Vaccuum Cleaners (How the dull media will try to tell you that you didn't see OU blast Bama)

In my Puff Daddy voice, "Take that! Take that!"

As the fellas and I were walking down Canal Street heading over to Bourbon we ran into these cats wrestling over the subject of delusion. Bodhidharma, the 5th/6th century Buddhist monk, said, “The ignorant mind, with its infinite afflictions, passions and evils, is rooted in the three poisons. Greed, anger and delusion.” Carl Sagan, the astrophysicist, leaned on the ride and said, “It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” Then Arthur Erickson, the famous Canadian architect, took his beads off because some broad saluted him and said, “The delusion of entertainment is devoid of meaning. It may amuse us for a bit, but after the initial hit we are left with the dark feeling of desolation.”

I’m not sure who’s more desolate this morning, the media or the Alabama faithful. You would think that after the Oklahoma Sooners beat the brakes off of them 45-31 in the Sugar Bowl that Alabama fans everywhere would be sick. However, the dull media is even sicker today because they can't keep lyin' to you or can they?

These duns can’t except the fact that Alabama puts its pants on like everybody else. The day after every football fan in America saw Auburn beat these duns in the Iron Bowl the propaganda on why Bama was still the best team in the country rose out of the ashes.

Cats like Colin Cowherd said on his national radio show in front of millions of listeners that Alabama was still ranked No.2 in his poll in front of Auburn regardless of what you and I saw 48 hours before. Then during the buildup to the Sugar Bowl you would have thought that Oklahoma was freakin’ Troy State or somebody.

Now granted, I didn’t think that OU would win the game simply because they didn’t have a quarterback that could throw the football. They’ve been rotating between ole dull Blake Bell, Trevor Knight and Kendall Thompson all season and none of those duns could throw it over their shoulders! So by not having a passing game they would be too easy to defend but if they could put it in the air they had a chance because Bama’s secondary has been suspect even though they had Ha Ha Clinton Dix sitting back there. One cat doesn’t make a secondary bruh!

However, they were still playing Oklahoma playboy! The same duns that have won 7 national championships, that have 5 Heisman Trophies sittin' in the case and 831 wins under its belt coming into this game. The same duns that have beaten Alabama the last two times that they’ve met (2002 & 2003). Not one cat in the national media even brought that up during the week of hype going into this game. I know it happened because I was at both games bruh but these cats want you believe that these duns have been unbeatable forever.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The only reason Nick Saban is in Tuscaloosa right now is because they were horrible for a few years under ole dull Mike Shula! This thing is cyclical playboy! You don’t run the hood forever. It comes and goes and it’s gone right now for Bama because A.J. McCarron and his fine girlfriend are no more in Tuscaloosa. Quarterbacks like that just don’t just fall out of trees bruh! It’s gonna be awhile before you get another one like that. So in my Whodini voice, "In the mean time and in between time you do yo thang and I'll do mine." because Bama's not the best team in the country today.

I’m not saying that Bama has fallen off. I’m just saying that they’ve got to get in line like every other powerhouse program that goes through cycles of winning national titles.

So just line up behind cats like Florida State, USC, Miami, Oklahoma, Ohio State, Auburn etc. that are back in the hunt because it’s their time to ride on the Merry-go-round now. You can’t ride forever playa and both Auburn and OU have pushed you off regardless of what the dull media tries to tell us today.

So to keep acting like Bama was still the best team in the country was foolish. Even on the pre-game show these duns were saying that they were still the best team in the land because Auburn beat them on a fluke! What?

The fluke was that boyz couldn’t kick field goals all night and couldn’t convert on a fourth and one. The dull field goal return of 109 yards was a culmination of events playboy. Just like the thrashing that they took in New Orleans last night. The best team in the country doesn’t turn the ball over 3 times in the first half that turns into 21 points.

The best team in the country doesn’t have a secondary that has been suspect all season long that’s been hiding behind its front 7. No way does the best team in the country allow a cat that hasn’t thrown but 4 TD’s and put up 471 yards all season to jump out of a birthday cake with a crimson and cream thong on and go 32 of 44 for 348 yards and 4 TD’s in one night.

The best team in the country doesn't give up 7 sacks in one game when they haven't given up but 10 sacks all season! The best team in the country doesn't get beat off of the ball all night by some cats half their size. The best team in the country doesn't have a boy jammed up on a 1st and 30 and give it up like it was a robbery in the projects! The best team in the country doesn't trail for 26:01 the entire season and then trail for 27 minutes the Sugar Bowl! Not the best team in the country in the world I live in playboy!

Stop with this foolishness because you’re trying to sell us vacuum cleaners and we’ve got hardwood floors pimpin’! The best two teams in the country are in LA right now puttin’ in work because they’ll be playing for the national title on Monday night!

I’m surprise that the talking heads didn’t try to swap the score this morning and tell you that you didn’t see what you saw last night like the dull NCAA tries to do. Like they’ll told you that you didn’t see the Fab Five put in work in the early ‘90’s and change the attitude of basketball forever or how they told you that you didn’t see Reggie Bush win the freakin’ Heisman! Yeah, that type of foolishness.

I know some fool is gonna try to convince you that you didn’t see Alabama get the dog snot beat out of them in the Sugar Bowl last night but I’m here to tell you that you saw every freakin’ down of it and that Oklahoma has in fact beaten these duns 3 straight times! Boomer Sooner and stop me when I start lyin’ playboy!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!