Pass the Mic

"Come on in here! You was where?"

John Ruskin, the 1800’s English art critic once said, “The essence of lying is in deception, not words.” The Swedish-born American philosopher Sissela Bok gave it to us like this, “While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive.” Big Momma was just raw with it when she said, “Don’t come up in here with all that lying! Ima ask you once then Ima take my shoe off!”

So however you get down, a lie is a lie homeboy! On Monday Texas A&M freshman wide receiver, Thomas Johnson, a native of Dallas, came up missing around 5pm. The entire university community as well as the nation was stunned to learn that the kid was missing. His family and friends were worried sick about his well being and you know his mother had to have been a nervous wreck. Not only was the A&M Police Department on the case but the Texas Rangers were desperately looking for him too.

On Thursday morning around 2:30 am Johnson was found unharmed and safe in Dallas! Now that is all that the authorities and Texas A&M are willing to tell us but you know I’ve got to give you my opinion straight with no chaser!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! First things first, unless a boy has you tied up in a basement with a gun to your head, some cat has over powered you and taken you against your will or you suffer from some sort of mental illness you’re not missing! Boyz just don’t know where you are!

Secondly, if you’re from Dallas and the police find you in DALLAS at 2:30 in the morning you were more than likely on some foolishness. Point blank! There are only three reasons that a boy would come up missing! Either you’ve got a mental disorder, you’re smoking or it’s a chick involved. We’ll wait to see if they have to evaluate him mentally but you can rule out smoking like that because he’s only 18 and is still a big time college football player. Boyz that young wouldn’t be gone this early in life and it would show up in all of the testing that they do on campus if he was, i.e. the Honey Badger.

 So it smells like some, “I went to see my girl at the crib” type joint or “I hit the freshman wall and I went to see my girl at the crib.” It happens bruh but don’t put folks through that foolishness of being worried about you only to find out that you’re at the crib somewhere laid up! Now Big Momma is really gonna take her shoe off. Not to mention all the coaches that has gotten in line to blast you after Madea finishes working you over.

The fact that nobody knew where he was has pretty much killed any momentum that the Aggie football team had in preparing for a ball game this week and rightfully so. The player’s health and well-being should always be the top priority. However, when Madea and the coaching staff find out that you’re on some foolishness it’s on and poppin’!

Can you imagine how many curse words this dun has heard in the past 24 hours directed at him? It was like, “Baby, I’m glad you’re OK! Are you sure you’re OK?” Then Big Momma cursed up one side of him and slid down the other only to pass the mic to Madea, Aunt Ruthie, Uncle Willie, Coach Sumlin and the rest of the coaching staff. Boyz were freestylin’ a capella. Well...you know somebody hit up the beat box listening from outside.

 Then they found the clown that he told that he was going to the crib and gave him the business too. Because you know boyz don’t make a move without somebody knowing what’s up. You know he's been hollerin' at boyz telling them that he's tired of football, school is gettin' to be too much, I miss my girl etc! That's that freshman wall I mentioned earlier! Everybody goes through it but rarely does a cat act on it!

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the national news came on while boyz are sitting in the dorm playing video games and this dun’s picture came across the screen. Straight up panic!  “Oh Snap, call TJ and let him know they got him on TV.”

Folks wouldn’t have been mad if he would have snuck to the crib to see his girl on Monday night, chilled Tuesday morning missing class and been back on the yard for practice that afternoon! It happens bruh! All jokes aside, I hope the kid learns a valuable lesson from all of this. Most importantly, have your girl just come hang out with you instead of going to the crib and worrying the crap out of everybody. Now who's got bail money for Big Momma & Coach Sumlin this morning?

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
All of the above is strictly my opinion!