Blue Magic (Why Kyrie is breaking into cars & trading EBT cards this morning)

"I can't wait to get another taste bruh!"

As I was coming out of Smoothie King Arena on Sunday night in New Orleans, I overheard these cats arguing about secrets. Colin Powell said, “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.” Then Chanakya, the Indian philosopher, took it a step further and said, “The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.” Then Khalil Gibran, the Lebanese writer and poet, said as he was jumping into a cab headed for Bourbon Street, “If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.”

Well playboy, the Cleveland Cavaliers’ have done it again! They let the finest thang in town out of the house and now the world knows just how bad she really is. Boyz have heard about her but hadn’t seen her up close. They all knew where she was but nobody was going up there to check her out. Why? Because she was in Cleveland.

Then she hit the cat walk in the EASY and went to work on boyz Sunday night putting up 31 points and throwing 14 dimes to win the All-Star MVP Award. Now what?

I know duns back in Ohio were cringing every time he pulled up because they already know that as soon as he can bounce, he will. Yeah I know that he’s a restricted free agent so he’s stuck in the joint for a few more minutes but he ain’t staying playboy. Why? Because he wants to win and you can’t do that in Cleveland pimpin’! Haven’t we already seen this movie before? Now this new joint is in 4D bruh.

Listen to this, 1^st overall pick in the draft, 21 years old, wins the All-Star MVP and plays for the Cavaliers! Sound familiar? So when he leaves are you gonna burn his jersey too? Are you gonna have a melt down and blame the world for taking him or will you finally come to grips with the fact that you’re Cleveland? Nobody wants to play there bruh!

I mean really come to grips with the fact that all you’re ever going to be in the dun that hooks up with the bad chicks before she knows that she’s bad. You can’t ever keep her because you don’t have what she’s lookin’ for and that’s respect from the other G’s in the street. No real cats are gonna hang out with you so you can’t win. Therefore, you can't keep the dime.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! The baddest chicks are always looking for a better deal playboy. I didn’t make the rules I just follow them. So if you’re an underachiever and you just “happed” up on a bad bad, you better keep her in the crib. Because the first time she gets out and boyz see how bad she really is she’s not even coming back to the crib to pack.

Kyrie had a chance to play with the best in the world last night bruh! Let me say that again, THE BEST IN THE WORLD! He’s feenin’ this morning like a hype on 25^th! He’ll be looking for that same high for the rest of his career and he won’t find it in Cleveland. So guess what? He’ll be stealing TV’s, breaking into cars and trading EBT cards for bread until he can get out of Ohio.

The All-Star game was his first taste and the urge isn’t ever going away. Ole Bill Russell was sitting courtside and all Uncle Drew could hear was, “What these young bloods have to understand is that this game has always been and will always be…about buckets!”

Enjoy him while you have him Ohio because today that dun is scratchin’ and looking for that Blue Magic! So as soon as he becomes an unrestricted free agent he’s gonna get that fix! Trust me on that playa! Next time don't reveal all of your business to the wind because they can't keep secrets. Stop me when I start lyin'!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!

Lead Foot (Why D. Wade is being selfish by playing in the All-Star Game)

"Now I may not play when it counts
but I'm good this weekend bruh!"

As I was coming out of Harrah’s Casino near the French Quarter early this morning, some old timers were standing out front wrestling over selfishness. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Napoleon Hill immediately threw his chips down and said, “Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness.” Then Woodrow Wilson lit his square, took a puff and shut the joint down when he said, “Caution is the confidential agent of selfishness.”

Well ole dull smoke breakin’ Dwyane Wade showed up in New Orleans on Thursday for the All-Star Game and told his boy Caution to get out of the ride. This dun told Frank Vogel who’s coaching the East team that he was ready to play.

Now keep in mind that he missed Wednesday’s game against Golden State with “Drop Foot.” It’s a nerve condition that leaves a boy without feeling in his lower leg and foot. But all of a sudden the smell in the air in New Orleans fixed it playboy.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Seems like every night this dun has a reason for not playing and then all of a sudden he’s healthy enough to play in the All-Star game? One night he’s got knee problems, then he’s got migraines and the next night he’s got lead foot, drop foot or just plain ole foots. I’m waiting on this cat to tell us that he lost his thumb at the airport or that his back got lost with his luggage and that’s why he’s not playing tonight.

Now on some real talk, I can respect a boy for not playing when he’s not healthy because they’re trying to win a championship and they need him for the playoffs more than anything else. So if ole boy loses his elbow and big toe on the way to a game and he can’t play, I completely understand.

However, when he shows up to the All-Star Game that means absolutely nothing and decides to play, I’ve got a freakin’ problem with that pimpin’! He’s already missed 15 games for a myriad of reasons so you never know when he’s gonna be healthy enough to play.

Why take the chance of aggravating one of the many ailments that he’s got to play in the All-Star Game? That’s crazy to me because you already know this dun is gonna be on the sideline on Tuesday when they show up in Dallas talkin’ about his ankle fell off in traffic and he can’t play without it.

I don’t care how you look at it playboy, it’s crazy selfish of him to play this weekend when he could be resting and getting healthy. He’s got nothing to prove by playing. His team needs him to be healthy enough to make a run playa; not risking being injured fooling around in a dull game that means nothing because you already know that dun is fragile!

Ole boy has already played in this game 9 other times and has 3 championships to his credit. It’s not like he’s some cat making the team for the first time and Big Momma is going nuts to see her baby out there. She’s been there done that and is cool with sittin’ at the crib this weekend because she even understands the big picture. He's acting like he's a rookie that plays in Toronto somewhere and he's got to be seen this weekend.

Now don't get it twisted bruh. I realize that it's all marketing and promotion for his brand and boyz get crazy bonuses for just suiting up for the joint. So I get it now that my boy Marcus Walker set me straight. But if that dun plays more than 8 minutes you're gonna see a cat in a bow tie out there fightin' because the Heat can't afford for him to keep missing games after the All-Star break!

Like everybody else, I wanna see a battle between Miami and Indiana in the playoffs and he needs to be healthy for that to happen.

All these clown Heat fans that say I'm crazy for saying it don't realize that they're still two and half games behind Indiana and can't afford to give those duns home court. Last year the Heat had home court with D. Wade and they still had to go 7 games.

What happens if ole boy can't go this year and they don't have home court? Still think it makes sense to play in a pick up game on nation TV? Y'all can think I'm crazy if you want to. Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

Holla At Ya Boy!
JayGravesReport
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Dimes

"I help boyz score and I get what I want too!"

The Dalai Lama once said, “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” The famous sales guru, Zig Ziglar, spit that fire when he said, “If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Chris Paul won the All-Star MVP award by on Sunday night by helping boyz get what they wanted, buckets. CP3 finished with 20 points and 15 dimes to lead the West over the East 143-138. He understands that his job is to help his teammates accomplish their goals. So he was more than happy to oblige because Durant picked up 30 and his Clippers teammate Blake Griffin put 19 into the kitty.

Being a point guard in an All-Star game is like a ghetto thief rolling through the suburbs for the first time discovering that nobody locks their doors, nobody has an alarm and most importantly, nobody owns a Pit Bull. You can completely have your way.

“You just want to play fast. I like to throw the lob. I like to see guys hit 3’s, “Paul said. “When we’re out on the court with all that firepower, why wouldn’t you want to make passes? You’ve got KD filling one of the lanes, you’ve got Blake, Kobe on the wing. There’s nothing like it.”

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! These games are worthless to watch until the last 7 minutes only if boyz have kept it close. Fortunately, it was close in the 4th quarter on Sunday night and boyz started playing defense down the stretch. Ole Kobe was hyped and going all out on LeBron blocking two of his shots and talking a $100 worth of noise in the process. Like he completely forgot ole boy gave it to him when it counted a few weeks ago. It was still great to see the passion was there even though the joint didn't count. It had just as much point as the Bobcats trying to win some more games this season.

What I couldn’t understand was why was Buster Brown playing in the All-Star Game and he’s been battling a shoulder injury? If Dwight’s been hurt then it would have only made sense to use the All-Star break to re-charge the batteries and get healthy. So what’s really going on playa?

Your team sucks right now primarily because you’re not giving 100% every night and, well, Jim Buss is an idiot but that's another story. Your boy Kobe is frustrated with you and you wanna play in a game that means absolutely nothing? How dull is that bruh? Was I the only person that noticed that or what? Mitch, trade that dun before he destroys your team this summer.

Now that the All-Star break is over let’s get back down to business. Coming down the stretch it’s Miami, New York, San Antonio and Oklahoma City. San Antonio’s got the best record in the league at 42-12 but they’ll run out of gas in the Western Conference Finals again. That's even if they've got enough gas to make it that far. So I’m not looking for them to make a serious run. Like I keep saying, New York can’t win with both Melo and Amare’ on the floor at the same time in the playoffs because there aren’t enough balls to go around.

I can hear some clown screaming, “You forgot about the Clippers and the Pacers.” In my Big Momma voice, “Shut up and get out of grown folk conversation!” Notice that she leaves the "S's" off to let you know "she ain't playin'!" Neither of those teams are championship ready. They’re good but not ready. So go sit down somewhere. Where was I? Oh yeah, so again we’re left with Miami and OKC! We'll get the same result as last year because OKC is the same team they were last year. The Beard was hiding in the toilet the entire series so not having him doesn't change anything.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Lame Dunk

Terrence Ross finally gets a dunk off to win this lame joint! 

The term Slam Dunk was coined by famed Los Angeles Lakers announcer Chick Hearn. Prior to that it was known as the dunk shot. From 1967 to 1976 it was banned from use by the NCAA because of the dominance of the big homie Lew Alcindor later known as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You would think that NBA banned that joint last night as we watched probably the worse Slam Dunk Contest in history. I thought the joints the past two years were terrible but that joint was ridiculous bruh!

Just the thought of the Slam Dunk Contest used to excite boyz around the world. It was nothing for the best dunkers in the league to step up and compete. Remember how Jordan, Dominique and Clyde would have you standing up on the couch going crazy?

Remember when 5’7” Spud Webb rocked the house and people talked about it for the rest of the year? Vince Carter hung on the rim and boyz went nuts! There are countless players and dunks that come to mind that have made this event so special. It was THE event that made All-Star Saturday night worth watching or going to. On some real talk, it WAS All-Star Weekend bruh!

Now we've been reduced to watching the Riverside Recreational Youth Camp Dunk-A-Thon! It was like they just pulled some cats off of the streets in the 3rd Ward or went up in the Galleria and asked who wanted to get in the dunk contest. When duns were out there running up and down the court trying to just get off a dunk it went from bad to worse pimpin’! I couldn't figure out if cats were running suicides or trying to dunk? It was so bad I'm not gonna even mention these dudes names!

Straight up bruh, the NBA owes me money for even watching that joint. I’m just glad that I didn’t get on a flight and spend some real bread to go to Houston because I would've been like ole boy Mayhem from the Allstate commercial and tore that joint up for that.  I got a call from Sprite late last night saying that they're going to give me a lifetime supply for my troubles. I told them while you're at it throw in All-Star Game tickets for life and we've got a deal. They wrestled with me on that for a while but we finally got the deal done in the wee hours of the morning.

I sound like my pops when I say this but these young boys are made of something different. Nobody wants to compete these days on GP. It’s strictly about the money! How can you be the best dunkers on the planet and not be in the dunk contest? Why wasn't Blake Griffin and LeBron not the only two duns in the contest? Straight up!

 It was nothing for cats back in the day to win that joint and start preparing for the following year’s contest. You were the king until somebody knocked you off bruh! Yeah, I know ole boy Jeremy Evans won it last year but it was wack too. So I'm at least going back to Blake because he can legitimately dunk. Even though jumping over the Kia was wack because he jumped over the hood instead of the top of it.

You remember how boyz used to race down the street in the hood and Mrs. Johnson’s car was the finish line? “Hold up, let me take my socks off because I’m faster with them joints off.”  You didn’t stop racing until you got beat. Now boyz won’t even get in the race!

How crazy would it have sounded for Jordan to be in his prime and not be in the Slam Dunk Contest? The NBA should be ashamed of itself for that. I say if none of the marquee dunkers aren't gonna to be in it, then don't have it!

Find something else to do like teach these clowns how to dress! From D. Wade to CP3 to Russell Westbrook to LeBron and beyond! These cats should be beaten up for puttin' on the gear they’re rockin’ in the NBA bruh!  Now I’m all over Jordan for being a jerk and being selfish etc but nobody wore a suit better than MJ playa!

Boyz back in the day from the 1970’s with Walt Frazier to the ‘80’s and ‘90’s with Air Jordan got it in! They looked like superstars coming into the building or jumping out of the ride. Now these young cats look like the revenge of the nerds and now every kid in America looks like it too! My son says it’s called being different. I told him that if boyz wore that mess to school in my day they wouldn’t make it home in it!

On some real talk, you couldn't get a woman with that goofy stuff these cats are wearing now. So the real question is, what's up with today's women? Well, I guess nothing because as long as boyz money is still long and green they'll still look just as good! Stop me when I start lyin’!


Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Follow me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport