Bird Watchin' (How Larry Bird blew the Lance Stephenson deal a monthago)

"Y'all see that? I offered him the bread. He just didn't take it!"

Samuel Butler, the Victorian-era English author, once said, “Self-preservation is the first law of nature.” Jose Marti, the Cuban essayist and poet, gave it to us like this, “An insatiable appetite for glory leads to sacrifice and death, but innate instinct leads to self-preservation and life.” Diogenes, the ancient Greek philosopher, pulled up in the chariot sittin’ on 24’s and spit this, “As a matter of self-preservation, a man needs good friends or ardent enemies, for the former instruct him and the latter take him to task.”

Well playboy… it seems like for the matter of self-preservation Lance Stephenson had both in Larry Bird. He had a friend and an ardent enemy. Not only did ole boy instruct him but he took him to task publically. So on Wednesday morning Lance The Don Dada Mr. #BornReady himself bounced in route to Charlotte for a 3 year deal worth $27 million instead of takin’ the 5 year joint worth $44 million that Larry Legend slid across the table on July 1.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! How much longer are boyz gonna sit in the cut and watch Bird make bad moves and not say a word? This dun stuck his pride on the table with the Stephenson contract before the joint was even written up. When the season was over more than a month ago Bird got up in front of the media and said that he wanted to keep Lance but only at the right price.

What he was essentially sayin’ in ghetto fabulous terms was, “Look here dawg, I’ll sign him if he’s willin’ to take whatever I throw his way. I ain’t bout to negotiate nothin’ because I really don’t want him.” My ghetto sensibilities picked all of that up playa as soon as he said it.

So when he finally offered the joint to him, it all of a sudden became Lance’s problem and not the Pacers. If he signs it cool, if he doesn’t then Bird walks away without lookin’ like a fool for not bein’ able to close the deal, at least in the fans eyes. Either way he covered his rear end.

Don’t get it twisted pimpin’, all of the real G’s out here picked up on the game he was tryin’ to run because we all learned the “Hustlas Anthem” in 6^th grade. It’s what every hustla needs to know out here to survive playboy, “If you can read ‘em you can run ‘em!” For all of you suburbanites out there it means if you can stay two steps ahead of a boy you can always figure out where he’s tryin’ to go and what he's tryin' to do next. If you know what his carrot is you can always move it.

If “we” could see what Bird was tryin’ to do then you already know that Lance could see it too. Why? Because he’s from the same place we’re from playa. That’s why when ole boy put the deal on the table that was worth only $8.8 million when his market value was $10 million at the time he walked away. At that point all the G’s knew that Bird had played himself because not only did he try to punk him but he’d already told the world that he wasn’t gonna negotiate with him. That was the final strike thrown and Bird went down lookin’. You can't negotiate the contract in the media bruh! That was the death of the deal right there because he tried to punk him.

I’m not even goin’ to talk about… yeah I will, how Frank Vogel and his teammates, PG in particular, turn-coated on him durin’ the playoffs by criticizin’ him in front of the media for essentially shuttin’ down the best player in the freakin’ world in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

Boyz got caught up on the ear blowin’ joint and totally missed the fact that he held LeBron to 24 minutes and 7 freakin’ points to even get them to a Game 6. There isn’t a rule in the handbook that says that it’s a foul to blow in a boyz ear and Lance knew that. That’s right out of the Hustla’s Handbook Rule No.7, “Survive at all cost!”

So with everybody throwin’ him under the bus and then Larry tryin’ to spin the bottle on him it was a no brainer for all the hustlas watchin’ it go down. All Lance needed was a boy to offer equal or slightly more and he was out.

Here’s my diehard Pacers fan screamin’ “He didn’t get a better deal Jay! He played himself! Can you count? Bird offered him a fair deal!” Let me put it where the goats can get it playa! He took the 3 year joint worth $27 million. Sure, it’s only a two year guarantee at $18 million with a team option on the third.

He was makin’ $875K last year and now he’s makin’ 10 times that much for doin’ the same freakin' job guaranteed for the next two years. In two years the max deals will increase so he’s bettin’ on himself, any hustla would. If he continues to ball out he can get an extension of even more bread instead of bein’ stuck in a five year joint worth $44 million. That way he has the potential of comin’ out even better. Keep in mind homeboy, in two years he’s only gonna be 25. He’s got plenty of time to get a long term deal bruh and he can’t live but one year at a time. So $9 million a year is $9 million a year in his mind and I’ll re-up when they’re givin’ out even more bread.

Larry thought that he was dealin’ with a buster that didn’t learn the Hustlas Anthem before he graduated from the ghetto and got caught slippin’. It’s about time that boyz start to recognize that ole Larry Legend has been slippin’ for a minute in these streets bruh.

Just look at the last two to three years on how he’s either traded or just let boyz walk that are now ballin’ elsewhere. Let’s start with duns that couldn’t buy minutes with the Pacers like Gerald Green that’s out in Phoenix bangin’ right now. Did anybody see D. J. Augustine gettin’ it in the Chi this year? How bout Miles Plumlee doin’ his thing in Phoenix too and puttin’ in work? Then boyz completely forgot about Darren Collison, who was crazy productive with the Pacers that was shown the front door too. Yeah that dun has moved around a bit but don’t the Pacers need a point guard like desperately bruh? Collison...Hill you make the call bruh. I’m just sayin’!

Should I remind you of how this cat fell for the banana in the tailpipe back in February? I was the only cat out here that said Larry is fallin’ for the Oakey Doke the day he signed Andrew Bynum and boyz went nuts! Fans were like, “So Jay you’re tellin’ us that you know more about basketball than Larry Bird? Child please!” Naw playa, but I know more about spottin’ a hustle than Larry Bird. Remember I learned the Anthem in 7^th grade! “If you can read ‘em you can run ‘em!” If nobody else wanted that dun why would the Pacers want him or need him?

Well...he worked out like a bag of sea monkeys. Y’all remember how boyz would get suckered every year buyin’ those joint. All you ever got was your hopes up and some dirty water. That’s what the fans got from Bynum.

We’re not even gonna…yes we are, talk about the wasted 2009 No.1 draft pick better known as Tyler Hansbrough! Bird spent a first round pick on a dun that came off of the bench for five years. Wheredeydodatat?

So boyz around this piece can talk crazy about Lance all they want. But Larry and Co. let the dun with all of the energy just walk out of the door. You can spin it all day and say that they are a better team without him but both you and I know that isn’t true. Say hello to a 5^th seed while you playin’ because Chicago, Cleveland and Washington just got better off of the top. And Miami still has a team pimpin’ even with D. Wade’s bad knees and don’t let Atlanta’s dandruff get up because they can still give the Pacers the blues with all of those shooters on the floor. They may even bee a 6 or 7 seed if ole Roy keeps hidin' in the ride next year.

So you let all of the energy walk out of the buildin’, you still have no point guard and you don’t know what Roy Hibbert is gonna give you. Is that dun gonna sit in the ride and keep listenin’ to Luther all night with his foot hangin' out of the window or is he gonna show up and play? While all of the diehard fans around this piece are mad at Lance today. All of the real playas are watchin’ Bird continue to trip over his own feet with no consequences. Stop me when I start lyin’!

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