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| "Unless you can afford one of these playboy, stay at the crib!" |
Well playas...Everybody has dreams of flossin' in Santa Clara this weekend bruh but that maybe too big of a dream! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! Women and men alike are hittin' the malls today to get the latest gear as we speak homeboy. The beauty, barber and nail shops will be at full tilt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Rim shops all over the Bay Area will do 300% more business in the next couple of days and duns that live further away will fly in. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Now before all of you duns run out to the Bay for what people think is goin' to be a free-for-all, let me break down the ground rules, if you will, for gettin' it in at a major event. Why? Cuz I'm Ya Boy and it's the Super Bowl!
Now let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Not everybody will be able to show up and participate in the festivities playboy! Beautiful women, notice that I said the word "BEAUTIFUL" women, will be carte blanche all week at every event! If you're fine enough you won't even need money. Now ladies it’s up to you to determine weather you’re fine enough to make the cut before to head out there. I won’t take responsibility for makin' that decision for you because you'll swear that I'm hatin'. That's why you gotta have a no man/homegirl in your camp. I'll explain that in a minute! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
For my bruhs on the other hand, it's not that simple! Let me give it to you straight with no chaser so that you understand what you're buyin' before you show up and get your feelings hurt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
I would say that 98% of you young thunder cats don't understand the proper etiquette for attendin' a major event: Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Game or major Las Vegas fight (Mayweather etc). Take notes fellas if you’re plannin' to go the Super Bowl this week or for that matter the NBA All-Star Game next week in Toronto.
Rule #1 and the only rule bruh! If you're not ballin' out of control, that means if you don't have pro-athlete, entertainer or major executive bread you need to stay at home, the crib, the flat or the double wide homeboy! Like my man Jay-Z said in "Imaginary Players" on his second album: "You beer money, I'm all year money, I'm poppin', you ain't got to count it, it's all there money! I never change money 'cause brothers got strange money!" He goes on to say, "I got bail money, XXL money, You got flash now, but time will reveal money!" Please don't go to Cali and be the guy he's talkin' about bruh! That also includes the fake wanna-be street level drug dealers too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Unless you're a Don or Kingpin you need to stay at the crib too.
Events like these ain't for you playa. They're exclusively for duns that have big money (millionaires) and gorgeous women and here's why. Many of the ladies (groupies) that show up to these events are tryin' to get chosen. Now most of them don't have a dime but women at these joints don't need money, they just have to be fine. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
OK let's say that you and the fellas do get into one of these joint and you're at the bar hollerin' at some bad broads! Then all of a sudden Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Jay-Z and Diddy roll into the spot. Then some lower level cats like Drake, Lil' Wayne and Kanye walk in with a group of NFL players that didn't make it to the Super Bowl. You've suddenly been reduced to Charlie Brown's teacher bruh! "Wa Wa, Wa Wa Wa, Wa!" She can't hear a word you're sayin' and you've already spent $200 of hard earned money just gettin' her to sit down with yo dumb butt! And that's the edited version. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Remember playboy, like the lil' homie Meek Mill said, "It's different levels" to this bruh! Think about how many levels there are between a cat with $500 million all the way down to a boy that makes $75K and you thought that you were ballin'! These duns are about to spend $75K at the bar in one night fam! And you think you got a shot this weekend? Not a chance. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Let me put this on ya head playa, young ball players and entertainers are no different than you are. They have a fetish for beautiful women too. So the ladies can show up broke if they're "FINE." If they're not, they'll be standin' outside cursin', "I done bought all these clothes and I can't get in this %#*!!?" Hey, I didn't write the rules playboy; I'm just givin' you the 411 before you go out there and make a fool out of yourself. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
It's gonna be celebrities all over town with more money than you can count and they're gonna be spendin' it as fast as the speed of sound. In every club and restaurant the bread will be loose and so will the women if you got the right type of paper. Now how silly will you look when the cover for the party is startin' at $300.00 and you've budgeted $1,000.00 for the entire weekend. This isn't a trip for people on budgets bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Groupies will be expectin' for some millionaire cat to pay for them and their girls to get into the club ($300.00 each to get in, not to mention food and drinks all night) and you think you've got a shot playboy? Not a chance playa. You and your boyz will be standin' out front kickin' rocks tryin' to holler at women that on a normal night you could impress but not this week pimpin'! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
You can't compete in a room full of multimillionaires (pro athletes and entertainers) and you've got a job, albeit a good job because you were able to get the week off and buy a plane ticket to California, right? You've got a 401K, a savings account and you even drive a brand new Infinity. Heck, you got a promotion last week that put you over the $100K mark. Around your way you're the big boss but not in the Bay Arera, SUPER BOWL WEEKEND! You better reschedule your trip for sometime in mid April bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Now you can run out there if you want to! You gone get embarrassed pullin' up in that Chrysler 300 rimmed out! You got boyz tellin' you that it looks like a Phantom 'til a Phantom pulls up! You can't even fake it in that new E 550 you just bought as a result of your promotion because these cats ain't playin' out here! Hey, you better be careful because you might even see your OWN girlfriend out there under somebody else’s arm. You better cuff that if you wanna keep that playa! Remember R. Kelly already told you that boyz be "Flirtin'!" So if I were you, I'd stay clear of Northern California until after the Super Bowl bruh! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Now I'm not tellin' you what I heard playa! I'm tellin' you what I know! I drove over 600 miles to Atlanta for the Super Bowl back in 2000 just to get it in when I was a single man! I had about $1,000 cash in my pocket and two credit cards with $1,000 credit limits on both. I thought that I was about to ball out on these boyz! Nobody told me the rules before I left home. I was broke by Tuesday mid-day and spent the rest of the week standin' outside with my face pressed against the glass lookin' through the window listenin' to the chicks that didn't have a "no" man/homegirl cursin' everybody out cuz they couldn't get in either. What I'm really tryin' to say ladies is if you look like a Silverback gorilla you need to stay at the crib too. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!
Playas Thesaurus:
1) Spit: verb - to say
2) Dun: noun - the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It's whoever I'm talkin' about and its non-gender specific.
3) Bread: noun - money, currency
4)No man/homegirl: noun - a person in your camp that will tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings.
Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption is REAL today playboy!!!
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