Bruh Man (How Bynum REALLY said that he didn't care without REALLY saying it)

Hey man y'all came and knocked on my door bruh!
 I was chillin'!"

I was over at Kenny’s getting some of those fire ribs when these cats in line started arguing about boyz being lazy. Anne Frank, the famous author, said, “Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” Jules Renard, the French author, got out of line and said, “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” Then James Cash Penny, the retail giant, leaned forward and spit this, “Luck is always the last refuge of laziness and incompetence.”

Those duns must have been talking about ole dull Andrew Bynum. On Friday he finally joined the team and did some light shooting during the morning shoot around as the Pacers prepared for their game against Portland.

Why would the cats at the rib joint be talking about Bynum being lazy? Because he told us everything we needed to know when he opened his freakin’ mouth! When asked what he’s been doing for the past six weeks this dun said, “Really just relaxing at home and that’s it.” That’s a problem playboy!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! This dun turned into to “Bruh Man from the Fifth Flo” in his very first interview with the media with his new team. What have you been doing bruh? “Nutin’! Just chillin’! Eatin’ me some samages!”

Even if you’ve been sittin’ at the crib farting and belching for six weeks lie to me bruh! Tell Ya Boy what you think I wanna hear. Don’t tell me that you’ve literally been doing nothing. By saying that you essentially told the world that you were cool with not playing but if a boy is gonna be silly enough to pay you a million bucks to chill out with them then you will.

So ole Larry Legend just happened to be that guy skipping down the yellow brick road whistling and Bynum jumped out of the bushes on him like the Cowardly Lion. “Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up! You got an extra million you ain’t doin’ nothin’ with playboy? Cuz I’ll take it!

As silly as that sounds it’s the truth. Why add a dun to a roster with excellent team chemistry that is telling you that he doesn’t care from jump. That’s like taking a broad out on a first date and she’s farting and cursing the whole night. If she’s that outta control on date No.1 she’s gonna be a complete maniac by date No.20. She’ll be fighting the valet guys, chewing tobacco and spitting all over the place. He’s telling you from the gate that I’m only here only because they offered me some bread not because I wanna play basketball. Why? Because if he were serious about playing this game he’d already be in shape! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Boomerang (How Andrew Bynum is already hustlin' the Pacers)



"Yeah I'll be there bruh!
 I'm just trying to figure out how I wanna wear my hair."

As I was walking into Bankers Life Fieldhouse  on Monday night I heard the ticket scalpers arguing about dedication. Vince Lombardi said, “The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.” Then Willie Mays threw his tickets at a boy and said, “In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept constructive criticism. Without one-hundred percent dedication, you won’t be able to do this.”

The one thing that sticks out about why the Indiana Pacers have been able to be so good this year is its team chemistry. There are no egos in the locker room and boyz are all on the same page. It doesn’t matter who’s hot on any particular night. They'll give up the rock to win the game.

On Monday night Danny Granger was feelin’ it so boyz obliged as he led the Pacers past the dull Orlando Magic 98-79 with 16 points. Paul George and the Don Dada Mr. #BornReady himself brought 15 each to the table and ole Lance even brought dessert with 12 rebounds. It was his 15th double-double of the season.

The reason that I bring all of this up is to show boyz how dedicated these cats are to one another. Then I ask the question, “Where’s ole dull Andrew Bynum?” Now he was signed on Saturday and the first thing the media asked Frank Vogel was, “When is ole boy going to join the team?” The answer given was, “Well he’s back in Cleveland getting his affairs in order and he’ll join us next week.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Cats have been getting traded and acquired for years in this league and it’s pretty much a seamless process. Duns get picked up and on the same night I’ve seen cats sitting on the bench and in some cases I’ve seen them even playing.

So what affairs does this dun have in Cleveland that needs to be tied up bruh? Cleveland ran him out of town with a garbage bag and Chicago didn’t even let him unpack. So what’s in Cleveland? Like my man Willie said earlier, “You must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport!” If this is what you do for a living and it costs money to live then you show up for work. It’s just that simple.

They've got agents and assistants for tying up loose ends bruh! You want me to believe that ole Andrew is in Cleveland packing up a U-Haul in the Flats? C’mon playa!

Like I told you in the hot joint entitled "Big Worm" the other day. Everybody is comfortable in the ride and now ole Larry shoves this dude through the passenger side window into the gear shift. These boyz have played on Saturday night (Nets), Monday night (Magic), will play in Atlanta tonight (Hawks) and ole boy still isn’t with the team? That’s a problem playboy!

On some real talk, we all saw Trent Richardson get traded to the Colts this past season from Cleveland and that dun got off of the plane in a bath towel and his hair was still wet. He didn’t even get dressed after practice when he found out that they traded him. He was in such a rush to get out of there that he didn’t even go to the crib to pack. Ole boy was like, “Y’all can have all of my stuff!” And that the edited version bruh! And you want me to believe that Bynum is still in Cleveland taking care of business? He ain’t even the business type. Have you seen his choice in hair styles and oils? One minute he's rockin' a fade then he's got an old school fro/ S-Curl/Soul Glo/Sexual Chocolate/James Brown/Al Sharpton type joint! But you want me to believe that he's tying up loose ends? C’mon bruh!

The fact that he’s taking his sweet time to show up in Indy is a problem. The knock on him has always been his lack of dedication and focus. Not his talent. You can’t put a boy in the ride with a bunch of cats on a road trip that don’t mind sharing the wheel that doesn’t want to drive at all.

Clowns on Twitter the other day were saying that I shouldn’t question Larry Bird’s knowledge of the game. Well I’m not questioning his knowledge of the game. He’s forgotten more about the game than I will ever know. However, I’m questioning his ability to spot a hustle. See, I grew up with con artists and thieves playboy. I can spot a hustle a mile away. Bynum doesn’t love the game of basketball! He just loves what the game of basketball gives him. So in my Halle Berry Boomerang voice, “Love should have brought yo “A” home last night!” If he loved the game of basketball he'd still be in LA homeboy! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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Big Worm (How Larry Bird fell for the banana in the tailpipe by signingBynum)

"Yeah boy, I think Ima bring this joint to Naptown! They ain't ready for this bruh!"

I was standing out in front of Bankers Life Fieldhouse choppin’ it up with the fellas like the fellas do when these cats started beefin’ about being fooled by broads. John Dryden, the 17th century English poet, said, “When I consider life, it is all a cheat. Yet fooled with hope, people favor this deceit.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld, the 17th century French author, said with his square hangin’ out of the corner of his mouth, “The intellect is always fooled by the heart.” Then Marilyn Monroe walked up and shut the joint down with, “The truth is, I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let men sometimes fool themselves.”

Well it looks like ole Larry Bird fooled himself when he ran out and signed Andrew Bynum on Saturday playboy. The Indiana Pacers had a roster spot to play with so they swooped up Bynum to play behind Roy Hibbert. Now get this bruh, they’re going to pay this dun $1 million for the remainder of the season to do it. That’s like for 5 months worth of work or not.

Now in NBA terms that isn’t a whole lot of bread right? Well…not if you ask Paul George who just signed a $90 million joint or Roy Hibbert, who's sitting on a $55 million joint. But if you ask a cat like Lance Stephenson, who makes $870,000, if it’s not a lot of bread I bet he’ll disagree.

Why do I bring that up? Because you just added a dun that you don’t NEED to a roster that already has great chemistry. All you can do by bringing him in and paying him more bread than the most important cat on your team is to create tension. Everybody in the ride is comfortable bruh, even the boyz sittin’ on the hump. You just shoved a boy through the window and now everybody is feelin’ it.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! They’ve got essentially one of the best teams in the league and definitely the best in the East right now. They needed a point guard more than another big. Then they run out and pick up the fine broad that nobody wants bruh!

I know cats are sittin' around saying that the Pacers swooped to keep Miami from swooping but that makes no sense bruh! Pat Riley already has two freakin' projects on his hands right now. Michael Beasley and Benjamin Buttons (Greg Oden). Riley is a whole lot of things but crazy he ain't.

Just pay attention to this foolishness bruh. The Lakers didn’t want her so they shipped her to Philly. Then she shows up wearing the Big Worm jacked up perm because she was trying to find herself while she was going through some things. Then they got tired of her and dropped her off at their boy's house in Cleveland that can’t buy a date. Now you know it’s bad when he drives her to Chicago, drops her off on the west side and pulls off. Then they break up with her in a matter of two days!

Yeah I know that they say they didn't want to take her on the $12 million shopping spree up on the Gold Coast. But they knew she wanted to shop when they started dating her. It was already in the contract when they hollered at her. If she had been worth the $12 million they would have taken her shopping.

Brother Larry, let me holler at you playboy! I know she’s fine bruh. She’s got the DNA of a stallion and a championship legacy sittin' behind her name. I know that it looks good when it walks in the door but it's poison. Boyz tried to tell Kanye that but it wouldn't listen either! When you see a 10 walk in the door that nobody wants, it’s usually a reason for that pimpin’!

They don’t make very many people that are 7 feet tall in the world bruh! So 9 out of 10 if a boy doesn’t want him he’s bananas either physically or mentally! Or both! And from the looks of the perm he was rockin’ in Philly you don't want no parts of that playa.

There is a reason why Halle Barry can’t keep a man and it ain’t because she’s fine. There is a reason why you see the baddest chick from high school or college showing up at church alone every Sunday 20 years later. It ain’t cuz she’s fine my dude! Nobody wants her because she’s a problem!

I’m just sayin’, if you’ve got a million dollars to throw around go buy a magic potion that will keep these duns from turning the freakin’ ball over 23 times against Brooklyn last night. That’s the problem with this team not the bigs! Turnovers are the 800 pound elephant sittin’ in the room farting and nobody wants to spray because they keep winning games. However, at some point the elephant is gonna have diarrhea in the playoffs and it's gonna be too late to clean it up. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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