The Table Dance (Why Sean Payton was dead wrong for goin' off on JimmyGraham for dunkin' the ball)

"Gotta get rid of my singles dawg!"

Katherine Hepburn once said, “If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.” Albert Einstein gave it to us like this, “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” Then Robert Heinlein, the famous science fiction writer, made boyz sit up and take notes with, “I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”

New Orleans Saints tight end Jimmy Graham must have been listenin’ to Heinlein too because he broke the rule that he found to be obnoxious. On some real talk, he really didn’t care what boyz thought about it either. On Friday night Graham scored two touchdowns in their preseason game against the Tennessee Titans and dunked the ball both times.

Keep in mind that that's been ole boy’s signature move since his arrival into the NFL because he’s a former basketball player. However, durin’ this past off-season dunkin’ the football over the goalposts was outlawed because it was lumped into the category of taunting penalties in which the ball is used as a “prop.” This particular rules has been referred to as the “Jimmy Graham Rule” since he’d knocked a few goalpost ajar in the past. For all of you simple minded individuals that means that he broke a couple of them joints.

So when he did it the second time Sean Payton went nuts on him. The two of them could be seen on the sidelines gettin’ at each other’s throats.

But let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! It’s the freakin’ preseason bruh! These games mean absolutely nothin’ so if ole boy wants to get his last few dunks out of the way and he can afford it then I say let him. It’s his bread right? And he’s not hurtin’ anybody. It’s like a boy goin’ to the strip club one last time before he gets married. If that’s what he’s into then who cares. It’s his bread right?

However, when the joint goes live Week 1 you better “put yo singles in yo pockets! Cuz ain’t no mo table dances playboy!” That’s it!

Sure, I get that the NFL is on somethin’ else by tryin’ to take the emotion out of an already emotional game. I say that a cat should be able to act a fool after he scores a touchdown and if that includes dunkin’ the ball then so be it. If he breaks the goalpost then he’s gotta pay for it and for the salaries of the cats that have to fix it. If that dun wants to straddle the joint like Gabby Douglas then let him. Do you know how hard it is to score a freakin’ touchdown at any level? And don’t give me that ole ignorant line, “Act like you’ve been there before.”

The dun that came up with that line was a sucka that has never played a down of football or participated in any competitive sport in his entire freakin’ life. Because when the opponent is tryin’ to keep you from scorin’ and you succeed, there is a rush of emotion that comes up and it comes out differently for everybody. So if that dun wants to dunk the ball, do a James Brown split, moon walk, twerk, do the stanky leg or freakin’ belly dance it should be his option.

But since they’ve changed the rules on Graham he’s gotta find somethin’ else to do Week 1. Why? Because it’s a 15 yard Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty that’s why! If he gets hit with one of those every time he scores he backs his boyz up 15 yards off of the rip and makes it easy for their opponents to score on the next possession. Can’t have that playboy.

I know Graham is smarter than that so just holler at him after the game Sean Payton and remind him that he can’t do that durin’ the regular season and it’s all good. But to go hard in the paint at him on national television was foul. He had already told his girl, Big Momma and the fellas back in the hood that he was gonna throw his last singles out tonight because he could no longer go to the club and get that table dance once the preseason was over. He’s not crazy bruh!

He knows what the freakin’ rule is! It’s called the “Jimmy Graham Rule” for cryin’ out loud. If he doesn’t know a single rule in the handbook he knows that one. Why? Because they made it up specifically for him! Kareem Abdul Jabbar can’t sleep at night thinkin’ about boyz dunkin’ in college basketball because they outlawed it from 1967 to 1976 because of him. Graham didn’t need to hear from anybody about the rule bruh.

So Sean Payton was a sucka tryin’ to pull rank last night and Graham had every right to box that dun out and Bill Laimbeer him when he came through. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!