Listenin' to Groucho (Hugh Douglas charged)

"I gotta keep smiling bruh! Cuz Big Momma is waiting to curse me out!"

Mark Twain was hanging out with the fellas and said, “Laws control the lesser man…Right conduct controls the greater one.” Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher, broke out with this, “One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” Then Groucho Max pulled up smokin' something and said, “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”

Well ole dull Hugh Douglas, the former NFL defensive lineman and former ESPN co-host of the “Numbers Never Lie”, must have bought into the foolishness that Groucho was spittin’! Because on Tuesday this dun was arraigned in a Connecticut court room on charges of third-degree assault and second-degree strangulation, according to WFSB-3 in Hartford, Conn.

He was arrested after he allegedly violently attacked a woman at the Mariott hotel in Hartford. Here is what was reported by WFSB: According to court documents, Douglas “grabbed her by the neck” and “slammed her into the walls several times.” The court papers go on to say that this dun told investigators that the victim’s injuries happened during rough sex. Rough sex? He’s an animal ladies! Stay away from that dun if it’s like that! Big Momma always said, "If something is that good you don't want it!"

Now keep in mind that this cat was just fired 6 weeks ago from ESPN for being drunk, calling his “Numbers Never Lie” co-host Michael Smith an “Uncle Tom” and using a racial slur while threatening to beat him up at the National Black Journalists convention. Now on some real talk, he got way too comfortable because he was with the "fam," thought he was at the crib and jumped off of the freakin’ roof forgetting that he was still on the job. That's real talk!

Now was he listenin' to Groucho and blamed that foolishness on a woman too? Did she put the drink in his hand? He and Marx will probably say that she drove him to drink. Okay... I’ll take that! But did she tell him to go off on Michael Smith? He’ll say that she told him some lies that got him fired up and he didn’t realize that he was that out of control until he got fired.

When it all comes out ole boy is gonna say that he’s been hangin’ out with Delilah’s little sister Deneesha and that she cut all of his hair off. Y'all remember that ole Hugh used to wear corn rows when he first came into the league. So unlike Sampson, whose strength was in his hair, his judgment was in his hair. He was in complete control when they got to the Marriott because he still had his goatee. Then all of a sudden she got him comfortable, cut the rest of his hair off, goatee included and his judgment went out the window.

The next thing he knows is that he’s choking the broad and wrestling with her throwing her up against the freakin’ wall and Groucho’s nowhere to be found. He jumped in the ride, put out his square and said, “Bruh, you’re on your own! I don’t even know you anymore.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1^st! Sometimes you gotta listen to Big Momma! Y’all know that when Hugh got fired from ESPN last month Big Momma called him and told him that he needs to just come on back to the crib. ‘Ain’t nothing out in Connecticut for you now. Just come on home back to Mansfield, Ohio and everything will be alright.” All he had to do was bounce. But naw…he’s gotta explore and he ended up with Groucho because he didn’t know who he was.

If he had been at the crib he’d already know who the players were and boyz could have kept him from hangin’ out with one of the Marx brothers because they've got a reputation in the hood. Now he’s caught a case for being a fool. All jokes aside bruh, what gives you the right to choke a woman and physically assault her? What kind of foolishness is that? Then you blame it on rough sex? He needs to go to the zoo and hang out with the wild animals if he’s gettin’ down like that.

If he was from where I’m from “Deneesha’s” family would already have it taken care of and they could've save the state the court costs. Ole Pookey and Ray Ray nem would have gotten to him before the police did. As a matter of fact, the police would never have even been called. I’m just sayin’!

Hey Hugh, if you were going to end up in jail on a third degree assault charge and a second-degree strangulation charge you didn’t have to go to school, graduate, go to college and play 10 years in the National Football League, retire, go to work for the Worldwide Leader in Sports to do that bruh. You could have just hung out with Lil’ Elbow nem in the projects and went straight to the joint at 13. I’m just sayin’ playboy! Now you get to sit around with ole dull Aaron Hernandez and swap lies. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
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The quote under the caption isn’t real but its REAL talk!