Side Pieces (Why Tiger needs to convince himself that he's married & become a playa again)

"I wonder what the broads at Denny's are lookin' like these days?"

Mark Twain once said, “To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” Norman Vincent Peale, the famous author, gave it to us like this, “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” Then the original playa Broadway Joe Namath broke it down by sayin’, “When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun, you can do amazing things.”

Well playboy…it looks like ole Tiger Woods just isn’t havin’ fun anymore because he doesn’t have a stitch of confidence. Ole boy showed up at The Waste Management Phoenix Open pulled a Willie Beamen on a boy and shot an 82, his worst score as a professional. That dun was in last freakin’ place when his round ended bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Tiger hasn’t been worth two dead flies smashed on the golf course since ole girl ran him out of the crib with a golf club and blasted his back window out. Once he got caught tryin’ to be a playa-playa all of his confidence has gone on strike.

When he would show up to a joint he was the freakin’ man bruh! His swagger was on 10! Why? Because in his mind he had side pieces and some cats get off on that. It’s like bein’ a super hero in his own mind. Once that dun’s wife left him and the side pieces suddenly became main pieces the pieces just didn’t feel right and therefore the golf game suffers because of lack of confidence.

So on some real talk, Tiger just needs convince himself that he’s still married and hang out with a bunch of side pieces and his game will immediately improve. He keeps tryin’ to change his swing and work on this and that. Bruh! The swing was fine when he was killin’ boyz out here years. The swing was fine when he was winnin’ 79 PGA Tours and 40 European Tours etc. Now all of a sudden this dun can’t play through pain either. He’s forever grabbin’ somethin’ like Khia! “My neck, My Back, My %$#@&!!, and my Crack!”

He wasn’t always complainin’ when he was showin’ up and peelin’ boyz heads at Augusta and grabbin’ Green Jackets at the Masters four times. Naw playa, you didn’t hear any excuses when he was winnin’ four PGA Championships or when he popped three U.S. Opens and The Open Championships. Ole boy was gettin’ it in not only on the course but off of it.

He was like Sampson! Except that he got his strength from the foolishness of hangin’ out with bottom feeder side piece chicks instead of his hair. Listen here Eldrick , you got two options! Tell yourself that you’re married to Lindsey Vonn and then start hangin’ out with broads waitin’ tables at low end restaurants and the golf game will improve significantly.

Then you don’t have to show up at your press conference after makin’ a complete fool of yourself in public and try to be funny sayin’, “I’m only here so I don’t get fined!” Well playa they should have fined you for stinkin’ up the joint. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 1) Ole Boy: noun - the person that I’m talkin’ about.
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
3) Ole Girl: noun – in this example it’s his wife at the time.
4) Side piece: noun or verb dependin’ upon how you look at it – the chick on the side.
5) Khia: noun – A terrible rapper that had one hit in 2002 that was nasty. Trust me bruh it was terrible.
6) Eldrick: noun – Tiger Woods’ real name. His full name is Eldrick Tont Woods.
  Holla At Ya Boy!
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