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| Maya Moore suceeding without her dad! |
We all just witnessed the 30 for 30 documentary about the "Fab 5" where Jalen Rose talked about how his father, who was a professional basketball player, never raised or acknowledged him. The question I keep asking is, "Why do dads keep fouling out?
There are kids playing major college and professional sports all over this country that can tell the same story. "My dad wasn't there." It blows my mind that men, in so many cases African-American, aren't raising their children. Yes, I know the effect that slavery had on our race and culture by how men were often used as breeders only and how they never took part in the nurturing process etc. I know that. However, it's 2011 and we're not being forced to live by someone's rule over our thinking. No one is forcing men to be breeders at this point. The God I serve says, "A man that does not take care of his family is worse than a non-believer".
According to the Morehouse statement, new statistics show that an estimated 80 percent of all African-American children will spend part of their childhood living apart from their fathers. Seventy percent of African-American children are born to unmarried mothers and 40 percent of all children regardless of race, live in homes without fathers.
I'm happy to hear that thousands of kids are still beating the odds and becoming successful adults, like Mya and Jalen, without being raised by their fathers. We see them everyday on our jobs, on television and playing professional sports. However, for every one person that made it without a dad, I can show you 100 that didn't.
I grew up with several very successful people that didn't have the privilege of being raised by their fathers but they had mentors that guided them along the way. Many times it was coaches, teachers and other dads in the community that helped shape the lives of many of these young people. My brothers and I had teammates and friends that would hang out at our house because my dad became like a father to them as well.
It's critical to a child's self-esteem to have a father there for emotional support. I can remember as a child playing football looking into the stands before every game to see where my dad was sitting. He always came to the games early because he wanted to see us warm up. I didn't get comfortable until I saw he and my mom sitting down. I would say , "It's on now" as soon as I saw him. I think that it was more important for my dad to be there because he was a former college quarterback and I always yearned for his approval. When I scored a touchdown I would always hear him as I jogged to the sideline saying, "THAT'S MY BOY!", to all of the other parents. He was so proud and in turn so was I; not because I had scored but because my dad was proud of me. It made a huge difference in my self-esteem.
I applaud those that have gone on to become great people without the influence of a father. Many people believe that fatherlessness is related to delinquency and violence, and the weight of research evidence supports this belief. Having a father at home is no guarantee that a youngster won't commit a crime, but it appears to be an excellent form of prevention (1).
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| "This is home to many of the fatherless" |
• 60 percent of America's rapists came from fatherless homes.
• 72 percent of adolescent murderers grew up without a father.
• 70 percent of long-term prison inmates are fatherless.
What I'm trying to convey here is that it's mandatory that we raise our children. From the time I became a father I wanted to be the last person my children saw before they go to bed and the first person they see when they get up in the morning. I want them to understand that my first responsibility is to them. Men, we have nothing better to do than to raise our children. Just because a small few make it to adulthood without problems doesn't excuse the millions that don't. Stop Fouling out!
Jay Graves
jaygraves@thejaygravesreport.com
Follow me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
An Excerpt from the book, Life Without Father by David Popenoe was used in this article(1)
Great article! I too always looked for Dad and Mom on gameday. When I went to TSU and Pop came down for a seminar, he stop by to watch practice! Man was I pumped, I had the best day of practice ever. Dad was in town and I new I had to perform and I new he wanted to hear a good report from my coaches both about my skills and more importantly about my academics. I thank GOD that my dad was around and that he gave us what he had, LOVE! R.I.P.
ReplyDeleteJimmy
Excellent article, AGAIN! I was a "star" athlete(and I use that term loosely) and the thing I miss most was having my dad at the game. I had all the coaches, mentors, uncles, grandparents, etc. to come support. But I found out that there is NOTHING like your father being there cheering you on. I'm just like you; I need to be the first and the last thing my children see at night and in the morning. I make it my business to try and be at everything my children participate in. It's my God given duty to be there.
ReplyDeleteOUTSTANDING! I believe it all goes back to the purpose God had for men when He created Adam. Adam was made the head & priest of the home & was given the responsibilty to be a provider & was given charge to take care of his wife (family). In my experience as a spiritual leader & counselor, I've found that many dads lack understanding about their purpose/role as a father. They're "out of position", meaning, they're absent from their families in various ways and for various reasons that I can't go into detail on at this point, but the mothers are shouldered with the burden to pick up the slack. Our faith-based communities & villages must get back to helping men and our young men transition from God-hood into Man-hood - this makes a big difference! In other words, it's very difficult to teach a young boy how to become a man or a father without the character of God (or whomever you serve or deem has credible character) as a REFERENCE POINT. This is not to bash men but this is a clarion call for men to step up & become what you're purposed to become - a provider, comforter, supporter, a leader and most of all; one who "VALIDATES" their family because we're all products of the environment from which we came from. I'm eternally grateful for my earthly father (RIP) & my heavenly Father. Dads, stay in the game - your families need you. Be blessed.
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