"The Secret Society"

McDonald's All-American guard Gary Harris

When I pledged Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc. 23 years ago I learned secrets that only the members of the organization knew. I learned what to do or say when approached by other members no matter where they were from in the world. There was even a secret hand shake that went along with it that sealed the bond. It was great to become a member of an organization of men that put such high value on service and scholarship as I'm quite sure all other fraternities do. However, the fraternity of fatherhood among black men is 1000 times more precious for those of us that have crossed those burning sands because the world refuses to acknowledge our existence.

It's always been disturbing to me when I see our big time athletes get up to receive an award only to thank Momma, Big Momma or Madea for being there for them. I'm always looking for pops to be standing there but most of the time he isn't. I've lost count of the number of times a college or pro athlete has reached the pinnacle of their career only to shout out mom. So I applaud mothers and grandmothers all over the country for doing what they've had to do in raising these kids alone. It seems like finding fathers is like looking for "Big Foot." However, this week we'll get a rare glimpse of a member of "The Secret Society" of black men that ARE raising and nurturing their kids every step of the way.


On this coming Wednesday the McDonald's All-American game will be held in Chicago and my homeboy (from Gary, In) Gary Harris will be front and center supporting his kid of the same name. Lil' Gary will not only play in the McDonald's game but he's been invited to play in the Jordan Brand Classic next month because he's the 11th best recruit in the nation according to ESPNU. The 6-5, 180lb guard averaged 25.4 points, 7.6 rebounds, 4.2 steals and 3.7 assists as he led the Hamilton Southeastern Royals from suburban Indianapolis to a 22-3 record and the #1 ranking in the state of Indiana before being knocked off in the state tournament. Gary will play for Tom Izzo's Michigan State Spartans in the fall. Not only is this kid a great athlete but he has a 3.55 grade point average.

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, which ever comes first! My man Gary isn't the dad that will be front and center because his kid is on television now and the world wants to interview him. Naw bruh, my man has been there every step of the way. First of all, he's married to ALL three of his son's mother let's get that straight. Secondly, he has always been the guy hurrying home from work or even changing clothes in the car trying to get kids to practice or games.

I know because we've been doing the same thing for years together. However, the world refuses to believe that fathers like us exist. I know what the numbers say bruh! I've heard them my entire adult life and they keep me motivated. According to the Morehouse Statement, new statistics show that an estimated 80 percent of all African-American children will spend part of their childhood living apart from their fathers. Seventy percent of African-American children are born to unmarried mothers and 40 percent of all children regardless of race, live in homes without fathers.

Also according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions grew up in single-parent or no-parent situations, and 53 percent of state prison inmates grew up apart from their fathers. I get all of that bruh, but we refuse to allow those numbers to become real in our homes because the God that I serve says, "A man that does not take care of his family is worse than a non-believer.” 1 Timothy 5:8.

 Gary & his wife Joy on senior night!

 So my man Gary Harris, not the basketball player but the dad, will represent for ALL of the black men in this country that the world refuses to see on Wednesday during the nationally televised McDonald's All-American Game. Yeah, I know that the camera's will be on the players but every now and then they'll pan over to the parents and they'll show all of the Big Momma's and Madea's but they won't show fathers like Gary. So I'm telling you right now that my man is in the building like he's always been since Lil' G started playing.

This may be a rare sighting to the rest of the world but I see it daily because birds of a feather flock together bruh! We're out here even though the world refuses to see us and we praise God that Gary has been chosen to represent the brotherhood because his son is so talented. God is awesome the way he sets things up. Thanks Gary for doing an awesome job with your children and it only motivates the rest of us to continue to do the same.

Don't get it twisted, it shouldn't ever matter whether your child is a McDonald's All-American or not. All that matters is that you support them every step of the way because they all are special and it‘s God‘s mission for us to head our households and be the examples that we‘ve been ordained to be. Also thanks to all the mothers out there that have to be both parents because some cat refuses to join the "The Secret Society" and learn the hand shake.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Follow me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Photographs provided by Steve Risley