Fall Guy (How Robert Kraft got up Monday and pulled a Lucius on a boy)

"Hey dawg! If you don't find who did it!
 Y'all owe me and my boyz an apology playa!

As I’m standin’ out in front of University of Phoenix Stadium kickin’ it with the fellas, boyz start arguin’ about duns bein’ the fall guy. Uncle Willie, from the back seat of the whip, shouted, “Whoever is the most insignificant cat in the room is the one that has to take the fall bruh!” Frankie Nuckles, not the godfather of House Music but the gangsta, stood up and said, “It’s only right that somebody take the fall for the real hustlas out here.” Then Shorty the Pimp poured out a lil’ liquor for all of the dead homies and said, “The world would cease to exist if there wasn’t a fall guy when you needed him.”

Well playboy…the NFL has been squirmin’ for a week lookin’ for a boy to pin this Deflate Gate foolishness on because ole Bill Belichick and Tom Brady made it difficult for them. Neither one of those clowns fessed up to pullin’ the trigger when they clearly had a chance to say I accidently bumped into the joint and it went off. So the NFL did what all good hustlas do. They found a fall guy.

Accordin’ to reports from ESPN the NFL is now zeroin’ in on the freakin’ New England Patriots' locker room attendant bruh! Now for all of you simple minded individuals that don’t know what the locker room attendant is. He’s the dun that picks stuff up in the locker room playa. And that’s the edited version. He’s the dun that walks around and picks up dirty uniforms and towels when the ball players are changin’ clothes and gettin’ out of the showers! That’s the dun that the NFL wants you and I to believe that just took it upon himself to deflate 11 of 12 balls in the freakin’ AFC Championship Game!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Everybody and their momma’s momma knows that you can’t touch the Super Bowl with suspensions and fines this week because there’s more than a BILLION dollars ridin’ on this joint. Between the wise guys in Vegas, corporate sponsors payin’ more than $3 million per 30 second commerical spot and God knows who else has their hands in the kitty, you can’t breathe on it. So just say it. Anybody that understands business and commitments realizes that there’s nothin’ that a boy can do this week. So stop tryin’ to act like you’re actually workin’ on it.

But to get on national television and tell me that your person of interest is the darn locker room boy is like we used to say in the hood, “Playin’ with my intelligence!” So you mean to tell me that you want me to believe, Mr. NFL guy, that some dun that is the lowest man on the totem pole in New England took it upon himself to run into the secured spot where the balls were on Sunday, right before kickoff and started punchin’ them with the air needle for kicks and giggles? That’s what you want me to believe playa?

They are about to Steve Bartman this cat! You’re gonna find the locker room attendant this time next year down in Mobile, Alabama or Tupelo, Mississippi somewhere waterin’ plants at a casino bruh. Now they’re gonna put some bread in his pocket but he’s gotta disappear. Between the NFL and the Patriots they’ll set him up good but he’s officially now the head of plant hydration for the rest of his life.

"Tell 'em Bob! We ain't playin' with these boyz!

I told you boyz a week ago that this was gonna happen because somebody always has to take the fall when you’re dealin’ with gangstas, hustlas and con-artists.

Dude, did you see Robert Kraft get up in front of the media after the Patriots landed in Phoenix on Monday and pull a Lucius on a boy! That dun had the, in my Grinch that Stole Christmas voice, “Unmitigated Gall” to tell a boy that the Patriots expect an apology from the NFL if nobody is found guilty of the crime. Whattt? These duns have pulled out the whole clown suit complete with the fake water spittin’ flower and whoopee cushion.

Like I said in the Hot Joint entitled “CRYSTAL” last week. All Tom Brady had to do was say, “Hey look here dawg! I like my balls at the minimum 12.5 lbs. per square inch which is the NFL’s minimum. Maybe we had them just under that threshold and if we did I apologize.” If he’d just said that it would have gone away. Sure, everybody and their momma’s momma would still say that he’s lyin’ but the NFL wouldn’t still be obligated to investigate.

Who cares what the public thinks but the NFL could no longer fool with it because you can’t prove his intent if he had just given you that answer. Take the blame for bein’ over zealous and you’re good. Of course they would get fined (after the Super Bowl) for the balls bein’ under inflated but so what. Now because boyz flat out denied any wrong doin’ whether intentionally or unintentionally, the poor locker room cat is goin’ down like a ton of bricks.

Keep in mind that he’s the cat that eats, sleeps and breathes New England! He’s the dun that skipped school his entire life, climbed the gate at practice just to see the team everyday. He would sneak into the locker room and sniff dirty garments just to be close to the Patriots. He got caught one day and they hired him because of his loyalty and commitment to New England. Now they’re about to ruin him because they can’t fess up to runnin’ game a boy. The only cat that’s loyal is the dun that just got transferred to Tupelo! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:

1)    Dun: The person in question, dude, guy, etc.

2)    Fall Guy: the person that has to take the blame for the foolishness in question

3)    Fess Up: Confess to the foolishness at hand

4)    Kicks and Giggles: Just for laughs

5)    Steven Bartman: The dun that all of Chicago tried to blame for fallin’ apart 2 outs before implodin’ right before getting’ the World Series.

6)    Pullin’ a Lucius: Lucius is the main character in the new series on Fox called EImpire.” He killed his best friend and then showed up at his funeral cryin’ talkin’ about findin’ the killer.

Holla At Ya Boy!

JayGravesReport
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