hired that dun and he actually tried to put a suit on by himself? How many times have you been to a graduation, funeral or seen where the coach of a high school team told boyz to put on a suit and they showed lookin’ like some fools. Most cats that wear oversized gear think that you’re supposed to buy the suit the same way. Can you see A.I. showin’ up with a 6X (22 neck) dress shirt with the collar so big that you can put your entire arm down the neck of the joint and pull his nipple. Then he’s saggin’ the joint and thinkin’ that he’s casket clean. You can’t hire a boy that doesn’t have any self-awareness. He’s 40 for cryin’ out loud! If he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to even look how are you goin’ to trust him to be an executive and make executive decisions?

Here’s my diehard A.I. fan upset with a boy for keepin’ it 100. “Jay you sound crazy! Why you hatin’ on my guy like that? He’s a legend and probably knows more about this game than 90 percent of the people in those front offices. You sound like a sell-out talkin’ about A.I..”

Naw playa, you sound crazy thinkin’ that ole boy deserves a front office job because his name is A.I.! I’ve been in Corporate America for more than 25 years playa and have held executive roles for at least 20 of those. I wouldn’t hire that dun nor would I want him on my team if he walked in with the knowledge of a genius lookin' the way he does. He doesn’t understand who or where he is. That’s a problem. And part of maturity is self-awareness. If you’re 40 and you still haven’t figured out that you need to dress like you’re 40 then you can’t be trusted to make corporate decisions in a billion dollar industry.

Larry Brown sounds crazy even makin’ that phone call bruh. What Larry should have done was call A.I. and told him to learn how to put some grown man clothes on and go get those freakin’ tattoos removed from his neck and hands if he wants an executive job. I’ve got no problem with a boy havin’ tattoos! I’ve got tattoos and fraternity brands! But when I put my clothes on you can’t see them! That’s the difference.

It doesn’t matter that he’s qualified to work in the front office. He’s not mature enough to handle the responsibility of bein’ in the front office because he can’t even figure out where he is in life. If you can’t figure out your own self, how are you goin’ to be trusted to make good decisions for somebody else?”

Women thought it was cute back in ’96, ’97 when he was lookin’ like Tupac hoopin’ out there.They were like, "Girrrl he fine lookin' like a thug out there!" Now they're like, "You better go head on lookin' like a thug kid." You remember when all these fools were hollerin’, “A.I.’s my dawg! He keepin’ real! Look at him.”

He’s the freakin’ reason why the NBA instituted a dress code policy bruh! He’s the freakin’ reason why they told boyz that they had to put on collared shirts if you're gonna be on the sideline. But the sad piece about it, he’s still walkin’ around lookin’ like that 18 years later and now boyz are callin’ around beggin’ folks to hire him! Something is wrong with that picture.

Iverson needs to grow up first, then he can get a job. This ain’t the welfare office playboy. Nobody owes him a darn thing but he owes himself something though. He’s owes it to himself to grow up and be a grown man then he can get a job! He knows too much about the game and is too popular not to get this easy money out here talkin' about the game of basketball. If Barkley is workin'  and gettin' PAID then anybody can work bruh! But you gotta present yourself in a better light. And if ole Larry is so worried about him havin' a job why didn't he hire him at SMU? Because he doesn't have a degree and looks like he's gonna rob the joint at any moment. Now granted, you don't have to have a degree to work in the NBA but you do need to look like you've got some sense. Grow up snd hsndle your business bruh. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1) G: noun – gangsta, the older cat in the barber shop that gives the young boyz wisdom.
2) Spit: verb: to say
3) Aight: adjective: slang for the word ‘Alright’
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The Break Up (Iverson finally set to retire)

"I don't know bruh, maybe I should become a rapper now? I got at least 2 chains!"

Albert Einstein once said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher, sounded like one of the O.G.’s when he said, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” In other words playa, the streets will tell you when the game has passed you by playboy.

According to reports, 38 year old Allen Iverson is set to retire in the coming days. He’s finally come to terms with the fact that his sneakers are for fashion only these days. Ole boy has been holding on to the hope that he could lace them boyz up again in the NBA but like I always say, “Ain’t but one cat undefeated and that’s Father Time pimpin’!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Does this dun really have to say that he’s going to retire? He hasn’t played in the NBA since 2010 bruh. He hasn’t played professionally since 2011 in Turkey. Normally when you aren’t playing and nobody picks you up, you’re already retired homeboy!

It’s like you breaking up with your girl three years ago and she’s just now calling you up to tell you that she’s no longer dating you and is about to move on. What? Look here playa, when the Denver Nuggets shipped you to Detroit in ’08 and then you showed up in Memphis a few months later only to find yourself in Philly a few months after that, it was pretty much over then bruh. The fat lady was climbing through your window singing "I'm Every Woman" and you weren't paying attention.

If the stint in Turkey wasn’t some old school smelling salt for you, I don’t know what else the NBA could have done to tell you that you guys were no longer a couple. Back in February they pulled an old playa move on him by offering him an opportunity to play in the Developmental League.

You know how a boy does when he really don’t wanna mess with the chick anymore but he doesn’t want her to be mad at him. So he tells her, let’s take it slow and see how it goes but he has no intentions on getting back with her. He’ll just come through every now and then ‘til she gets interested in some other cat because you never know when the streets will get dry. Straight playa move right there homie!

Here's the answer for you "Answer" and for all of those ladies out here hounding boyz. If a boy is sitting next to the phone waiting to pick it up on the first ring like "ole Marcus darling" then you got him wide open. If he keeps letting that joint go to voicemail he's looking for a fresh set of legs!

Martin Luther King Jr. tried to holler at him but it went straight over his head when he spit this, “Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.” So Big Momma finally came down the hall in her raggedy house coat and those torn up slippers that she’s been rockin' since the bus boycott and said, “What the man is trying to tell you baby is that you ought to sit you butt down and let these young boyz play. You done had yo turn already!”

Big Momma was right playboy and he’s got nothing to be ashamed of either. They listed that dun at 6’0” but he was all of 5’10” if he was an inch tall and he didn’t weigh but 100 lbs. soaking wet with a brick in his pocket and he became one of the best pound-for-pound scorers in NBA history. He averaged 26.7 ppg and 6.2 assists during his 14 year career. This cat was a former No.1 pick in the draft coming out of Georgetown and was the 1997 Rookie of the Year. He was the 2001 NBA MVP, a three time All-NBA First Team selection and a four-time scoring champion. So don't get it twisted, I got jokes but he was a beast when he was in his prime. He played with more heart than 99% of duns in the league now.

So he’s got nothing to hang his head over except those played out corn rows that he just won’t give up. Me and the fellas are gonna make a midnight run and climb through both he and RGIII’s windows at the same time like the Fed’s hitting two dope boyz in the ghetto and cut their hair. I think once he gets that burden off of his head he’ll be able to think straight and move on. Y’all can stop me when I start lyin’ playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!