Swept Away (Heat 88-77 Bucks)

"We got rid of these boyz now we can chill!"

The ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, kicked the door in and said, “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” The 19^th century Russian writer, Leo Tolstoy, threw an elbow and said, “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Then George Washington took his false teeth out and shouted, “If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most power instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known that we are at all times ready for War.”

Well playboy, the Miami Heat just put boyz on notice that they’ve mastered themselves, that they’ve been patient, the time is now and that they are ready for war. They took care of the business at hand with the Milwaukee Bucks by sweeping them 4-0 with a 88-77 win on Sunday. Now they can chill for the rest of the week at least until Sunday while boyz figure out who will draw the short stick to play them in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. Will it be Chicago or Brooklyn? Does it matter bruh? Not at all!

LeBron put up another 30 point game along with 8 rebounds and 7 assists to lead the Heat in all categories. So make that the 9^th time in his career he’s led his team in points, rebounds and assists in the playoffs. More than Bird (3), Jordan (2) and Shaq (2) COMBINED.  Just add that to the list of accomplishments he’s compiling on his way to greatness and we’ll sort those joints out later. Just put them in the garage and don’t trip until his career is over. Then we’ll blow the dust off of them and hang them up for the grandkids to see.

Ole Ray Ray added 16 to the kitty for insurance while D. Wade took the night off with a sore knee.  Like I keep telling you boyz, there are way too many shooters on this team to contain just one cat. When you think you’ve got the front door covered boyz are coming in through the back door on you. Udonis Haslem put 13 in the Bucks back just to make sure they weren’t moving as they exited the building.   

"Man I could've played better than these boyz in this boot! Are you kidding me?"

Speaking of not moving! The Lakers got ran over by a meat truck in LA on Sunday by some cats wearing San Antonio Spurs jerseys 103-82. The LAPD is still looking for that joint! All the witnesses could tell them is that a tall light skinned brother from the U.S. Virgin Islands was driving and a black Frenchman was hangin' out of the passenger side window talkin' trash.

When boyz asked Buster Brown if he saw the truck he said, "I had quit by then playboy! It's not in my DNA at hang around and be a G when folks really need me to be a leader. I gave up in the 3rd quarter and forced them to escort me out of the joint."

It's like he saw the cats that the fellas were beefing with earlier come into the club. None of the other fellas saw them so he conveniently went to the rest room. By the time he came back his boyz had gotten mopped and he's asking, "What happened bruh?"

The Lakers had so many duns hurt that it looked like the M.A.S.H. Unit on the sideline. It was so bad that they were picking up cats off of the corner of Crenshaw and Slauson to fill the roster. I thought that I was watching Nascar for a minute because they kept putting the arrow up with the guy’s name above it to tell me who these Joe’s were.  

On some real talk, it would have been better if they hadn’t made the playoffs bruh! That way you don’t get completely embarrassed because everybody isn’t watching the regular season joints. They could have allowed this terrible season to ride off into the sunset without anybody even noticing. All of that work to get into the playoffs to get the brakes beat off of them.

It’s like Notre Dame going to the BCS National Championship Game, everybody saw it. If they have just played in the Meineke Car Care Bowl most cats wouldn’t have paid any attention and it would have been all good! But no way… they had to force the issue and show up anyway and get throttled. That was the Lakers bruh!

There goes the Laker faithful screaming from the roof tops, “If Kobe wasn’t hurt we would have won that joint bruh!” OK playboy, you would have won 1 of those joints and we’d be having the funeral on Wednesday instead of today. Would you prefer cremation or burial?  Would you like the home or away jersey on them? Stop me when I start lyin’!

Other Playoff Games from Sunday:

Boston 97 New York 90 OT Boston survives to live another day!

Golden State 115 Denver 101 Do you really care who wins this series bruh? Really? The folks in these cities don't even care.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
The quote under the caption isn't real. It's just hilarious!