Cigarettes (How by watchin' film on Big Momma helped the Wizards blast the Pacers)

"I want it all playboy! Everything you got!"

The big homie Voltaire, the 18^th century French philosopher, once said, “Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy the mad daughter of a wise mother. These daughters have too long dominated the earth.” Friedrich Engels, the 19^th century German social scientist, gave to us like this, “All history has been a history of class struggles between dominated classes at various stages of social development.” Then Gustave Moreau, the 19^th century French painter, shut the building down with, “I am dominated by one thing, an irresistible, burning attraction towards the abstract.”

Well I’m not sure how abstract the Washington Wizards are playboy but they completely dominated the Indiana Pacers Tuesday night 102-79. After losing three straight in this series to go down 3-1 they came into Bankers Life Fieldhouse looking for sneakers, jewelry and clothes and they weren’t tryin’ to buy anything pimpin’! They were on some straight up old school teenage gangsta “You gotta unhanse that playboy” type joints! For all of you cats that didn’t grow up in the ghetto that means, “You have to give me what you have right now or else.”

Proverbs 30:18-19 says, “There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas and the way of a man with a virgin.” If Solomon were still alive today he’d add “the way of the Washington Wizards with the Indiana Pacers in Game 5.”

They caught boyz walking home from school and just started going through their pockets and snatchin' chains and shoes off of them. Marcin Gortat jumped out of the ride first and just fired on a boy with 31 points and 16 rebounds. Then John Wall hit 'em up for 27, 5 and 5 and the onslaught was on. They completely beat the brakes off of the Pacers in Ms. Laddy’s front yard and destroyed them on the glass 62-23! Wheredeydodatat?

They were still rebounding joints as I was driving off two hours after the game bruh. I’ve never seen a boy just get handled like that at the crib in an elimination game. The Pacers had an opportunity to close these duns out and get some rest while Miami and Brooklyn fight in the middle of the street for the rest of the week. Now they’ve got to go to the Wizard’s neighborhood and squab on Thursday at the very least.

For three games Roy Hibbert has been gettin’ out of the ride and puttin’ in work primarily because Big Momma has been sittin’ outside in the green ’76 Nova. Well…last night when ole boy started out with 4 quick points she was cool as she listened to it on the radio eatin’ Funions, drinkin’ her Michelob Light and smokin’ some old school Benson & Hedges. Then all of a sudden he got stuck on those same 4 points and 2 funky rebounds while Gortat was givin’ him the business.

As she jumped out of the ride to go in to clown him she got into a fight with a cat in the parking lot for talkin’ about her raggedy house coat and those slippers she’s been wearing since the civil right movement. She forgot all about Roy when he needed her the most. As she scrapped with this cat she never once put out her cigarette and never once took it out of her mouth. Y’all know how old school playas can have an entire conversation with a square hangin’ out of their mouths. Well…Big Momma can fight with that joint in her mouth too with the ash building up and never falling off either. That’s takes some real skill right there.

David West and Paul George seemed to be the only two Pacers willing to fight for theirs last night. They finished with 17 and 15 points respectively. No one else finished in double digits and the Wizards held them to 39 percent shooting for the night. Surprisingly, Indiana only turned the rock over 11 times but got their front window blown out in the rebounding department. Foolishness bruh! Foolishness I say!

You got these boyz on the ropes staggerin’ around like Zab Judah bleedin’ from the mouth, disoriented talkin’ about “Don’t ever play with matches” and they let ‘em off of the hook! When you’ve got a boy stretched out like that you gotta finish him off! All they’ve done now is given the Wizards confidence and forced Big Momma to travel again. So you already know that she’s cursin’ because she’s gotta go back to Washington this week and that fool she was wrestlin’ with tore another hole in her house coat!

It’s grown man business at this point and as Roy Hibbert goes so goes the Pacers! So that dun has to be ready to rock and roll regardless of whether Big Momma makes it into the building or not because now boyz have watched film on her too. Now they know to just walk up to the ride and start talkin’ about that dull house coat and it’s on and poppin’. Big Momma has officially been eliminated from the series playboy.

Nobody’s gonna be there to take Roy fishin’ again and gather around the freakin’ camp fire to sing Kumbaya! Man up playboy and lead your team. Two freakin’ rebounds and 4 points isn’t gonna cut it in any game let alone an elimination game at the crib. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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