Apple Sauce! (Bama is Vulnerable)

"I don't know what to tell you playboy! It's a process!" 

H.L. Mencken, the famous journalist, once said, “Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.” Then Friedrich Nietzsche, the German poet and composer, hit boyz in the dome with, “Undeserved praise causes more pangs of conscience later than undeserved blame, but probably only for this reason, that our power of judgment are more completely exposed by being over praised than by being unjustly underestimated.”

Before boyz kicked off the 2013 college football season the world had anointed the Alabama Crimson Tide the Phil Jackson led Chicago Bulls or the Lakers or something! Duns down in Tuscaloosa had already started taking orders for boot-leg T-shirts with "3-peat Don Dada’s" on them.

Well… if you’ve been paying attention to these duns for the past 3 ball games they’ve been trying to tell us that this ain’t that. This ain’t whatever you thought that it was pimpin’. On Saturday night at the crib they barely got out of Bryant-Denny Stadium alive playboy. Yeah, I know that they won 31-6 and a 25 point win looks good on paper but it was 17-6 heading into the fourth quarter against ole dull Colorado State. So the final score was in no way indicative of just how close it was.

Colorado anything is a problem for the two-time defending national champions to be struggling with. I know some cats would ask, “Was it Colorado or Colorado State?” Anything that starts with a “C” should have gotten the brakes beat off of it showing up in Tuscaloosa on national TV!

Ima keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Bama is vulnerable! Ole dull Va. Tech completely shut them down in week 1 and only gave up 14 points on defense. The Tide scored 21 points off of Va. Tech miscues, a pick six and two special teams returns. They gave up 42 to Johnny Football and the Four Tops because you can’t name another cat on that team. Then they struggled to get rid of ole dull Colorado State at the crib!!! Vulnerable I say!

I can hear Bama fans hollerin’ from the roof tops wearing those stupid hounds tooth hats. I know that the Bear wore them joints but it’s extremely hot in Alabama and those hats are made of wool. You may as well be wearing corduroy pants, UGG boots, a scarf and driving a tank with no air conditioning because if you're gonna lose weight don't just lose it in your freakin' head.

“Hey man we had all kind of cats out against Colorado State! What are you talking about? We were missing Amare Cooper (toe), Kevin Norwood, guard Anthony Steen (headache), cornerback Deion Blue (turf toe) and safety Jarrick Williams (eye). So cut us some slack playa.”

Listen here playboy, you’re freakin’ Alabama! I don’t care if Nick Saban himself had a concussion, Mickey Mouse was calling the plays and Big Momma was starting at quarterback wearing that raggedy house coat with them dull tore up slippers she bought while marching with MLK! Colorado State shouldn’t have been in the ball game for more than 2 minutes. They were the CSU Rams bruh not the St. Louis Rams! These duns had already been blown out by Colorado and beaten by Tulsa.

You’ve got studs and horses on the sideline ready to strap up at a moment’s notice. You’ve got cats on the bench that would start anywhere else. On some real talk, you’ve got walk-ons that could play in the Big 10 right now, so don’t try to lay that crap on me playa. I was born with hustlas, raised by gangstas and trained by con artists so you better take that foolishness on down the street.

You let some duns from the Mountain West come in and hold you to 66 yards rushing at the crib? That’s like letting a boy come into your house, drink up all of your liquor, curse your wife out, put your new gators on and take the keys to the whip!

I’m just sayin’ bruh; these cats are vulnerable of getting embarrassed at some point. I know ole dull Mississippi is coming to town next week and they just don’t possess the DNA or the heart to get a win in Tuscaloosa but somebody is gonna knock that tree down and steal all of the apples.

So if they don’t want apple pie, apple sauce, apple crisp or apple butter these boyz better start locking the doors at night and peeking out of the window like Malcolm X. And the way they’re playing right now some dun is still gonna climb through the window but they'll have to pull the perfect heist to get back out alive. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!