Horror-ible (Why seein' Cutler start on Sunday is a nightmare for the Bears)

"I'm like roaches in the projects playboy!
Ain't goin' nowhere!

Jonas Salk, the famous medical researcher and virologist, once said, “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.” John Irving, the Academy Award winning screenwriter, gave it to us like this, “Of all the things you choose in life, you don’t get to choose what your nightmares are. You don’t pick them, they pick you. Then John Lennon got spooky on a boy when he said, “I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
Well playboy…they are as real as the here and now if you’re a Chicago Bears fan bruh! One week after they benched the Winter Warlock, Jay Cutler, for his backup Jimmy Clausen, that dun got his magic powers back and now he’s gonna start again this week. After Sunday’s loss to Detroit Jimmy called the team to inform them that he was experiencin’ delayed concussion symptoms and you wouldn’t believe the horror that came over the buildin’.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! All of a sudden boyz saw a Poltergeist in the flat screen hangin’ in the locker room and the offensive line was screamin’ “He’s baaaack!” The joint started Shining and there was all types of Paranormal Activity in the buildin’!

It was crazy because it wasn’t Halloween and they just left Michael Myers at his baby momma’s house. So they knew it wasn’t him trippin’ like that. All of a sudden the joint got dark so boyz thought that it was Dracula actin’ a fool because he’s known to creep late at night.

Everybody ran out of the locker room onto the field only to see Birds everywhere because it was like the Night of the Living Dead. So Big Momma tried to save them all by performin’ The Exorcist to get rid of the evil spirits that have haunted this team for decades. However, it just became A Nightmare on Elm Street because some cat named Freddie Krueger showed up lookin’ for a refund on his season tickets. Then some cat named Blair Witch from the Projects told him that he couldn’t get a refund and it turned into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre right at the Will Call booth.

When Rosemary’s Baby, Jay Cutler, shows up for practice today it’s gonna be a complete Silence of the Lambs and the nightmare will be as real as the Alien that stole Uncle Leroy’s Coupe De Ville! It Horror-ible and there’s nothin’ you can do about it! Jay Cutler’s not goin’ anywhere playa because that contract is too big for anybody to swallow. Stop me when I start lyin’!

P.S.: How many horror films did you find in that joint? Are you up on your toes today playa? Answer: 16

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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!