Glass Slippers

"Yeah it's midnight bruh and the clock strikes Bama!"

The mistreated step sister showed up at the Ball of the Year pushin’ a horse and carriage with 26 inch chrome wheels wearing a stunning outfit that just blew everybody away. Every stud in the building wanted to dance with her and finally the prince got up enough nerve to ask her to dance. As the night came to an end he asked for her number so they could hook up again. She felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. Then all of a sudden the clock struck midnight and the pressure of getting out of the joint without being exposed became way too much. As she hit the door the clothes and the ride turned into a pumpkin as she sprinted to the crib with BOTH glass slippers on!

I swear old Zack Mettinberger was Cinderella down in Death Valley last night as the LSU Tigers man handled the Alabama Crimson Tide for 59 minutes and 9 seconds before he turned into a pumpkin as they let a stunner slip away 21-17. With 51 seconds left Alabama’s A.J. McCarron read the blitz perfectly and dipped it over to freshman sensation T.J. Yeldon who went 28 yards for a touchdown on what became the game winner.

Ole Zack was in way over his head bruh! It was like hearing the old timers on the job saying, “That’s way over my pay grade! I can’t fix that! You’re gonna have to call in a professional!” He had 51 seconds to prove to the college football world that he was the real deal! Was he Live or was he Memorex? He came up Memorex because the pressure was just way too much for a boy that was out there playing out of his mind and over his pay grade for nearly 59 minutes!

 At one point he was moon walking, break dancing and Chicago stepping all of over the Tide secondary putting up 298 yards. If you’re really old school he was boppin’ to some Frankie Beverly and Maze!  Then the joint exploded like the clock striking 12 and the real Zack stood up! That Brooks Brothers suit turned into a Tom Olesker original with the hat and shoes to match or whatever Imp the Dimp store is in your city!  He couldn’t throw the ball over his shoulder all season long and then he shows up looking like Joe Montana with a Michael Jackson Beat It jacket on with the original Jerry Curl.

I’ve been saying that that was the formula all year but because they play in the SEC they don’t get exposed because nobody throws the football. They can’t be beaten in that league because all of the match-ups on the schedule favor them. As good as Texas A&M is right now, who’s on deck, they can’t throw the rock so that favors Alabama too. Don’t act like I’m just saying this because they got tested in Death Valley. Not to mention that their schedule is dull so they can't slip up and lose a game because the one loss SEC team doesn't fly for them this year! LSU was the first real test that they've had all year and they passed.

 Take a look at their schedule bruh! Michigan(dull), Western Kentucky(so dull), Arkansas(John L. Smith dull), Florida Atlantic(extra dull with mild sauce on the side), Ole Miss( dull as usual), Mizzou(couldn’t win in the Big 12 dull), Tennessee( Rocky Top dull), Miss State( Miss St. is Miss St. dull), LSU(Pumpkin Head solid game),  Texas A&M(Johnny Football will make big plays but can't throw it dull), Western Carolina(well done dull), Auburn( Gene Chizik will be fired by then dull).

 Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! I’ve been telling you all year that the Crimson Tide secondary was suspect when I  first saw them play against Michigan. That unit often blows coverage’s and just isn’t as good as folks keep giving saying that they are.  You saw dull Mettinberger abuse them last night just like I did! However, they’ve been able to hide behind that front 7 all year playing that dull schedule!  Just pull the tape on all of my Weekly Previews and Wrap Ups because I'm not saying anything new! I picked Tennessee to upset them in Knoxville because they were the best passing offense in the SEC but they didn’t have the manhood to go toe to toe with them. LSU did but ole Zack couldn't finish them off!

Like I’ve been saying for the past few weeks, go ahead and ship the trophy to Tuscaloosa because the match-ups favor them in both title games. They’ll play Georgia in the SEC title game that will try to line up and run it too. In the BCS title game whoever shows up, Kansas State(doubt that they’ll make it now that Klein is hurt), Notre Dame or Oregon will line up and do the same thing. It’s simply suicide!! Lining up and trying to run it is like standing out in traffic in the middle of rush hour against these boyz.

Notre Dame is the only team with a prayer because the freshman Everett Golson does have a a gun on him and they have a defense that can play lights out. Oregon gives up way too many points so that's a problem. Even though they average 53 points per game it comes nearly all on the ground. You would be asking way too much of the Parliament Funkadelic to play the perfect game on both sides of the ball to beat them. They're still my favorite of the 4 teams left because they play with mad flavor and wear the hottest uniforms! You know I like cats that can put the gear on right and make it funky!

Don't think for one minute that all of these boyz will go down the stretch without a loss! It is college football bruh and the pressure of the regular season is what makes it great! Upsets are hiding in the alley waiting to catch these duns slippin'! I just hope Bama and Notre Dame can keep their eyes open long enough to get to South Beach without getting jacked! Because the Irish would be the only cats that can play with them and challenge them. So the question is, "Is Touchdown Jesus listening?"

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport