Feds (How the Spurs kicked in the front door & hit a lick in Miami)

"Forget you Jay! I'm never cuttin' these joints! And that's the edited version!"

Alexander the Great once said, “I would rather excel others in knowledge of what is excellent than in the extent of my powers and dominion.” Voltaire, the 18^th century French philosopher, gave it to us like this, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” Then Baruch Spinoza, the 17^th century Dutch philosopher, shut the building down with, “All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.”

Well the San Antonio Spurs were on some rare excellence on Tuesday night and the Miami Heat could appreciate it all that they wanted to but it wasn’t gonna belong to them playboy. The Spurs walked into American Airlines Arena and beat the dog snot out of the Heat without warnin’ 111-92.

San Antonio pulled up with Kawhi Leonard drivin’ the ’69 convertible Impala sittin’ on 24’s with some old school candy paint bumpin’ that DJ Khaled, “All I Do Is Win.” While the Heat was layin’ off in the crib bumpin’ some Willie Nelson, “On The Road Again” because some dun swapped out their music.

They used Kawhi’s braids to kick in the front door like the Feds and it was on. The Spurs came in shootin’ 86 percent from the field in the first quarter bruh. These duns were 13-for-15 and had the Heat strapped belly down with the duck-tape on their mouths with a 41-25 lead at the end of one. At the break they had the Heat strung up with a 76 percent shootin’ effort. Simply ridiculous bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! When you hit a boyz crib like that early there’s nothin’ he can do. He can’t stash the work and he can barely defend himself because you came in so hard.

Kawhi came through the front door and lit ‘em up for 29 as he went 10-13 from the floor. Then both Tony Parker and Danny Green came through the back door as boyz tried to bail and got ‘em for 15 apiece. Tim Duncan swooped down through the roof just to make sure that cats didn’t get creative in tryin’ to get out of the joint and hit ‘em with 14.

The crazy thing about it bruh is that the Heat actually shot 51 percent from the field and 47 percent from three. They just got caught sleepin’ early and the boyz from San Antonio weren’t playin’! Now on some real talk, the Heat were playin’ terrible defense in the first half. Duns like Chris Bosh was standin’ around lookin’ for lady bugs or somethin’ because he kept leavin’ boyz wide open. Yeah, I know that they were shootin’ lights out but that’s even more of a reason to get on top of your game. Leavin’ boyz wide open that are unconscious from the gate is a dangerous cocktail to drink and they were staggerin' off of it.

The Spurs came in on a mission playboy. They must have heard me talkin’ about the lil’ homie Rickey Ricardo that sang the National Anthem the other night in San Antonio. You know I had to ride a boy about that bull fighter’s costume he was rockin’. Now he sang that joint like a G but the outfit was ridiculous. Tell Big Momma or his abuela to just run over to Target and get that dun a polo and some slacks and he’s good. Maybe it was lil’ Rickey that swapped the music out on a boy too.

Then ole dusty braids Kawhi must have heard a boy talkin’ about him as well and came in hot. You can’t even unbraid them joints anymore bruh. They’re petrified at this point. You gotta just cut them from the root with a full medical team in the barber shop because he may just clot on a boy. I did see those joints cramp up bout midway through the third and he had to sit down. The trainin' staff made sure that he got a IV full of curl activator to loosen them up. One thing about it though, he was a beast on both ends of the floor last night.

The Heat tried to back a boy up but it was too late. Listenin’ to that Willie Nelson had them lazy on defense early on and the Spurs came in just takin’ what they wanted. They hit the safe and got all of the work, hit the closets and got the shoe game and then went through boyz pockets to make sure that they didn’t leave anything.

LeBron and D. Wade put up a fight and dropped 22 each on them. While Rashard Lewis unloaded from across the street at Tiny’s crib bussin’ from three at 80 percent scorin’ 14. Ray Ray didn’t get out of the basement in time and only got off 8 shots but still hit a boy up for 11. Chris Bosh was 100 percent from the field but the dun only got off four shots all night bruh. Norris Cole got jacked up runnin’ out of the back door and only hit 8 duns in the legs with that ole dull .22 he always carries. Rio must have been hidin’ in the closet because that cat didn’t land a single shot out of the five that he decided to take. He got to the charity stripe twice and hit both of them for 2 points.

You can’t do anything with a boy up in your crib when you can’t get shots off and when you keep givin’ him the rock. That’s real talk. The Heat committed 20 turnovers which turned into 23 points. Now keep in mind that these cats are already shootin’ the lights out of the joint and you’re givin’ them extra possessions? LeBron had 7 turnovers himself bruh! Then D.Wade started eatin’ the popcorn too. Ole butta fingers havin’….committed 5 of them! That's 13 turnovers from your two best players! That's problem pimpin'! Not to mention the smoke break that D.wade went on in the first half. I’m just sayin’!

All kiddin’ aside playa, San Antonio just looked like they wanted it more than Miami did on Tuesday night. With Pop pullin' the strings and boyz shootin' like a video game ain't nothin' you can do! Game 4 comin’ up Thursday and boyz out here in these streets wanna know which teams will show up to get it in and you can always stop me when I start lyin’!

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!